Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
Laddy licked his lips and tried to breathe. I steadied him as the panic raced across his face again when he realized he couldn’t catch a breath.
“Steady, take it easy, dude. You’ll be all right.
” My heart was breaking for him. Laddy didn’t deserve this.
Nobody did, but he—especially—had been so quiet, so gentle, and to think of the life in front of him made me cringe.
I’d always been hard to control, but Laddy—I hated to think it, but I didn’t believe he had the constitution for what was waiting for him as the future approached. But I’d do what I could to help.
“You’ll get used to it, Laddy. I promise.” I waited for a moment, then said, “Okay, try again. Tell me what happened.”
Laddy looked over at Tavah, then back at me.
“I got out of work a little later than usual. I was upset—my boss bitched me out for a mistake I made. I almost never make that kind of blunder, but…I guess I was thinking about my family. I got a call from my sister last night, and she’s getting a divorce.
Turns out her husband wasn’t as nice as he seemed in the beginning. ”
A hard look crossed his face, and I saw a glimmer of crimson in his eyes. After a moment, he shivered, then continued.
“I was walking by that abandoned building on Boral Street. There was a noise in the alley, and I heard some woman yelling for help. There was nobody else around, so of course, I ran down the alley. I saw a woman standing there, shivering, and in the shadows, I heard her crying. I went over to help...”
I knew this story. Rogue vamps used the ploy all too often because it worked. Or they played the Bundy card and pretended to be handicapped until their prey was close enough.
“Let me guess—”
“Right. She turned, and I saw her eyes. They were glowing red, and she came after me faster than I could move. The next moment, she had her arms around me and whispered for me to stay quiet. I couldn’t disobey.
She let her fangs down and…” He met my eyes, trying to keep control. He was shaking, so I took his hands.
“Count. What I do since I can’t breathe is to count. One…two…three…four…Count until you can think again. Come on, count with me. One…”
“Two…three…four…” By the time we reached eight, he had managed to take control again. “All right. Yeah, she drained me until I was almost dead. Then she bit into her own wrist and pressed it against my mouth. ‘Drink,’ she ordered. I had to. I couldn’t help myself—”
At his look of disgust, I said, “That’s the command voice.
All vampires have it. It doesn’t always work, but if our prey is wounded or tired or already beaten down by life, there’s almost no way they can resist. It wasn’t your fault.
You were almost dead, so it was almost instinctive.
The self-preservation instinct is strong, Laddy. ”
After a moment, he nodded. “You’re right, I guess. I drank. And then…I don’t know—something happened, and it came so fast. I was almost out of my body when I felt myself being slammed back in. And then I sat up, and she laughed and said, ‘Good luck’ and vanished.”
A rogue vampire, all right. We couldn’t let her continue. Rogue vamps accounted for a large percentage of turnings. She’d go on, minting new vampires until she was caught.
“What did she look like?” I asked.
“She was…about five-eight, almost ghostly thin, pale as marble. Her hair was the color of the sun. She was…beautiful. She reminded me of a shadow out of the past, Menolly.” His voice drifted as he spoke, and I realized he was enthralled.
“She’s your sire, but she’s a rogue vampire, Laddy. She can’t be allowed to continue.”
He stiffened. “If you kill her, will it kill me? Or…what is it when we die?”
“We call it the final death,” I said. “And honestly, at some point in every vampire’s life, it becomes a promise of release.
If you try to keep even an ounce of your humanity, there will be a point in time where you look toward the future, and it will seem like a massive burden.
I’ve talked to several older vamps who were reaching that point.
Then you make a choice. You either let go of any sense of compassion that you have, or you let go of your body, and when that happens, you’re able to move on. ”
I had thought of walking into the sun more than once during the year in which the OIA helped me come to grips with my new state of existence.
They hadn’t wanted to, but my sisters fought for me, given it was the OIA’s fault that I was turned, and even my father put in a good word for me, though that was the last kind thing he’d ever done—at least for me.
“Until that happens, what will it be like?” he asked, fear filling his eyes.
“It’s different, and you have to get over being squeamish. But it has some perks. We don’t have any trouble falling asleep,” I said, smiling. “You never grow older, so your body will always stay in the shape it was when you died.”
“What else?” he asked, sitting a little straighter.
“Well, superhuman strength—that’s handy.
And a built-in fandom, but you have to be cautious with that one.
Never abuse your glamour, Laddy. Once you learn to use it, be cautious.
I like to think of it like salt or pepper—too much and it will overpower and ruin the dish.
Using your glamour too much and everything feels hollow. ”
I leaned forward, taking his hand. “Feel how cool my hand is?”
He nodded. “You don’t feel warm at all.”
“That’s the reality—life as you knew it is gone.
Your body is in…think of it as sort of a stasis that acts to keep it running, moving, fueled by blood alone.
And it will remain there until the sun or fire destroys it, or your heart is pierced.
And you remain locked in this body until it turns to dust.” I didn’t want to be so direct, but he deserved to know the truth.
“You have to make a decision, Laddy. You can let this destroy the person you were, or you can learn how to live the life you now have.”
He was quiet for a moment, then said, “You made it work…how did you make it work? How did you pick up the pieces and go on? I don’t think you ever told me what happened when you were turned.”
