44 | Fire
?? ?????? ??
Unread. Unread. Unread.
The words stare back at me like a cruel punishment, like I'm destined to be tortured for every stupid decision I've ever made. My fingers itch to type something again, anything, whatever plea might make Alex speak to me again.
Nothing comes. I've spent too long, writing and deleting words, unsure if saying sorry so many times will even do anything.
I got too caught up, dragged into Nolan's mesmerising words and kiss and now I'm facing the consequences. I get it, why Alex would be so freaked out, but it's been almost a week and his radio silence is killing me.
I can disguise it as surface level concern, that maybe our secret is now holding onto an even thinner thread than before. All it takes is him to feel some moral conscious to expose us, fuck, I've worked myself up so much it feels inevitable at this point.
I know deep down he wouldn't. But the thought doesn't make me feel any less sick. When I backspace my useless gibberish my mind just replays the shock on his face, the way he seemed betrayed almost. Staring at our blank chat makes worse things push through.
Does he hate me?
"Ava," Nolan's steady voice commands, "You need to put the phone down."
"I will," I mutter back, feeling the heat of him approaching behind me. I said the same thing fifteen minutes ago, back when the urge to see if that unread has become anything different consumed me. But no, still nothing.
Nolan's warm fingers thread around my waist, back resting over mine as he rests a head on my shoulder. He smells like cedarwood and something sharper, familiar in a way that resets my nervous system. His hair brushes my cheek as his eyes angle down to where my phone is still open and spiting me.
"You've gotta stop worrying," He breathes, "It's not good for you, pretty girl."
"I'll stop worrying when he actually replies..."
"Hmph," Nolan sighs, unimpressed. His hands move a little higher, thumbs rubbing gentle circles on my stomach, "Why do you care what he thinks? This is about us, no?"
"He's my friend... I don't want him to hate me."
"And he'll hate you because you're dating your mutual friends' brother...?"
I hate when he does this, knows I'm being completely irrational, talks me out of my own head in a way that makes my heart flutter at a million miles an hour.
I shrug, leaning back gently so I can see the side of his jaw, very light stubble that doesn't often make an appearance scratchy as I reach for it, "Yeah well I'm secretly dating him, and Alex found that out through a very public show I didn't plan for."
"I think it was an incredibly hot public show," Nolan smirks. Idiot.
When I attempt to scowl at him he uses the grip on my waist to spin me around, somehow snatching my phone in the process. By the time I realise, he's pulling me closer, watching me with that careful studying like he always does.
"You're stealing my phone?"
He shakes his head, "I'm temporarily confiscating it so you don't explode," I blink and it's shut in a drawer, away from my spiralling brain.
"You care too much about me," I state, plainly, as his hands start to travel under my top. Not exactly sexually, but just in an extremely touchy way, like he knows how much he has me under his stupidly charming spell.
"No," Nolan disagrees, "Never too much." Before I can say anything else he plants a few soft kisses on my jaw, hands gliding across my skin reverently, "You're my everything, am I not allowed to care about the most important person in my life?"
"Your everything?" I murmur, maybe asking myself more than him. It's a big admission, then again, we've never not felt like an explosive meteor ready to crash into earth at any moment. Everything makes my chest tighten more, thoughts dizzying the longer he keeps touching me like this.
It seems to be happening more recently, a cloudy sort of admiration anytime we're together. I don't know what it means and that scares me.
"Everything, baby," He replies back, hand cupping my cheek. I miss the fingers sliding up my waist almost immediately. "I don't know what I'd do without you, your smiles, the way you pretend to hate me, the sound of your voice. I'd go insane, probably."
My eyelids feel heavier all of a sudden, my heart rattles with the knowledge that this is all real, we're real. His lips approach mine, so slowly I memorise every second of it. Before we can actually kiss my own admission comes out.
"You're my everything too," It's a whisper, a promise, "I care about you, so much. I don't want this to end, even if Alex hates me or Riley finds out. I can't lose you, I won't."
My brain sorts through the noise, the fuzz, every good feeling I can't distinguish. In that, it finds three words. Three big, scary words that might explain what's got me so enamoured recently.
