Chapter 38 #2
“You forgive me? Forgive me? You’re the one who ruined my entire life.
You ruined my career. You humiliated me, Reese.
You stole my sight. You took everything from me!
The second I get out of here I will ruin you, Reesey,” James snarls, slamming his tray table and violently pushing it away.
His bucket of ice crashing to the floor.
Officer Tony immediately rushes into the room to assess the situation. “Everything okay in here?”
“I’m okay, thank you,” I assure him.
He steps back out into the hallway.
“No one asked if you are okay, Reese. I’m not okay!” James screams.
Walking a little bit closer to James, close enough so only he can hear me.
“For the record, James, you can’t ruin me because I already ruined you. And I’m not the least bit sorry that you can’t see a thing anymore. You deserve fucking worse,” I growl under my breath.
James almost roars in fury. Swinging his arm out to try and hit me, but I’m out of reach.
Officer Tony steps back into the room, nodding toward the door. “I think it’s time to leave now, Ms. Archer.”
“Her name is Mrs. McAllister,” James yells, as we close the door behind us.
“The doctor explained to him again about his sight this morning. I think Dr. McAllister is in denial. He called Dr. Huxley every name in the book, but he is very much aware that he is permanently blind. Dr. McAllister is also furious they stopped giving him pain meds,” Officer Tony states.
“I still can’t believe he cheeked those pills,” I stumble through my words.
“It’s not uncommon for people with narcissistic tendencies to have suicidal ideation.”
“You think that’s why James was trying to save them?”
“I can’t say for certain, but that would be my guess.”
“I thought maybe it was his way of trying to remain in control. James used to have to control every little thing. I still can’t believe that there’s no chance of him regaining his vision. I didn’t mean to… I just wanted him to stop attacking me.” I frown.
“You did what you had to do to protect yourself. I saw the video footage. Dr. McAllister looked like a man out for blood. Odds are high he would have killed you. Try to forgive yourself,” Officer Tony assures me.
“Thank you. I’m going to head out. If that’s okay? Will you keep me posted please?”
“Of course. Have a good day, Ms. Archer.”
“You as well.” I smile.
The next morning, Officer Tony calls me to let me know James is being discharged around four p.m. and will be going to the Allegheny County Jail until his trial.
I’m not sure why, but I feel the need to visit him at the hospital once more.
Beck is less than thrilled that I keep going.
I’m not even sure why I keep thinking I need to go. When I ran, I never wanted to see James again.
Maybe subconsciously I still can’t come to terms with the fact that he’s blind and it’s my fault. It’s like I feel guilty but I don’t. There’s a part of me that wants to see him suffering for once.
I have no plans to visit him in jail. I imagine I’ll have to see him in court when our case goes to trial, whether it’s for the battery charges or the divorce but for some reason seeing him one last time in the hospital feels final.
Walking to James’ hospital room for the last time, I notice Officer Travis is sort of pacing the hallway and nurses are running in and out of James’ room.
When he sees me, he makes his way toward me, pulling me off to the side.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
“We aren’t really sure. Officer Tony told Dr. McAllister this morning that he would be going to Allegheny County Jail this afternoon when he was discharged.
He smashed another tray table and Officer Tony left.
About twenty minutes ago, a nurse went to check on him and he was unresponsive.
They have been doing CPR.” Officer Travis explains.
Barging into his hospital room, my eyes immediately go to James’ lifeless body lying on the hospital bed.
“Ma’am, you can’t be in here!” a nurse yells.
“She’s his wife,” Officer Travis states from behind me.
“You still shouldn’t be in here.”
“What happened?” I shout.
“We don’t know. He ordered lunch an hour ago.
We left him to eat it. When we came back to check on him, Dr. McAllister was blue, his face was swollen and he was unresponsive.
We did a throat sweep and didn’t find anything in his airway but his tongue is swollen.
He didn’t respond to CPR. We called time of death four minutes ago.
I’m so sorry, ma’am,” the nurse states solemnly.
My eyes are searching the room for any sign. Any clue to what happened.
“Has he been given any medications today?” I ask.
“Nothing, ma’am. They were discharging him today,” the nurse states.
“James never yelled for help? Like he was in distress?” I ask, twisting back to look at Officer Travis.
