Chapter 30 Izzy
IZZY
Myel and I couldn’t meet in my room, not if we wanted to go out this evening, so we’d arranged to meet off campus, down on the beach, some distance to the west, where hopefully no one would see us.
The night was warm, and I’d selected a light and flirty silken dress which shimmered through shades of warm orange and gold. Also, since it was Myel and we’d probably get freaky, I wore nothing beneath it. Might as well make it easy for us to do our thing.
I left just after sunset, the sky painted with deep hues of red and purple and blazing orange — like my dress — on the horizon.
I took a minute to stop and take in the beauty of this world. So much of my time now was taken up with pondering disgusting power politics. Sometimes you just had to take in the bits of beauty you could.
I sighed heavily, remembering my conversation with Vyns earlier.
He needed this world to change, that much was clear.
And he believed I was the one to do it, that I was strong enough to take on Saldrea.
I wasn’t so sure, but still, every time I talked to Vyns I felt so very seen and revered.
I wanted to live up to the potential he saw in me.
I might not trust him yet, but of everyone here, he’d always lifted me up.
It was also clear he wanted to be more than friends but seemed to have an aversion to me seeing others.
I shook my head. That, at least, wasn’t something I needed to figure out. It was his choice, his decision to make. If he wanted to be with me, he needed to work out how he felt… and leave Saldrea. Then… maybe… I could start to trust him.
I continued on my way to see Myel, and as I descended the stairs of The Tumble to the beach, my heart began to beat harder, faster.
I might have been the tiniest bit scared.
Myel had asked for this time alone, away from everything. He wanted to get to know me, get closer to me, be intimate in more than just a physical way. And I could see a certain sense in getting to know the man I was bound to, but also…
That level of intimacy terrified the fuck out of me.
Giving a man my body — especially only for one night — was one thing, but my heart…? That had been off limits for ages.
Everyone I’d ever loved had left me… or I’d been forced to leave them.
Old Lady Moonie had been a kind and wonderful foster mother…
till she’d died when I’d been ten. And with her, I’d lost Mitch, an older brother in the foster system who’d been good to me.
I’d looked up to him, admired him, wanted to be like him.
But when Moonie had passed, we’d been separated, sent to different homes and I’d never seen him again.
I’d gotten close to my three sisters in my next foster home.
A sisterhood I hadn’t fully understood until the night my foster father had crawled into bed with me.
He’d done nothing more than stroke my hair, while I’d prayed for his balls to shrivel up and fall off.
Then, as if my prayers had been answered, he’d left in a hurry, thank God!
After that I’d become very close with those girls.
We’d helped each other remain strong and sane.
And when Mister Paterson had been hauled away by the cops, we’d been overjoyed, but soon after, we’d all been separated, the bond broken.
Two homes later, the Bloomfields had been great foster parents, my last set. They’d helped me rein in my wild side while also allowing me lots of freedom to explore my late teen years. We’d had game nights and backyard fires with s’mores, and I’d started to feel… normal after a lifetime of pain.
But then I’d aged out of the system and as much as they’d wanted to keep me and help me, they couldn’t afford it.
I’d offered to get a job to help, since college wasn’t really an option for me, and for a few months that had worked.
But when they’d had a chance to help another girl who needed their love, they took it…
and hadn’t had room for me anymore. I’d understood, but it had still hurt.
After that, I’d been on my own, and I’d found a certain satisfaction in that. No one could leave me or hurt me if I was alone.
But now…
Myel wouldn’t leave me, not willingly… but this world was so brutal that I couldn’t discount some tragic accident taking him. And what then?
I’d go mad or die.
So… did that mean I should invest myself in him and enjoy the time we had? Probably, but I still couldn’t quite convince my terrified little heart of that.
Maybe tonight would help. An easy night. Relaxing together, nothing forced.
Because the other option was to remain distant, and I honestly didn’t know if that would work with Myel. He was a good man, and I didn’t want to hurt him.
But I also didn’t want him to hurt me.
“Izzy?” his voice drifted out from the shadows of the cliffs along the beach.
I put on a smile and went to him. Not that I could see him. In the growing dark, with the shadow of the cliffs, all I saw were patches of deeper darkness.
