Chapter 22 #2
Wordlessly, we unload the bags together, setting the spices, sweet potatoes, peppers, chicken, and cheese onto the counter.
As I start to pull out pans and the things I need to get started, I see Jade fidgeting with the spices, arranging them by height before changing her mind and alphabetising them instead.
“What are you doing?”
“Organising.” I shoot her a look that conveys I’m not buying it. She sighs. “I—I’m nervous.” Her admission comes with a look of accusation, like how dare I make her say it out loud.
“I make you nervous?”
She scoffs. “Don’t flatter yourself.”
I take a step closer. “Then why would you be nervous?”
“I’m not confident your food will be edible.”
I raise an eyebrow and take another step closer, then another, until I’m directly in front of her, her back against the island counter. I reach out, caging her in on each side, leaning forward. “I can hear your heart racing.”
“I must be experiencing a pulmonary em—”
I silence her with a kiss. It isn’t urgent or filled with fire—it’s calm, steady, like water easing along the banks of a river. Natural.
When I pull away, her body unconsciously follows mine, leaning forward, wanting more. I want to give her more, desperate to, but instead, I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “You make me nervous too.”
I place one final kiss against her cheek before handing her a pepper and instructing her to chop, intuiting that she needs something to keep her mind busy so she doesn’t start overthinking.
“How’s Archie?” I ask, slicing the sweet potatoes in half to place them on a baking tray.
“You’re his best mate. You tell me.”
I laugh. “I want to hear it from your perspective. How’s he doing?”
“He’s fine.” Her chopping turns more aggressive.
“Actually, no.” She brandishes the knife, flailing it around to emphasise her point.
“He’s so aggravating. He acts like nothing has changed, as if he wasn’t diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disorder.
I keep asking him if he’ll consider doing the deep brain stimulation treatments to manage his symptoms, but he’s always been so anti-doctor, it’s hard to get him to see reason. ”
“Is it getting worse?” Concern floods my body as I think about Archie.
I’ve known him for a short amount of time, but it's become impossible to not adore the grumpy old man when he hands you your arse daily in online games. He’s not humble about it either.
Then, there’s the complicated fact that I see so much of Jade when I talk to him, and that one afternoon with him left me unnerved, thinking about how handling his care is one extra thing Jade is trying to manage alone.
“He’s the same for now, but it’s only a matter of time. I want to get ahead of it before it escalates. His home health aide being there helps, but I basically had to force her on him.”
“I don’t think you had to do much forcing once Myrah started. From what I can tell, he fancies her quite a bit. He talks about her a lot in our chats.”
Her mouth drops open before a wide smile takes over. “I knew it.”
“Do you want me to try talking to him? Since he likes me more than you.” I start chopping an onion to add to the skillet heating up on the hob.
She chuckles and considers it for a moment. “No, that’s alright. He’ll come around. I can be quite persistent.”
“Do you ever let people help you?” I grab the chicken breast and begin to rinse it off, like I didn’t just drop an emotionally charged atom bomb of a question on her. I need to know if she even realises she’s bearing the burdens of ten people all by herself, or if she’s just that superhuman.
“Not really, no. I don’t find most people to be trustworthy, and it’s always just been easier to do everything on my own.”
Pulling out my chef's knife, I dice the poultry into cubes, season them thoroughly, and toss them in the pan with the onions. “Doesn’t someone of your caliber at least need an assistant?”
“I could probably use one, but the last one fucked my boyfriend while on company time, so I quite literally paid her to betray me.” Her tone is so casual, like that level of disloyalty is common for her.
“You don’t sound upset,” I hedge.
“It wasn’t a surprise, and I honestly should have seen it coming.
He wasn’t happy, and she wanted my life—or, I guess, her version of it.
I think I was more upset that I was shocked by it, than the fact that it happened.
I’ve been surrounded by disingenuous people since my career started, social climbers, lecherous business associates, foes disguising themselves as friends.
.. I should have known better. It’s not like something like this is uncommon, but to not suspect what was right under my nose?
In my own house? It was just further proof there was no one I could rely on, not even if I paid them.
My manager only wants to line her pockets, my assistant’s screwing my boyfriend behind my back, and people who said they were my friend only wanted to be around if I was providing them with something.
I couldn’t trust anyone, and I think it’s skewed how I move through the world. ”
I walk to the fridge to grab her a drink, holding out a beer and a wine bottle for her to choose from. She chooses the wine, and I go grab glasses before pouring one for each of us, motioning for her to continue.
Taking the glass, she takes a long sip. “You know what’s even more messed up?
When my assistant found out I was moving here, she called me up and begged to come.
She apologized for what she did and said would leave him if it meant she could come here with me.
An ugly part of me preened at that,” she takes another sip of her wine and smiles bitterly, “at how easily she was willing to drop him if I said the word. It hurt knowing I spent every day with her, and she was willing to betray me like that, and the only time she was sorry was when she realized the benefits she would lose once I was gone. In my life, in my line of work, relationships are transactional.”
