2. Are You a Witch?
Are You a Witch?
In a town like Greater Napanee, if your night ends with an impromptu offer for fame and a five-door hatchback, you’re either incredibly lucky or someone has seriously messed up the paperwork.
LISTEN to MmmBless Reprise
Japheth and Rebekkah, seemingly oblivious to everything except the sheer joy of harmonizing, belted out the last lingering notes of MmmBless.
As with everything they performed, they didn’t just sing the song, they embroidered it with vocal runs so elaborate they could have knit a tightly woven denim scarf.
“MmmBless, ba dupa dop Ba du bop,
ba duba dop Ba du bop,
ba duba dop Ba du, oh yeah…”
The chorus ended, and the silence in the chapel was pierced by tentative, scattered applause.
Slowly, the clapping caught on, until the mourners erupted into enthusiastic appreciation, clearly unsure whether it was appropriate to cheer at a funeral but also not wanting to let those high notes go unappreciated.
Emma-Lou watched the duo from across the room, still huddled with Suwarna and Carrington. Suwarna nudged her, whispering, “Now’s your chance, Emma-Lou! Go talk to them.”
“I think they’re done now,” Emma-Lou nodded, taking a hesitant step forward.
Next to the tea, coffee, and cookies, however, Japheth and Rebekkah launched into another, “Ba du bop, ba du dop…”
Emma-Lou paused mid-step, “Okay, not done.”
Suwarna, eyebrow raised, nodded, “Definitely not done.”
Finally, after what felt like the fifth false ending, the song concluded, and the room sighed with a mix of relief and admiration. Emma-Lou clapped softly before leaning toward Carrington, “Are we sure it’s over?”
Carrington nodded sagely, “Most certainly. Now’s our chance before they start singing in tongues again.”
“Scatting,” Suwarna corrected.
Carrington grimaced, “Gross.”
“You’re thinking of scatology,” Suwarna clarified, “Totally different.”
Emma-Lou, determined, approached the duo, offering her hand with a warm smile, “Hi, I’m Emma-Lou…”
Rebekkah, still flushed from her performance, grinned, “... Burns. Oh, we know! I’m Rebekkah, and this is Japheth. We also go by R&J.”
Emma-Lou nodded appreciatively, “And how did we end up with the pleasure of your musical stylings today?”
Rebekkah glanced at Japheth nervously, “My Mom…”
“... manage…” Japheth added, fumbling to explain.
“Momager,” Rebekkah corrected, awkwardly, “Our, um, Manomager.”
Japheth sighed, “Her mom.”
Carrington’s eyes sparkled with recognition, “Oh! It’s all coming together now. Yes, your mom left us messages. Daily. For months. Letting us know that you really should have your own show on WWJD.”
Emma-Lou chuckled, not missing a beat, “And thank goodness for moms!”
Japheth’s face softened, “We’re so sorry about your mom.”
“And dad!” Rebekkah added quickly, screwing her smile down into sympathy.
“Thank you,” Emma-Lou said, swallowing the knot in her throat. “I know it’s weird to talk business at a funeral, but you two are fantastic! I mean, really, really, great. You lifted my spirits.”
Japheth smiled. “It’s not weird. We’re just happy to be here.”
“And sad!” Rebekkah chimed in. “So, so sad.”
“Yes! Sad, too,” Japheth echoed. “I can’t imagine if my parents were lost at sea.”
“I can…” Rebekkah began, before catching herself, “Oh, that came out wrong! I love my momager. Japheth and I are really trying to break out, but so far, our bread and butter have been first communions.”
“And funerals,” Japheth added.
Rebekkah sighed, gesturing around the chapel, “And my mom does a great job getting us gigs. I mean, we’re here, right?”
Emma-Lou leaned-in conspiratorially, “But sometimes you dream of a bigger stage?”
Rebekkah’s eyes widened in surprise, “Yes! That’s it. I hope that doesn’t sound ungrateful.”
“The one thing I’ve learned when it comes to dreaming,” Emma-Lou said gently, “is that sometimes we need to get out of our own way. We just need to giddy-up and…”
“... let God!” Japheth and Rebekkah finished in unison, their eyes lighting up.
Emma-Lou chuckled, “Yes, exactly that. Giddy-up and let God do the heavy lifting. And that’s where I come in…”
Suwarna, ever the practical one, stepped forward, cutting her off, “Hi, I’m Suwarna. Legal affairs, HR, business strategist and programming director. Before our new CEO puts her foot in her mouth with a God complex, I’m just gonna jump in here.”
Emma-Lou blinked, “God complex?”
Carrington nodded sagely, “Yes. You said, ‘let God do the heavy lifting. And that’s where I come in.’”
“That’s not what I meant…”
Carrington smirked, “Nietzsche said, ‘Is man one of God’s blunders? Or is God one of man’s blunders?’”
“Uh…” Emma-Lou was understandably lost, like her parents, though not quite as permanently.
“Be neither man, God, nor a blunder,” Carrington declared. “Be a woman.”
“Okay…” Emma-Lou agreed, confident she could do that.
Suwarna clapped once, drawing everyone’s attention. “Thank you, Carrington, for the distraction. As I was saying, I’m going to jump in here. From a WWJD programming director standpoint, I think you two are fantastic. You can obviously sing, and you’ve got a young, hip vibe.”
“Fashion is questionable,” Carrington interjected. “It is, Suwarna. But nothing my wizardry couldn’t make wondrous. Sorry. Go ahead.”