“I was sitting right outside the door since my shift started this morning. Someone has been here 24/7 so he couldn’t leave. I didn’t hear anything,” he states.
“You said Officer Tony left…”
“I just meant he left the room, but he came out here,” Officer Travis confirms.
My eyes are searching everywhere and that’s when I see the plate on his tray table, pushed up against the wall out of the way.
I imagine it was shoved out of the way so they could run their code on James.
There are crumbs like maybe it was a sandwich but I can’t tell. The plate is empty.
“Can I speak with you outside in the hallway?” Officer Travis requests.
“I’m so confused.”
“So are we. And I hate to do this, but I have to ask, since it’s my job. You have been visiting him a lot, for someone who had a restraining order against?—”
“You think I did this? I haven’t even been here since yesterday!” I state, affronted.
“I’m not saying you did anything. Just making sure you haven’t given him anything, or hid something in his room when you’ve been here. I did see that you used to be a nurse as well,” Officer Travis remarks.
“I have not gotten close enough to James to give him anything. I was more so hoping he would give me some closure by apologizing to me. Wished that bastard would sign these divorce papers.” I show him the papers I had tucked in a folder under my arm.
“Each time I’ve been here, he’s turned it around to make it about him, and became the victim, so I left. I did not do anything!” I turn away, fuming.
“Ms. Archer, I believe you, but stick around. We’ll be doing an autopsy this evening,” I hear him say as I leave.
I’ve been walking in the park for hours. The same park where Beck and I had laid on the ground and came up with our truce after we got back from Vegas. That feels so long ago.
I’m not ready to go back and tell everyone because I can’t even wrap my head around James being dead.
My phone buzzes in my pocket for what feels like the tenth time. When I finally pull it out, I see I have a voicemail. I press play and listen to it.
“Ms. Archer, this is Officer Tony, please return my phone call.”
It’s been an hour since Officer Tony called, which means I’ve been outside for hours and it’s freezing. My finger tips are about as numb as I am.
I’m still trying to process that James is dead.
James. Is. Dead.
And I’m pretty sure that prideful, bastard somehow took his own life.
Rest in peace is the only thought that keeps creeping up through my mind. But it’s not for him, it’s for me.
I can finally rest in peace knowing James can no longer haunt me.
No longer hurt me.
No longer lay his hands on me.
No longer poison me with his words.
No longer dig his talons in even from miles away.
I don’t have to look over my shoulder anymore.
I don’t have to live in fear.
I don’t have to walk on eggshells.
He’s gone and I…
I can finally find peace.
I feel like I should feel guilty for feeling that way, but all I feel is complete and utter relief.
And how do I explain that to my friends without sounding like a terrible person?
Sitting down on a park bench, I take a deep breath and call back Officer Tony.
The phone rings for only a second before, “Ms. Archer, the autopsy results are back,” Officer Tony says immediately. “James McAllister’s cause of death was severe anaphylaxis.”
I wait a moment before I ask quietly, “What was James’s lunch order that he requested?”
“A peanut butter and jelly sandwich with extra peanut butter. He must have really liked peanut butter. Afraid they wouldn’t have it in jail?” Officer Tony questions slightly chuckling.
I’m completely dumbfounded.
“James had a severe peanut allergy,” I state so matter of fact.
Silence. For what feels like eternity.
“Is there any reason you can think of that he would have ordered this then? Shouldn’t a surgeon know his allergies?” Officer Tony asks.
“Oh, James knows his allergies—knew them. Was it not documented in his medical chart?”
“It wasn’t. So again, can you think of any reason why he would order this?
And consume the entire sandwich? Normally someone pulls the alarm for a nurse if they’re going into anaphylaxis.
Especially someone with his knowledge. There was an officer right outside of his room.
He could have called for help. Officer Travis said he never heard a word.
Not a sound. Dr. McAllister basically suffocated to death. ”
“Honestly, I don’t think James could’ve gone on living without his sight. His career was his life.”
“So, you think Dr. McAllister did this on purpose?”
“I really do, officer.” I sigh.
The inkling I felt when I saw that plate was true. The humiliation of going to jail, ruining his career was too much for someone like James to endure.
James had too much pride to go to jail. Too much pride to be denounced of his status. Too much pride to go on living as less than.
So, James controlled his own script and manipulated the system one final time to work in his mind’s eye favor.
I guess now we will both rest in peace.