Prepared for that question, I debated with myself, then I turned to Jocko and Tavah. “What I say stays in this room. My sisters know, of course, and the OIA—given they’re ultimately at fault. But I don’t like talking about this.”
Both nodded.
I turned back to Laddy and proceeded to roll up the sleeves of my turtleneck. Then I pulled up the sweater to reveal my torso. Everywhere, all over my body, were intricate scars, carved with deliberate intent, covering every inch of flesh except my feet, hands, throat, and face.
Laddy’s eyes widened. Jocko let out a gasp, and Tavah snarled. None of them said a word.
“Back in Otherworld, there’s a vampire named Dredge.
He’s called the Scourge because he’s more dangerous than even Dracula was.
And yes, Dracula exists. Dredge is a sadist, and his fondest love is to corrupt the innocent.
One night I was spying on his nest for the OIA, and my blood failed me.
My human side makes my innate abilities falter at times.
I was tucked up high in the cavern, and I lost my balance and fell. ”
Tavah caught my gaze, pain flashing through her eyes. I gave her a gentle nod. She knew what I was about to say.
“I almost escaped. I was almost to the exit, but…Dredge caught me. And he spent the night playing sculptor on my flesh. And worse. I have memories no person should ever have to remember. Come near dawn, he turned me and sent me home to kill my family. Camille saved them—and me, in a way. The OIA spent a year helping me learn to adjust, given they had sent me in without any backup or help. At first, all I wanted was to be free of the pain and confusion, and shame…but I came through it. And…a little over twelve years later, here I am.”
Laddy began to cry, the blood-stained tears trickling down his cheeks. I silently handed him a tissue. “You chose to go on even though…”
“Even though I look like a monster beneath my clothes? Even though I relive that night in my dreams? Yes. I chose to continue. I chose to live…I suppose you could call it an ‘unlife’, but it’s still life.
And everyday I choose whether to be a victim, or a survivor.
” I worried my lip, then added, “I choose to believe I can help make the world a better place. So, I go on.”
After a moment, Laddy wiped his eyes, stared at the blood-stained tissue, and then straightened up. “Her name is Glory-Be. I think that’s what she said it was. She’s got long blonde hair and eyes so pale that she looked like an angel. Or a ghost, maybe. Is it wrong that I want her dead?”
I shook my head. “No, just like I want to stake Dredge. Staking your sire is usually considered anathema, but in this case—actually, in my opinion, any case where the newly minted vamp was unwilling, I think staking is appropriate. Not all vampires agree with me, but I say fuck ‘em. Laddy, I’ll do what I can to find her. But right now, you can’t be trusted out in public.
Not until you learn how to calm the hunger, how to channel that anger and lust and desire into acceptable channels. Tavah, you said you had a friend…?”
I turned to her, and she cleared her throat. “I do. Laddy, I can have Wade and his crew come over here. They can take you somewhere safe and help you make all the adjustments you need.”
He slowly nodded. “What about my cats? I love my cats—but...
“We’ll find them a foster home for now,” Tavah said. “And Wade will help you figure out how to notify your kin and your job. This is what they do.”
He gave a weak laugh. “A little like the Handbook for the Recently Deceased?”
Tavah laughed with him. “Except you won’t have to deal with Beetlejuice.” She turned to Jocko. “Can I have the evening off to help get things sorted out for Laddy?”
Jocko gave her a nod. “Of course.” He looked uncomfortable, but he was a goodly sort. “You go ahead. Menolly, why don’t you go back upstairs. Laddy can rest in the safe-room until Tavah’s friends get here.”
Tavah made sure that Laddy was comfortable, and that all objects he could use to self-stake himself were out of the room, before locking him in. Jocko headed back upstairs as I stood by Tavah’s desk.
“Crap,” I said. “I like Laddy. This fucking sucks.”
“It does,” she said, pulling out her phone. “I’ll call my friends now and have them come over after the bar closes, so Laddy doesn’t have to pass through the crowd upstairs. You know what that first hunger…thirst…is like. I’m going to get some bottled blood for him,” she added.
“Good idea,” I said. “It won’t taste as good as he might want, but it will help assuage the pangs.” I turned to go back upstairs, then stopped. “You know I’m going after her, right?”
“I know,” Tavah said. “If I can be of any help, let me know.”
“It’s not right. What she did was wrong...”
“She destroyed his life. You’re doing the right thing. I just hope you find her,” Tavah said.
“So do I. And when I do…” I paused. “Don’t tell the other employees about Dredge,” I said. “I don’t want their pity.”
“I promise,” Tavah said. “One day, I’ll tell you my own story. It wasn’t as drastic, but...”
“Every story is personal, and every story is unique. Pain is pain,” I said.
“We don’t compare. I told Laddy my story so he could see that—even under the worst of experiences—we can come through.
I wanted him to know that a good life after turning is possible.
I just want him to know that we can survive our abusers and thrive. ”
Even though I wasn’t sure I could say I was thriving.
But I wanted Laddy to win out. I wanted him to find a purpose, to find a path.
Every time someone who had been turned found their way, it gave me hope.
And I needed hope—even twelve years later, I needed to remind myself that we could rise above our abusers, and sometimes, when we were lucky, we could make them face their crimes.
I had vowed to myself that I would never turn another person. And so far, I’d kept that promise. I’d also promised myself to stop as many rogue vamps as possible. And that promise…well…I desperately wanted to fulfill.