30. Lycan
Lycan
The afterlife wasn’t quite what I’d been told when I was a pup.
The elders made it sound like nirvana, like the soul found rest when it moved on.
From their stories, I imagined sunny beaches, pina coladas, and never-ending parties with my ancestors.
I thought I’d get to see my parents again, get to tell them about all the amazing shit I’d done in my life, and watch from the great beyond as my descendants carried on the family legend.
Which, admittedly, amounted to little more than being a terrible lush and attending the wildest orgies this side of Montana.
What I did not anticipate was the pain. Everything burned. My veins. My muscles. My literal brain. And an incessant beeping sound was enough to make me curse my existence. What kind of peaceful rest was this shit?
“It’s been a week,” came a familiar voice. Beautiful. Melodic. The kind of pitch that would bring me to my knees in the before times, when I’d been alive. “He still looks terrible.”
“You can’t rush healing,” said another voice, one I’d known my entire life, one I considered family.
Morwyn? Am I home?
“The marks healed up,” said a third voice, this one deeper and raspy. I loved that voice. I’d never been a poet, couldn’t even write a decent story, but I’d sing sonnets for that baritone. I’d do anything to keep it close, never let it go. “That’s promising.”
“He’s been through a lot,” said the second voice. “The silver. The ritual. The mating. It overwhelmed his system. His magic is recovering, but it will take time.”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
What the hell is that noise?
Make it stop.
I drifted into darkness again, and the voices faded into whispers, then silence. But still…no toasty white sand or refreshing coconut drinks greeted me—just the blankness of oblivion, the never-ending, boring dullness of nothing.
At least the fucking beeping was gone…
Until it wasn’t.
This time, it came back with a vengeance. Louder. Splitting. Hitting me right between the eyes. The pain wasn’t quite as bad. My body still ached, but only when I moved. Only when I breathed.
I squinted my eyes open and immediately closed them again, a bright light stabbing my corneas.
“Fuck,” I groaned. Or tried to groan. Somewhere in my trippy, disappointing afterlife, I must have swallowed a bucket of razor blades. My tongue had turned into sandpaper.
I opened my eyes again and focused on the ceiling, more prepared for the audacity of the lighting fixture overhead.
I recognized the panels and the blue curtains hanging on either side of my bed.
Memories hit me next—the manor outside London.
The silver. The demonic vampire ritual with that walking corpse, Evelyn. Then…Ava. Poe.
The marks.
I tried lifting my hands to touch my neck, but two firm grips on either side weighed them down.
Ava sat on my left, her fingers intertwined with mine, her head resting on the bed by my legs.
Poe was on the right, his palm tight in mine, his steady brown gaze trained on me.
The sight of them stirred a comfortable warmth in my gut, spreading through my chest and down to my toes.
Mates, my wolf hummed. Mine.
“Welcome back,” Poe murmured.
“Jesus Christ,” I croaked, closing my eyes again. “Am I dead?”
Poe pulled one side of his lips into a half-smile. “You were. For a bit. But you promised Ava you wouldn’t, and she held you to it.”
“It feels like I got hit by a truck,” I said.
“It probably would have been better if you did,” he said, balancing his chin on his palm.
“What happened?” I squeezed his hand, more to reassure myself this was real, that I was indeed back in the waking world.
“The bitch got away,” Poe said, which meant she’d be back with vengeance, now more pissed and desperate.
After that, I’d seized right there on the floor, and they torched the rest of the vampires and flew everyone home. I’d been knocked out in Morwyn’s infirmary since, nearly ten days—plus or minus the few minutes I’d been awake three days ago.
“Ren was beat up. Took a blade to the gut and went down under six vampires,” Poe said. “She’s only just been released.”
“Fuck. Is she okay?” I tried to scan the pack bonds inside me for any trace of her, only to come up short. My magic must have been decimated if I couldn’t sense my own family.
“She will be,” Poe said. “It was touch and go for a while, but she’s on the mend.”
“Any other casualties?” I couldn’t help it. I was a dominant member of the pack. I needed to know my family was alive, that we’d gotten out unscathed.
“Nothing that Morwyn couldn’t fix,” he said. “Aquila’s been training with her. He’s gotten pretty good.”
I glanced down at Ava, who still hadn’t woken up despite our conversation. She looked almost angelic in her slumber, if not for the dark circles under her eyes and the furrow between her brows. Even in sleep, she was exhausted.
“We took turns pushing our magic into you through the bond,” Poe said, “but I think she gave more than she should have. I told her to back off, even tried to stop her once or twice. You can imagine how that went.”
I tried to laugh at the visual—my Poet trying to block the preternatural channel between me and my Trouble, her bursting through anyway, giving him the finger and a scowl for his effort. The humor cost me, and my ribs protested the movement, angry torment floating through my torso.
Poe sighed and rubbed a finger over his brow. “You scared the shit out of us, Lycan.”
