Blindly Yours

49 | All Guns Blazing

?? ?????? ??

I can't believe the words I'm hearing. I'm so delirious I can't even be sure they're real.

My dad. They want Nolan to shoot my fucking dad.

My mind is still reeling from all the details of his past. Maria, her son.

This secret he's been carrying, the thing that's put a wall up in front of his emotions, made him secretive and cold.

He was a kid, he didn't want to carry any of that, fuck, it wasn't his fault.

And I can tell he still blames himself, even if he doesn't say it out loud. Shit.

I know these idiots are insane enough to shoot an innocent woman for some weird game, isn't this what this is? A game. Revenge in a form that doesn't do anything but give them a sense of gratification.

I watch as Xavier, as Nolan called him, slowly lowers his gun, not all the way, but enough that it sends a signal to Diego.

He makes a glance to my dad still curled up in a ball before kicking him, hard.

He groans in pain, another trickle of blood slipping from his lips.

My wrists strain against their constraints. I can't watch this.

Once Diego's sure my dad can't get up his gun shifts back over to me, aim keen, like a kid at a funfair game. I flinch on a reflex, body shrinking back against the stupid wall still behind me. His eyes scan me like watching a bullet fly into my skull would make his week.

"What?" Nolan asks, slowly, but I think he knows.

"You heard me," Xavier nods, "Get rid of this pathetic piece of shit or your precious Ava goes. Choose one."

It hurts because I've always thought the same thing, that my dad is pathetic. I hate him, for what he did to my mom, for sinking our family into the ground. But the idea of him dying refuses to settle in my stomach. Maybe that makes me weak.

"You're insane," Nolan growls, breath low. I know that tone, that anger, but I've never heard it like this. He sounds like he wants to fucking kill him.

Diego's finger crawls towards the trigger, a noticeable warning, "What's it gonna be?"

I blink, paralysed, even without the ties keeping me in place. I don't want to die. I don't want my dad to die. I'm out of tears, fear and pain translating into burning exhaustion. My body is heavy and dehydrated, every attempt at speaking sharp and unsuccessful.

Nolan looks at me, properly. Under the anger there's something stronger, a swirling mix of possession, care, worry.

It's the same expression he's had since he burst in here, like getting me out of this mess alive is the only thing left worth doing.

My ears ring with his confession, the one I ignored. I love you.

It's not the time to think about that but somehow it's all I hear. I can tell he does, really, more than he's loved anything else. His eyes bleed with this burning determination. It scares me. I don't know what he's willing to do to right his wrongs, what he'll sacrifice for me.

"Ava..." He says, like a question, maybe even a prayer. His gaze doesn't go back to the room, it stays on me, reverent and consuming. It's the same man who held my chin and told me he'd never let anyone hurt me, promised to protect me. And he's going to make good on that promise.

Diego steps forward, head cocking in impatience, "Fucking do it."

"Nah, he won't," Xavier mutters, eyes narrowed in mocking, "He's too much of a pussy... or he thinks we're bluffing. It'll be a shame when he finds out we're serious."

"I'll do it."

The room freezes, tension crackles against the walls. My ears prick up, eyelids heavy as I try and confirm if I heard that correctly. But Nolan's jaw is clenched, his eyes a dark abyss. It's a stone wall, like a switch in his head has turned off any emotion. Oh no.

The two men in the room stare at him with cautious amusement. I think Diego laughs, almost surprised. I can't stop flicking my eyes between my dad, frail as he coughs and clutches at his stomach, and Nolan. It's not the him I recognise.

And I realise that he's actually going to do it.

He's going to shoot my dad to save me.

"There we go," Xavier muses, flashing me a taunting smile, "I knew he had it in him."

"No...no..." I mutter, but it comes out as a quiet, strangled noise. There's not enough conviction behind it, not that they'd listen anyway. I can't fucking die, but I don't want Nolan to carry a burden that's not his.

No matter how much they twist the past he's not a murderer.

He's got his issues, but he's not a bad person.

He's the most loving person I know.My lip trembles as another failed plea slips from my mouth.

Diego just moves again, barrel of the gun even closer to my head.

My muscles clench, body humming with overwhelming heat.

