13. Truly, Madly, Deeply #5
Rino’s mouth turned up in a playful grin, and he teased a finger up Japheth’s arm, sending little spikes of electricity up his spine as he spoke, “Waiting for marriage seems like it might be a stretch, but I agree there’s something that’s a real turn on about pushing each other’s buttons while also holding back.
Like the ultimate form of teased out torture? ”
“I get that,” Japheth said quietly, resting his head against the seat and sighing out his words as he gazed at Rino through hooded eyes.
“I grew up in church basements with posters about purity and a heterosexual God-approved future. Anytime my heart or body did something… sideways, I thought, okay, that’s it, He’s going to smite me with a…
oh that feels so good Rino. He’s gonna smite me with a lightning bolt shaped like a dick.
Sorry! That was… graphic. But accurate. It’s what I thought. I don’t know why.”
A huff of laughter escaped Rino, “I like how you just say whatever you’re thinking. I’m thinking all the time but things I’d never dare spit out. So much… thinking. No one to hear me.”
“I’m happy to listen to you. I’ve always had Rebekkah and now Ronald, too. But sometimes I still feel like I’m… too much,” Japheth admitted. “Too… loud. Too shiny. Like, if I like someone, I’m going to burn them with it.”
“Can I say something cheesy?” Rino asked shyly.
“I love cheese. All kinds,” Japheth encouraged him. “Never met a cheese I wasn’t pleased with.”
“To me, you’re not too much, you are… finally enough.”
The street outside had fully settled into suburban silence.
The CD player advanced songs from I Want You to Truly, Madly, Deeply and the world felt like it was narrowed to warm leather, a purring engine, and the softly crushed flesh of cedar and clementine.
The tiny Saint Christopher medallion nodded its approval before stilling to a stop, an eager audience of one.
For one dizzy second, Japheth thought, this is it.
All the crushes, the half-starts, the imaginary boyfriends, the closeted confessions to his fish–all of them had been fire drills for this exact moment that was alight with possibility.
Japheth’s breath stuttered before he grabbed onto all the should’ve tried, could’ve said, would’ve only ifs of the past and pushed them past his lips, bare and hopeful, to say, “Wanna be my finally, too?”
Rino’s gaze flickered down to Japheth’s mouth, then back up to meet his eyes as Savage Garden sang about being a new beginning, a reason for living, and a deeper meaning, oh yeah.
Whatever battle he was waging with himself was quickly won.
He shifted the car into park. The engine purred in appreciation when he leaned across the centre console and kissed him–truly, madly, deeply.
It was not the chaste, hesitant brush of lips Japheth had mentally prepared for.
It was firm and sure and left him satiated and starving all at once.
Rino’s mouth was warm and it tasted faintly of espresso and mint.
One large hand cupped the side of Japheth’s neck, thumb resting below his ear, confidently guiding them yet gently caressing as if to ask if this and if everything was still alright.
Japheth’s whole body lit up, every nerve ending sending a panicked group text to his body and mind that shouted in bold: THIS IS HAPPENING! He made a small, involuntary sound–half surprise, half unbridled appreciation at the opportunity to finally, utterly, be himself.
For a moment, there was nothing but those two points of contact–mouth and hand–and the swooping, terrified joy of feeling wanted back.
Japheth’s hands, which had been stiffly folded, came untucked and landed cautiously on Rino’s chest. The shirt was smooth under his fingers; beneath it, muscle shifted, solid and real.
Rino pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against Japheth’s, both breathing a little harder and unable to school their smiles into anything but mirthful, misbehaving mugs. Finally, Rino gained enough composure to sneak another exploratory kiss before asking in a roughened voice, “You okay?”
Japheth nodded and let out a shaky laugh, “Yeah. Yes! I… that was… I feel like I should tip someone?”
“There is a surcharge,” Rino said gravely. “We have to go meet my family now.”
“Oh God,” Japheth shuddered and shook his head. “I’m not so sure I can walk.”
“My mother has that effect on people, too,” Rino said, shifting the car back into drive. “No need to worry, Polpetto. She will love you. They’ll all love you. Everyone adores you the minute they meet you. It’s very annoying.”
“I’m very lovable,” Japheth said faintly, trying to coax his nervous system back into some semblance of composure.
He pressed his palms to his knees to wipe off the glisten of nerves collecting there and felt the residual tingle of the kiss echo through him like aftershocks.
“Also, just to be clear, I did… pick up that you’re… you know…?”
“Gay?” Rino supplied.
“Yeah.”
“Yes, well…” he smiled. It looked good on him, very good.
Relaxed, confident, in control. “I am very gay. For you, apparently. It is inconvenient, but I’ll manage.
Since my brain and… body don’t seem to want to let me forget about you for a second, I’m determined to be very good at being gay with you. ”
Japheth tried not to beam so hard his face split, “That sounds like a reasonable plan, despite it sounding troublesome. Maybe if I don’t get murdered or, you know, inconveniently disappear, I’ll aim to be as good at being gay as I can with you, too.”
“You are very dramatic,” Rino said affectionately. “My family is going to eat you alive.”
“I’m choosing to interpret that as a metaphor,” Japheth replied.
“Mostly metaphor,” Rino agreed. They turned down a long brick laden drive lined with groomed cedar hedges. At the end of it, like a Tuscan mirage in small-town Ontario, rose the Ferrari house. “I, however, may not be able to hold myself back from a few tastes and bites.”
Japheth felt his heart playing a game of leapfrog as he prepared to swan-dive into the mouth of a volcano.
He glanced at the man who assured him that everything was going to be alright, and he was finally able to complete the thought that had previously escaped him.
The man who asked you out is, mamma mia, maybe the man you really want to marry.