Chapter 33
Days passed like quiet months, and for the second time in five years, I attended a funeral for a Hope I loved. While a family I didn’t deserve mourned around me, the same swarm of thoughts attacked me day and night. I was responsible for another death.
Gabriel had only been in his early sixties, but his heart had stopped that night, an estimated eight to ten hours before emergency services had arrived soon after sunrise.
I’d been the only one home, and if I’d just checked on him instead of throwing myself into fruitless fights with a vampire who couldn’t even kill me, who I couldn’t kill either, I might have had a chance to save Gabriel.
The Hope siblings blamed themselves, too, and so I was in good and guilty company. They assured me there was nothing I could have done, and I did the same for them, but we were all none the lighter for it. It wasn’t fair how the Hope family suffered.
Two weeks had passed since the funeral. I’d been planning on leaving and finding a home for myself to keep the Hopes safe from my secret life of vampire hunting, but with Gabriel gone, I felt stuck.
Leaving would be a cruelty to the grieving family.
The whole quitting my job based on the assumption that I’d become a true Hunter made getting a place of my own far more difficult as well.
For the time being, I was trapped in some awkward liminal space.
My mostly nocturnal sleep schedule had grown even more erratic.
I found sleep when it came to me and did what I could to keep my hands and brain busy when I was awake.
The pressure to appear like a normal grieving family member made my craving to creep out into the dark and release that built-up tension even stronger.
I was up at dawn this morning, and I’d had a short conversation with Nico before he got to work on the ranch, and I’d seen his wife Subin off when she left for work at the university.
Lily came into the kitchen next to fill a water bottle before her usual morning run.
I hadn’t joined her since before I’d gone to the Hunter Land, and I even turned down the offer this morning despite having nothing better to do.
Amanda was next to come into the kitchen, after Lily had gone.
“You’re up early,” I commented, hoping my tone was good-natured, though I regretted the comment anyway when she shrugged.
She’d been thrown off schedule since her father’s death.
It was no wonder. She looked through the fridge, then in the cabinets, and it gave me time to build up the courage to ask that dreaded question. “How are you holding up?”
She didn’t turn to face me. “Not great.”
“I’m sorry,” I winced at her much-appreciated honesty. “Is there anything you need? Anything I can do?”
“I have Lily. I wouldn’t have made it this far without her,” Amanda whispered, almost like the words weren’t for me.
“I’m really glad you two have become such good friends.”
Amanda’s face pinched so hard I considered taking my words back. Weren’t they friends? They spent practically every second together. Had something happened? But—
Amanda groaned, perhaps at my silent panic. “Not friends.” She waited for me to fill in the blank, but I just stared. “More.”
“More than friends.” I had to say the damned words out loud for them to click, and Amanda’s face went bright red. Mine must have, too, because she launched into a defense.
“I don’t know. I mean, we’re dating, and we have been for a while now, and we’re not going to stop even if you disapprove. I just wanted you to know. I wanted to be the one to tell you.”
“You and Lily?” I hadn’t meant to sound so shocked.
“But you’re…” Amanda’s eyebrows darted up, daring me to finish that sentence.
My brain slammed the brakes, but it still slipped out of my mouth.
“You’re both like sisters to me.” That sentiment had to live in the air between us for a few uncomfortable moments.
“But I suppose you’re not really like sisters to each other. ”
Amanda gagged. “Obviously not!” They were both 18-year-old women who’d met a few months ago. Neither of them were even my own biological sisters.
“Sorry.” My pout didn’t stay put for long before I had to laugh. “It’s fine. I mean, it’s the scariest thing in the world to love someone, but…you chose a good one. Both of you did.”
“Cornball,” Amanda muttered. She pretended to look again for something to eat, but I could feel her tracking me out of the corner of her eye.
“You’re the cornball. You thought I’d disapprove? What, because I’m old?” The levity was like a baby deer in the room with us, and I was terrified to scare it off. Everything had been so heavy since Gabriel’s passing.
“I was afraid you’d pull some gross ‘sisters’ argument.” She gave me a pointed look.
“I didn’t!” She put on an annoyed teenager glare, and I laughed. “Thanks for telling me.”
“You really didn’t notice anything?”
“I’ve been…” Distant didn’t begin to cover what I’d been this past month or two. I’d been a ghost skulking around in the night.
“It’s alright. Don’t blame yourself. You’ve always been pretty oblivious when it comes to this stuff.” Amanda left me with a little smirk.