Xavier, very carefully, twists his gun to the side, beginning to offer it over to Nolan. His hand still rests on the trigger as he pauses, eyes flicking to him with stale warning, "You try any funny shit and Diego shoots."

Nolan nods, emotionless, like a soldier. He won't look at me anymore, won't acknowledge that I'm here, that he's doing this for me. I want to run over and stop him, tell him that he doesn't have to do this, but does he even have a choice?

Xavier continues, passing the gun over until it slips just between Nolan's fingertips.

I watch in horror, numb, confused and on the edge of passing out.

I keep seeing the events that haven't happened yet, the gunshot wound about to be plastered in my dad's head.

The blood, the aftermath. My throat dries up so much it hurts.

He's going to fucking die.

But, just as he takes the gun, something happens. It's so quick I can't process it until it's halfway happening, until there's the sounds of clattering, a battering fist and a sharp groan of pain.

Nolan's moved, swiped the back of Diego's legs.

He was too busy aiming a gun at me to notice, his legs buckling as he hits the ground.

He's so caught off guard he also doesn't prepare for the second hit, a punch, right to his gut.

He groans out, keeling over as he falls to his knees.

His gun slips from his fingertips, hitting the ground and jumping towards Nolan like a reward.

"You motherfucker," Xavier growls, attempting to aim his own gun.

But Nolan's quick, swiping the dropped weapon and aiming it right back at him before shooting means anything. They're at a stalemate, no upper hand, just burning anger and clenched fists.

Diego drags himself up, throwing a lazy punch at Nolan but he hits back with his free hand, a sharp punch to the side of the cheek. He grunts, only to be hit again the second he regains sense of himself.

"Fuck you," Nolan snarls, a low whisper, "Fuck your games....and your manipulation."

I've never seen him like this. His fists are red, threatening to bleed as he lands another punch, all whilst he holds his gun steady.

His eyes are dark shells of themselves, a result of all the carnage bubbling underneath his calm exterior.

I'm transfixed on his movements, the pure fury in his arm as it boasts the veins trickling down it.

I should be scared, maybe I am. My heart is exploding out my chest.

But this isn't an accident, it's not irresponsibility. He's doing this for me, for all the shit they pulled him into. It's years of trauma bursting at the seams.

And Diego fucking deserves it.

Xavier looks worried for a small second, like maybe his warped control is fraying. He could shoot, but there's no way Nolan wouldn't shoot back. When he steps closer, frame large and approaching, Nolan twists up immediately.

"This is over," He demands, his and Diego's blood in rivulets down his fist, "All of it. All your shit... I'm rescuing Ava and we're going to the fucking police, getting you locked up for what you did."

"No," Xavier's eyes are locked in combat, sparkling ferociously, "You have to pay for what you did." He grips the gun with both hands now, "Get your hands off Diego before I fucking kill you."

Nolan responds with another sharp punch to Diego's face, this one enough that blood dribbles from his lips, eyes flickering out of consciousness. He's almost passed out. My vision blurs, world tilting on its head.

But then something falls from Diego's pocket with a clatter.

My phone.

They forced me to call Nolan on it earlier and now it's lying just in my reach.

I strain to reach for it but my wrists won't budge, the plastic cutting sharp red lines into my skin. I try again, straining as hard as I can over the commotion in front of me. I can't pay attention when there's a real chance of getting help so close I can practically taste it.

Without thinking I shuffle in the chair, the wooden scrape loud enough that eyes should shoot to me - but they don't. No one notices when I move a few centimetres, when I get close enough for my foot to reach the phone.

I scrape it forwards in a flurry, adrenaline exploding behind my eyelids.

My heart batters against my chest, fight or flight exploding as I'm forced into whatever option this is.

When I lean down to my foot the zip-tie scrapes my wrist hard enough I muffle a pained cry, the tears in my eyes I thought were gone for good reappearing. But I do it. My trembling fingers grip the edge and yank the phone up into my lap.

I rush to call the police, dialling the number without even looking up.

This is my chance to stop this.

No one has to die, no one has to shoot anyone.

But just as quickly as it rings the call fails. The bars at the top have a deadly line through them, no service. It's so cruel another cry spills from my throat.

