9. Ava
Ava
Part of me wanted to be angry at Poe for how he’d hurt Lycan, but Lycan had always been honest about his own fault in their breakup. It wasn’t as clear-cut as one person being solely responsible for hurting the other, and as the days passed, I realized hating Poe would never have been an option.
He was smart and witty, and he maneuvered himself effectively in our business meetings.
Even though he played the role of bodyguard, he made better strategic decisions than I could, often outwitting the opposition at the table by gauging their reactions and playing two steps ahead.
On one deal, he thought the CFO was cutting margins and overselling their performance, noting a hint of anxiety and desperation in the air.
I called the guy out on it, and we walked away from the potentially disastrous acquisition altogether.
Which hurt. We needed the deal, but not at that cost. I’d have to implement my backup plan.
“You’re amazing, you know that?” Lycan said as he grabbed Poe’s shoulder, once we were in the limo on our way back to the hotel.
“Just good at reading people. That’s all.” Poe shook his head and glanced out the window. “Ava’s the brilliant one. You had them sweating from the moment you walked in.”
“Yes, me and my venomous mouth,” I said, glancing at Lycan, who grinned and ran a tongue over his canine.
“Careful,” Lycan murmured, twisting his features into an expression that said, “You get yourself in trouble, and I’ll have to take a firm hand with you.”
“Do it,” replied my own debauched gaze.
“Trouble’s right.” Lycan returned his attention to Poe. “You have a mind for this. You should have been here from the start.”
“Yeah, and then we all could have gotten drunk and married at some dive bar, huh?” Poe laughed like he meant it as something harmless. But I recognized the pain behind it, could smell it wafting off him like a sickness, a rank disease threatening to infect us all.
“Is that jealousy?” Lycan asked, tilting his head to the side. Something shifted in his eyes, something dangerous and predatory lurking behind his icy irises.
“It was a joke,” Poe said. “Forget I said it.”
Lycan shifted his mischievous stare to me and smirked, but he let it go, and the awkward ride back to the hotel passed in silence.
We had just over a week until the full moon, but my shifter senses had grown stronger.
Even if the whole thing sounded like the world had collectively decided to prank me, I couldn’t deny the change I felt inside.
Scents were stronger, and some made me sick.
My vision had enhanced to the point where I could see someone’s pulse pounding on the sidewalk from three floors up.
And the sounds… God, it was enough to make me want to wear headphones all day to block it out.
Blood in veins, sweat beading down temples, squirrels racing through trees several yards away.
Lycan and Poe both assured me I would get used to it, but those first few days were terrible.
With so much of Lycan’s energy inside me, I almost felt his heartache at being so close to Poe and not being able to touch him the way he wanted.
It split behind my ribs like I’d been the one in love with Poe, unable to admit it to myself, and now I was forced to watch him live his life just out of reach.
Of course, bringing this up with Lycan did nothing productive.
He’d pretend it didn’t hurt as much as it clearly did.
He’d order me to roll over and go to sleep or run his finger down my spine to coax me into conceding his point.
In the weeks since Paris, Lycan and I had become entangled.
I adored him. I loved spending time with him.
And the thought of being married to him, even in pretense, didn’t scare me as much as it should.
I hadn’t lied to Lycan. I would stand aside if they got back together, and I would be jealous.
Especially after the close call the night Poe showed up, when Lycan had slammed the brakes between us and said we needed to talk.
I thought he had come to his senses and forgotten all about it, but the night after that meeting with the embezzling CFO, I walked into our bedroom to find him leaning up against the headboard with that mischievous look on his face.
I’d just gotten out of the shower, and I expected Lycan to be deep in Bastard business by this point.
Instead, he licked his lips and ran his gray gaze down the length of me and back up.
“What?” I asked as I walked around the bed and finished brushing my hair.
“It’s time to talk,” he said.
I froze with one knee on the mattress, the sheets gripped tight in my hand. “Oh?”
“Yeah.” He nodded to the spot next to him. “Come here.”
I gulped and climbed onto the bed, scooting closer until I sat on my heels next to him. “Okay.”
