Chapter 21
Bells chimed as the Weinus, Weinus, and Ware office doors opened and Trinity spilled onto the street, freshly printed replies to the cease-and-desist letters still warm from the printer like baked bread and with signatures and stamped lawyerly seals still damp.
Trinity walked arm-in-arm-in-arm down the sidewalk through downtown Greater Napanee.
Maple leaves tattled in the breeze, a hardware store wind chime gossiped good news, and the bakery across the street exhaled warm sugar from freshly frosted cinnamon buns.
The sun on their faces felt like a happy ending, and as they turned the corner, the light streaming down in visible rays through the clouds felt like a benediction–Trinity had finally caught the break they deserved.
“I’d like to apologize, Japheth,” Rebekkah said, squinting at the brilliant sky and raising a hand to shield her eyes.
“I don’t have a lot of practice in the ways or means of men but if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say Rino likes you.
A little more than Ronald or me. He called you a meatball, that’s gotta mean something right?
Is that gay or bisexual code for something? ”
“I don’t have a lot of practice yet either. Maybe he was just hungry? He did ask me to be his plus-one for dinner tonight,” Japheth hedged, but a warmth was already creeping up his neck and colouring his features. “I’m not gonna think about him. I can’t think about him.”
“Why can’t you think about him? It’s nice to think about people like that,” Ronald offered with a little shoulder bump of encouragement.
“Because I was thinking about Micah, a lot. Like all the time. Well, all the time I wasn’t thinking about Rino.
And look where that got me!” Japheth admitted.
“I’ve never had a boyfriend. I haven’t even been on a real date.
Thinking about someone like that just gets me ten steps ahead of myself and then if it all crashes down, I’ll feel so much worse.
It’s better if I just don’t make any plans, don’t dream too big, just… expect nothing.”
“Dude. That’s not a cute look for you. You dream HUGE.
And now you have this big fish on the line, and you’re just gonna pretend like it’s not happening?
” Ronald said, walking backwards and placing his hands on Japheth’s shoulders, coaching him.
“Rino is not some average lake mackerel. He’s not any old black crappie, or a lame white sucker.
Rino is a fish of ten thousand casts. He’s a muskie. ”
“I like the way he smells,” Japheth countered defensively.
“Definitely no complaints,” Ronald agreed.
“What I’m saying is that Rino is a lot like his lake dwelling doppelganger.
Muskellunge are massive, torpedo-shaped predators that hunt during daylight and prey on other fish, frogs and even small mammals.
They have a forked tail like a devil and a big wolf-like snout with strong, canine-type teeth.
A muskie could literally tear out another fish’s throat. They’re naturally born killers.”
“What’s nice about them?” Japheth asked cautiously.
Ronald skirted past sharing more compliments for what in his view was a deadly cool fish and doubled down, “You gotta reel this man in! Just as much as you’re hunting him, he’s also hunting you.
Get your head in the game bro! It’s gonna be a fight.
He’s not gonna come easy. But you’re not gonna let him go until he does. Do not let him get away!”
“I agree with Ronald,” Rebekkah said simply. “I want what’s best for you. You know that. I think your tree-hugging, song-singing, lamé and leather aesthetic is going to be a great yin to Rino’s torpedo-big, devil-tailed, wolf-jawed, naturally-born-killer in an Armani suit yang.”
“Japheth, as one of your best friends and bandmates, I’m gonna level with you.
Rebekkah and I saw it,” Ronald said, dodging a dog in his backwards walk with the help of Rebekkah, able to be of assistance now that she wasn’t near-sighted from the worst-case-scenario paper bag.
“That hug? It came out of nowhere and felt like there was some kind of magical magnetic force that just schloooop, pulled you two together like a couple of very different things that were meant to be married.”
“Married?!” Japheth exclaimed. “Why is everyone suddenly trying to marry me off? First, Suwarna with her priestess cape in the radio station lobby and now you?”
“What I’m saying is,” Ronald took a breath and decided to take a more indirect approach as obviously the direct was too affronting for his virtuous and virginal friend.
“There is molecular chemistry going on between you guys. Is the chemistry complicated? Yeah, but it also looked complimentary. Some serious (Mg,Fe2?)?Si?0??(OH)?.”
“Japheth, we believe in you. And I agree with Ronald, it might just be time for you to meet Rino toe-to-toe for some non-virginal activities.” Rebekkah dropped casually, as if it were as easy as doing a timestep into a Maxi Ford or a cramp roll following a paradiddle.