I love him?
The realisation hits like a truck and when I come to, we're kissing.
A rouge one of his hands slips between my blonde waves, pulling us closer, letting him swirl his tongue against mine like I'm the only air he can breathe.
My lips fall behind, devoured in his every time I try to catch the rhythm.
It's messy and aggressive, my knees feeling like jelly the more I lap at the inside of his mouth.
God. I think I do love him.
When I move for a better grip, hand snaking up the back of Nolan's throat, he makes a low noise into my mouth, a groaning hum that sets my skin on fire.
I think it somehow makes him kiss harder too, attack my lips with burning passion settling deep in my core.
I don't know what love is supposed to feel like but if this is it, I want to feel it forever.
With a floaty head I move my hand again, drifting across his neck until my thumb comes around and gently presses into his pulse point. I'm not thinking, I just want him to make that noise again, come undone for me. It works. The sound he makes this time is closer to a whimper.
"Jesus, Ava," He breathes, pulling away, "When did you become so kinky?" It's meant to be a joke but doesn't sound like one. I gleam, noting a very rare crimson settling on his cheeks. Have I finally found his weakness?
"Relax," I hum, "It's not like I'm choking you....unless, you're into that? Will it make you whimper again?"
He scoffs, "I did not whimper."
Oh my god, his cheeks are actually pink.
"You definitely did," I giggle, "You're blushing."
My thumb, still in place, presses down on his skin experimentally, smoothing circles.
He just eyes me, like he's halfway between trying to preserve his pride and giving into the fact he likes this.
He's extra pretty today, all messy hair and swollen lips.
He's pretty and mine... and I love him.
After a moment his hand catches my wrist, threatening to pull it away.
It makes me stumble and my back hits a wall I didn't even notice I was near.
His eyes darken, teeth biting down into his lips hungrily.
Every part of me lights up, something about his silent watching always drives my hormones insane.
"You're having a lot of fun, aren't you?" He chuckles eventually. My hand is still in the same place, albeit frozen by his counteracting grip.
"So much fun," I nod, finally letting go.
He only gets a second of relief before I replace my finger with my mouth, dipping down to suck his skin between my teeth.
His neck moves on instinct, giving me better access.
I can feel his heartbeat, so vulnerable it does something to me.
And again, he can't stifle a groan - the noise is pure music to my ears.
I keep going, flicking my tongue across his throat then further up, to the side of his face.
He murmurs my name quietly, like he can't help it.
I'm trying not to let this new feeling explode out of me too hard.
I love kissing him, love making him feel good the way he always does to me.
Everything blurs into a mix of heat and passion.
When I pry myself off him he's more breathless and I can feel the outline of his cock pressing into my thigh. I stroke a finger over the love-bites on his neck, not strong enough to leave a hickey... I think, anyway.
"You're..." I don't even know what I'm trying to say.
His face flashes into a knowing smile, "... the best boyfriend ever?"
I laugh but he's not wrong," Yeah, you are."
"I mean, you could use some work but-"
I meet his cheeky comment with a palm of his cock, pressing my hand into his crotch and making him choke on his words.
The immediate widen of his eyes makes satisfaction bloom in my chest, and a lot lower than that.
He likes to have all the control but the urge to take it away from him is strong.
"You wanna say that again?" I taunt, finger trailing a faint circle over the tent in his sweatpants.
"Not really..." He pauses, watching my wrist work slowly, "Unless it's gonna make you keep doing that."
I stop straight away, just as he bucks into my hand. I catch that flash of pleading in his face, frustration as his jaw tightens and rouge hands clamp tightly on my waist. He loves making me work for it and I villainise him for that but secretly I love working him up just as much.
"Tell me what you really think," I whisper, bringing a finger to his lip. I drag it down slowly, watching the way he tracks the movement, "Tell me I'm your everything."
"You wanna hear it again?"
I nod as his lips corner me, threatening to drag me into his fiery storm.
"Why?" He hums, "It gets you wet when I tell you you're the only person that matters to me? That I'd do fucking anything for you?"
