Chapter 68
CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
PHOENIX
I made a grave mistake. And now I have to pay for it. That’s fair. But I can’t let Vera pay for it, too.
She may not want to see me now, but she needs me. She needs Jax. We’re stronger as a trio, no matter how much I don’t want to admit it.
If she doesn’t want to see it now, that’s fine. I’ll make her see it.
With determination, I charge through Jaakii’s streets. It’s still early, so it’s not crowded.
The hole in my chest deepens when I notice none of Vera’s spies following me. She really has given up on me. On us.
I know my way to Daegel’s estate well.
As always, the two Ezkai are at the main gate. I make my way around the estate and climb the tall fence at the same spot, like last time. The gardens are quiet.
Daegel must be training or meditating.
I’m surprised when I don’t find him in his meditation garden, nor at his usual spots where he trains in the mornings.
He’s not home either.
Where the fuck is he?
Damn. This may be my chance to snoop around. I may not even have to confront him, to try and play him the way he has been playing me all this time.
I sneak up to the sliding door to the home library. Right as I’m about to open it, three Ezkai clad in black leathers enter the library and pause, chatting amongst each other.
I duck to the side and press my back against the wall. Carefully, I watch them.
I’ve never seen them before. But they look as if they’ve been at Daegel’s house in the past. And they don’t look like they’re about to leave.
I watch through the corner of the window as two settle on the armchairs in front of the fireplace, while one leaves. Daegel’s not with them.
Okay, something is happening. My gut tells me these Ezkai are no ordinary Ezkai. They must be Caligos.
But where’s Daegel?
Until he’s back, I can’t go inside. It’s too risky with strange Ezkai roaming around. I look around the gardens, trying to find the perfect hidden spot that allows me to survey the house from a distance.
I decide to climb one of the plum trees that have a view of the library and Daegel’s bedroom on the second floor. I scale the trunk and find the only sturdy branch to settle on. It’s not comfortable, but I’m hidden away from sight while having a great view myself.
I’m almost dozing off, but a light coming on in Daegel’s bedroom window snaps me out of it. I blink and lean forward to take a better look.
Finally, he’s back.
The library is dark. The Ezkai have left. My legs are stiff as I rise, the healing thigh screaming at me. Carefully, I climb out of the tree and limp towards Daegel’s house.
The sliding paneled glass door leading to the home library is not locked.
I push it open with ease and slip inside the dark library.
My feet are careful to not make a single noise as I sneak through the house and up into the second floor.
It takes me a while to get to his door. I keep pausing to listen if any of the Ezkai I’ve seen coming in and out today are still here.
At Daegel’s bedroom door, I press my ear to the wood, listening to what’s inside. No sounds reach my ears. Slowly, I turn the knob and the door opens with a gentle creak.
I’ve had hours to prepare my speech. My plan. What to do if things go south.
Despite it all, I don’t believe it will. If Daegel wanted me dead, he had plenty of opportunities.
Daegel’s stretched out on the left side of his bed, naked. A black silk sheet is draped over his lower body, covering everything below his waistline.
I close the door behind me and turn the key in the lock. Only then does his gaze snap to me. “Missed me?”
He smirks, his eyes dark as the deepest pit in the ocean. “Princess. Always. I always miss you when I’m not around.”
One thing I don’t get is why would he lie about loving me. About caring about me. I’ve never doubted his feelings for me.
Before the trials even started, he had nothing to gain from me. At some point, his feelings must have been real, right?
I lean my back against the door.
In a low-timbred voice that sends a shiver all the way down my back, he says, “Will you be standing there by the door all night? Come here. I promise, I won’t bite you. Not unless you ask me to.”
Uneasiness swirls deep in my stomach. After last time…my body recoils at the thought of his touch.
I’m torn between the memories of the man I thought he was and the ache of betrayal. Maybe coming here wasn’t as good of an idea as I thought. The rage that drove me here, that inspired this plan, is wavering now that I’m here.
It’s easy to be angry and sure of my actions when he’s not in close proximity to me.
“Come on, Phoenix.” Daegel sits up. “I don’t want to fight tonight. I’m tired of fighting you.”
I hope I’m as good of a liar and manipulator as he is.
I huff a laugh. “Oh, and I’m not? You think I enjoy arguing anytime we see each other?”
He pats the bed next to him. “Then let’s talk. I’ve had time to think about a lot of things since last time we spoke. The way we left things…it brought a new perspective.”
Well, that’s new. I stare at the inviting bed, and the man inside it. Does he mean it, or is he playing me again?
“Come over here, princess.”
I give in.
Slowly, I pad to the bed where Daegel sits. He offers me his hand and I take it. Our fingers weave together, and he gently presses his lips to the back of my palm. Goose bumps skitter all over my skin.
