Chapter Twenty-Three
The clinking keys weigh heavy in my pocket as I enter Lillienne’s room. Calli sits on a stool by the window, sending me a quizzical look as I take a seat next to the bed where Lillienne rests, open eyed and smiling weakly.
‘Look who decided to make an appearance,’ my best friend says, offering a hand for me to take.
Her skin is smooth and clammy against mine as my thumb moves across her fingers in gentle strokes.
My face melts into a smile, one with which I do not need to feign its sincerity.
Calli crosses her legs, with that incredulous expression still sheeting over her features as she stares at me.
‘That was an impressively long walk, Eira. We were beginning to think you might have gotten lost in your – exploration.’ Shit.
She of course knows I was lying at breakfast, given how it is not my strongest asset.
How frustrating that I continue to underestimate how smart she is and overestimate my own abilities to hide intention from others.
Nothing gets past this girl, as I am coming to find.
‘I got a little carried away on my adventure around the grounds, I admit. But, I have had perfect time to think about all the events of these last few days, and I was thinking that Lillienne might benefit from a little change of scenery.’
Lillienne’s face lights up at the mention of it. The hope of seeing something other than these four walls, as bright and lovely as they are. Calli simply raises an eyebrow.
‘The library seems like the perfect place to spend an afternoon doesn’t it?’ I continue.
‘Oh yes please! We could all pick out our favourite stories to share,’ Lillienne squeals, squeezing my hand. Calli, is less enthused.
‘You’d rather sit about in a dusty library, reading boring old books than go – I don’t know – outside? Where there is fresh air and a significant lack of paper and dullness, I might add.’ She shakes her head. ‘I am constantly confused about what other people consider fun.’
‘Oh, come on, Calli. There’s nothing like a good fairytale to provide escape from the unbelievable events of everyday life,’ I tease. ‘Anyway, what do you even do for enjoyment around here besides go outside and stare at things and breathe air?’
‘Well I… I like to… well...’ She twirls with an auburn curl as she thinks, then releases it when she comes up with nothing.
‘Okay fine, I literally can’t think of the last time anything around here was considered enjoyable.
Maybe it could be at least slightly pleasant to read or whatever you guys like to do. ’
‘Don’t you have friends here, Calli?’ Lillienne asks, knowing all too well the value of a good friend. ‘I think I’d go mad if I didn’t have Eira to take the piss out of every five minutes.’
‘Hey!’ I laugh. ‘Surely I provide more than just someone to pick on to keep you from boredom.’
She bobs her head from shoulder to shoulder as though weighing up an answer. ‘Hmm… I suppose you’re also handy to have when I am in desperate need of someone to play chess with?’
‘You don’t play chess. You just move the pieces about the board willy-nilly and cry when you lose.’
Calli watches our exchange with a curiosity and longing that truly makes my heart break.
When was the last time – if ever – she had anyone to joke or laugh with other than her brother, or any reluctant guard?
She has extended her kindness to Lillienne and I without any expectation of anything in return, but it is time we repay her for welcoming us here without a second thought.
‘There is a chess set in the library,’ she offers. ‘We could put that theory to the test.’
‘Well, we must now! I will not just sit here and let Eira sully my good name.’ Lillienne throws her hands up in the air with dramatic frustration, my own hand falling loose and hitting the bed.
‘I think that would require a name to have been made for yourself in the first place, Lillienne.’ I look to Calli. ‘Truly, her strategic thinking is dismal.’
Lillienne is surprisingly strong when she punches me in the arm. Her legs, not so much so when we attempt to get her to her feet.
Calli and I both have to take an arm and bear most of her weight as she takes slow, shaky steps towards the door.
Her poor legs wobbling, and her muscles straining overtime to keep her upright, Lillienne does not show any signs of succumbing into weakness, nor does she seem to pay any care towards the fact that her human body is much less reliable and much harder to command.
‘Gods alive!’ she exclaims as we take a pause as soon as we enter the hall, leaning our combined weight against the wall, seeking temporary reprieve.
‘Did you have to relearn literally everything, Calli? It’s almost as if my limbs take an age to realise what I’m asking of them, and then when they do eventually get going, they are incapable of doing it with any sort of efficiency. ’
Calli laughs, but her smile does not reach her red eyes.
‘I was very young when I experienced the aftermath of the affliction. So, as you can imagine, I was a very unfortunate sight. I broke many priceless artefacts clinging to anything I could find to hold me up.
‘I bet your parents weren’t pleased at that,’ Lillienne remarks, oblivious to the way Calli’s gaze immediately shifts to mine, vulnerable and pleading.
I take this as her asking me not to mention the fate of her and Eliaz’s parents, perhaps not to scare Lillienne, or out of the pure pain that persists within her.
That inner agony that pokes through her usually blase exterior makes her honesty in the tomb that night all the more valuable.
She is a girl that has lived through pain, and carries it with her through every laugh, and every glimmer of happiness she falls upon. It is always there. As mine is.
‘Just like our governess wasn’t too thrilled when you came home after sneaking out to the local tavern and completely destroyed every single piece of her vintage tea set that had passed through her family for generations.’
Lillienne rolls her eyes. ‘For the last time – I wasn’t that drunk, and I am still one-hundred-percent certain that cabinet wasn’t there when I left.’
‘It was in that exact spot the entire time we lived there, by the pianoforte.’
Calli’s face softens at me as if to say thank you, to which I nod, letting her know I understand.
‘Whatever,’ Lillienne grumbles, pushing herself into an upright position using mainly my shoulder to maintain her balance.
We stagger through the halls as a six-legged beast, stopping for regular breaks when two of those legs refuse to co-operate.
