Andrew
We're halfway through Monday, but my day is dragging on. I'm counting down the hours until I can be home in my room typing away in a message box. I'm not sure how long cheer practice lasts, but I'll be waiting for as long as it takes.
I've caught short glimpses of her in the halls between classes, and I've matched them with flirtatious winks. It's cute how bashful she becomes when no one else notices. Will she still act this way when we pass each other in the cafeteria? God, I hope so.
I want to be the one next to her, making her laugh.
One class out of the day isn't enough. Her figure goes out of my view as more of her friends move in next to her.
Damn it. I don't care how much of a stalker it makes me appear; if I can get her to look this way, even for a minute, it would make my entire fucking day.
“Hey, you got the lasagna surprise too!” Seth's laugh interrupts my view of Candi’s table.
“Yeah. The other choice didn't look appetizing.” I quickly move my eyes towards the mystery meat on my tray.
“What? You guys didn't want whatever the fuck this is?” Rayne picks up a knockoff version of the McRib between two hamburger buns and plops it back down onto his Styrofoam plate. Both options are teetering on edible.
“Nah, man, that thing looks like it could grow legs and walk off the table,” Seth explains with a mouth full of food.
“Swallow, and then speak. Fucking pig.” Rayne chuckles to himself before taking a drink from his red Gatorade. “So… Andrew. Where'd you go Friday?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, poking around in the concoction of food on my plate. “I was at your house, and then I went home.”
“Yeah, but you usually stay all weekend…” Do I tell him what he said got under my skin, and I didn't want to think Candi wouldn't go for me because I'm not in her group of popular friends? Nah, I'll just give him the usual excuse.
“Had to get home. Dad hasn't been at the house in a few days, and my mom has been living on the couch. It's been a fucking mess.” It isn't a lie. My mom isn't taking care of herself or the house, and my dad, who the hell knows where he's been.
“Damn, man, that sucks.” Seth's sympathetic look sends a punch to my gut, but that's life. It is what it is.
“Yeah, it does. But what can you do?” He looks at me blankly as I shrug my shoulders and take a drink from my chocolate milk carton.
“Well, let's forget about all of that shit,” Rayne begins.
“We're getting closer to the Valentine’s Day show. Have you guys sold any tickets?” He rests his arms across the table and impatiently waits for our answers.
I can feel his anxiety running through him when he repeatedly taps the heel of his boot on the tile.
“I've got some people lined up.” Seth’s voice rises over the loud chatter in the cafeteria.
No, he doesn't. He uses the same line before every show, and I'll be surprised if his girlfriend shows up as he promised.
Honestly, I'm shocked he's kept her as long as he has.
Seth has never been one for committed relationships.
“Awesome. What about you, Andrew?” Rayne’s expression goes from annoyed to eager.
He knows I don't have anyone coming to watch me, but I always sell out of my allotted tickets.
I usually end up seeking out fans on MySpace or Xanga and meeting them at local places like the mall or the gas station near my house.
“Uh… yeah. I'll get it handled.” My attention moves somewhere else, and my voice trails off. I can see her now. Candi’s smile comes into view, and at this moment, it's all I care about.
If I could take all of the useless memories I have moving around in my head and replace them with images of her smiling, I would in a fucking heartbeat.
“I know you will, bro.” He playfully slaps me on my shoulder. “We only have a couple of weeks before this gig, and that means only a couple more practices. You guys think you'll be ready?”
What did he just ask? My mind is somewhere else.
I can only see the girl several tables away from me, laughing about something one of her friends just whispered in her ear.
Damn, I wish that were me. Just the thought of being that close to her ignites a fire under my skin.
I want so badly to smell the addictive scent of her coconut shampoo.
Would she shudder from the hot air from my breath or the feel of my lips on her sensitive skin? God, I fucking hope so.
“Fuck yeah!” Seth yells out before taping his hands on the round table. His loud thuds break me out of my daze. “What about you, Andy?” I hate it when he calls me that. When Candi says it, it makes my stomach do somersaults.
“Uh… yeah… definitely. I have all of my parts memorized…”
“Awesome.” Rayne chomps down on a carrot stick. He goes on to say something else, but I can't pay attention. Candi is a lure that my eyes can't resist.
Come on, see me. Just look at me once. As if she can hear my inner thoughts, she does what I ask. Her eyes meet mine, and I can feel her heart skip just as mine does. At least I hope it does.
