Blinded By Forever (Blinded By #3)

Chapter 1

One

Jaclyn

Hayden’s mouth is heaven, it always has been.

Warm, devoted, and relentless.

It’s been more than ten years and I can’t get over how good he makes me feel.

I don’t even try to hold back the moan that tears out of me, even though the kids should be waking up soon.

But we couldn’t help ourselves. I was rubbing my butt against him and he whispered for me to move and lay down.

I didn’t ask questions, I just did it because moments like these are rare for us now. The only time we get a moment to ourselves is when the kids are gone at school and River’s taking her nap. But most of the time, especially lately, Hayden hasn’t really been around.

My legs are thrown over Hayden’s shoulders, my fingers tangled in his thick dark hair as he sucks, licks, and kisses me everywhere possible like he had nowhere else to be.

Like his only job today was worshipping me.

“Oh my god, Hayden,” I breathed. “You’re-”

“Hmm?” he hummed against me, giving me a teasing smirk.

That damn hum vibrated through my spine. I arch off the bed, begging for more.

“Please,” I whisper, tightening my fingers in his hair. “Please, don’t-”

“Mommy!” The door bursts open and I shoot up so fast I nearly knee Hayden in the face. He yanks the comforter over my waist in one smooth motion while his jaw clenches in frustration. Easton stands at the doorway, his arms crossed over his tiny chest and a pout on his face. “I’m hungry.”

Hayden drags his hand over his face and groans. “Easton-”

“I said I’m hungry,” he demands, a pout still present on his face.

Hayden looks at me at and I already know what that look says.

Remind me why we decided to have kids.

He rests his head on my lap and holds my waist. I tangle my fingers through his hair and look at Easton. “We’ll be down in five minutes, baby.”

He looks between me and his father, his little eye twitching. “You always say that and you just end up staying in bed longer.”

“I promise. Go downstairs and we’ll be right there,” I promise, making Easton stomp down the hallway as he grumbles about waffles.

I pat Hayden’s shoulder and he moves off me to lie on his back on the bed. I get up and grab the closest sweater I see. “Your son’s got a goddamn alarm clock in his stomach.”

“He’s your son, too,” I mutter while throwing the sweater on. “You gave him the attitude.”

Hayden presses his palms over his face, probably mourning the death of our morning sex.

I’m sure it’ll be awakened by the end of the day like always.

Sometimes we’re lucky with sex in the morning or throughout the day.

But usually Hayden leaves during the day to train or hangout with Killian, even though he said he was done with the Mafia stuff, I still wonder if he is since he talks to Killian and his brother a lot.

“I'm blaming you,” he mutters.

I walk over to him and rest my hands on his shoulders. “Blame your timing.” I press a kiss to the corner of his lips. “I’m going downstairs to make food for the boys.”

“I’ll grab River,” he mumbles as I walk out of the room and make my way downstairs.

When I round the corner and go into the kitchen I see Junior and Easton.

Junior is on his phone eating a bowl of cereal and Easton is standing with his arms still crossed over his tiny chest with a pout on his face that makes him look like Hayden a little bit.

“That was more than five minutes.”

I roll my eyes at him and rest my hand in his hair. “Go watch some cartoons in the living room and I’ll make your food quick, I promise.” When Easton leaves the kitchen I look at Junior. “You couldn’t make a bowl for your brother?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

He stops scrolling on his phone and looks up at me. “He didn’t ask.” He shrugs.

Fucking kids.

“Mommy!” I hear River scream down the hall as Hayden walks closer to the kitchen.

When he turns the corner, I smile upon seeing River in his arms. She has a big smile on her face and is in her little pink flower pajamas.

Life has gotten crazy since we moved to Italy. Junior is eleven and thankfully his VSD is gone but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have check ups, Easton is seven and we had him a little bit after we moved to Italy.

Junior is just like his father as well as Easton although Easton does have more of my creativity and traits. Junior is moody and barely talks to anyone but that’s probably because he is getting older while Easton is loud and will say anything on his mind.

Then we have our little River who we had more than two years ago

She is now almost two years old and full of energy since she’s getting closer to her terrible twos stage. She makes a mess wherever she can and I’m not going to lie, I do get frustrated with her just like I did with Easton and Junior.

When I found out I was pregnant I told Hayden after this I was done and didn’t want any more children. He loves the kids and says he wants more but the more time that passes by, I see a little bit of the Hayden I knew drain from his eyes which scares me a little bit.

I know Hayden needs time away from the kids, just like I do but lately he’s been more busy and rarely home and I don’t and will never tell him this but it’s starting to take a toll on me, making me overthink and stress.

Hayden goes straight to the coffee machine with River still on his hip. As he passes by he kisses my cheek as I kiss River’s cheek.

“Thought you died,” Junior says.

“Not yet, kid. That was just your mom screaming.”

Blush creeps up on my face and I smack Hayden’s shoulder while he smirks.

“Gross!” Junior grimaces.

“Are you making my breakfast mommy?” Easton yells from the living room.

I sigh and Hayden just smiles at me while keeping in a laugh. “Yes, baby. Be patient.” I pull out the waffle mix and look at Junior. “Do you want some or was the cereal good?”

“I’ll have eggs and bacon. No waffles.” I nod my head and get to work.

After Hayden’s done making his coffee he leans against the counter, watching the chaos unfold when he lets River go on the floor. She runs to the living room where Easton is dancing to some music on the TV and Junior is still just playing on that damn phone.

I almost regret giving it to him but because he goes to school, I want him to have something to get a hold of me in case of an emergency.

I got a phone around his age so I thought it was fair but I take the phone during dinner or when we’re doing a family activity together.

At night I usually make him either read or do his homework and I’ll take the phone.

Hayden watches all of the madness unfold and he seems fine, cool, collected, like he enjoys being here and being a family.

Then his phone buzzes on the counter.

I see the change immediately.

His shoulders tighten and there is a spark of distraction in his eyes. He glances down at the screen and his jaw immediately tightens.

He picks it up and sets his coffee down. “Everything okay?” I ask while putting the first waffle on a plate.

“Yea,” he says, too quickly if anything. “Just something I have to handle.”

My blood freezes and I furrow my eyebrows at him. “Killian?”

Hayden pockets his phone and walks up to me. “Kind of. I’ll be back in a couple of hours. I promise,” he says, giving me that fake ass smile.

I don’t press.

Not yet at least because the kids are here and I don’t even know what this is about.

It doesn’t always have to be about this Mafia stuff.

Hayden and I have talked about how I think it would be better if he stopped being involved in the Mafia because we have a whole family now and I need to make sure he comes back home to us–to me.

He hides his true emotions as he leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Don’t forget about dinner tonight.”

His hand slides down my back. “I won’t, princess.”

Hayden leaves to get ready and comes back down when breakfast is finished. He steals a piece of Junior’s bacon before kissing all of the kids' foreheads and my lips. He says bye to all of us and then he’s gone.

The front door shuts behind him and I stare at my food while the kids eat and River throws her food around.

I sit there wondering when his promises would stop feeling like they came with an expiration date.