“Wait, I’m not sure if I’m ready to go toe-to-toe with Rino. That gives me a rollercoaster in my stomach just thinking about it. And what’s that chemistry formula Ronald? You think that Rino and I are…?” Japheth asked.
“Cummingtonite!” Ronald grinned and waggled his eyebrows.
“What!?” Japheth stopped in his tracks.
“You guys are cummingtonite! Don’t hold back. Just go for it,” Ronald gave him a little slap on the chin. “He asked you to be his plus one. Play this right and the attraction is going to grow exponentially.”
“I’ll admit I find him attractive,” Japheth shrugged shyly. “But I’m not ready for marriage or that chemistry formula you mentioned Ronald.”
“I don’t want to pressure you, I just want to encourage you,” Ronald placed a hand on Japheth’s jaw.
“You deserve good things. You deserve good people in your life. You deserve for your dreams to come true. And you deserve to have a real-life, three-dimensional man friend that you can do all kinds of naughty and nice things with. You deserve more than a two-dimensional fantasy romance.”
Japheth slowed to a stop as he considered first the billboard of Micah and then his months-long secret affair with the Sexy Jesus calendar. Maybe it was time to conjure up some courage.
“Just go for it!” Rebekkah echoed, as if she’d been in Rino’s corner all along. “Rino is obviously not scary. Or a mobster. You have nothing to worry about and a torpedo-big man to gain!”
“I mean,” Ronald said, hands in pockets, shoulders dipping and raising as he weighed the man’s merits. “He’s a little scary. But not terrifying. Scary in that way that gets your pulse going? I’m on edge when he’s in the room, but I also want to stay in the room.”
“Right!” Japheth said, animatedly turning from Ronald to Rebekkah and his topaz lamé blazer winked at them in the sunlight.
“Not like I want to run away or to hide. He just makes all the endorphins in my body kind of light up? All at once? It’s like…
fight? Flight? Both? Should I stay or should I go? I just don’t know!”
“Oh, I know! My guess is the scary feeling that you’re having when he’s around is actually just excitement. Like you want it so badly but you’re a little bit scared of it too,” Ronald coached.
“But how do I know if it’s real? On his side?” Japheth asked, kicking a stone and sending it skittering across the sidewalk.
“You’ll know,” Ronald said simply. “Just trust yourself.”
“I trusted myself with Micah and look where that got us! And what kind of guy am I if I’m head over heels for one man in the morning and heels over head for another in the afternoon?” Japheth asked without irony.
“Honestly? I think you’re just really, really overdue.
There’s no shame in that,” Ronald rested an arm around Japheth’s shoulders.
“You’ve held back for Jesus for a long time.
But take a little time to consider… Would Jesus mind if you got your freak on without Him?
Maybe He’d cheer you on because He loves you and wants you to feel all the fireworks He made possible in this human form.
Maybe by becoming a good lover, you’re actually becoming more like Him. ”
They walked in silence for a while as they all pondered the profound.
“I’m also sorry that it didn’t work out with Micah, Ronald,” Rebekkah said, meaningfully touching his elbow. “Even though Japheth was gonna consummate that, I know you had big hopes for Micah too.”
“It’s okay,” Ronald said, with a little shrug. “I’m pretty busy with building the Ark and dating Carrington now.”
“I meant as our lawyer, Ronald,” Rebekkah said, patient but pointed.
“Yes!” Ronald said with a quick nod. “That part was disappointing, but it makes sense. If he’s snowmobiling and saving orphans and playing rec hockey, when would he be litigating?
There was always something a little fishy there.
And who needs all the fish in the sea when Japheth just caught himself a muskie? ”
“Everything is looking up. It’s a beautiful sunny day; Japheth might lose his virginity with a guy who is mad hot and not a real mobster and they might even get married!” Rebekkah started counting their blessings.
“Hold up! We hugged. For like five seconds!” Japheth held his hands up in an effort to catch the reins of Rebekkah’s runaway imagination.
The hug had been incredible, and the five second hold was admittedly a longer embrace than the average hello, goodbye or thank you while also leaving that lingering feeling of being not nearly enough.
He tried not to think about it, at least not too much.
“And we’re all going to have matching Kia Rios!” Rebekkah shouted, spinning once in place like someone trying on good luck and liking the feeling. “And we have a real lawyer now who is standing up to those record labels. And we can keep stealing their songs–legally! For God. She’ll be thrilled!”