Chapter 48 Astrid #3
“That was…” He shakes his head, tries again. “You are everything.” Her heart stutters as he kisses her on the brow, the place where a mate mark would be, then looks to the sky. “We Teleported.”
“We did,” she says, smiling. Because she’s never felt anything like it. Never felt anything so intense.
His eyes track from hers to the stone beneath her, and it’s only then he seems to notice that Astrid is lying naked on his balcony floor.
“Don’t,” she says, sensing he’s about to Teleport them back inside. “Please. I want to lie here for a while, under the stars. With you.”
“In that case…” He flips her so he’s on his back and she’s sprawled across his body, no part of her touching the ground now. She tucks her head beneath his chin and he kisses her hair. They lie quietly for a while, getting their breath back, his hands playing idly with her pendant.
“What is this constellation?” he eventually asks, lifting her pendant to examine it.
“The Goddess Sqa?i.”
“Why Sqa?i? She’s a huntress, isn’t she? I wouldn’t have picked her for you.”
Astrid smiles. “Ah, but she is so much more than a huntress. She’s a survivor who lives and thrives in the harshest environments, resourceful and wild.
She’s the Goddess of winter, a season of contradictions and savage beauty.
She’s the brightest constellation in the far northern skies—even the moons can’t dim her light.
She is justice and she is balance. We don’t worship Gods in the same way you do here—we have no temples and we make no offerings, only that of our own bodies when we die.
But we do pray to them each night when the stars reveal themselves. ”
Zryan lifts her pendant again, compares it to the sky above them, then looks at Astrid. “I take it back.” He traces a finger along her freckles. “Sqa?i is most definitely your Goddess. Will you point her out to me?”
Astrid shakes her head sadly. “You can’t see her this far south.”
“Lucky then that you always carry her with you,” he says, releasing the pendant, stroking along her throat as he does. “Jessa wore a twin necklace.”
Astrid swallows. “Yes. She did.”
“Then you will always carry Jessa with you, too.”
Astrid could love him, she decides then. For speaking her friend’s name, for remembering her. If they’d had time, she could have loved him.
The buzzing of insects carries through the open window and she stirs, listening to the sound in the predawn light, as Zryan massages her back and dusts kisses along her shoulder blades.
They lie like that in bed, Astrid’s back to Zryan while he touches her, until neither of them can restrain themselves any longer and they have slow, lazy sex.
Afterward, she presses her face into his chest, inhaling him.
“Do something for me, Zryan.”
“Anything,” he says, and that one word has a little part of her heart cracking.
“I don’t want you to argue with me about any of this, or contradict me, and I definitely do not want meaningless platitudes. Do you understand?”
His hand pauses on her back. “Okay,” he says, unsure.
“You save Skylar from herself. She wants to burn and for the world to burn with her, but you don’t let her.
Show her there is good left to fight for, good people left to fight for, including my people.
And I want you to help my mother, both of you.
She’s a good witch, a great queen, so you help her, you fix whatever is wrong with the Heart, and you stop this Blight.
You’re to save Arturea as well as Vatra, promise me that. ”
She dreamt of Skylar, of milky tendrils of power, a thunderstorm and a wind so mighty it tore Astrid apart.
But it wasn’t the images of herself dying over and over that had kept her from sleeping properly last night, it was the emptiness in Skylar’s eyes.
The absence of humanity that Astrid’s seen before when Skylar’s power has become too much.
He shifts, pulling away from Astrid so he can see her face. He’s paler than she’s ever seen him, his golden skin looking like an Exhauster tried to suck him dry. She shudders. Why is she thinking about that now, when that is going to be her fate in a matter of hours?
“You don’t—” he begins, but she cuts him off.
“I said no arguing.”
He presses his lips together, looking like that’s exactly what he wants to do, but he’s stopped by a knock on the door.
“Prince?” a voice calls from beyond, and Zryan sits up, the sheets falling off them both.
“Who is it?” she whispers. Whoever it is has opened the door so they can be heard.
He’s rising from the bed when he notices her bare breasts and stops, groaning.
“This better be fucking good, Jelani,” he shouts, steel-gray eyes on Astrid.
“It’s Simone,” says Jelani.
Concern creases his face. He lifts the covers back up over Astrid and kisses her before getting out of bed and pulling his pants on. It’s still early, dawn only just beginning to creep in, and Astrid feels cold suddenly, a sense of dread stealing through her.
