Chapter 19 Tieran #2
She takes a step, readying to flee and still refusing to look at me.
My body reacts before my brain can catch up, and I reach out, gripping her arm before she can dart away.
She’s always running from me, always hiding, and I’ve reached my limit.
“I’m gonna ask you one more time, Hellfire. Why did you come here?”
“I—” She stumbles over her words, looking everywhere but at me. “I was out for a run. Didn’t realize this was your house.”
“You’re a better liar than that, love. Try again.”
She finally glances up at me, indecision waring in her eyes as they flit back and forth, a beautiful frown marring her full mouth, brow furrowed. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t be.”
Insecurity is a foreign look on her face, something that should never be there, but right now, it’s written clear as day all over her features.
Me and her, this connection that’s been sparking between us since that night at The King’s Swan, it might be the one thing in her life Jade McKallen doesn’t know how to control.
My gaze travels down her arm and settles on the bag in her hand. “What do you have?” I swipe my thumb along the inside of her wrist.
“Tesco meal deal.” Her voice is barely a whisper.
A laugh bursts out of me. This woman has more money than anyone in this country, and she’s standing before me with a Tesco meal deal.
Fuck me, I said it that first night we met, and it remains true today: Jade McKallen is an enigma, a puzzle I want to spend hours trying to put together just so I can figure out what piece reveals her humour, which ones slot together to display her brilliance—her kindness, until all I can see is the entire picture of her—who she is.
“Don’t tell me you’re too good for it.” A dark eyebrow raises high in challenge as an edge returns to her voice. A clear challenge.
“Give me that.” I grab the bag out of her hand to see what’s inside. Two sandwiches, a bag of prawn crisps, a side of sliced apples with peanut butter, and two drinks. “Approved. Come on, let's go eat.”
“Oh, I don’t think—”
“Jade,” I interrupt.
“What?”
“Stop overthinking it. Just come inside and eat with me.” Her eyes trail down to where I'm still holding her wrist and then travels up the length of me, holding a second too long on my mouth before she looks me in the eyes. Something within them shutters, and I know she’s about to deny me, so I say the one thing I can think of to get her to stay, a last ditch effort to keep her around me. “I could use the company.”
I think I need it.
She doesn’t resist when I tug on her arm, pulling her toward my front door.
It’s dark as I lead her inside. I toss my keys on the entryway table and move to turn on the lights when a thirty-five pound ball of energy comes barrelling down the short hallway, launching herself into my arms.
I let out a grunt at having the wind briefly knocked out of me.
“Hello, darling girl.” I pepper kisses all over my Blue Staffy’s perfectly round face as her tail wags furiously.
“I know, I know, Daddy missed you too. I’m never going to leave you again.
” I nuzzle my face into her neck. “Who needs to work when I could be here all day with you?” Pebble pulls back so she can return the love with a hot lick up the side of my face, signaling me to set her down.
As soon as her paws touch the ground, she sprints over to Jade, taking her by surprise and knocking her over.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. She doesn’t know how much she weighs,” I say.
Jade waves me off, immediately wrapping her arms around the canine's chunky neck, hugging her tight.
Worst guard dog ever.
“I didn’t peg you as an animal lover,” I observe, surprised by the easy affection she’s bestowing on my dog from her seat on the floor.
“Why? Because I’m cold and heartless?” Her eyes flare as she twists my words.
“You think you’re cold?” Surprise is etched into my tone.
Jade avoids eye contact, opting to hold each side of Pebble’s face, planting kisses on her cheeks and the sweet spot right between her eyes. She preens under the attention, face smiling, tail wagging, and I can’t believe I’m jealous of my own fucking dog.
“That’s what I’ve been told.” She shrugs her shoulders, smiling softly down at Pebble, but the set of her shoulders is stiff.
“That’s rubbish.”
“Excuse me?” She finally turns to look at me.
