Chapter 5
Five
The early morning sun shines through the window waking me from a deep sleep.
I stretch my arms and feel a sense of confusion.
Did last night really happen or did I drink way more champagne than I thought?
I swing my legs over the bed and stand shakily.
There’s the hangover. I grab my dressing gown and head down the stairs to the kitchen to brew my coffee and grab a leftover pastry.
I head into the garden room to have a moment of peace and clear my head.
I notice Aradia in the garden practising yoga, her floaty dress shimmering in the breeze.
She moves with such precision and purpose.
The morning sun gleams down on her making each movement look angelic.
I’m captivated by her. Her whole being just oozes calmness and warmth.
I’m still shocked that she is my mother’s twin.
She notices me staring at her and the biggest smile takes over her face.
She waves at me enthusiastically making the many bangles on her wrist chime together.
She continues to follow her yoga sequence as I stare at her in wonder.
“She always loved being outside,” a small voice says behind me.
My mother has appeared next to me and is now also watching Aradia outside.
“Why did you stop talking?” I ask without looking at her, still captivated by my aunt outside.
She sighs and sits next to me. “It’s complicated. We’re remarkably different and want different things. We’re just vastly different people. I love her, she’s my sister, but I chose you and Daddy and our life we have now.”
“I think I want to go and stay with them,” I blurt out without actually thinking about it.
“I know you do. As soon as she turned up, I knew you’d go. I see a lot of Aradia in you, darling.”
I turn to look at my mother. She looks tired this morning, deflated. “You do?”
“Of course. You’re kind and you think differently. Things that are beautiful qualities but are also easily taken advantage of. All I wanted for you was the best, to keep you safe.”
“I think I need to figure out what I want though, Mother. Plus, despite your reasons, you’ve lied to me for all these years. I have family who want to know me.”
She nods, defeated, and takes a moment to watch her sister through the window.
Her demeanour changes as she stands up and straightens out her silk pyjamas. “I’ll do the damage control with Greg and his family for when you return. If you can do one thing for me though and allow me to tell people you’ve gone travelling. I am not having a conversation regarding my ‘family’.”
I look up at her, no longer annoyed but saddened for the woman in front of me. “Mother, why are you so worried about what people think?”
“Harriett,” she says sternly.
I shake my head. “Fine, say what you want.”
She nods and walks off into the inner house.
Aradia makes her way into the garden room with her yoga mat tucked under her arm.
She stops in the doorway and puts the mat down. She lifts her hands into the air as if she’s feeling it. “Oh, I sense some tension in here.”
“I told Mother I’m coming to stay with you and Grandma,” I say quietly, still not believing that I’ve made that decision.
She bounds over to me, bare feet slapping on the cool tiles as she runs, wrapping me in her arms. “Harri! That’s wonderful news. I’m so glad! We will have the best time getting to know each other and hopefully you can start healing that big caring heart of yours.”
“Thank you.” We stand smiling at each other. I can see small tears in the brim of her eyes.
“Are you OK?” I ask.
“I’m just so happy.” She’s still beaming with happiness.
We take a moment before she composes herself.
“Right, well, we will leave in the bug today.”
“Bug?” If she has some giant bug outside that we’re riding to her house on, I’m tapping out and Lauren is right. I’m on heroin and I’ve lost my mind.
“My rusty trusty old Beetle. He’s still going strong from the early sixties!
” She chuckles and I laugh to myself. Of course, a Beetle.
I really do need a break! She continues.
“I have a few bits to sort out with Cassie and grab something from Harrods for Mama. She’s got the fancy streak your mother inherited, so need to get her some orange marmalade biscuits.
” She chuckles to herself and shakes her head.
“And after that, I think we will head off. Get home to Mama, your grandmother, around supper time. She’ll be so excited to see you. How are you with gardening?”
“Gardening? I haven’t really tried it to be honest.” I shift anxiously in my place.
“Well, we actually have a pretty impressive vegetable garden and there’s the village harvest market coming up. Maybe you could help out? It’ll give you the opportunity to meet everyone in the village!”
“I mean, you’ll have to show me what to do, but of course I’ll help. It’ll make me feel better for staying in your house rent free. Actually, I didn’t even ask. Would you like me to pay something towards all these expenses?”