He dropped his focus to my posture and my hands on my knees, a pleased grin pulling at his lips.
“By now, you might have noticed a connection between us,” he said. “You can probably sense what’s going on with me.”
“The magic,” I said, “from the transition.”
“Hmm.” He licked his lips. “But this is stronger than that. I didn’t have this with the shifter who helped me through mine, not for this long.”
I tried to keep my tone level when I asked, “Are we mates?”
Maeve told me I’d be certain if or when it happened. I wasn’t sure about Lycan, despite wanting to jump his bones half the time.
“No, I don’t believe so,” he said, but even as the words poured over his beautiful, pouty mouth, I shivered with disappointment.
My animal half said he was withholding something important, that he knew more than he was saying, but I ignored that.
I wanted to talk about the dynamic between us, and if he wanted to fuck me, I wanted to talk about that more.
Stop that. It’s not real. None of this is real. He’s still in love with Poe. You knew that getting into this.
I shoved that voice away, too. I didn’t want Lycan to hear it and dig deeper.
“But we are married,” he continued, “and you’re curious, and I’m open to teaching you.”
Smiling ear to ear, I leaned forward to put my hands on my thighs, all too eager to get started. He held up a finger to stop me.
“I have some rules,” he started. “And I want you to think about your boundaries, too. Things that are a hard limit for you.”
I’d done some research since I walked in on him with that guy, and I’d already come up with a list of things I’d wanted to try and things that were a no-go for me.
I hadn’t planned on showing it to anyone, certainly not Lycan.
I’d only done it as an academic exercise for myself. But since we were here…
I got off the bed, walked to my tablet, opened it to retrieve the file, then came back to him and set it down on his stomach.
“What’s this?” He laughed as he ran his finger over the screen. “Trouble, you’ve been such a naughty girl.”
“I was curious,” I said. “It only takes a few minutes on Google to stumble across a kink questionnaire.”
My nerves rattled while he read through it, and I tried not to shake while I waited for him to tell me I was a disgusting little freak that no one would ever want.
Stupid. Why’d you give that to him?
He didn’t ask for this. He doesn’t really want this.
You haven’t done enough to earn his attention.
“I told you to stop talking to yourself like that,” he said. “The next time I hear you call yourself stupid, I’m going to bend you over my knee and take it out of your ass. Do you understand?”
I inhaled a sharp breath as my cunt clenched and my hands curled into fists.
“Use your words.” He tilted his head to the side, stormy eyes sparkling with expectation.
“Yes, sir,” I said. “I understand.”
“Good girl.”
I preened and nearly wilted in on myself. I loved it when he called me a good girl, and something about his approval warmed my entire body.
“We can work with this.”
“Yeah?” I bit my bottom lip and sat up, pretending the little twist in my stomach had nothing to do with being nervous.
Yes, it had been a long time since I’d been with anyone, and no, I’d never done anything like this before.
But I trusted Lycan, perhaps more than I should, perhaps more than I’d ever trusted anyone.
Did it bother me that his ex with preternatural hearing was across the hotel suite?
A little. Did it bother me that I thought the two of them should get back together, and now I wanted to throw myself into whatever this was with my husband?
More than a little. But the truth was, they weren’t back together, and maybe…
maybe this would make Poe jealous enough to act.
Maybe he’d realize what he was missing and…
Focus.
“When we’re together, how do you want to feel?” He closed the tablet and refocused his attention on me, pushing up so we were eye level.
“Desired. Adored,” I said immediately. I’d already shown him my super-secret kink checklist. What was the point in being shy now?
“When I first asked about it, you said it turned you on when people handed their control over to you, when you took someone to their edge and calmed the noise in their mind.”
“It does,” he said, brushing hair out of my face with his index finger. “Is that what you want?”
“My mind never stops,” I admitted.
“Don’t I know it.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss my forehead. “Such a brilliant brain, going a million miles an hour.”
“Turn it off for me,” I murmured. “Please.”
“A few more rules,” he said. “One, when I give you an order, you have two choices: obey me or call your safeword. The safeword is not a bad thing, and it doesn’t mean the scene ends. It means we talk.”
“Okay.” That all made sense.