Chapter 22 Vynsiel
VYNSIEL
The smile on my lips faltered and faded. I’d hoped Izzy had pulled me back here for a surprise make-out session. I’d gone willingly, my spirit drawn to hers. I needed to know her, be close to her.
With my heart as befouled as it was, I couldn’t give her the love she deserved, but a little play couldn’t hurt. Perhaps a little love from her could somehow heal the stain on my soul?
But that hadn’t been what she’d intended. Instead, she hit me with a loaded question I hadn’t been ready for.
Yet the answer to her question was simple. I looked her in the eyes and spoke from my tainted heart.
“Yes, I am willing to betray Saldrea for you, and only you. Because you’re the first person ever… who’s given me hope.”
My chest constricted. Hope was a dangerous thing in this world. Most of the time, hope of any sort was crushed without mercy. Unless it was hope for wealth or power or prestige. The elves had the rest of us running around, trying to get one up on each other, but it was all a futile game.
“Hope?” Izzy repeated softly. “Because… I can change things?” She must have recalled our last conversation.
“Yes, but more than that. It isn’t just hope for a better future, it’s you, yourself. You. Give. Me. Hope.”
She blinked, clearly taken aback by that.
How could I tell her she was the only bright and beautiful thing in a world of false joys and fake charms?
How do you tell someone that they are a beacon of light in the darkness, a promise of something better.
Even if the world never changed, as long as Izzy remained her glorious, shining self people would be drawn to her, like I was.
Her spirit shone with life and vibrancy. Her determination hadn’t yet been squashed. She was untainted by the filth of this world.
She was light.
She was hope.
For me, she was my only hope: that her love and purity could mend my tattered heart and sooth my stained soul. She was everything to me. How could I not, in return, do everything for her.
“Why? How?” she asked, voice a bit small, overwhelmed perhaps by my vehement admission.
I had to smile.
Because even when she seemed “small” it was a sign of hope to me. So many others would have puffed up and swaggered with false bravado if praised like she’d been. But her virtue meant she couldn’t see it, still so modest.
“You have no reason to be kind to me. I am a servant of someone who hates you, wants to destroy you. For all you know, I am the enemy. And I’m sure you don’t trust me, but even so…
you’ve given me a chance. A chance to talk, to explain things, to try to sway you.
Your kindness, to someone who doesn’t deserve it… that gives me hope. Don’t you see?”
Her furrowed brow and puzzled expression told me she didn’t.
“Anyone else would have shooed me away or led me along to see how they could use me.”
“What makes you think I’m not using you? I did get you to buy me all those things.”
“That was my suggestion. And it didn’t hurt me at all, only Saldrea.”
“But how do you know I’m not using you to get to her?” she insisted.
“Are you?”
“Maybe, a little.”
“See! No one else would have admitted it!” I laughed, joy bubbling up at just how perfect Izzy was.
“And frankly I’ve been telling you this whole time to use me to get to her, so I’m not even sure if that counts.
” I felt that required more of an explanation so, I continued, “And I only suggested it because I have a feeling you wouldn’t have done it on your own. ”
“I’m not so sure about that,” she muttered.
“But why…? Why might you have retaliated against her?” This was it. Her answer would show her what I was trying to say.
“Because she’s just so… infuriating! She’s a stuck-up princess who drives me nuts. Someone needs to take her down a peg or fifty.”
I laughed. There it was.
“What?” Izzy asked, still confused it seemed.
I quelled my mirth to explain. “Everyone in this world is terrified of Saldrea and her mother, and that tends to do two things to people. They either bow and scrape and wish to serve her and get on her good side, or they stay the fuck away from her. You… you see her as… an obstacle to overcome. That Izzy. That determination, that drive, that tenacity is who you are at your core and that gives me hope.”
I saw that slowly sink in for her.
“Oh,” she whispered.
Perfect. She was so amazingly perfect. Her body was stunning and sexy, but it was her soul and her inner strength that made her like no other.
