Chapter 9
God, I was an asshole. And a coward, it would seem.
I’d spent the day recounting the events of the gala to my family, leaving out, of course, the attack that had transpired in front of Virgil’s house.
Because I was Fallon Hunter, and I couldn’t just have a nice night with my boyfriend.
I couldn’t just dance the night away at a gala where I was supporting his ambitions, and we couldn’t just end the night at his house and make love for the first time that very same night when he’d confessed his deepening feelings for me.
No, there had to be a vampire trying to kill me.
And Fenton had to show up, just to rub dirt into that fresh wound.
That seemed to be how my life played out these days. And really, it was my fault.
It had been fun, reliving the nice parts of the night. The music, the dancing, the atmosphere, the food I didn’t eat much of, all those details were fascinating to my family. It wasn’t just my little sisters who were swept up in the romance, either. Nico and Gabriel were just as invested.
“I heard you come home last night,” Subin mentioned subtly later with Nico and Gabriel out of earshot, after I’d told the story twice. “I thought you’d spend the night with your boyfriend.”
I didn’t have much of an explanation to give her. Fenton had carried me to a nearby park and ordered a ride to come pick me up — through an app, and not through some vampire connection. He’d offered to come with me, and he hadn’t even put up much of a fight when I’d told him I wanted to go alone.
“I’m not sure he’s still my boyfriend,” I finally said. Technically true. Subin didn’t hide her disappointment, so I explained, “I mean, with me going back home to help my mother for a while…”
“Is she sick?” Subin wasn’t like the Hopes, who’d learned over the years not to ask me too many questions.
“No, just getting older, and I want to spend some time with her.”
She didn’t fully buy it, but I excused myself to my bedroom before she could ask anything else.
I’d planned on spending the day packing up and saying my goodbyes so I could leave the next day, but after the vampire attack, I couldn’t see that happening.
My shoulder was killing me and probably strained, but worse than that was the guilt.
I couldn’t get Virgil’s face out of my mind.
It was deep into the afternoon, and I still hadn’t reached out to him after my “got home safe” text was left on read.
We had to talk. There was a shamefully large piece of my heart that wanted to just run away to the Hunter Land and avoid it all.
It wouldn’t be right, though, so I called him.
“Fallon.”
I winced at his cold greeting. Mother, how I hated this.
“Hi, Virgil.” I was met with silence. “I was hoping we could talk. Face to face. Whenever you’re ready, of course.” Maybe he’d do it now, right over the phone, ask me to never contact him again, and it would be over. The longer the silence went on, the more I was convinced he would.
“Come over. We can talk.”
“You’re sure?” What a coward I was, sounding so disappointed.
“I’ll be here.”
“Okay.” I listened for the tone of him ending the call, but it didn’t come. “I’ll head over soon. Bye, Virgil.”
“Bye.” There was a beep, and the call was over.
I’d never experienced a breakup before, and I hated the dark part of my brain that laughed and said, “At least you didn’t get him killed.
You’re getting better at this.” I put on a sensible outfit, linen pants and a silky white t-shirt with simple jewelry, and tied my hair up into a clean ponytail.
I stared in the mirror, weighing if I needed makeup for the occasion.
I wondered if I would cry when the time came.
I felt only numb and distant now, my emotions somewhere deep in the dark cave of my chest, screaming every once in a while with loud cries of guilt and shame, mostly.
I left without bothering to do any makeup.
I turned the stereo volume all the way down in my car and drove in silence to Virgil’s house.
I never came over in the bright light of midday, and the neighborhood looked different in the sun.
I wondered if the neighbors had heard the commotion last night.
As soon as I was out of my car, my eyes went to that spot in the grass that was still a little bit gray from the ash.
There were two glints of white. Fangs. Would it have been appropriate to collect them?
Virgil likely wouldn’t have been happy, so I kept to the path to his front door.
I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, taking a few conscious breaths before I made my shaky hand knock.
The door unlocked with two clicks, and I waited for the invite before I opened up and slipped inside.
I closed it behind me with my full weight against it.
Virgil stood eight feet away, his arms folded.
Not fiery with anger. Still just cold and far away.
“Hey there.” I kept my voice low and gentle. This was worse than facing the punishment of Hunter mothers. At least the worst they would do was throw me into a cave for a few days or make me carry a bunch of supplies up the path from the road to our home. This was complicated, unknown territory.
“Come in, Fallon.” I must have looked pathetic, because Virgil’s shoulders softened their hard line, and his arms fell back to his sides. “Drink?”
I stepped into his dark living room. “No, thank you.” I got the feeling I wasn’t going to be here long.
I stood and watched him pour himself something from a bottle that looked expensive.
His record player crooned a melancholy song from a woman I’d never heard before.
I folded my fingers up into fists at my sides to keep them from doing anything nervous.
“I never got the chance to properly thank you for last night. I had a really fun time with you at the gala. I’ve never had the chance to do anything like that, and I won’t forget it for the rest of my life.
” I chewed on my bottom lip. Had that been too much?
There was disbelief and anger in Virgil’s glance. He took a slow sip of his drink.