“Is that how you feel about me?” The candidness of the question sends the room into stark silence; the only noise breaking it up is Pebble going to drink from her water bowl as I move to the oven and remove the softened sweet potatoes.
We both work to scoop the insides out, leaving a well in each centre.
Neither of us speaks, and the prolonged silence makes me start to feel sick to my stomach.
“No.” Anxiety releases from my chest like air out of a balloon. “I think that’s why I haven’t been able to stay away from you, despite every logical bone in my body screaming at me to keep my distance.”
It’s the first time she’s admitted to it out loud, and the relief I feel that this isn’t just a one sided thing is so palpable, I can taste it.
“Is it such a bad thing? I like you, and I think you like me too.” Her silence permeates the room, making my stomach twist and turn. “The only thing I want from you right now is your time. Time to get to know you, nothing more.”
Something akin to fear crosses her expression before she schools her features back to neutrality. “Enough about me. Let’s talk about you.”
I spoon the stuffing mixture into the now-hollowed out sweet potatoes, sprinkle some cheese on top, and set them in the oven to bake.
“What about me?” The bubble we’ve been in all afternoon is about to burst.
“Can I ask why what I said earlier bothered you so much?” I must look confused, because she adds, “When I said you were like a snake charmer.”
Realisation dawns. “Ah, it’s stupid…” I scratch the back of my neck, suddenly shy.
“Please tell me.” When I look over, her honeyed eyes are so open, lined with a vulnerability that seems rare for her.
“Snake charmers are basically entertainment, luring someone in based on a lie. The comparison made me think maybe you see me the way the rest of the world does.”
“I’m didn—Tieran, I’m sorry.” She tentatively places her hand on my forearm, halting the assembling of our dinner. “I know who you are without the mask. I always have.” I always will, echoes unspoken.
I laugh wryly. “Well, that mask is slowly crumbling match after match, and everyone is about to see me for the fraud I am.”
“Stop.” Her voice is firm, filled with authority. “What is tripping you up? Is it the thing with your ex? That’s when all the issues started, right? Are you…” She pauses, but it looks like she mentally berates herself before continuing. “Are you still hung up on her?”
“God, no. My confidence was shot initially, but some sort of disconnect was created after that. I couldn’t get my head and my feet to work together anymore.”
“We can fix that.” She sounds so sure, and I think I could use a healthy dose of that confidence. “Stop throwing a pity party and get over yourself. Only you can control your mind and how you react to your circumstances.”
“You think I haven’t tried?” I snap, and the brow above her topaz and blue eye raises, so I soften my voice.
“Jade, be pragmatic. I’m royally fucking it up out there, falling short match after match.
Everyone knows it, and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to drop me.
” Drop me as a captain, as a…whatever we are.
An inferno blazes in her eyes, her tone firm, and the Jade who runs multiple businesses and circles around men takes her place.
“You’re treating what you call shortcomings as a failure, and all it’s doing is getting in your head and causing you to trip up on the field.
You have to reframe it, turn your obstacles into opportunities.
Because all you’re doing is acting like your challenges and your fears are a mountain, unmovable no matter how hard you push, and it’s killing you. ”
Her arm stretches out until the very tips of her fingers graze the tattoo on my right arm—a scape of the rugged terrain of the Highlands.
The touch is featherlight, but I feel it everywhere.
I take a step closer, and her hand shifts, palm settling in the centre of my chest, pressing down lightly.
“But you are the mountain, Tieran. Stop trying to move it and learn how to climb it.”
Who is this woman, and how does she have this superhuman power to reach into my chest, grab my heart, and squeeze? “Do you really believe in me that much? I’ve done nothing to deserve it.”
She doesn’t hesitate or flinch when she answers.
“Yes, you have. Do you know what every one of your teammates said to me during my one-on-one meetings?” I pause, not able to breathe.
“They said you’re the best leader they’ve ever had, that you inspire them to push themselves harder because they see how much you push yourself.
Because you never fail to try and lift them up even when it's hard.” Tears prick behind my eyes.
“They see you fight day in and day out on the pitch, not getting the results you want, and then they see you smile and come back the next day, ready to try again. They believe in you just as much as I do, maybe more. It’s easy to be a great player.
It’s a whole other feat to earn the admiration and respect of an entire team of men.
You are a leader, Tieran. A damn good one too.
The playing is secondary, but I’ve seen your talent on the pitch, and it's obvious why you’ve gotten where you are.
You’re just having a rough patch, but you’ll find that spark again. ”
“I think you’re my spark,” I whisper into the space between us, moving another step closer.
Her cheeks tinge pink, and her chest starts rising and falling rapidly. “What are you doing?”
Another step. “Tell me to stop. If you want this to end here and now, you better say so.” I’m within inches of her when I cup her neck, slowly leaning in. “Last chance to push me away, love.”
Her only response is to grab the chain around my neck, pulling me toward her instead.