Chapter 32 Jade #2
“Tieran. You can’t let another team snatch him up. He’s too good, especially now that he’s back to his old self.”
Right, the team. Because he doesn’t know Tieran and I are involved romantically. Not until tomorrow morning, when he finds out alongside the rest of the world in the worst way possible.
“He’s just such a raw talent. Look at him, anticipating the defenses moves here." Dad stands and moves close to the tv, pointing at a tiny image of Tieran running across the pitch. “And then, he literally dances around them like he’s toying with them. It’s brilliant.”
It was. I remember watching that moment live and feeling like I was going to burst out of my skin from the electricity pulsing through the stadium.
Everyone around me buzzed with excitement, cheering and latching on to one another, and all I could do was stare at the number ten running across the grass with pure light beaming out of his eyes.
“There’s no way the National Team haven’t got their eyes on him. They’d be fools to let his potential pass them by.”
The knife twists further, slicing through arteries and soft tissue until I’m bleeding out on the floor, ending me where I stand, because I know what I have to do, and I’ve never felt more broken in my life.
I stand up abruptly, needing to put distance between me and the pixelated version of everything I’m about to give up.
“You alright, lovey?” Dad asks, concern etched across his lined face.
I smooth the wrinkles out of my dress and paste on another smile. “Of course. I’m just gonna go get some dinner started.”
I don’t linger to hear what else he might have to say, rushing to the sink in the small, outdated kitchen to splash my neck with cold water in an attempt to calm the full body shaking starting to take over.
My lunch threatens to rise in my throat when I reach for my phone and shoot off a text that effectively crushes my spirit.
Jade
Fine, you win.
Lawrence Chapman
I knew you were a smart girl.
My feet are heavy, the stilettos of my heels getting scuffed with every drag against the pavement as I walk up to the Victorian-style building of my apartment.
I don’t see him sitting on the front steps at first because my head hangs; I’m too tired to keep it upright any longer.
“Jade.” Tieran reaches out for me, but I step out of his hold, unable to stomach the feeling of him touching me and knowing it’ll be the last time. “Jade?” The confusion in his voice sends a dagger clean through me.
“You shouldn’t be here.” I try to move past him, still refusing to look into his eyes, but he stops me by grabbing my hand.
“Baby, what’s going on? Archie texted me and said you didn’t seem yourself. Did something happen?”
“Go home, Tieran.”
“I am home, Hellfire. You’re my home.” Tears flood my eyes, and my knees threaten to buckle.
He’s my home too, and I’m holding a match in one hand and kerosene in the other.
“You’re scaring me, Jade. Please talk to me.
Whatever it is, we can figure it out.” The pleading in his voice nearly makes me turn around, throw my hands around his neck, and beg for forgiveness, but I’m doing this for him, for his dreams. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to give him the life he’s worked so hard for, and that includes flaying myself open to protect him.
I don’t know how I’m going to do this, how I’m going to make this believable enough for him to let me go without a fight. My mind races a million miles a minute, trying to come up with an excuse.
What comes out of my mouth is, “I have to move back to Los Angeles.”
“What?”
“My investors are getting too restless with me being gone and are threatening to pull out of Jaded. I have to go back as a sign of good faith.”
“Alright, you can go now, and I’ll join you when the season ends. We can make it w—”
“No.”
“Jade.” It’s a plea—a prayer.
“This was a wakeup call, Tieran. I’ve been too distracted, letting every area of my life slip. Investors are losing money, and I’m losing their trust. When I go back, it needs to be alone.”
“Look at me.” He tugs on my hand, begging me to turn and face him. I steel my spine and will away the moisture starting to pool in my eyes, letting the light drain, back to the old me. When I turn around, his brows furrow at what he finds on my face. “Haven’t you been happy here? With me?”
“That’s irrelevant.”
“I don’t think it is.”
“I don’t get to be happy, Tieran! I get to work and build an empire, and I don’t have time for this anymore. I have to get back to the real world now, my real life, where million dollar corporations are relying on me to make them successful. It was fun while it lasted, but that’s all it was: fun. ”
“That’s fucking bollocks, and you know it.”
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“You love me. You said it—I felt it, Jade.” He steps forward, one hand cupping my neck and placing the other over my heart. “I know you felt it too.”
I try to pull out of his hold, but he stands firm, not letting me go.
“I got caught up in a moment. I let my guard down when I came here, and now, I’m facing the consequences.
” My voice has never sounded so lifeless.
“I have to go back before I lose everything. I won’t risk all I’ve worked the last decade for.
” I take a deep breath before delivering my final blow. “It’s not worth it.”
He jerks back, finally letting go of me, and I immediately feel frozen all over.
“I’m not worth it, you mean.” A statement, not a question, and I want to die at the devastated look in his eyes that makes them dim to a darker blue.
I don’t rush to disagree, knowing I’m bringing his biggest insecurity to the forefront after he’s worked so hard to battle those demons away.
I lock down every emotion, every urge to stuff my words back into my mouth, to tell him I love him and that will never change.
But I don’t say any of that. I just look off into the distance with lifeless eyes and let him come to his own horrific conclusion—let his insecurities poison his mind and do the work for me, like the coward I am.
He pushes his tongue into his cheek, smiling ironically, and tilts his head up to the starless sky, looking for the one thing he always thought was a constant and coming up empty.
I can see his eyes lining with silver, and I almost cave then, almost get on my knees and beg for forgiveness and tell him everything. But I don’t.
“Maybe they were right.”
I can feel the hammer about to drop, but I ask anyway. “Who?”
He rubs at the side of his neck, right over the scripted ephemeral, and I know he’s thinking I proved his point from all those weeks ago. Nothing ever lasts.
“Everyone. I never believed it for a second, but now? This is the first time I’ve ever felt that you were cold—cruel.
” Something within me withers and dies, and he searches my face, looking for any sign of life or fight from the Jade he knows me to be.
I remain resolute, and he scoffs. “Have a nice life, Ms. McKallen.” He shakes his head, turns around, and walks away, taking my heart along with him.
When he’s out of sight, I finally crumble, and the eruption of sobs I worked the last few minutes to hold back comes bursting out of me in a torrent of pain.
It’s for the best. He’ll make the team, go to the Olympics in a couple years, and become everything he ever wanted to be. I’ll be a blip in his life on his way to greatness, and eventually, he’ll forget all about our time together.
And me—well, I’ll be alone, loving him from afar, because for me, what we had is everlasting.
We just don’t get to have it.