Chapter 34 Jade #2
I start moving about my flat, throwing my ice cream bowl into the sink hard enough that it probably cracks before I storm into my room.
Aanya follows me inside, looking warily at me as I tear my closet apart looking for the one pair of casual shoes I own. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going down there,” I say, finally finding my sneakers and slipping them on. “There’s only about thirty minutes left before they risk the game being forfeited in favor of the opposing team, and I’ll be damned if they throw away everything they’ve worked for.”
They can't afford to forfeit this game, and all their little stunt would accomplish is to significantly hurt their ranking. They’ve been playing well the past few weeks, but it hasn’t pulled them out of the hole completely, and they could run the risk of relegation.
But if they keep playing the way they have been, there’s still time for them to make it to the Premiership.
I don’t bother making the rest of myself look presentable, and I try not to think about the photographs that will be splashed all over the media of me looking my worst as I grab my keys from the dish at my front door.
I turn to find Aanya standing in the middle of my living area, looking conflicted on what to do. “Well? Are you coming?”
She snaps out of her stasis and smiles. “Fuck yeah. I wouldn’t miss the chance to watch you put a team of grown men in their place.”
We make it to the stadium with barely five minutes to spare, and I’m running down the stairs leading to the field, people moving out of my way and whispering about me at the same time.
She’s here!
Stone’s risking his chance at the Olympics for her?
Did you see the photos too?
I block out all the noise, even as something inside me starts to wither.
The men are still hanging around the line of reporters when I make it to the bottom. “What the hell do you all think you’re doing?”
Every pair of eyes snap over to me, a pair of cobalt cutting through me like a laser, but I ignore him. I have to in order to make it through this.
Shouts go up from the team and then the stands around them, making my heart race and dread pool in my gut.
“Jade.” I hear Tieran’s voice, but I ignore it.
“You have not worked as hard as you have to give it all up now. You have too much riding on every single game at this point. Get your asses on the pitch and start warming up.”
“We’ve only gotten this far because of you,” Cavan says, and I meet his deep eyes filled with quiet sincerity.
“That’s not true. I just gave you the tools you needed. You all did the rest.”
“Jade.” Another attempt to grab my attention goes ignored.
“You believed in us. From day one, you did more for us than anyone else ever did,” Finn chimes in.
“Then repay me by getting on the pitch and winning this match.” They all look towards Tieran, who won’t take his eyes off me. “Please,” I urge, voice cracking slightly.
“Alright, you heard the boss,” Tieran says. “Let’s go win a match!” A rally cry goes up from all the men as they start bouncing on the balls of their feet, heading toward the field.
All but one.
Tieran comes toward me, and I cast my eyes down.
“Baby, please.” His voice is soft as feathers.
I shake my head, unable to look at him, feeling so unworthy of his adoration and knowing that none of this changes anything.
I still have to walk away. I still have to give this all up for him to have his best shot.
“Look at me, Jade. You look so beautiful, and I’ll do anything if you’d just look at me. Let me see those eyes.”
I take a page from his playbook and put on a mask, cosplaying a version of me that isn’t a heartbroken mess, because it’s what he needs to have the motivation to get out there and play his heart out.
I take a deep breath and lift my eyes to his, letting mine rage with a fire I know he craves. “You’ll do anything?” I ask, and I see a shiver creep up his back before he breathes a sigh of relief and nods. “Then get on the pitch and win.”
He smiles devilishly and winks. “Yes, boss.”
The second he turns to jog out and join his teammates, I attempt to flee, but every Legends fan cages me in, keeping me from escaping.
“Come on, let’s sit down. They’re not going to let you go anywhere until the match is over.” We take our usual seats, and I shrink into mine, feeling like everyone in this entire stadium is staring at me.
I hazard a glance up and, yup, they actually are staring at me. They’re likely thinking about the violating article that posted blurry, barely-censored images of me on my knees and—oh God, I’m going to be sick.
“Fuck off, you shrimp dicked buffoons.” Lottie comes striding through the seats before taking her own and placing a hand on my leg. “You look a mess. You alright?”
“You two should start a podcast on how to be uplifting members of society,” I mumble.
You look so beautiful, and I’ll do anything if you’d just look at me. Let me see those eyes.
Tieran’s agonized voice floats to the forefront of my mind, soothing like a balm.
“It’s actually kind of nice seeing you like this,” she comments, and all I can do is stare at her, mouth gaping. “No! Sorry, that came out wrong. You’re just always so put together. I was starting to think you were superhuman.”
