Chapter 9 Crash
Crash
“It’s really not that big of a deal. They seemed to think it was funny. And I’m sure—”
“He thinks I’m easy or crazy like everyone else does.” I slumped against the couch and stared at my purple toenails. I had barely slept the night before, kept up by regret and embarrassment over the ordeal with Melissa. “He probably just wants to get in my pants and then disappear forever.”
“If that was the goal, he would’ve tried by now,” Ari said. “Like, really, seriously tried. He flirts, yeah. But he’s not obnoxious about it and he clearly wants to get to know you.”
“No one wants to get to know me.” I grabbed a throw pillow and draped it over my face.
“Would it really be the worst thing if he went away?” Ari asked.
I grunted against the pillow. She was right; I’d been trying to get rid of Dennis since Halloween. But now I kind of didn’t want him to leave? “I don’t know.” I sighed heavily. I didn’t know what I wanted.
“I think you’ve been drinking too much. Did you even sleep last night?”
“For a couple hours. I was watching the sunrise from my window seat.”
“You have to stop doing that and go to sleep.” Ari pried the pillow away and tossed it aside. I squinted at the sudden brightness. “What’s wrong? Talk to me. I’m sure it’s not Dennis because you don’t care about him that much.”
“No. It’s the whole Melissa thing. I shouldn’t have gotten into a fight so soon here. Everyone’s gonna think I’m crazy again.”
“That’s it? Emy, you don’t care about getting into fights. How many have you been in since elementary school?”
“I dunno. I lost count.”
“See? You don’t care who you fight or who sees it. Stop drinking and go to bed early tonight. You’ll be fine.”
“But what if people start avoiding me again?”
“Then they’re being judgy dicks and we don’t need them in our lives.”
“Morning girls.” Uncle Tom entered the living room wearing a half casual, half professional, mostly suited type look. Nobody knew what he did for work. Not even Ari. “How was your night?”
“Emy kinda got in a bar fight.” She shot me a grin and the trace of a smile finally donned my lips. “Some girl took my drink and slapped her, so Emy put her hair up and it went downhill from there.” Her conclusion was barely audible over Uncle Tom’s joyous laughter.
“Is that right?” His eyes lit up as he beamed. “Those are my girls! Takin’ after your dad and your uncle.” He slapped Ari on the back before ruffling my hair. “No one got hurt, right?” He was suddenly serious.
“No.” Ari shifted as our eyes met.
“Good. I need to talk to you girls about something.” He walked around the couch and sat down. “You’ve heard about the murders going on lately, right?”
“Yeah. We’ve been seeing things about them in the news,” Ari said.
“There was another one across town last night. I go off on business too much to leave you girls defenseless.” He reached into the pocket of his black slacks. “Ari, you take this one.” He handed her a magenta contraption. “And this one’s for you.”
A silver glint flashed as an object was tossed my way. It soared past my outstretched hands and clattered to the floor.
“Is this a taser?” Ari’s eyes widened as she turned it over.
“Oh, cool. A switchblade.” I scooped mine up and flipped it open. The blade was nearly identical to my old one: lightweight, a dazzling color, and the ideal size. “Thank you. This is perfect.”
“Be careful with those. They’re only for emergencies. I was gonna get you a blade too, Ari, but I doubt you’d use it.”
“Yeah. That’s more Emy’s thing. I’d rather tase and run.” She shot me a worried glance as I poked the tip of my knife.
They were both watching me.
“What?” I asked. “I’m not gonna stab random people.”
“We never know with you,” Ari said.
“I’m off to work. Be careful. Don’t go anywhere by yourselves.” Uncle Tom stood and smoothed out his clothes. “And don’t go home with any strangers.”
“I never do,” Ari said.
“Okay,” I agreed. That comment was clearly meant for me.
“I love you girls.”
“I love you, too. Bye dad.”
“Love you, too.” My smiled faded the moment he was gone. We fell into a silence while I absentmindedly poked the blade.
“Really, Emy. Don’t go home with anyone right now. A few people have been killed around town within the past few months and one has gone missing. It’s really scary.”
I looked up to see her studying me. “I already said I won’t.”
“Saying okay isn’t the same as saying you won’t.” She waited for an answer, but I didn’t respond. “You’re scaring me. I hate when you’re like this.” She shifted and glanced at the clock. “I have to go in a couple minutes but I don’t wanna leave you.”
“I’ll be fine.” I forced a smile. “I’m just being dramatic.”
“You might be starting an episode,” she said gently. “You don’t have to downplay it with me. Promise you won’t do anything?”
