Chapter 43 #2
The mountains are so beautiful from up here.
Glistening untouched snow, dark rocky peaks, wide swaths of deep green pine.
Winding rivers, rocky canyons. I’ve never seen Colorado from this angle.
Only in the trenches, shoveling snow, driving to work in endless gross, dirty slush. Hurrying inside to get out of the wind.
“What are you parents like, Darby?” Ren asks.
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” Leland adds.
“No, I was an only child. They’re…” I pause, trying to condense thirty-plus years into a few sentences.
“A couple. Very committed to each other. Most of my friends in school didn’t have both parents still in the home, but sometimes I have to admit I was a little jealous of them.
I didn’t have a lot of one-on-one time with either of them.
They were good parents,” I add quickly. “I love them. They love me. But they love each other more, if that makes sense. When I got married, they kind of washed their hands of me. They were free of their responsibilities. They could get back to their real life. At least that’s how it felt.
It didn’t help that they didn’t approve of Michael, not that I can blame them. ”
Henrik’s big hand slides in between the two seats, but it’s too tight for him to fully get his arm through.
So I just slide my head closer so he can touch my face.
“They’re the kind of people who decide to go on a cruise for the holidays and don’t tell you until it’s a week or two before Christmas. ”
“Yeah,” I admit, rubbing my cheek against his palm.
“But to be fair, I haven’t been home in years, even for the holidays.
They came out for my graduation and then again for the grand opening, but that’s it.
I invited them. They came. But I don’t know that it would’ve occurred to them to come out on their own.
When I borrowed money for the retainer, they didn’t come to see me.
Even once the divorce was final. They just deposited the money.
I paid them back. Transaction completed. No emotions were involved.”
They never asked me if I needed help. They never asked me how I was doing. Where I was working. What I was going to do with my life once free of Michael. They didn’t call me once a week, once a month, even once a year. Just to hear my voice.
“Why did you decide to visit them now?” Ren asks.
“It was a spur of the moment thing. My boss’s boss told me to take a week or more off.
Go somewhere warm. I couldn’t see spending thousands to fly to Florida to stay by myself, when I could just drive to Vegas and see them.
It wouldn’t be beaches, but it’d be warmer than Denver for sure.
Sunny and cheap. I guess it was just another transaction, even for me. ”
“Parents, man,” Leland says, shaking his head. “Fucked up with them. Fucked up without them.”
“They weren’t like that,” I say. “They were just…”
“They made you feel like an outsider,” Henrik says. “A visitor. In your own family. Your own home. That’s fucked up, babe.”
“I’ve heard enough about Leland’s and Ren’s parents to know the deal with them. What about yours?”
“We didn’t have much but we were happy until Daddy passed away.
Heart attack, when I was nine. Mama did her best to raise my sisters and I alone, though it wasn’t easy.
Worked day and night to put food on the table and roof over our heads until I could help in my teens.
The first thing I did when the team deposited my signing bonus was pay off our home in St. Paul so she wouldn’t have to worry about losing it ever again. ”
Aw. No wonder he’s so kind and considerate. He was raised in a house of women—and learned to be their protector—and provider—at an early age. “You have sisters?”
“One older, one younger. They live in Minnesota too. Married, have kids of their own.”
“Why didn’t you move back to Minnesota when you left the team?”
“Lots of reasons. We spent a lot of time here in Colorado, and I loved the mountains. There’s lots of snow in Minnesota, of course, but it’s more about the lakes, ice fishing, boating.
Something about the mountains felt like coming home.
The earth and rocks recognized me. The trees and rivers knew my name. ”
“Damn, Zon,” Ren says. “That’s going in a song.”
I can’t see Henrik’s face, but his fingers tighten on my cheek, a subtle flexing like he’s a little embarrassed. “It’s beautiful.”
“Plus Doyle was here initially. No offense, Lee, but there weren’t mountains in Chicago.”
Leland laughs. “Don’t I know it.”
“You said you don’t really celebrate the holidays in Mooseville,” I say. “Is that because it brings up bad memories? Or because you don’t go home to your family?”
“I guess we just never had much of a reason to celebrate,” Henrik replies.
“I cook, but I cook all the time. The guys are over all the time. It’s great, that’s not a complaint.
It’s just any other day. If you want to go back to St. Paul and meet the family, we can do that. I’m sure they’d like to meet you.”
Ren doesn’t say anything, but I can see the tense line of his jaw. He stares straight ahead. I don’t think he’s in the cabin with us—but reliving a nightmare.
“Maybe,” I say, and then I change the subject. “Did you ever play in Vegas?”
“We used to play some exhibition games,” Henrik replies. “They have a team now, but it didn’t exist when we played. When did you leave Vegas, babe? Maybe we were there at the same time and didn’t even know it.”
“2010.”
“Sure, we were still playing then. Were you in Denver the whole time?”
“Yeah, though we did move around to different areas a lot. I didn’t even know there was a hockey team. Michael only watched football.”
“So we were all in Denver at the same time and didn’t know it.”
I want to say, “I wish I could’ve known you then…” But I swallow the words down. I was married. Even if I’d run into them somewhere and felt the same chemistry we have now, there wasn’t anything I could’ve—or would’ve—done.
I’m not a cheater.
Even if Michael was cheating on me the whole time.