16. Ashes, Answers and Emma-Lou #3
“I called the station first, thinking I could warn you all, if you didn’t already…
if you weren’t already… No one answered so I called 911,” she went on, “I didn’t know if anyone was still inside.
I prayed you’d all made it out. I didn’t know if Trinity had gone back to rehearse.
I didn’t know if Suwarna was caught in the elevator.
I didn’t know if Carrington had smelled the smoke early enough to pull the fire alarm.
I stood on the other side of the parking lot and watched flames come out of the roof and the only thing I could think was, ‘I have killed everyone and I have killed the station and my parents were right about me, I am not strong enough for this and I am not… good.’”
“How did we not see you? We ran out, we were looking for you,” Carrington asked, voice small.
“I hid behind the dumpster when I saw you were safe,” Emma-Lou said.
“I was in shock. I was embarrassed. I didn’t know what to do.
I watched the fire trucks. I watched you all arrive after you’d collected Trinity from Weinus, Weinus, & Ware’s office.
I saw you standing out here, crying and hugging and I…
I just couldn’t come over. I kept hearing my mother say, ‘If you can’t do something right, don’t do it at all,’ and I had done something wrong on the largest possible scale. ”
Rebekkah wiped her cheeks with the heel of her hand, “So you ran.”
“I drove to the old family cottage in Prince Edward County,” Emma-Lou nodded.
“Then I drove past it because CSIS has that address and I had no idea what I was going to say. This was not in my plan. I ended up at that horrible motor inn off the 401, the one with the sign that just says MOT because the EL blew off in a storm. I spent the night there eating vending machine chips and watching reruns of The Beachcombers and praying for a burning bush or a lightning bolt or some clear sign of what to do next.”
“And what made you come back?” Japheth asked.
Emma-Lou looked up, meeting his eyes. “I heard people talking at the gas station. Two guys in line, saying, ‘You hear about the Ferrari boy? Always knew something was off about that family. Bet they burned it down over money. And did you know that Emma-Lou is missing? Probably under a bridge where the Ferraris stick everyone who doesn’t renew a lease.’”
She swallowed.
“I could live with everybody thinking I was a coward,” she said.
“I could live, for a while, knowing I’d done something unforgivable, so long as you were all alive and…
moving on. But I could not live with Rino and his family getting blamed for my match.
Maybe they’ve done questionable things, I’ll never know for sure, but as far as I know, they’re good people.
They never blew up our lives. That was me. ”
Suwarna let out a long, complicated sigh, somewhere between exasperation and reluctant admiration. “So, you came back to clear their names.”
“And to face what I’ve done,” Emma-Lou said.
“I called Stanford on the payphone this morning and asked him to ring CSIS. I’m going to turn myself in.
Tell them everything. About how things continued even after my parents went straight.
About the money. About the popcorn machine.
I don’t expect any of you to forgive me.
I don’t know if the law will either. But I won’t let the Ferraris wear my sins.
If the town is going to gossip, they can tell their tales about me.
I didn’t want you to spend your days wondering if I was alive or dead and never getting the closure of knowing for sure what had really happened.
I started imagining your futures like a never-ending guessing game of whodunnit, like when Charles Dickens died before finishing The Mystery of Edwin Drood and just let the audience decide the motive and the murder from night to night.
What a living nightmare. I needed you to hear the truth from me. ”
There was a long silence. Dust drifted lazily in the shafts of light pouring through the broken roof. Somewhere, a pigeon cooed in judgement.
Ronald stroked his chin, “If I understand correctly, the villain in this story is… Orville Redenbacher.”
Carrington let out a startled laugh that broke into a sob halfway through. Rebekkah choked on a giggle.
Even Suwarna’s mouth twitched unwillingly, “This is very serious! But yes, in a way. The devil wears butter flavouring.”
“I’m so sorry,” Emma-Lou said again. “To all of you. I burned down your workplace. Your dreams. I almost took away your…”
“Our what?” Rebekkah cut in gently. “Our chance to reinvent? Our excuse to start fresh? Honey, you’re not getting off the hook for arson, but speaking for myself, I feel… lighter.”
“Me too,” Japheth agreed. “We lost a building. We get to let go of the pressure that robbed some of the joy to perform. But we’re still Trinity. We still have each other. And we know the truth now, and the truth is… so much messier and more interesting than the rumours could ever be.”
“And Rino’s not a murderer, or a magician who can make people disappear,” Ronald added. “He’s just rich, handsome, speaks with authority and makes a dramatic entrance… and exit. I always knew we could trust him.”
“He was in the drama club in high school,” Japheth offered. “Eva told me. Big roles, too–Iago in Othello, Tony in West Side Story, the Scarecrow in The Wiz.”
“What a range!” Ronald remarked. “The Wiz, really? Where did they pull together a Black cast from around here?”
“I don’t think they did,” Japheth shrugged. “This is still Napanee.”
“What happens now?” Emma-Lou asked, voice small, unsure how long she had with her friends before the spies showed up. “To you? To the station? To any of us?”
Everyone looked around at the black bones of WWJD.
“I think,” Carrington said slowly, “we separate what was good from what was rotten. Like a vintage wardrobe. Some items go to the bin. Some get tailored. Some need to be set on fire, clearly.”
“I salvaged some things,” Emma-Lou said suddenly, remembering.
“Before I… did it. I had a feeling I guess, in case the worst happened. I put some gear in storage down the street. In that old self-storage place beside the tanning salon? The original mixing board. The ON AIR sign. Your favourite microphones. And the carved wooden plaque Big Daddy had made that says WWJD Bless This Hot Mess. I couldn’t bear the thought of those burning. ”
“You have the plaque?” Rebekkah gasped. “With the little praying hands?”
“Those are birds, I think?” Suwarna suggested.
“Oh! I thought it was a loaf of bread,” Ronald scratched his head.
“I always loved that sign. It made me remember my humanity every time I entered the studio. Like a little nudge to stay humble, you big bright star,” Japheth recalled.
“And also, go kick some ass in there, you big bright star!” Rebekkah broke into a grin.
“I thought maybe one day, if this place ever collapsed on its own, you could hang it somewhere new. I never imagined I’d be the collapsing force. But the stuff is safe. It’s yours, if you want it.”
“You’re giving us… the station?” Japheth asked, blinking in disbelief.