There's no way.

This can't be happening.

I try again but the same thing happens. Then a third time.

My brain, frenzied, can't accept it. I'm fucking screwed, me, my dad, Nolan, we're all going to die. I scramble to my recent calls, finger slipping and hitting Riley's name. It's an accident, like rubbing salt in the wound. She hates me, she'd never pick up my call now.

No one will help us.

"Hey, you-" Diego attempts to say, voice a destroyed murmur as blood spills from his nose in nauseating waves. He noticed the phone, my weak attempt at escape.

Nolan lands another blow to his face before anyone catches on to what he's saying.

His eyes flicker closed as he passes out.

Either way, my chance at hope is over. Someone will notice the phone and take it away from me.

The screen still flashes Riley as I slide the phone across the floor, just out of view of the others.

The second I look up, a gunshot sounds.

My dad.

A bullet hole rests in his chest, red and gaping as silence takes over the chaos.

Nolan blinks over, eyes wide as he realises what's happened.

Dad keels over, eyes glassy in an instant.

And across from him, gun still aimed, is Xavier.

This shallow, almost greedy look takes over his features, pulls at his lips and eyes. It's insatiable.

"Don't forget your place," He demands, tone cold, "You don't decide what happens here. Because when you do, you hurt people," His eyes flick down to my dad, "This is your fault."

I can hear him, far away, but my brain is lagging behind, still catching up.

My dad is dead.

Xavier shot him.

"Dad..." I sob, on reflex, without thinking. My hands tremble in their confines, exhaustion and disbelief mixing into a strange, sickly feeling.

There's no trace of life left, just a body, dead eyes, limp limbs, the remnants of an already shattered person. I can barely recognise his face with the bruises and blood, fuck, he's fucking dead.

Nolan's gun is still at a stalemate, only now his eyes are flickering between anger and guilt, pain, some horrid mix of the three. There's an expression I've only seen on him once or twice, when he tries to speak about the past. When he remembers how he acted, what happened.

"No..." His voice has lost its conviction, all the strength from before, "You shot him...you monster, you-"

"Convince yourself you're innocent all you want, " Xavier taunts, "If you hadn't interfered, again, he'd be alive. I'm noticing a pattern here..."

Nolan's mouth opens, then closes. He's processing... is he blaming himself? Xavier's stance, his words, his games, they're getting into his head again.

But he's not a monster.

He was trying to help me, he had no choice.

"No."

Xavier's head spins towards me with scary precision, eyes scanning my withered expression like he just remembered I was here.

"You...you wanted him to kill my dad anyway... you had no choice," I think I'm crying. I don't remember when that started.

He just laughs at me, like I'm pathetic, like nothing I say matters.

"You're defending him? After everything he's done?" He murmurs, "Maybe you are perfect for each other..."

He moves closer, prowling, like a predator circling his prey. It's the same hunger he had earlier, only it's darker. My skin crawls, fight and flight kicking in instantly. But I have no choice here, no escape.

"Leave her the fuck alone," Nolan snaps suddenly, fingers tightening around the gun.

Xavier ignores him completely, "Or, maybe, you need a real man, hm?"

He's so close I can smell him, feel him towering above me with slimy authority.

It makes me want to throw up, makes me want to die.

But I'm so exhausted, so fed up with his bullshit, of this pain that feels like it's ingrained in me.

My father's death is replaying in my brain and I know I'll never be able to scrub it clean ever again.

"I'm not scared of you," I say, mind barely running at this point.

"No?" He moves closer, running an invasive hand up my thigh again, "Maybe you should be."

"Fuck you!" I spit, his touch molten and dirty on my skin.

I can't get another word out before Nolan pounces on him from behind. They still both have guns but I guess watching him take advantage of me like that just made something snap. He drags him back, arm coming round his throat.

Xavier coughs, but retaliates quickly, using his elbow to smack the gun from Nolan's arms. The second time he does it he loosens the grip around his neck, getting free and coming around to attempt a blow to his face.

When he misses Nolan hits the gun from Xavier's fingers too, the object clattering across to the opposite side of the room.

And then all that's left is fists.

Within seconds they're fighting, properly, like fucking animals.