“You look amazing,” Myel breathed, stepping out of the shadows.
I got the feeling he’d put on his best outfit, but his dark shirt was faded and though not tattered or torn, it had clearly been mended in a few places.
His long coat looked like it too had once been nice, a bit of embroidery around the fringes and polished buttons, but it was also ragged at the edges.
Still, he looked dashing and every inch the Goth hero.
“So do you,” I said honestly. Adam Driver and Timothy Chalamet were no longer needed for me to dream of my perfect Goth man.
He wrapped me in strong, comforting arms as our lips met.
The bond called, but not aggressively, so we could enjoy this simple contact, our lips playing and brushing softly before opening and deepening and…
wow. Rook’s kiss last night had been sinful, but this was gentle and soft and caring and deep.
Myel really knew how to throw all of himself into a single — if very long — kiss.
Yet when he pulled back there was concern on his features.
“You smell… like another man.” He drew in a long breath through his nose. “A seraph?”
Wow, shifters had excellent olfactory senses. I’d even showered after my date with Vyns.
“I spent the afternoon with a friend.” That was… accurate. Sort of. A friend who clearly wanted to be more than friends… but wasn’t yet.
Myel’s brow furrowed. Could he tell I wasn’t telling the whole truth? Given the state of our bond and what I could feel from him, it wouldn’t surprise me.
“But… you’re interested in him.” It wasn’t a question. Myel seemed curious and upset and resigned all at once.
I sighed.
“He’s… insistent.”
What do you know of love? I’d asked Vyns, and his answer had completely thrown me. I’d expected cliches and flowery words, but…
Only what I’ve known since I met you. Of all the things Vyns could have said, I had not expected that.
Those words, combined with his sincere tone had made me warm through.
No man had ever spoken to me of love that way.
He hadn’t even explicitly said he loved me, but in a way, this was more meaningful: honest and true and heartfelt.
“So am I,” Myel said with the hint of a grin. “I could be more insistent, if you wish?”
God!
Myel being more insistent?
I laughed a little at that.
“You’re plenty insistent,” I breathed then pulled him close by the lapels of his long coat and stopped his next words with another deep kiss.
“So are you, it seems,” he gasped, breathless when we parted. He smiled at me and offered an arm. I took it, and we walked side-by-side along the beach. The moon and stars shone bright above us, lighting our way as the last light of day faded far to the west.
After a long silence, Myel sighed and said, “It’s okay… if you wish to be with this other man.”
That surprised me.
Through the bond I felt his anxiety over the decision, but also acceptance.
“Because you know I’ll always come back to you?” I whispered, curious where this was coming from.
He didn’t respond right away. Instead, he sighed heavily again.
“The bond will ensure that, yes… but… that’s just it.
You didn’t ask for this bond, but you’ve put up with it…
and with me. You’ve been so good to me, better than anyone ever has.
For that I am so very grateful. And since this wasn’t your choice…
I feel like you should be able to make choices that are your own, including… possibly… other partners.”
“Partners? Plural?”
“Well not all at once… unless… you like…?”
God! I couldn’t imagine.
“Not sure, haven’t tried it yet.”
“Oh,” Myel breathed. “Ah… well… I don’t know if I’d be up for that. I love being with you and I’m… okay with you being with others, but let’s keep it all separate.”
“Fair enough.”
“At least… for now,” Myel added, and I sensed a budding curiosity in him.
That made me a little curious as well. I’d never really thought of having multiple partners at the same time, but if Myel was going to be a fixture in my life and I might have other partners, then…
A threesome, huh? I was more than a little curious what two men might be able to do that one man couldn’t.
My body warmed as I mulled over the possibilities. Myel and Vyns? That would be weird. Myel and… Rook? Had I forgiven Rook yet? Even if I hadn’t, I couldn’t quite get that image out of my head. Two men who’d both given me rather stunning orgasms… together…
Whoa.
“I can feel that, you know,” Myel whispered next to me, his mouth close to my ear and his hot breath adding to the sudden influx of heat surging through my body.
The bond may not be demanding it, but I didn’t want to wait to have Myel any longer. I turned to him, pressing my body to his and tilting my head up to whisper in his ear.
“I’m not wearing any underwear.”