Yes. Fuck yes it does.
His lips travel to my ear, placing a gentle kiss before resuming those sultry words, "All I think about is you. Your touch always stays on my skin, I carry it everywhere like a prized possession. I care about you more than I've ever cared about anything else."
He dives in to kiss my skin and I gasp, thighs clenching together desperately, "More."
Nolan chuckles, but continues without resistance, "I love how needy you are, how perfect you are for me. You steady me, take everything I give you, make life worth living. You're my pretty girl, my everything."
Part of me is so insanely intoxicated by this man I feel like I could come on the spot just from hearing that.
It's made even hotter by Nolan's cock straining even harder against my hand the more he talks, making gentle ruts I don't even think he's realised he's doing.
It's at this point my punishment for him starts to feel like one for me too.
I want to say I love him. I really do. But something in me holds back, makes me bite my tongue. It's still so new, so fresh. It's scary.So I swallow it down and drop to my knees instead.
It's instant, like a rug was pulled beneath my feet. His lips are on my neck one second, then staring down at me, parted like whatever touch I give him next could and will kill him.
"Fuckkk," He groans, smoothing his hand against my cheek.
I blink for a second, a rush going to my head.
Heat and power swirl in the air, my body malfunctions at his soft touch.
I have no doubt he's going to fuck my throat in a few minutes yet he's still touching me like the most valuable thing on earth.
His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, gently pushing inside my mouth. I swirl my tongue over it, letting him lazily do whatever he wants. It's electrifying in the best way, half of me giving in completely, the other knowing I've got this man wrapped around my finger too.
"I can't believe you're mine, you know that?" He says in a low voice that rolls through my head like a crashing wave.
I smile around his thumb, dragging desperate hands upwards towards the hardness so obvious and big opposite my face, "Are you just saying that because I'm on my knees?" The words catch in my throat with fiery confidence, "You just want me to suck your cock?"
"You're different," He hums in response, hand back to running through my hair. It explores the strands like it's ready to group them together, gather a makeshift ponytail, "You're on your knees like a fucking angel and you're still managing to be the one taunting me."
It comes out like a thought, but it's made more intense by his eyes that haven't left mine for a moment, shiny and magnetic, "You don't like it?"
He shakes his head, "I fucking love it, I fucking love..."
Whatever words were coming next fade away as my fingers work on their own, impatiently palming through the indent in his joggers once again.
His voice turns to a sharp breath, a loss of control.
I keep going, let him scoop my hair up so it fits neatly in his wrist. The sight of his arms, veins visible and travelling towards me makes me want to actually faint.
He's already as hard as he can get when I yank down the joggers, then the boxers.
He gives me gentle encouragement, praise that melts into comforting words and stars behind my eyelids.
His cock springs up, free and flushed in front of my face.
I reach for it, hand stroking up and down slowly as my thumb rolls pre-cum across the tip.
He thrusts gently into the contact, all worked up and nearly as needy as me. It makes a devious smile reappear on my lips, "You're impatient."
His grip on my hair tightens, pulls me a fraction closer to the length directly in front of my face, "I am baby, especially when you tease me like this."
I pump my hand again, looking up with fluttering lashes to watch the way he winces, lets slow breaths fall from his mouth.
The movement of his hips, angle of his body, messy hair - it sends sparks down my spine, forces my mouth to fall open on its own.
My brain wants to take him before I can even process it.
"Am I your pretty girl?" I ask, probably the most brash thing I've asked so far. I don't know where all this need for praise has come from. I think it fuels the butterflies flipping my stomach inside out, amplifies this new burning feeling. Love.
"Always," Nolan hums, eyelids heavy as I drag my tongue from base to tip, "Always my beautiful, perfect, pretty girl."
Warmth stirs between my thighs and I sink down onto his cock with a floaty brain all filled with him and how good he makes me feel.
The stretch is familiar, my throat relaxing to take him as far down as possible.
My tongue strokes every inch of the surface as I move slowly, deep-throating him with controlled sucks that prick at my gag reflex.