“Whoever made you feel like you’re either of those things is a pillock. Did they even try to understand you?”
“And you’re the expert on all things me?” She scoffs.
“I’ve gleaned some things,” I shrug.
Jade leans back on her palms, and Pebble rests her head in her lap. “Enlighten me then.”
My voice drops, softens. “You’re not cold, you’re focused.
You are successful and intentional with your time, and anyone who’s called you heartless has clearly never bothered to see the real you.
You uprooted your life so you could be near your father.
Jade, you took the time to understand every player under your employ to make sure they felt heard.
No one else had ever done that for us. Do you not realise how rare that is?
How valued you made every man on the team feel?
You quietly invest in small businesses.” She raises her eyebrows at that.
“Yes, I Googled you, and I don’t care if that makes me pathetic.
Which I am, by the way—pathetic for you.
” She blushes furiously, eyes skipping away from mine, so I take pity on her and move on.
"You’ve shown up to gigs for Aanya despite not having time, and you’re at every game even though it’s not a requirement, and there’s a million other things you could be doing.
You care about people more than anyone else I've ever met. And, as if the rest wasn’t enough to prove it to you, you’re practically big spooning my dog on the floor.
” I step toward her, Pebble between us, now belly up, and I reach a hand out to Jade.
She tentatively settles her palm into mine, and a zap of electricity shoots through my arm at the contact as I pull her up, tugging her further than necessary into my personal space.
“So, no. You’re not cold, Jade. You’ve just never felt safe enough to let someone stand in your warmth. They never deserved to.”
Whoever they are, I want to kill them for ever making her think less of herself.
She searches my eyes with her own, and I track that spot of sky blue like my life depends on it, waiting to see what she’ll say about my quasi confession.
I shouldn’t have noticed these things about her, but I did, and it’s as much of an admission as tattooing on my forehead ‘I like you’ in big bold letters.
“Why have you been texting with my dad?” she whispers.
“Because I like him, and we’re currently neck and neck on Words with Friends.” That’s a lie. I do like Archie, and I look forward to our daily text exchanges, but he is kicking my arse in the game.
“That’s the only reason?” Implication saturates her tone, making it clear she doesn’t fully believe me.
“It’s the only reason I think you’re willing to hear right now.”
Tentatively, I reach out, grazing the tips of my fingers against the shell of her ear to brush a lock of hair that fell into her eyes when I pulled her off the floor.
Her gaze flits down to my mouth, and my entire body tightens, begging to bridge that gap and finally kiss her again.
It would be so easy to take another step, lean down, and take what I’ve been wanting for weeks.
With anyone else, I would have, but with her, it means something—I want it to mean something.
I want Jade to want it to mean something.
Even still, I can’t help myself from cupping her jaw, fingers threading into her hair, thumb tilting her head up to look at me.
The heat of her stare grounds me, settling something restless and weary within me.
A moment of weakness before I pull away, grabbing the bag of food from her hand and leading her into the kitchen.
Jade breaks the silence. “Your place isn’t what I expected.”
“So you’ve been thinking about my home? What else have you been wondering about? The thread count on my sheets?” I smirk, pulling the contents of the bag out and setting them on the marble top kitchen island as she settles into the stool opposite me.
“I have wondered if your pillows are thick enough to effectively suffocate you.” Reaching across the counter, she grabs her Diet Coke, unscrews the cap. and brings it to her rosebud pink lips.
“I can think of something else I’d rather you suffocate me with.”
She chokes on her drink. “You have to stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” I ask, eyes flicking up to hers as I toss a prawn crisp in my mouth.
“Saying things just to shock me.”
“Oh, I promise you, they’re all true, Hellfire. Seeing that gorgeous flush creep up your chest is just an added bonus.” I toss her a wink just to irritate her further.
“Since you love to talk so much, how about you tell me where your head’s at?” We’re back to Business Professional Jade.