Every time one punches, the other hits back.

Arms swing, knuckles cross skin, pained grunts echo and twist in the air.

Nolan slams Xavier back into the wall, Xavier hits back, catching Nolan with a hard smack to the shoulder.

It's vicious, neither one of them willing to let up.

They both end up in headlocks but get free, elbows moving at lightning pace.

When they get a moment of air I catch blood running from noses, cuts beneath eyes, swollen lips.

But then they dive back in and the chaos continues, punches to the face, chest, gut.

I watch in paralysed horror.

I don't know what to think anymore, what to expect.

I don't know if any of us will get out of here alive.

But then, I notice something, out the corner of my eye - the phone.

It's so brief, so minuscule in the grand scheme of it all. My dad is fucking dead, Diego is passed out, still gently stirring with swollen eyes, my boyfriend is mid deadly revenge-fuelled fight.

But that screen is lit up, the caller screen is fucking on.

Someone's listening.

?? ?????????? ??

I drop to the floor without realising. Every action is a reflex, a reaction. My skin is on fire as my fist connects with Xavier's cheek again, clenched and dangerous as I tower over him. All I see is the past, the people he's killed, him kidnapping Ava.

It's a blur of anger, rage, this need to avenge every terrible thing he's ever done.

I don't know what the way out of this is, maybe I'm not even looking for one.

Maybe this is just me letting out all that pain I've carried for years.

As soon as I get the upper hand it's ripped away from me, Xavier flips me so hard my back hits the floor with a static thud. My head aches, brain a frenzied flurry as I shield myself from his relentless retaliation. But I land a hit at his side, it makes him weaker.

"Admit it," Ava's distant voice cuts through the silence, "Maria. What you did to her."

I don't even know if it's real, if I'm projecting my own thoughts onto the situation.

But when I twist my head to the side, just enough to catch her eyes, she stares at me. It has meaning, real meaning. She's trying to tell me something.

My distraction costs me, Xavier wrapping a hand around my throat before I can stop him. I scramble to stop him but it's no use, I can almost taste the blood on his knuckles so close to my throat.

"Xavier," Ava calls out again, stronger this time, "I know you can fucking hear me. Tell me what you did to Maria."

He snaps out of his angered daze too, glancing over at her in blazing curiosity.

I don't know what she's trying to do, digging further into Xavier's deniability complex doesn't seem like a wise idea.

It does help me though, his grip loosening enough that I can rip him off me.

I flip us over again, giving him a punch that makes his head loll to the side.

I pause, pinning Xavier down as best I can as I look over at Ava.

Her head gestures behind me, eyes wide and urgent. I follow the path, taking Xavier's momentary weakness as a chance to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Then I see it, a phone, on call.

Did she ring the police?

Hope flutters in my gut before I can stop it.

Oh my god.

She might've actually gotten us out of this mess.

I remember then why I love her so much.

Xavier jolts up, almost snaking out of my grip, but I catch him, my own anger giving me this weird superhuman strength. I can feel my skin pulsing, fire burning in my veins as I pin down this man bigger than me in size. I don't even know how I'm doing it.

"You heard her," I spit, "Admit it. For once in your fucking life admit you did something wrong."

I get it, what she's doing. She's trying to get him to admit to his crime on record, fuelled by the small chance that someone is listening. She's so smart, my pretty girl, my everything.

Xavier chuckles, like he's not at a disadvantage, like he's not wrong. He never seems to think he is.

"I didn't do anything-"

"Bullshit!" My hand lands on his cheek before I can think.

He squints in pain, "You fucking killed her, Nolan, just liked you killed Ava'a dad."

My hands wrap around his throat on instinct, my brain desperate to cling onto anything that gives me power. His eyes widen a fraction but that face is still calm, still smug.

It worries me how much I want to press down harder, murder him with my bare hands.

"No," I reply, "You killed them. You shot them for a power trip, because you enjoy hurting people. And you enjoy blaming me because you never have to take any responsibility. You're pathetic."

I squeeze against his throat, his breathing tightening to a wheeze.

He's struggling, on the edge of pain just like everyone else whose lives he's stolen.

"Admit. It."