Suwarna rolled her eyes, unfazed, “Ahem. As head of HR, we could get you onboarded swiftly. I assume your momager has a fax machine? We could send over a contract?”
Japheth and Rebekkah exchanged a quick look before both nodded eagerly. “Yes!”
“Great,” Suwarna continued. “From a strategy and accounting perspective, this looks very attractive. A small increase in our monthly expenditures could result in the non-absenteeism of our CEO.”
Emma-Lou’s face paled. “Are you talking about me getting murdered…?”
“But from a legal POV,” Suwarna pressed on, “I’ll be transparent, I haven’t applied to law school, but I have watched The Firm. Many times.”
Carrington smirked, “She has a thing for Tom Cruise. Well, we both do.”
Japheth’s eyes lit up, “So do I. I mean, who doesn’t, right? Am I right?”
Suwarna grinned, launching into a Gene Hackman impression, “Do you think I’m talking about breaking the law?”
Carrington, without missing a beat, imitated their best Cruise, “No, I’m just trying to figure out how far you want it bent.”
As if on cue, Suwarna, Carrington, and Japheth recited in unison, “As far as you can without breaking it!”
Japheth sighed dreamily, “Such a good movie.”
“Anyway,” Carrington interrupted, “what Suwarna is trying to say is that, despite those twinning-yet-terrible bedazzled jumpsuits, we want to offer you…”
Suwarna grinned, “As winners of the 1999 WWJD Not Short on Talent talent show…”
Carrington raised a hand dramatically, “... your own weekly radio show!”
Japheth and Rebekkah froze, eyes wide, “What?! Are you serious? But we didn’t even…”
“However,” Suwarna cut in smoothly, “there are a few minor legal knots we need to slip free of. Rebekkah and Japheth, as R&J, you signed up for the 1999 Not Short on Talent talent show, you took the stage, but you didn’t technically perform.”
“Due to the technicality of Emma-Lou’s parents being lost at sea,” Carrington added solemnly, “and now pronounced passed.”
Suwarna nodded, “It would be unfair, unethical, and possibly illegal?”
“We’re not really sure…” Carrington admitted.
“... to offer you the prize when there was another entry in the talent show,” Suwarna finished.
Carrington’s eyes gleamed, “He was fantastic! I’m not sure if you could see from backstage, but his ball play was out of this…”
“This duet thing is cute,” Suwarna interjected, “but to offer you the prize, we really need you to join up with the dribbler. You’ll share the fame, the small-town glory, the weekly radio show…”
“The metallic grey, 5-door hatchback, front-wheel-drive Kia Rio?” Rebekkah danced her fingers together, her eyes wide with hope.
Suwarna blinked. “Uh… we’re not sure about that. We’ll have to check with the Ferraris…”
Carrington held up their hand. “I’ll do it! I’ll call Rino.”
“Of course you will,” Suwarna muttered under her breath.
Emma-Lou raised an eyebrow, incredulous. “Awfully eager to chit-chat with the man who just put a target on my…”
“Company. Company targets of growth and new audience segments!” Suwarna cut in quickly, flashing a reassuring smile. “New, young, hip…” she turned to Rebekkah and Japheth, “how old are you two?”
Japheth and Rebekkah exchanged a glance, “We’re both 29/19!”
Suwarna blinked, “I’m sorry? You’re both 29 and 19?”
Rebekkah stared at the ceiling for a moment like she was lost in a challenging math problem. “How old would you like us to be in order to win? Was that mentioned on the entry form?”
Carrington tilted their head to appraise them, “We didn’t specify an age limit.”
Rebekkah expelled an anxious breath, “Great!”
“I’m 29 and Rebekkah is… whatever she says she is,” Japheth stammered. “I’m sorry, this is a lot to take in. Are you saying that we could be the winners of the 1999 Not Short on Talent talent show?”
“Which you didn’t perform at, but we technically saw you perform tonight,” Emma-Lou clarified.
“But there’s the small technicality of this other performer who did perform,” Japheth added, looking torn, “So, we’d need to stop being a duo…”
“And be a trio? With this person we don’t even know?” Rebekkah finished, her eyes wide with uncertainty.
“Exactly!” Emma-Lou chirped, “It’s not breaking any laws.”
“That we know of,” Suwarna added cautiously.
“It’s just bending the rules a bit, but not breaking them, so they work for all of us,” Carrington said, shrugging, “Maybe R&J’s time has come to an end. Tragic. But maybe Trinity’s time has just begun.”
“Ooooo!” Emma-Lou clapped her hands. “That has a nice ring to it. Trinity.”
Rebekkah shook her head in disbelief, “This is so not what I thought would happen tonight. I mean, I always have hope that great things can happen, but it’s just been hard to believe lately. And it’s everything we’ve been dreaming about - the fame, the car…”
“Maybe the car,” Suwarna cautioned.
“The chance to perform and really spread the word about Jesus in a big way,” Rebekkah continued, her smile reaching her eyes.
“We do have several listeners…” Carrington said dryly.
“And really need a lot more,” Emma-Lou chimed in. “Quickly. That would be part of your job.”
“Noted,” Suwarna said, scribbling in an imaginary notepad. “Audience engagement and growth KPIs in their contracts. Check.”
Rebekkah glanced at Japheth, uncertainty flickering in her eyes. “But Japheth and I have always been a team. Just the two of us. Can we… think about it?”
“Of course!” Emma-Lou replied with a nod. “This is a big decision. Think about it. Quickly. Or God might just giddy-up and make someone else’s wishes come true.”