“But what if I need to pee? I’ll have to pee at some point. And what if I get hungry?”
“Don’t play dumb. You know what I mean.”
“Fine. I won’t do anything dangerous,” I said, following her to the front door.
“Good. I love you.” She slipped into her backpack and pulled me into a hug. “It was a tiny scrap at a dive bar and everyone will probably forget about it sooner than later. There’s nothing to be upset about.”
“I know.” I leaned into the hug, causing us to sway. “That’s why it’s so stupid. I love living here and getting to be with you and Uncle Tom all the time, but I’m just not happy. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“You’re happy,” she pulled away to smile at me, “just not right now and not all the time. But you’re happy in general.”
“No. When I’m manic I’m happy and when I’m depressed I’m suicidal.”
“You’ve been in a good middle spot lately and you haven’t been suicidal in a really long time.
You’re not that extreme today, right?” She watched as I shook my head, staring a few extra seconds to make sure I was being honest. I was.
“See? That’s a good sign. I have to go to class.
Call me if you need anything. I can leave lecture if I have to. ”
“I’ll be fine,” I said. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t make her leave class early. “Have fun.” I waved as she blew a kiss and shut the door.
The lock clicked and her footsteps faded down the driveway. I gazed at the door. I had nothing to do. I never had anything to do. My life was basically pointless. I sighed and trudged upstairs, back to my room to flop on the bed beside Frankie.
“I’m a loser,” I told him, my voice muffled against the comforter. “I’m not doing anything with my life. I’ll never be happy. And Dennis did that stupid blood binding thing, so now I’m stuck with him forever. He’ll probably get tired of my mood swings and kill me.”
“I won’t kill you.”
I shrieked and slammed into the headboard, knocking Frankie to the floor. “What the fuck, Dennis? What’re you doing here?”
“Coming to see what’s wrong with my other half. You’ve been crying all day.” He was perched on the window seat, lighter in hand. “What’s wrong?”
“I haven’t been crying. And you should know, you’re always reading my mind.” I reached down to get Frankie. “I’m sorry, hun. I didn’t mean to drop you,” I cooed, stroking his head.
“You’re so weird,” Dennis said, making a face at my beloved cat. “So what’s wrong?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“I’d never call you easy, by the way.”
“Really?” I found that hard to believe.
“Really. Too misogynistic. It’s not my thing.” He was playing with the lighter’s flame and I was giving him a dull look.
“So you’re an asshole but not a sexist asshole,” I said it sarcastically before realizing he might be serious.
Thinking back, it did line up so far. Maybe he wasn’t lying this time.
“Thanks.” I hugged Frankie and lay back down.
“You probably do think I’m a ditz, though.
Or that I should’ve gone to college to make some real plans for myself. I have zero life goals.”
“Yeah, you do. I’ve heard you think about them before.”
“I wanna become a high end dancer in Vegas.”
“Which is fine, if that’s what you wanna do.” He smiled as I grunted. “You’re worth more than you think, Vixen. Don’t be so mean to yourself. But you should get a new therapist soon because you’re kind of a mess.”
“I know.” I frowned. He was right about that last part.
“Will a distraction help? Let’s go somewhere.” He killed the fire and came to sit beside me. “Get up.”
“I can’t,” I glanced over before looking at the ceiling, “I look awful.” I squealed when he gave me a hard shove, laughing as I toppled off the bed. I shot up to see him holding Frankie with a smile.
“I saved your cat. It almost fell.”
“You’re the worst ‘other half’ I’ve ever met. We’re not going anywhere, you’re going home. Go away. I wanna sit here in my messiness by myself.”
“Stop crying and put some real clothes on. Either that, or you’re going like this.”
“You’re really getting on my nerves. I don’t wanna go anywhere.”
“Do you really wanna go like that?” He gestured to my pajamas and unkempt hair.
“I don’t care.”
“You have five minutes. If you’re not changed by the time I come back, I’ll do it myself.”
I mocked his voice with gibberish until he left the room, then watched the empty door frame for a few seconds before turning and landing face first on the bed. I wasn’t doing shit today and I wasn’t going anywhere. A few minutes passed before footsteps approached, followed by an annoyed sigh.
“I’m not going.” I held a pillow over the back of my head.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He didn’t warn me, however, before flipping me over and grabbing the bottom of my pants.
I snatched the top just as he began to pull. “What are you doing?” I yelled, yanking up as hard as he was tugging down.
“Changing your clothes.” He smirked as I wrenched free of his grip with way too much effort.
“Oh my god, I’ll do it myself!” I rolled off the bed and pointed to the door. “Get out.”
“I’ll be back in two minutes.”