It was only when I heard the desperation in his tone that the circumstances caught up to me.
I had two mates. I was mated…all the way mated.
Poe’s dark demeanor and reverent kindness twirled around my magic, mixing with Ava’s fire and playfulness and affection.
I imagined them dancing with my magic, bringing my dominance to heel in a way no one else ever had.
Once upon a time, I thought I’d never get mated.
I’d have rather died than commit myself to someone for the rest of my life, much less two someones.
Somewhere along the way, that had changed.
I had changed. And now, pure elation broke through my misery.
I was more than married to Ava; I’d mated her.
I was more than Poe’s ex who couldn’t commit.
I’d sworn myself to him for all of my days.
Maybe I wished I could have done it differently.
Maybe I wished I could have taken them both to bed and worshipped them for hours, commanded them to worship each other.
And only when they were spent and panting, reeking of me and sex and them, only then would I have let them mark me.
Only then would I have marked Ava while Poe watched and stroked his cock and begged for one of us to have mercy on him.
But if it had to be life or death, I supposed there were worse ways for it to go.
“I’d say I won’t do it again, but you know me.” I tried for a smile, but Poe didn’t return it.
“The pack doesn’t know what to make of us,” he continued. “There’s never been a triple bond before.”
“They’ll get used to it,” I said, but his expression said otherwise.
“I’m going to say this once and never again.
” He cleared his throat and leaned closer, his eyes glowing with a threat from his wolf.
“You’re my mate. But she’s my mate, too.
I watched her sit by this bed for ten days and feed you everything she had inside her.
Don’t die on us, Lycan. If you do, I’ll stalk you into the afterlife and kill you myself. Understand?”
“And leave her all alone to grieve two mates?” I scoffed. “Typical.”
“I’m serious,” he said. “I lost you once before. I won’t do it again. Don’t fuck this up.”
I took a moment to choose my words, to really let the weight of his threat settle over me. He cared about me. He cared about Ava. He wanted this to work. And in the deepest, darkest parts of my wretched heart, I did, too.
“I swear it, Poe,” I rasped, “never again.”
He dragged his gaze over my face, seeming to read whether I meant it, and when he decided I did, he leaned in to press his lips to mine, much more aggressively than I’d anticipated.
More like a claiming than a “congratulations-you’re-alive” kiss, but I’d take it.
Hell, I’d take whatever he gave me if it meant I got to keep him.
Our bond flamed to life, glowing and golden and beautiful. Ava startled awake and peered up at me, her radiant blue eyes widening when they met mine. Concern rippled through the bond, immediately replaced by sheer happiness when she saw me conscious.
“You’re awake,” she said, raking her focus over my body and back up again. “Are you okay?”
“I am now,” I said, tugging her hand. “Come here, Trouble. I missed you.”
“Oh, my God.” She stood and leaned over me to plant a gentle kiss on my mouth before dragging her lips over the rest of my face.
“We were so worried about you. You didn’t wake up, and I kept trying to give you my magic, but Poe told me it was too much.
Kodiak and Morwyn took turns, but the alpha could only give so much when others needed him, too.
And God, I’m just so happy you’re alive, and you’re here, and you’re—” She paused and straightened as if she’d just remembered where she was and what had happened.
“You’re a fucking prick, Lycan Mitchell.
You promised you wouldn’t die on me, and look at you! ”
I laughed and tilted my head, ignoring the stabbing pain in my ribs.
She was so damned cute when she got all pissed off.
Her cheeks flushed, and her eyes sparkled, and I couldn’t imagine how anyone would ever call her the cold Vanderbilt bitch.
There had never been anything cold or frigid about her.
She burned with passion. She radiated light and fire. And I loved every fucking second of it.
“Why are you laughing?” She put her hands on her hips in a very impressive imitation of a scolding schoolteacher. “This isn’t funny.”
“I just love you, Trouble,” I said, reaching for her hand again. “I don’t think I ever told you before, but I do.” I looked at Poe. “I love you both. Thank you for saving me.”
My confession vented some of her steam, and she deflated, her shoulders lowering, her expression softening.
“I love you, you silly wolf. Don’t even think about dying on us again,” she said, leaning down to give me another kiss.
“I already threatened him,” Poe said. “Said I’d stalk him into hell if he ever tried something like this again.”
“Threats and stalking are Poe’s love language,” Ava said. “So I guess that means he loves us, too.”
“Yeah, I guess I do,” Poe said, hiding a silly grin.
“One last thing,” I said, narrowing my eyes at Ava. “I love you no matter what, Trouble. You don’t have to give everything of yourself to earn it. You don’t have to earn anything. So stop trying.”
She licked her lips, nodded, and stared at the ground, her cheeks flushed.
I didn’t deserve them. I was still a selfish Bastard with a penchant for violence and hedonism, but at least I could say I had the love of two amazing people who cared for me as much as each other. And didn’t that make me the luckiest fucking wolf in the whole wide world?