I sat alone and did the math in my head on Amanda and Lily, trying to figure out if there had been any obvious signs that I’d missed.
Maybe I really was clueless. My own laugh filling the kitchen surprised me.
So did the lightness in my chest. Once I noticed it, the weight sank back in, but for a few moments, I’d been happy for my sisters.
For the two girls, I corrected in my head, now that calling them sisters felt weird, for Amanda Hope and Lily Hunter. Cute.
This was how life went on, and I’d almost forgotten what it was like.
* * *
It was shameful how soon after Gabriel’s death I’d already grown restless for the hunt. Not even a week had passed before I couldn’t take it any longer, and it was becoming a routine for me again. I waited for the house to grow dark and quiet before I snuck out.
I gravitated to Third Street, as I always seemed to do, and I walked past Peter’s vampire bar from the opposite side of the road, keeping the entrance always in my peripheral vision.
I still hadn’t crossed paths with Fenton since his memories had been taken, and tonight was no different.
The disappointment that I could no longer ignore was a heavy stone in my chest, but I continued on my path.
I knew it was for the best that Peter didn’t remember me.
It didn’t even begin to cover the price I owed the Hunters for my betrayal.
Still, I couldn’t help myself. I was greedy, and I wanted to see him.
I wanted to know that he was okay. And maybe the most selfish part of me wanted to see how he’d react if we were face to face again.
Was I really in his soul like he’d promised?
I turned a corner and stopped so fast my feet nearly tangled under me. A man in a peculiar white suit stood luminous beneath the nearest streetlamp. Nemesh. There was no point in caution, so I approached.
“So you made it through the night,” he smiled.
“You remembered. Didn’t think I’d see you again.”
“I figured you’d need some time to grieve. But how could I forget? It’s all I’ve been thinking about.”
His casual mention of Gabriel’s death was surely intended to be discomforting, and so I ignored it. “A busy man like yourself?”
“Oh, please don’t call me a man.” He didn’t take much offense to it, his smile never dropping.
“Did you place your bet in time? You were right. Lazaro came back that night.”
“I just knew he would,” Nemesh laughed warmly.
I narrowed my eyes on him. “Because you’ve existed for all time, future and past, and already know everything that’ll ever happen?”
That got an overzealous laugh out of him that probably got the attention of every vampire in the neighborhood.
“Fallon, you think so much of me. Or you’re very good at flattery.
Either way, I’m happy.” It wasn’t a true answer either way.
Nemesh scared even Lazaro, and that should have kept my defenses higher.
“Keeping a devil in good humor seems smart.”
“You’re a smart girl. So, have you thought again about our little deal?”
I was still struggling to admit even to myself that I’d been thinking of little else other than that power.
I’d never felt so good in my life. I knew it was dangerous.
It went against everything I’d ever learned with the Hunters, and I’d disappointed them more than enough already.
If I really were a smart girl like this devil said, I would have turned and walked away.
Instead, some darker impulse gained an inch of ground against my better conscience.
“Hypothetically,” I began despite my best efforts, “what would it cost me?”
The devil smiled.
* * *
I was back home earlier than I had expected, and my mind was still reeling with far-away thoughts of my encounter with Nemesh. I didn’t notice Nico Hope waiting for me on the porch stairs until I was practically stepping on him.
“Nico!” My surprise only barely covered up my guilt at being caught. “What…What are you doing out here so late?” The back corner of my mind got to work spinning an excuse for why I was out here so late.
“I haven’t been sleeping well,” he explained. “I noticed you sneaking out the other night. Then again last night. And again tonight. Let’s be honest, it was happening before, too.” I inferred what the unspeakable “before” was.
Well, this was bad. A parade of ridiculous or dangerous stories went through my head, but lying to Nico wouldn’t work. He could see through me. Somehow, he knew exactly what was going on and was waiting for me to admit the truth. My lips barely moved, and nothing came out.
“My dad had a policy,” Nico continued in his rough, sad voice, “that we should let you keep your secrets and respect your privacy. But, uh…well…” Gabriel was gone. Nico was in charge of the Hope family now.
I’d spent so much time worrying about this exact moment, and now that it had inevitably arrived, I was stunned silent. I didn’t know what to say. I was stuck between lying and just telling the truth, and I wasn’t sure which option would cause more damage.
The choice vanished when he lifted a long, slender object from the shadow next to his thigh. A wooden stake. He looked from it to me, and any ability to lie died on my lips. I nodded. He knew.
Nico patted the stairs beside him. “Let’s talk, Fallon.”