“I don’t think you want to know where my head's at, boss.” I round the corner of the island, settling onto a stool, scooting closer to her so I’m bracketing her thighs with mine.
She steamrolls over my innuendo. “Stop trying to distract me. Better yet, stop trying to distract yourself by flirting with me.”
There she goes, seeing right through all my bluster again. I can’t explain why I feel the need to deflect my emotions and steer her away from seeing too closely. Maybe it’s pride; maybe it’s because she’s the last person I want to let down.
What would I even say? I have no explanation for what’s been happening to me.
With that in mind, I rely on the one thing that’s never failed me—my relentless and unwavering ability to chat my way out of any situation.
“But the colour your cheeks go when I flirt with you is so delicious, love.”
Her stare is icy. “What are you doing?”
I fear I severely miscalculated. “What do you mean?”
“You keep putting on this mask—this false bravado. Why?”
Jade grabs the sandwich package sitting in front of her, peels back the film, and takes half out before swirling her hand around, pointing the sandwich at me accusingly.
The sharp look in her eyes in combination with the furrow between her brows is disturbingly cute.
She’s got the heart of a lion and the face of a gazelle, and the dichotomy does weird things to my insides.
I contemplate lying, but it’s clear she won't believe me or let it go. I breathe in steadily, but the exhale has a slight wobble to it. “When the mask is on, I can pretend to be who they all expect me to be, who they want me to be. They don’t want to see what it’s really like up here.
” I tap the centre of my head. “The fans don’t want that.
They want me to be untouchable—unobtainable.
I’ll lose my luster and become a real human to them, not this mythical athlete.
You don’t want that to happen, boss. It’s not good for optics.
” Something flickers in her eyes, but it’s gone in a flash.
It would seem I’m not the only one wearing a mask.
I toss another crisp in my mouth and give her an easy smile. The mask, even after this admission, feels impossible to remove.
“What if I just want you to be you?” Sincerity rings through her tone, clear and strong.
It’s a nice thought. A glorious thought, even, but the public's perception is everything when appealing to National scouts. They don’t want a flight risk. They want stability—to know that who they’re signing is worth the heavy price tag. I haven’t been that player in a long time.
I turn away from her, reaching into my fridge to pull out a beer and popping the top off with the ring on my index finger. I take a long swig, but I keep my eyes leveled on Jade as her gaze rakes over me. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours, Hellfire.”
She sits up straighter in her chair, placing the trash from her meal in the empty Tesco bag she brought it in.
Yeah, it’s not as easy to strip yourself bare before a person, is it?
“It’s getting late. I should get going.”
Arguing would be pointless. We’ve both pushed each other enough tonight, and even though everything in me wants her to stay, to keep letting her poke and prod just to have her around, it’s probably best for me to weather it alone. Try to maintain some semblance of dignity.
She walks to the door, me and Pebble hot on her heels. When we reach the front door, she twists and kneels, kissing my dog right between the eyes before standing once more.
For a moment we both stand there not knowing what to do or say.
Should I hug her? I want to—fuck, do I want to.
But we’ve been silent for too long, let the moment drag out, and now it’s a little like saying goodbye to a new friend you’re still getting to know, slightly awkward.
Except I do know Jade, I think more than she wants to admit, and despite it being a rough day, month, year, her presence tonight did loosen some of the anxiety roiling through my chest. The persistent pressure was still there, but it felt lighter.
Taking a cautious step toward her, I lean forward. When she doesn’t immediately retreat, I get closer until I hear her breath hitch a little. I’m an inch away from her rosebud lips when I skirt to the right, placing a kiss to her soft cheek right above a small, delicate beauty mark.
I breathe in her warm, slightly sweet scent before pulling away. “You’re not heartless.”
She looks up at me, mere inches away. “No?”
“No.” My voice comes out rough. “Your heart is probably too big; it cares too much. You just don’t let the world see that. So, thank you.”
“For what?”
“For letting me see it.”