“It was an amazing evening. Until it wasn’t.” He lifted his shoulders in a slow shrug.
Until it wasn’t. Until the attack, and until Fenton.
I opened my mouth to move onto the next piece I’d prepared, but Virgil cut me off. “Are you okay? Were you hurt last night?”
“No.” I laughed, softer than a breath. I absently pressed the pain in my shoulder. “No, just a bit sore. Embarrassed that happened. You must think I’m…insane.”
“A vampire attempted to kill you,” he spoke slowly to the other side of the room, as he wasn’t looking at me, “and you’re embarrassed about it.”
“Like I said. Insane.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t…handle it. Keep you safe.”
“No, no, don’t apologize.” It made me feel so much worse if he did.
“I’m the one who should apologize. For what happened with Fenton.
I promise you, he’s harmless.” I looked away from Virgil like his anger was a bright flashlight pointed at my face.
That wasn’t exactly how I’d wanted to get into the Fenton of it all.
I’d hoped to broach the subject after a little more warming up, with a little more gentleness.
But that was Fenton. He was out here now, in between us again.
“Fallon. Come here.”
The command was firm, and I didn’t question it. His glass clicked where he set it on the bar before he stepped forward. I walked around the couch to stand in front of him at the edge of the dark blackout curtains.
Virgil pushed open the curtain, and the ray of sunlight that slipped through was a blinding shock. He held his hand in it, flat and steady, and his skin started to smoke and crackle. My shocked gasp filled my senses with the odor of burning flesh and ash, and I coughed. “Virgil, stop that!”
The light receded when he dropped the curtain to grab both my arms tight. My shoulder sang in pain, but the groan that nearly emerged was silent when he got in my face and bared his fangs at me with a growl.
“Stop it!” I said again, and my hand itched to find a stake.
“Look at me!” he demanded with another rough shake.
“This is what everyone sees when they look at me. They see the monster. No matter how hard I’ve worked to become who I am, I will always first and foremost be a monster to most. I thought that when you saw me for a man, that it was a good thing. It’s a rarity in my life. But…”
He released me and turned away, retrieving his drink again to down it, looking disgusted with himself.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I’d accused him of being a vampire only when he wanted to be. I was a fool to say it. “I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”
“It’s less about what you said and more about why you said it.
What is he to you? Peter Fenton has tried to kill you.
Why would you put yourself at risk to spare him?
Put my livelihood at risk…” His job, his beliefs, his sense of duty.
I had the full grasp of what I’d done when I’d refused to stake Fenton.
“He’s my friend.” It was a lame excuse, even to my own ears. But it was the truth, and I couldn’t even apologize for it.
“Do you have feelings for him?”
I raised my eyebrows. In all the versions of this conversation that I’d had in my head, I’d never expected this path.
I couldn’t even give it the proper thought before Virgil’s mouth firmed up into a straight line and he nodded to himself, as if my shocked silence confirmed it.
Oh, hell no, I wasn’t going to let him write off my choice as some naive act of infatuation.
“I feel for him. He didn’t ask for this any more than you did. He was the first real friend I ever had in the world, and I need him and his support. He can’t…” He can’t go away. I couldn’t say it.
“Right.”
It was all he said, and I didn’t have anything else to say, either. He flexed his hand, the one that was red and raw from his brush with the sun. My only distraction was rolling my strained shoulder, and that brought no relief from the choking awkwardness. I broke first.
“I guess I better go. Thank you for hearing me out.” It was a struggle to apologize again, but I made myself do it, especially when he was just staring so blankly. “I’m sorry again. For last night.”
He followed me to the door, and though he was fighting with what seemed to be a hundred things to say, none of them were ever voiced. He tucked himself away from where the sun could come inside, leaning against the wall.
“I’m leaving this week to go back home. I’m not sure when I’ll be back.” I spoke to the door.
“Please be safe.”
That didn’t feel like a possibility for me anymore, but I nodded anyway.
I hadn’t felt this far from Virgil since the first day I met him, back in his tiny office, hidden away from the rest of the police officers.
It would be easy to leave it unspoken, to rely on a mutual understanding of what this feeling meant.
I hadn’t been raised to do anything the easy way, though.
“It’s probably a good excuse for us to end things.” I delivered it with a smile, like it was a funny little joke. How else was I supposed to deal? Virgil’s frown curved even further, though.
“Did you…even feel anything for me?”
He’s just hurt, and bitter about me hurting him, my brain told me, always seeking the rational answers even in stressful situations. But still, the question stung, and it was taking everything in me not to lash right back out.
“Of course I did, Virgil.” If he knew me enough, he’d have heard the strain in my voice.
“You’re a wonderful man.” I offered him one last smile, as big as I could muster, which wasn’t big at all, and then I escaped into the sun where he couldn’t follow me, not stopping my brisk pace until I was back in my car.
I stared ahead at the bright, familiar neighborhood that I’d likely be seeing for the last time.
“Not bad for your first breakup,” I told myself. As I drove, Virgil’s final question echoed in my mind some more.