When I drag back to take a breath my eyes prick with tears, heat fizzing under my skin.
Nolan guides me with that steady hand, "You feelincredible, Ava."
I keep going under his dominating direction, hollowing my cheeks, dragging my lips over his cock again and again, choking as my nose brushes his pelvis. It's consuming, fog clouding my brain as he uses me, praising me with affectionate words.
"There you go... you take my dick so well, baby..."
Soon his instinctual thrusts turn more purposeful, controlled.
The head slips through my lips repeatedly, drool spilling down my chin.
It's messy and heated, my throat works itself as best it can, relaxing to give him what he wants.
The feel of his cock fucking my mouth elicits small noises, not moans but close, heavy breaths as I suck in every inch.
"You still want compliments?" Nolan asks, managing a cocky tone even with wrecked breath.
I nod as best I can, sputtering on his cock in the process. I catch the way his pupils trace the new tear that creates, the way it slips down my cheek. His next thrust is desperate, sloppy. It pulses in my throat. He's close.
"Can't speak with your mouth full but you still want me to tell you how beautiful you are," He grins, "You're something else."
I draw back just enough to speak, "I'm your something else." My voice is a little hoarse, wrecked by him the best way. High on his touch, his words, the way he's looking at me, I push myself back down for the home run. When I flex my throat he groans, pushing me in further.
"Keep doing that and I'll come right down your throat," It's more of a warning, a plea. He tilts his head, watching the way my hand comes up to join where my mouth is working, "Is that want you want, pretty girl? You wanna swallow everything I give you?"
I try to say yes and it comes out as a muffled moan onto his dick which is loosely pummelling into my mouth.
He's losing it, enough that the hand in my hair is doing most of the work.
I give him my best cock-filled smile and he gets the hint.
Muttering another heated fuck under his breath.
Half a second later he pushes my face into his crotch, forcing his cock all the way down the back of my throat. I let him, gagging gently as he splutters out a broken curse, "Fuck, Ava...you feel so... Christ."
Cum spills into my throat and I work to swallow it all, even with my nose up against his pelvis.
I can feel him studying my throat, the way it bobs as he empties himself into me.
I've lost track of how wet I actually am at this point, watching him watch me might turn me into a god damn waterfall.
When his groan subsides and I slide off him my lips are a little swollen, hairy messy and cheeks lightly tear-streaked.
Somehow he's the one who looks more ruined.
"You're an angel," He gasps as I stay on my knees, staring up at him. The admiration in his eyes is unmistakable, I'm sure thanks to the post-orgasm glow, but it bares into me deeper than anything else.
I laugh, "You've used that line already."
His smile twitches back to life, "Because it's true. I genuinely think you were sent down from the heavens or something."
"To give you blowjobs?"
He rolls his eyes, "To make my life less of a fucking car crash."
His arms reach down, helping me back up to shaky feet, checking if I'm okay. I feel the consequences of my actions soaking my panties. Uh oh.
Those firm, grounding hands come to my waist and then his familiar lips crash into mine, hot and soothing. The kiss tastes like sex and the remnants of his cum, salty as our tongues glide together in unison. It gets heated quickly again, so much so that his hands fumble for the top of my own pants.
I drag myself away, "No... you're supposed to be taking photos, remember?"
"Seriously?" He murmurs, eyes flickering between my boobs and lips shamelessly.
"If we get distracted you'll be late for the funfair," I insist, tapping him on the nose playfully, "Besides, if we get it done quickly you might still be able to fuck me."
"Then we should just do it now," He complains, like I'm not sacrificing the attraction I'm battling for his own sake, "Come on, baby, I can make you feel good, It'll be worth it-"
I snake out of his grip before he can keep trying his convincing act on me. He audibly groans in annoyance, pulling his pants back up and beginning to follow me as I trail towards his room. My mind runs hot with what we just did, the effect it's had between my thighs.
I think I should be more worried about whether I can stay true to what I'm saying, whether I will end up being a distraction. My pussy definitely wants to be.
Something tells me very soon I might just be a hypocrite.
?? ??