I huff, feeling far from untouchable at the moment.
Halfway through the game, several phones ping with alerts, and a whisper rumbles through the crowd.
A rock sinks to the bottom of my gut as I feel eyes shift my way again. Maybe I’m imagining it, but it’s almost as if I can taste their anger, hear their vitriolic thoughts. You did this. You put him in this position. You’re the reason he’s throwing away a shot at his dream.
“Fuck,” Aanya says as she tries to hold the phone away from my view. Even though my stomach heaves with impending doom, I rip it out of her hands to see a headline splashed across the top in bold lettering that threatens to make the excessive amount of ice cream I had earlier resurface.
SOURCES CLOSE TO THE NATIONAL TEAM’S BOARD OF DIRECTORS CONFIRM RECENT EVENTS ARE MAKING THEM RECONSIDER THEIR LINEUP.
My heart is running around on the pitch, totally oblivious to the fact that his career is imploding in real time, and I can’t fix it. The truth has been pulled out of the glass bottle, and there’s no shoving it back in.
Just then, my own phone chirps, but not with a news alert like everyone else.
Maxine
Who knew sleeping with a finance guy would cause such a scandal.
I bristle at her calling out my lie from the day she ambushed me in my flat and Tieran showed up.
Maxine
I’ve already had the board reach out to me saying you’ve been unresponsive in addressing their concerns. This doesn’t look good for optics, and you need to do damage control, or you’ll end up with nothing.
It’s time to end the fantasy and come home, Jade. Having it all is a lie women tell to make themselves feel better. Your level of success will always come with sacrifices.
I look out to the field and spot him immediately, just as he looks over at me and smiles, those damn dimples finally popping again. My heart falters, my nose tingles, my eyes burn.
My life had always come with sacrifices, and I was content with that. But I never anticipated having to sacrifice my heart, never thought I would care for anyone enough that letting them go would feel like severing a limb. The phantom pains are already lighting up my body from the loss.
I send a quick email to the board, ignore my mom’s texts, and pocket my phone. Shrinking down in my seat, I attempt to ride out the rest of the match without drawing attention to myself, but not a second goes by when I can’t hear the whispers or feel their eyes boring into the back of my head.
The buzzer for half-time finally rings, and the players start to trickle off the pitch. Now is when I need to attempt to escape, while fans are distracted grabbing more beer and going to the bathroom.
I stand, telling the girls I need to make a few phone calls before the second half starts, and they thankfully don’t question me.
I’m only halfway up the stairs when I hear him. “Jade!” The deep resonance of his voice stops me in my tracks, and I glance over my shoulder to see him vaulting over the barricade and taking the steps two at a time to reach me.
He’s sweaty and out of breath from the exertion of the last forty minutes of non-stop play, but his eyes are alight with joy. That is, until he sees the look on my own face.
“Are you okay? I didn’t get to ask earlier, and—fuck, love. Are you alright?”
Looking at him is too hard, like trying to stare at the eclipse because it’s this great, wondrous phenomenon even though doing so threatens to blind you.
“I have to go,” I whisper nearly inaudibly. “I only came to make sure you didn’t throw away your future.”
His face falls slightly, but he doesn’t try to mask it anymore, the pain he used to harbor inside so no one would know it was there. It’s now sitting proudly on his sleeve. “We can figure this out,” he says, but I’m already shaking my head.
“The news is…it’s not a good outcome, Tieran. I can’t be the reason you give up your dream. I won’t wake up one morning to see resentment filling your eyes. It would kill me.”
“More than this is already killing you?” he asks boldly, challenging me.
“Yes.”
He stays quiet, eyes jumping back and forth over my face like I’m some quantum physics equation he can’t figure out yet. I cast my eyes down, the eclipse causing my eyes to blur.
“Do you remember what I told you?” I can’t look at him while he speaks—can’t bear to see the love in his eyes as I sacrifice my heart for him.
He forces my chin up as tears stream down my cheeks, and he wipes them away before settling both palms on my face, holding me in place.
“I told you I was going to take care of you, just like you’ve been taking care of me.
Trust me, baby, I’m going to fix this.” He crushes his lips to mine, and a cracked sob flows from my mouth to his as the tears fall in front of the whole world. “I love you, Jade.”
He runs off without knowing the extent of what the headlines are saying, without knowing the true severity of it all.
He leaves without knowing there is no fixing this.
There is only forgetting.