Her kindness had bored a hole through my layers of armor and pierced my battered heart. Her boldness showed me a way to live, that was unlike anything I’d ever known. Her spirit was a beacon, and called to me in ways I couldn’t ignore: my mate, my life, my joy.
I had a feeling she wasn’t ready to hear that part yet, though, so I reiterated my previous point.
“Why would I betray Saldrea for you? Partly because she’s a vicious and heartless person who I hate with every fibre of my being.”
“Glad to know I didn’t get the wrong impression of her,” Izzy snarked.
She hadn’t.
“But more importantly, because you’ve done something no one else in my life ever has.
Not my parents, not Saldrea, not my comrades in arms. You make me want to live, want to grow and enjoy this world.
You’ve never once tried to hurt me, you’ve only ever been good to me, given me a chance.
And I want to be worthy of that chance. So, yes, I’d betray Saldrea in a heartbeat if you asked me to. ”
“Even your parents weren’t good to you?” she asked, horrified. “Not once?”
My mother had always been distant and cruel, off climbing the social ladder. My father and older brother had only sought to harden me, beating me and calling it training for my eventual military service.
Tears stung my eyes.
“I was only ever a tool to them. So… no.”
She shook her head slowly. “This world is way more messed up than I thought.”
I scoffed a laugh, sniffing back my tears. “Got that right.”
I’d participated in the “messed up” and brutal game of this world for far too long. I’d done so many things I regretted, to the point that I didn’t recognize myself, hating who I’d become. And deep down I so desperately wanted to change the system. I just had no idea how.
But Izzy.
She could change everything.
Seraphim were beings of light and spirit, and it was our spirit magic that made us an indomitable force against the brute strength and greater magic of the nephilim.
We could keep going beyond what was physically possible.
We could even bolster others when their spirits flagged.
And yet, Izzy’s proud spirit invigorated me in a way no seraphim ever had.
I wanted nothing more than to bask in the pure brilliance of that radiant spirit.
Maybe if I did, if I stayed with her long enough, I could become the man I dreamed of being, a man of honor and dignity.
“Maybe together, we could change things,” I breathed.
Those sea-green eyes gazed up at me, searching, probably trying to figure out if I was playing her. I didn’t blame her. Everything I’d said — even as impassioned as I’d been — could all be an act.
It wasn’t.
But she didn’t know that.
She grimaced and shook her head.
“That sounds good, but…” She sighed heavily. “It’s not you, I just… I don’t tend to work well with a partner. I’m a loner.”
My heart constricted. Yet I felt a wavering in her spirit. I got the feeling she didn’t like being alone.
“You don’t have to be,” I offered, bringing my hands to the sides of her shoulders. I wanted to pull her closer but settled for this contact.
She smiled. “Maybe…? Talk to me again once I have a better grip on this strange world. I’ve been here all of three days. I’m not ready to fight the power just yet.” But she wanted to, I could feel it.
I nodded. “I’ll wait.” Even if every moment I spent away from Izzy was torture, every second serving Saldrea, a knife in my soul.
She blew out a long breath.
“I really should get to my water magic class.”
I nodded, then offered my arm to escort her over to Naia Hall.
And after I’d dropped her off, I stood there, staring at the flowing lines of the water magic building.
How in Heavens could I get Izzy to trust me?
I walked a very fine line, a very dangerous line.
If I played my hand too openly, Saldrea would find out what I was doing.
As much as she couldn’t hurt me, she could hurt or even kill Izzy, who was still young in her power.
On the other hand, I needed Izzy to believe me, so I could train her in spirit, help her see her potential.
I needed her to learn and grow and become the capable and compelling woman I knew she could be.
So that she could wrap me in that powerful aura of hers and banish the darkness within me. And once I was whole, we could stand up to Saldrea, hand in hand, heart to heart, spirits bound in love and defiance.
But how could I explain to a non-seraph — who knew so little of the fae realm — that her spirit and mine were meant to be together? That she had the power to heal me and help so many others?
I didn’t know, but I had to find a way.
I had to make this work, had to make her trust in herself, had to make her trust me, because I had a feeling the very fate of this world — the very fate of my own soul — depended on it.