Her face is a picture of shock, like I shouldn’t have asked such a silly question. “Gosh, no, you’re family, sweetie. I wouldn’t take a penny from you.”
I smile softly. “OK, let me get some stuff together. I’ll have to pop to mine to get things suitable for the countryside.”
“Don’t worry about too much, darling. I have stuff you can borrow, and we can order you some things. It’s a village, not the moon. We have ASOS.” She winks at me and flows past to find my mother.
I finish my coffee and grab another pastry and head upstairs to pack my overnight bag. I really don’t have much with me, so I really could do with going back to the apartment.
I quickly shower and get myself dressed.
I grab an Uber back to my apartment. Greg will either be there and asleep or he’ll be at the gym.
Possibly at Lauren’s but my brain can’t think about that otherwise the poor Uber guy is going to get a matinee performance to my earlier emotional breakdown.
And if she’s at my apartment… well then, I’m glad I’ve binge watched Dexter.
I make my way through our reception and up to our floor.
I stand in front of our front door and give myself a pep talk.
In and out. Grab some bits and leave. I turn the key and slowly open the door trying to be as quiet as I can.
The apartment is empty and looks untouched from when I left.
I make my way into the open living room to find uneaten Chinese and empty cans of beer strewn all over the floor.
The last time something fried went past Greg’s lips was probably when he was a child.
I’m secretly glad my absence has caused him to eat stuff he would never normally eat.
I walk into the bedroom. Empty. Thank God, but I now doubt it’s the gym he’s at, so probably seeking some shallow reassurance from Lauren.
I grab one of our suitcases and start filling it with jeans, jumpers and shirts.
Summer is on the turn to autumn so best pack for chillier nights.
I grab some of my skincare bits along with a few pyjamas and other essentials.
I grab my camera that Greg got me one Christmas.
I never use it, but would love to start taking more photos of places.
I also grab my Kindle and iPad charger and shove them in the suitcase.
I look over at our bed. Messy and unmade.
I notice some pictures on my pillow. I crawl onto the bed to get a closer look.
Pictures of us. For a second I feel guilty but my brain floods with images of him and Lauren and the sickness takes back over.
I grab my coat and suitcase and head for the door. I really need some time away from this place. I open the door and Greg is stood with his key ready to unlock from the other side. Well, this is déjà vu.
“Harri?” he says, looking surprised.
“I’m just getting some of my things,” I mutter.
His eyes look dark and drawn in and he’s clutching a McDonald’s bag to his chest.
“Ah, OK.” He looks disappointed. “Look, Harri, can we talk about this?” The smell of whiskey from his breath fills the space.
My shoulders drop. As much as I want to hate him, I still love him. A little. When it was just us, Greg was different. He would be fun and kind and the things I needed. But like my mother, he is just too wrapped up in people’s beliefs of him. As was I at one point.
“I can’t, Greg. I need some time. I’m going to go stay—” I stop myself.
I hate lying but if I start spilling family secrets my mother will have an aneurysm.
“I’m going to do some travelling. I need to have some space, Greg, to figure out what I want.
We’re not together, remember? So maybe you need to take the time to think about what you want too. ”
He nods and makes room for me to pass. I can feel the lump in my throat but I’m not crying anymore over this. Time to breathe, move on and see what the Chattoxes have to offer.
By the time I get back to my parents’ Aradia is packing her incredibly old yellow Beetle.
“Almost ready to head off, Harri?” She grins.
I transfer my suitcase from the Uber to my aunt’s rusty car. The boot space is almost non-existent, so I have to wedge it in the back seats.
“I just need to grab my overnight,” I say as I head up the steps of my parents’ house.
“Are you bringing the kitchen sink as well?” She laughs.
I shrug and smile. “Sorry, I just didn’t know what I’ll need.”
“It’s fine, lovey, you bring what makes you feel comfortable.” She continues to stuff Harrods bags into the car.
I run inside and grab the bag I packed this morning. My mother is stood near the door as I come back down.
“Well, have fun.” My mother looks completely irritated.
“Where’s Daddy?” I ask.
“It’s best your father is left out of this silly little escapade,” she says dismissively.
“You know, you don’t have to lie to everyone, Mother.”
She stares at me with anger before it fades into disappointment.