Chapter 14 #3
“You’ve helped her abandon her family. You should have brought her back here. What do your actions telegraph to the other girls here?” Imogen’s own calm demeanor annoyed me even more.
“This isn’t about Lily or anyone else.” My voice shook with embarrassing emotion.
“This is about me. Even without any Blessing, I have been fighting almost every night, and I showed you the evidence of that. I am going to keep fighting. Put me through the trials, and I will prove myself. Leave it to the judgment of Mary the Mother.”
“And what of your own judgment?” Sarah Jane spoke. “A Hunter who cannot make the difficult decisions is perhaps a greater danger to the world than even a vampire. This is a trial, as important as the others.”
The chair groaned when I leaned back again. I’d gotten so worked up that I hadn’t realized I’d edged so far forward that I was close to falling off.
“You don’t really understand what the difficult decisions even are until you’re out there hunting.
” A surprising calmness had returned to me, and I looked at the mothers for mutual understanding in that truth.
“I’ve been making them, and I’m here now because I understand the fight.
How many active Hunters are left? Diana, Jerica, and Camila.
Meanwhile, there are endless lines of vampires being created every night. I want to help the balance.”
I clenched my fists as I met every single gaze.
I wanted this. I’d do anything to prove it.
I just needed the chance. Jo gave a signal, and the four women came together to whisper their discussion of my worthiness.
I picked up a few words, and the longer they went on, the lower my spirit sank into the pit of my belly.
The women spread apart to face me once again, and instead of the verdict I was hoping for, the questioning continued, retreading the same old topics — Peter Fenton, Lazaro Reyes, my recent hunting, my hunting four years ago, then Derrick and the Hopes and Lily, my work, my attitude, my commitment, round and around until my answers were hoarse.
They paused occasionally to discuss my fate again, until the last time, when the wind brushed chills over my skin and the moon spotlighted us from high above.
I was getting too tired to even be angry anymore when Josephine nodded to the others to send them away.
Imogen was the only one to look back at me, and her tiny smile was a clear enough message.
I jolted to my feet. The back of my body ached, shoulders to ankles, from sitting for hours in a stiff wooden chair, but I would have sat there through the next day and night if it meant getting my chance.
I gripped the rounded back of my seat as Jo approached.
She looked at me like she was actually seeing me for the first time since I’d gotten there that afternoon.
“It’s nice to see you again, Fallon.” She spoke with a warmth that hadn’t been common when she was raising me. “I’m glad that you haven’t given up as I feared you had.”
There was no defending it. I’d given up after Derrick. I’d lost years of my life, and I couldn’t even think about them without the pang of regret.
“I am, too, Mother. No matter what, I’m glad I’m here again.” I looked down at the faded wooden seat of the chair, above an uneven patch of grass in front of my home. I just wished it could have still felt like home.
“It’s not ‘no matter what,’ though, is it?” Jo asked just louder than the giggling breeze.
An owl called from a nearby tree, watching over us. Was it a witch, like Mr. Freedman had said? A vampire? Lazaro watching over me, checking if I upheld my side of the bargain to get more power, even though he’d already broken the promise by sending another vampire to kill me?
“I want the chance to prove myself,” I said through clenched teeth. My mother had only a steady stare, a silent request for truth. “I want the power to face stronger vampires. Older ones. I want to turn the tides. I can only do that if I’m Blessed.”
The noise that emerged from the back of Josephine’s throat wasn’t a good one. “There wasn’t a consensus, Fallon. Two voted to let you attempt the trials, and two voted against it. I’m sorry. This isn’t the path for you.”
“No,” I said, and the answer shot Jo’s eyebrows up. “Why is it only you four deciding? What about…Jerica or Carolina? Why does Imogen even get a say?”
“Fallon. It’s time for you to go.”
“No.”
I braced myself for a slap, tightening the muscles in my jaw and shoulders on some instinct from long past. Josephine picked up the chair and turned away from me.
“Go home, Fallon.”
“I am home.”
A moment of hesitation slowed her midstep, but it didn’t stop her. Josephine went inside to join the other Hunters, locking me out of their world.
“No.” I wasn’t about to give up so easily, and I didn’t allow myself to even dip my toe into the disappointment. I had a night in my car to look forward to, and even if that meant I wasn’t going to get much sleep, at least it would give me time to consider my next steps.