24. Ava #2
I wanted to live in that moment forever, to stay stuck in the fantasy that the three of us could be so happy for the rest of our lives. But it was always when I had my guard down that life found a way to knock me sideways.
I’d been telling myself that these nightmares were my mind playing tricks on me, that it was stress or some demented way of coping. Easy enough to deny their importance. But bad things always came in threes.
In this one, I prowled the forest in my shifter form, tiny white paws plodding through the snow on territory I’d memorized years ago. I hunted rabbits, and I dug burrows, and I raced away from the predators too big for me to fight. Most days were the same mindless drab of eat and sleep and survive.
But on this night, I sensed something I hadn’t felt in a long time, a presence that ricocheted through my blood like a homing beacon. It rattled awake a part of me I’d long thought dead.
Sol, the voice whispered. Sol. Sol. Sol.
I ran toward it, jumping over fallen logs and nearly slipping on an icy patch I didn’t see. The presence drew closer, and with it came an overwhelming sadness. Sol was upset. She was angry. And…she was drunk.
I had to get to her. I had to see her. I couldn’t…
The blinding beams of headlights disoriented me and sent a shudder of fear straight through my body, and just when I was sure it was going to hit me, it swerved to the right, skidding into a tree.
The booming sound of crunching metal nearly had me sprinting into the forest to find a place to hide, but that presence… that echo in my veins…it called to me.
I jumped onto the hood of the wrecked SUV and watched Sol blink awake. Blood trickled down her forehead. The cabin reeked of whiskey and shame.
“What the fuck?” Sol groaned, narrowing her eyes at me.
I thumped my tail on the hood, delight swimming in my gut to see her. It had been such a long time. Too long. The urge to chastise her for being so reckless roared up my throat, but I squashed that down. That wasn’t me. Not anymore.
Be strong, I tried to tell her. You are strong. You are special.
“I don’t think I can be,” she sobbed. “I don’t know how.”
When the roar of a bigger vehicle churned from behind me, I jumped off the hood and sauntered back into the woods, unsure if I would ever see her again.
Life went on, more of the same. Hunt, sleep, survive. Hunt, sleep, survive. Hunt, sleep, survive.
Until one day, the urge to wander farther than I normally would called to me. The presence had reached out to me again, beckoning me forward. With nothing else to do, I went. As I got closer, it grew louder, seizing my muscles, compelling me toward some reckoning.
The sounds of celebration greeted me from the edge of a clearing, and I sat at the treeline while Sol made vows to a tall, dark-haired man with white symbols painted on his chest. Her mating.
She looked beautiful, as much as a monster like me could consider someone like her beautiful.
Another tall ginger-haired woman looked on from the audience.
Guin, the voice inside me said. Guin. Guin. Guin.
I watched until the ceremony ended, and I didn’t feel that same pull again until weeks later, when it almost buckled me with its ferocity, insisting I wander on to land I’d promised never to cross. I went, tiptoeing, knowing the danger but forcing myself to ignore it.
The visions came faster after that—Sol in a white wedding dress, saying “I do” to that same dark-haired man.
Maeve, Guin, Ava all lined up next to her.
Maeve making eye contact with me from the bridesmaid line.
The swelling contentment of happiness in my gut at watching it all unfold.
And after that, Maeve and a different man making the same mating vows to each other.
It pleased me to see them content, to know they’d made it, to know it had all worked out for them…in the end.
This time, when I woke up, I stared at the ceiling and wept silently in the dark.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I took deep, steady inhales to calm my racing heart.
If I could lie to myself before, I couldn’t now.
Something was wrong with me. Something was going on that I couldn’t explain, couldn’t understand.
I’d seen myself in that dream from the point of view of someone else. Something else.
But who?
“Ava,” Poe whispered.
I turned to look at him and forced a smile. “I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not,” he said. “I felt it. I could almost…I could almost see it.”
“Is it the nightmare again?” Lycan said.
I couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I let it out. I told them about the dreams, how they started after the transition, how they’d been shifting and changing in the weeks since.
“It’s like it’s happening to me, like they’re my memories, but they’re not,” I went on, choking back cries as I detailed the bloody patch in the snow and the witch with the ritual.
“I changed. I transformed and I…I didn’t shift back.
Tonight, I was at Sol’s wedding. Except, I wasn’t.