Today. The duel is today.
Zryan doesn’t bother with a top as he strides through to another room Astrid didn’t see last night. She hears the click of a door closing and then Jelani’s voice.
“I’m sorry it’s early, Z, but this is bad.” “Z,” he calls the prince. She remembers now, Zryan said he was close to this particular Dreki.
“Is Simone alive?” She can hear the urgency in his voice.
“She is, they’re all alive, but I’m not sure for how long.”
What the Hel is going on? Astrid stumbles out of bed, looking for her dress.
She glances around and finds his shirt on the floor instead.
Putting it on, the smell of him wrapping around her, she walks to the other room, which turns out to be his very messy living area.
Books, papers, and clothes are strewn everywhere.
There’s a teapot, various cups and mugs, a lemon smell permeates the room. Mint leaves, too. Her favorite.
“Minor injuries, and almost all of them were captured,” Jelani is saying, but he stops short when he sees Astrid, his mouth forming a comical O of surprise.
Zryan looks around at her and does a double take at Astrid wearing his shirt.
“Eyes on me, Jelani,” Zryan demands, and the Dreki’s gaze snaps to Zryan. Jelani clears his throat but keeps his mouth shut. “Anything you have to say to me can be said in front of the princess. Where’s Simone? The rest of them?”
“We don’t know where they’ve taken everyone they arrested, we lost them—probably wherever they’re taking all those missing Blooded.
” Jelani puts his helmet on the writing desk by the window, runs a hand over his shaven head.
“But they’ve brought Simone back here—she’s down in the cells.
No doubt they’ll interrogate her soon. We need to get her out. ”
“What’s going on?” Astrid interrupts. “What happened last night and why is Simone in the dungeons?”
Zryan goes to her and takes her hand. “Last night we learned about a mass transportation of Blooded who had been conscripted—the largest yet. We think it might be something to do with the duel today, as we’ve never known such a big convoy—”
“It was a fucking trap,” Jelani cuts in. “They wanted us to attack the convoy, and when we got there, the carriages were filled with Arach-damned Dreki.”
Zryan’s entire body tenses next to her, and Astrid feels a wave of anxiety rise. Is this because of what she did the other night, at the warrens? Placing the trackers on the carriages?
“It was a trap?” Zryan’s voice is low, dangerous.
Jelani nods. “Omari managed to escape. Shifted into his bat form and woke me up, told me everything, then we watched as the bastards brought Simone in just now. I came straight here.”
“She was in her humanoid form?”
“When we saw her, yeah.”
“Fuck,” Zryan mutters.
“But apparently she’d been in her animal form when they captured her. Must have a Nullifier.”
Zryan shakes his head. “There’s no Nullifier that powerful.”
“That we know of, but they’ve been building, Z, you know this. And now they’re looking to cut us off at the neck—when they saw Simone, all Vaar broke loose. They’re panicking about how deep this goes, wondering who else at The Rok is part of it.”
“It isn’t just you,” Astrid says to Zryan, reeling. “There are more of you here who are part of this rebel movement?”
“He’s not a part of it, Princess, he is it,” Jelani says. “He started the whole damn thing.” Astrid’s mouth goes slack.
“Jelani,” Zryan mutters, “we hadn’t quite got to that part yet.”
“Stars, Zryan, when were we going to get to that part? Before or after I dueled? We’re not exactly spoiled for time.” Astrid tries to pull away, but Zryan holds tight to her.
“Don’t do that—you don’t pull away from me, okay? There’s so much I want to tell you, but, as you just said, we’ve not exactly been blessed with time.” He rests his forehead against hers. “Don’t ever pull away from me.”
Astrid lets out a breath, surprised that he’s being so open and intimate in front of Jelani, but glad he is, because the last thing she wants to do is pull away from Zryan. She rests her palm over his chest, the proud thump of his heartbeat steadying her.
“I hate to interrupt,” Jelani says flatly, “but this is also pretty fucking time-sensitive, Z. The queen met them in the grounds when they brought Simone in.”
She sighs and lets go of Zryan, but he keeps hold of her hand; and when she looks at him, she sees the muscle flicker in his jaw, the hard line of his mouth as he studies Jelani. The Dreki has the good sense to look afraid.