I don't know how many times I checked my messages while practicing my bass. I've messed up many chords and rhythms from how many times I’ve tried to use my peripheral vision. I sound obsessed, maybe I am.
As each minute passes, I'm filled with hopefulness.
I watch the digital clock in the lower corner of my computer monitor change in agonizing slow motion.
Damn, it's nine P.M. How long is cheer practice?
I sound so fucking foolish. I can't help it.
I haven't been this excited to talk to someone before.
Disappointment begins to take over before I sign out of my account, and the dark thoughts start to replace the mental music notes.
She's not getting on tonight. Did you really think she would? Why would a girl like her want to talk to you? You shouldn't have gotten your hopes up. Candi is just like everyone else in that fucking school.
Maybe they're right, and she's not what I thought.
Before I can click the log-out button, Candi proves me wrong again.
My eyes widen at the small number above the messages icon.
“Please be Candi. Please be Candi. Please be Candi.” I repeat the mantra over and over again in a soft and slightly panicked whisper.
It is her. My tensed shoulders relax.
Way to sound desperate.
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
Nm. I just came back from cheer practice. Did you practice your bass or did you miss me too much? Lol.
Misfit_Bassist:
Maybe… a little bit of both…?
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
I knew it!
Misfit_Bassist:
So…
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
So…?
Misfit_Bassist:
Are you going to tell me what was wrong this morning in history??
She doesn't respond, not right away at least. The digital clock is once again moving in slow motion. Shit! Way to go, Andrew. You pissed her off. I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe we aren't as close as I thought, and whatever was going on with her is none of my business.
Misfit_Bassist:
Candi??
I message again, hoping that she just stepped away from her computer and she's not pissed at me.
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
Are you sure you want to know? It's a long story. I don't want to bore you.
Her message illuminates the chat thread.
Misfit_Bassist:
Nothing you could say would bore me, and between you and me, I've been waiting all night to talk to you.
I need to stop admitting to things that make me look so hopeless.
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
I highly doubt that. I'm pretty boring. I might not be worth the wait…
You have no idea how ridiculous you sound. I would wait forever to talk to you.
Misfit_Bassist:
I don't believe it… so you might as well just tell me what happened…
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
*sigh* fine. You asked for it…
More waiting… what seems like fifteen minutes pass before she sends her next message. Candi writes a fucking novel, but I'm more than happy to read every word, even if it is about how terrible her ex is. Zane. Why am I not surprised he's the reason for her tears?
The asshole has no regard for anyone other than his pretentious self.
He just left her at the school waiting while he was kissing someone else?
! Damn. She doesn't deserve the way he treats her.
If I were there, I would've been there for her.
I would've taken her home, and she'd never have to waste any ounce of her sadness on that fuckwad.
Misfit_Bassist:
Damn. He just left you waiting so he could be with some other girl?
I know I'm adding insult to injury, but I'm baffled by the whole thing. How could someone treat her that way? Someone so fucking perfect…
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
Yeah…
Misfit_Bassist:
You don't deserve that, you know that, don't you? Zane is a piece of shit.
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
I know. I wish I could make him see that I deserve better. He's not a bad guy, not all of the time.
She can't be serious right now…
Misfit_Bassist:
Yes, Candi, he is. Please, whatever you do, don't take him back. He's going to do the same thing again.
Please? I guess I've resorted to begging. I'll do whatever it takes to keep her from going back to that idiot.
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
I know. I've told myself I wouldn't go back to him and I would always fall for his bullshit. Not this time, though! I can't!
Misfit_Bassist:
Can I ask you something?
A big question sits like someone's boot on my neck. Was she only online that night because of what he did to her, and does it make me a selfish asshole if I'm glad it happened?
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
of course :)
Misfit_Bassist:
Did all of this happen the night you messaged me?
It might not seem like an important question to her, but if I were the one who helped make her smile, even if for a moment, it would make my whole fucking life.
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
Yes. I admit. I used you for your company on one of the worst nights of my life… Do you forgive me?
Do I forgive her?! There's nothing to forgive. I would gladly do it a million times over.
Misfit_Bassist:
You're forgiven… this time… JK ;) You can use me anytime.
XoXo:Candi:XoXo:
Phew. What would I do without you?
Misfit_Bassist:
I don't know. I guess cry over some douchebag. Haha JK… again. Don't worry, Candi, I'm not going anywhere.