I was in the treeline, watching myself stand next to her in a bridesmaid’s dress. What’s happening to me?”
I pressed my palms into my eyes and tried to will back the tears. This wasn’t my grief. This wasn’t my pain to hold, but it affected me just as deeply, like a blade twisting in my heart.
“Hey,” Lycan said, wrapping an arm around me to pull me into his chest. I clung to him and let it out. “There you go. It’s alright.”
“Do you think Evelyn’s witch is putting a spell on me or…or…maybe she’s already inside my head, torturing me?” I couldn’t stand the thought of putting my family in danger. My sisters were here. The pack was here.
“No,” Poe said firmly. “It doesn’t work like that. If she was doing something to you, I’d feel it. I’d know.”
Lycan tightened his arms around me, almost in reflex to what Poe said.
“What do you think it means?” I asked, hoping one of them might have an answer.
“I don’t know,” Lycan said. “But we’ll find out, okay?”
“I thought I sensed something else.” Poe rubbed my back and kissed my temple. “That night in the cabin. It wasn’t your fear, your panic.”
“No,” I admitted, catching my breath. “But we had so much going on, I didn’t want to admit there was another damned thing to fix.”
“We’ll talk to Bridge tomorrow after the meeting with Fitz,” Poe said. “See if she has any magical explanation.”
“You can always tell us these things.” Lycan put a finger under my chin to lift my gaze to his. “It’s important that you tell us.”
“We can’t help you if we don’t know what’s happening,” Poe added.
I wanted to believe they’d always be there, that I always have them by my side for every battle I’d ever face, even if it was the worst kind of personal.
And in the aftermath of my confession, when we lay back down and held each other until morning light, I let myself linger in that fantasy, if only for a little while.
But as my eyes drifted shut again, I feared the dreams were trying to show me something, perhaps prepare me for the dangerous road ahead, one I might have to walk alone.
I sat across the table from Scott Fitzgerald and tried to keep my face neutral.
Various executives from Fitz Global surrounded us on either side of the conference room.
Their proposal hadn’t exactly blown my mind, but I understood he was trying to run a business. Still, I thought he could cut the cost.
“You’ll need to come down another twenty percent,” I said, drumming my fingers on the table.
“Lonnie.” He rolled his eyes and laughed. “You’re killing me here.”
I raised a brow at the use of that nickname. I’d hated it when we were together, and I despised it now. Lycan adjusted his hips on my right while Poe cleared his throat from his spot behind me to the left.
“I understand our prior acquaintance might give you the impression that I’d accept any offer you put forth,” I started.
“But I’ve seen the Fitz Global forecast. You’ve got licenses you can’t supply and contracts you can’t cover.
I’ve got power and nowhere in Europe to sell it.
” I set the folder down and didn’t open it.
“You’re not going to get a better call than this one, Scott.
Maybe a cheaper one, but they’ll have your name off the building within a year. ”
He stared at me with the same look he’d once given when I told him I didn’t want to marry him, that I had my own plan for the future, one that didn’t necessarily involve him: disappointment and barely concealed rage. I clenched my jaw and dug in my heels.
“You came to me with this plan,” Scott said, keeping his voice measured. “I’ve given you the proposal. If you want a stake in Fitz, these are the terms. We’re not in a position to put all of our eggs in one basket.”
I snorted and unleashed the Vanderbilt bitch. Despite our history, I saw him the same as I saw the rest of these men in fancy suits—an obstacle I’d been trained my entire life to overcome.
“You can, if it’s a good basket,” I said, “and the merger between Vanderbilt Holdings and Royal Unlimited has strengthened our portfolio to such a point that turning down this generous offer would limit your growth. After your father retired, Fitz Global became a rusted old hatchback. Good bones, certainly, but in dire need of repair. Your Q3 revenue dropped by fourteen percent while your competitors grew. I made my offer because I see potential, not because the business is currently well-financed. Do you want our help, Scott?”
I thought back to the first time I’d seen him on this trip, to what Lycan said.
“But you’re also smarter and sharper. And if you wanted, you could have Scott Fitzgerald IV, Earl of All Douchebags, calling you Mommy, too.”
Challenge accepted. Verbal spanking delivered.
“And what help would that be, Lonnie?” He raised his eyebrows. “Do you think I didn’t know about the investigation on Vanderbilt Ranch? You’re a week out from default. You need us as much as we need you.”