He doesn't speak, lips almost curled into a sick smile. He blinks slowly as I suddenly feel something hit my side. When I glance up I see that Ava's kicked one of the guns over to me.

I take it without a second thought, removing my fingers from his throat and instead placing it right at his forehead. He splutters a cough as he attempts to breathe again. I jam the metal against him further.

"I don't know what you want," He seethes.

"A fucking confession."

"Or what?" His tone is angrier now, relentless, "You're going to shoot me?"

I might shoot him even if he does confess.

"You're a murderer, a manipulative psychopath and you're going to say it," The gun presses into his temple so hard it grazes his skin.

"I won't," He pushes back again. His voice is louder, angrier.

"You will, even if it's the last fucking thing I hear."

"I'm not-"

"Fucking say it!"

My finger holds on the trigger right in front of his eyes, a direct, searing threat.

"Fine!" His voice explodes, filled with seething frustration, "Yes I fucking killed that bitch and her stupid fucking son. They were low-life pieces of shit, they deserved it. I don't think about them, they don't matter to me. What I care about is you, you locked me up, took away years of my life."

The dark room splits apart with his evil words, his complete and utter lack of remorse.

"And Ava's dad? He was an easy target, a worthless addict. You both wanted him dead anyway, he was just an easy pawn. No one will miss him."

My hand is balled so tightly against the gun I feel like I might implode. His face, his words, they're all poison to me. It's like he's baiting me into shooting him.

He doesn't care, he never will.

"I hope you fucking rot forever," I growl.

Maybe I mean in prison, maybe I mean in hell.

It's only when I hear the blood pumping in my ears viciously that I realise I really might do it. I want to kill him.

I see the man who ruined by life, who fucked me up in the head so much I've never been able to adjust into life properly.

My family hates me.

My sister hates me.

Ava will probably want nothing to do with me ever again after this either.

I know I did this to myself, I still chose to bring everything crashing down with me, but Xavier will never not feel like the source of it all.

He flashes me a bloody smile, brief, but clear.

My thoughts clammer to make sense.

This is what he wants, of course it is.

If I kill him my life is ruined, I become a slave to my anger, all the feelings he took advantage of.

It's the ultimate sacrifice for him, his life for mine.

I get my momentary gratification and an entire life dictated by his death.

Even if he died my whole life will be down to him.

Am I going to do this?

Am I a murderer?

"Nolan..." Ava's voice filters through, "Don't..."

I can hear it, but my anger is stronger.

I still want to shoot him, even when I know I shouldn't. I wanted to be better, I've been getting better. I've kept all of this under control for so long, I've avoided all this bullshit.

But now I've got him in the palm of my hand.

"Please...Nolan..." Her quiet voice urges again.

It gets through this time, just about.

I manage to look up, see her eyes, her face, everything about her.

It hurts more to see her there knowing this is my fault - she wouldn't be in any of this shit if it wasn't for me. Maybe it's worth ruining my life if she won't be in it anymore.

"Ava..." I manage. Maybe it's a plea, a cry for help, I don't know.

"You don't have to," She whispers.

"I don't know what-" My voice breaks, sudden and sharp.

She shakes her head, "Just, please... you're not like them..."

My brain replays all the times I've seen her on top of me, beside me, blonde hair and beautiful eyes glued like they'll never let go.

Her kisses, her warmth, spending all that time together.

In a few months she's become my reason for living, the one person my life revolves around.

I think about her all the time, I fucking love her.

And I know she's right.

This isn't what I should be doing.

I'm better than this, better than my stupid anger and petty rage.

Slowly, I move the gun away from Xavier's temple, his heavy gaze watching slowly. He doesn't have much strength, but without the threat of the gun, what do I even have to overpower him?

I might be screwed, this might be the end, but at least I didn't give him what he wanted. I didn't give in to his taunts, his fucked up revenge.

I'm not the person he always painted me out to be.

Just then, as the gun falls from my hand, there's a sudden noise. The door bursts open, flashlights and yelling voices clambering into the space. A siren sounds in the distant, echoed and almost poetic. I put my hands up on instinct, the moving bodies a blur around me.

I only get one more distant look at Ava before the world melts into nothing.

It's finally over.

?? ??