“Astrid goes into that cage today. To duel.” The other man swallows nervously.
“I’m going to help Simone, and the others, but my girl has to go and fight for her fucking life, and I’d like to have a moment with her before I have to leave, do you understand?
” Jelani nods. “You can wait outside. I’ll be there in a minute. ”
Jelani picks up his helmet and makes for the door, but he hesitates, turning to Astrid. “Good luck today, Princess Astrid. I’m sorry—we’re all sorry—that it’s come to this.”
He gives her a small, sorrowful smile, then walks out the door. She didn’t realize it was possible that a man she barely knows could say something that would make her feel seen and desperately sad at the same time. And then there’s Zryan, saying what he said.
“I’m your girl, am I?” She traces her fingers along his jaw until it relaxes.
He snatches her hand and brushes a kiss against her knuckles. “Too fucking right you are.”
She’s his girl, and only he could describe her as a girl and not end up dead for it. She’s his girl, but only for a few hours longer.
It’s harder, then, to get air inside her lungs, and she hears herself start to wheeze, her throat start to constrict. Zryan picks her up and in two strides is in an armchair with Astrid on his lap, pulling her face into his neck, wrapping his arms tight around her, rubbing her spine.
“Breathe,” he murmurs, “breathe. Nice and slow.” And she tries, but her body isn’t responding.
It only seems to fight harder and she hates the sound she’s making, she hates how weak she is.
“Remember what we spoke about last night, when you told me of your Goddess. She is a survivor, and so are you, Astrid.”
She gulps in a sliver of air.
“Listen to my voice,” he says, deep, soothing.
He lifts her palm, placing it on his chest. “Focus on my heartbeat. Every beat of it is for you.” She grips him tighter.
“I tried, you know. For so long, to see if there was a way to stop the duel, but found nothing. I gave up, years ago. Until you, that is. I’ve studied the Covenant, spoken to every expert, been in the library looking for something, anything, that can break the spell that binds you to this duel. ”
Her heart rate is slowing, her lungs expanding. “That’s why you were always in the library?” she says.
He nods, kissing a tear away. “At first because I thought Skylar would lose and I couldn’t bring myself to kill you before the Blood Binding.
” Astrid can’t help the chuckle at how matter-of-fact he is about that.
“And then, when I learned about Skylar’s power, I was doing it because I can’t bear the thought of you in that cage, I cannot accept that I am powerless to save you.
So, for selfish reasons, both times. I did tell you last night how selfish I am. ”
Goddess, this man is anything but selfish. She grasps his cheeks, but he shakes his head.
“I can’t let you go in there. Just—don’t go in there. Astrid, I failed you, I failed you both.” Astrid clings onto him, dazed by what he’s done, at everything he’s done—for her, for his kingdom and the Blooded. No one knows the best of him. This brave, brilliant, beautiful man. And he’s hers.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, today of all days.
I am so lucky. To have you. We’re all so lucky to have you.
But, Zryan.” She feels the stutter of his pulse, hears the snag of his breath.
“I have to go in there. If I don’t, I die anyway.
And you have to go and help Simone. There’s nothing you can do for me, but you can do something for her. ”
She peels herself off him, cups his cheek, and makes him look at her. His eyes are haunted. Devastated. His lips are on hers a moment later, and the kiss is so soft, so achingly tender, it almost breaks her heart.
“Go, Zryan.” He closes his eyes, drags her closer to him. “Zryan, you go and get that woman out, now.” He squeezes his eyes tight shut, then opens them, pulls her in again to kiss her, and she knows it’s his goodbye, that he’s going to do as she’s asked of him.
“Astrid, I…” He hesitates. Her stomach is twisting. She wonders if she’ll be sick. “I need you to live.”
“And Skylar?” Stars, she is actually going to be sick. They’re dueling today. They have to duel today.
He runs his hands through his hair, tormented. “I don’t want her to die.”
“Then what are you saying, Zryan, because it can’t be both.” Her voice cracks. “One of us has to die in that arena.”
He stares at her. “I’ll be there,” he says, with one last brush of his lips against hers. He stands, grabs a shirt hanging on the back of a chair, and shrugs it on. “I’ll be there with you.”
She’s numb as she watches him walk away from her. He turns back, one last time. Astrid’s heart lurches.
“I already told you—I choose you. I will always choose you.”