Our eyes meet while his lips are still caressing my skin.
Keeping his gaze, I climb onto the bed, right into his lap.
He guides the hand he holds on to his shoulder and places his hands on each side of my hips.
I straddle him. Even through all the material separating us, I feel the heat from his body.
Remember why you’re here, I repeat to myself like a prayer.
I’m used to my body being a weapon, an instrument to fight, protect, kill. This is no different. I can wield it as a weapon the way Vera does, with a different purpose, as a means to an end.
“From the moment you told me you’d signed up for Val’taz Ezkairin, I couldn’t think straight. Only thing I could focus on was keeping you safe.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he places a finger over my lips to hush me. “Wait. Let me finish.”
Daegel drags his palms down my thighs and then up. Once again, my body awakens at his touch, despite my mind not being on board.
His gaze is stuck on my mouth. “I love you and care about you. When I care so much about someone, my natural instinct is to protect them at all cost. Even if it drives them away.”
He looks sad. Defeated almost.
He’s a Caligos, born and raised. They’re trained in manipulation the moment they leave the mother’s womb. Vera’s voice rings in my mind.
“Keeping you safe means nothing if you’re not mine anymore.” His throat bobs. “I was wrong the way I went about it. I was wrong to try and make you see my point when I didn’t pause to see your reasoning.”
I blink, taken aback.
“Mmm,” I hum, and arch my back a little when he cups my ass in his huge palms.
Daegel’s gaze drops from my lips to the place between my breasts. He can’t see the tattoo, but he looks at the place as if he knows it’s there. Of course he knows. His spies must have told them everything about my experience during the second trial.
I brush my fingers through his hair.
Where is this change of heart coming from now? Has he realized he lost me last time, with the possessiveness and turning a blind eye to his family business?
Could he truly be able to change?
He looks up to meet my eyes. “The two of us are heading towards a tragic end. You, standing to honor the memory of your family through whatever means you think are worthy. Me, trying to fulfill the desires of my family while I try to make them proud. Unless one of us relents, there won’t be a future. ”
I snort. “If you’re about to once more suggest it’s me…”
Daegel chuckles and leans in to press a kiss on the side of my neck. I’m surprised how gentle his lips are. “I think I’m not making myself clear here. What I’m trying to say, Phoenix, is that I’m willing to be the one to stand down.”
I’m stunned to silence. No way.
While he nibbles on the sensitive skin of my neck, his hands work to undo the buttons of my leather top. I’m so torn. My breasts are aching to be freed, to be worshiped by him. But my mind is screaming at me to not give in.
I’ve been here before.
I’m better now.
I’m here to seduce him, and once he’s satiated and asleep, I’ll search his whole house until I find something that will bring his family down.
I hold on to his shoulders and arch my back. The words that come out of my mouth are breathy. “You’re willing to disobey your father and drop out? To let me win and be the next Ezkai General?”
Finally, my heavy breasts are free. Daegel rips the top off and tosses it aside. Slowly, he drags his tongue over the valley between my breasts where the snake tattoo is. A low purr echoes in my mind.
I close my eyes and ignore the awakening presence of the trickster god, all the sensations in my body.
I can’t give in to this, the familiarity.
I can’t forgive.
“Yes, princess. Fulfilling my father’s dream is not worth losing you,” Daegel murmurs against my skin. “I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about what it would be to have the power, but not have you by my side. What a lonely and awful existence that would be.”
I’m tempted to believe him. I still love him after all.
The future I wanted feels so close.
I’m all his.
And he’s all mine.
Finally, he’s hearing me.
He’s choosing me.
I want to believe he’s choosing me. But he’s told me pretty lies before.
I fist his hair at the back of his neck and over his lips, I say, “I’ll believe you when I see it.”
His eyes are dark like the deepest trench in the ocean. “Tomorrow, I’ll announce I’m dropping out.”
Those are the last words we say to each other about it that night.
Daegel knows my body well by now; he plays it like a harp.
But I’m not quite present, quite there with him. While I arch my back when I need to, and part my lips so needy moans can escape as a response to every touch of his fingers, caress of his lips, all of it is an act.
I may love him still, but I don’t feel safe with him.
I don’t respect him.
I don’t believe him.
He has lost the privilege of my ultimate surrender.
I don’t think.
I don’t feel.
I simply am, a steady mountain.
Once it’s over, slowly, I get off him and fall onto the bed next to him. He places a finger under my chin and angles my face so our lips can meet.
It’s a slow, lazy kiss.
Daegel pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms tightly around me. “Stay the night. Please.”
His voice is so relaxed, sleepy. I settle against him and close my eyes.
I have all the intentions of staying the night.