It is a welcome sight, seeing Lillienne as she giggles over her mishaps, finding her grounding without feeling the power of an immortal in her body anymore, smiling brightly even in the absence of the certitude of life.
That beautiful quality in her is something of a source of envy within me, for how wonderful must everything feel when you experience it with genuine love and optimism. I could feel it within the first words she ever spoke to me when we were carted off to the countryside together.
‘We can choose to enjoy our time here, you know. It doesn’t have to be an eternal damnation to be sent to a beautiful place with a friend.’
It would be odd to hear such formal words from her now, knowing that she no longer feels her life alongside me to be a duty, but rather something to be grateful for, as I do.
‘I have a feeling it might be easier to just carry you, you know,’ Calli says to Lillienne by way of suggestion when we stop for another break, we’re not far from our destination, but I must admit myself, as much as Lillienne is determined to walk, it is proving to take an age.
‘Well, what do you suggest, Calli? You hardly seem strong enough to throw me over your shoulder and carry me there like a sack of potatoes.’
Calli looks past Lillienne’s questioning glance to me, her face swimming with childlike mischief, smirking as she bobs her head to the side in the direction of Lillienne. Oh, gods help me, this will be interesting. But fuck it, we’re all in need of some fun.
‘You get her arms, I’ll take her legs,’ I say, springing into motion, Calli giggling with delighted agreement to which Lillienne shouts protest.
‘You will not pick me up! I deserve my own autonomy, you pair of impatient little princesses.’ She wriggles as I wrap my arms around both her legs and begin to pick her up, my grip slipping a little with her objections.
‘I will kick your teeth out, Eira! And no man will have you if you’re stuck with a victim complex and a gummy smile. ’
‘Such a beautiful friendship you two share,’ Calli laughs as she hauls Lillienne upwards in time with my one hoist. ‘There is such love in the words exchanged.’
‘I will extend such sweetness your way, if you carry on manhandling me like this!’
‘Just ignore her, Calli, she gets like this if she hasn’t had coffee, and I suspect it’s been a long time since she’s had a drop. The withdrawal makes her feral.’
‘I will tear every hair from your head, dear, beloved Eira, and believe me – you do not have the correct bone structure to pull off being bald.’
Even through Lillienne’s violent squirming it is much easier to travel this way, for mine and Calli’s legs were much more efficient in carrying out what is expected of them. Lillienne’s body needs a little more time to adjust to the massive change it is undergoing.
‘Oh Odette, come and light a fire for us!’ Calli calls out into the corridor as we reach the door of the library, the woman turning to us with unsuppressed horror when she sees how Lillienne hangs from our hands, her bottom now so low it almost grazes the floor as her body moves in gentle sways reminiscent of a hammock.
Less wriggly now that we have halter, more accepting of her fate, Lillienne gives her a lazy wave. ‘Oh, I’m just being kidnapped, pay me no heed.’
Odette approaches Calli, mouth agape and eyes teeming with reproach as they scan Lillienne and me, before landing back on Calli, who shrinks slightly like a child expecting reprimand.
‘What on earth do you two think you are doing? The poor girl is barely over her fever – she should not be out of bed for at least another week!’
‘She wanted to read! I tried to convince her of how boring that is, Odette. Trust me she was adamant.’
Odette closes her eyes and lets out one long sigh from her nostrils, her fingers pinching the bridge to relieve tension. ‘Had you given no thought to the fact that the books themselves are far more portable than the sick girl?’
We sheepishly look at one another, floored by the logic of the Chambermaid’s words. All three of us choking back giggles at the ridiculousness of it.
‘Well, uh…we thought that she…’ Calli begins to creep backwards into the library, and staring at Odette like she’s an animal we don’t wish to startle, I start to creep forward with her.
Lillienne waves at her again as she slowly disappears from view of the chambermaid and that is all it takes to tip us over into laughter, and once it erupts we lose all control of our limbs and crumble onto the floor, wheezing through laughs and crying with the ridiculousness of it.
Odette simply tuts down at us as she steps over our rolling, cackling bodies, which only makes us erupt further. At one point I roll over and my face collides with Calli’s boot and sends more tears streaming from her face.
‘Oh gods, that was just what I needed,’ she says, pulling herself to a sitting position, wiping tears with the cuffs of her sleeve.
I pull myself up to her side using her arm. ‘I must have the shape of your boot imprinted on my face.’ Calli sticks out her tongue.
‘I think I peed a little,’ Lillienne pipes up through sniggers, lying flat on her back, golden hair in tangles around her head.
‘I won’t be cleaning that up,’ gripes Odette as she piles up kindling in the fireplace, shaking her head and muttering further detestations under her breath.
Calli moves forward as though to stand up but stops dead when her hands find something unusual on the floor next to my feet.
Something that snatches the smile clean off her face, her cheeks twitching with quiet confusion.
My gaze falls whatever she lifts her hand up to reveal and – oh no. Eliaz’s keys.
I swiftly snatch them up, knowing full well she has already recognised them, but also at the same time hoping idiotically that she wouldn’t know them to be the keys her own brother wears around his neck.
She points to my pocket where I stash them. ‘Is that—’
‘They’re nothing. Just a bunch of keys to some old store cupboards back at Grange. I don’t know how I’ve ended up with them. Probably Myla’s.’
Lillienne sits up, eyeing me doubtfully, unsure of the situation. Calli just gives a few slow blinks, nodding slowly.
‘If you say so, Eira.’
And I know by the way she nibbles at her bottom lip that she doesn’t believe me. And I don’t blame her.
I wouldn’t believe me either.