Chapter 3
“ Y ou’re an idiot is what you are, Ian Stronholm.”
The fury lacing Kalliah’s normally dainty voice told me if my eyes were actually open, I’d spot spit flying from her mouth.
Ian growled right back at her. They would keep this up for days without any intervention.
I laughed, slowly opening my eyes to the sunshine streaming through my window. My bedroom window.
Safe. We were safe in the confines of my chambers.
I stretched my arms, deliciously more rested than I should have been, given what happened last night, thanks to Elisabeth’s healing magic.
“I don’t know what you're laughing at.” Kalliah directed her attention to me. “You two are going to be caught. Or worse, you’re going to be killed, kidnapped— something .”
The final piece to our trio, Kalliah Brennan, had her hands on her narrow hips at the end of my bed. Her green eyes angrily met mine. The true sign of her anger, a few beads of sweat forming on her golden skin, showed just how frustrating she found this conversation.
Kalliah had been with me for ten years, originally as my attendant. While our first few years together had been difficult, navigating our teenage years together as Princess and attendant, we bonded once we decided the rules surrounding the formalities of Court were meant to be broken. With both of our guards down, we grew inseparable. Besides Ian, she became my only other true friend, something nearly impossible to find as a princess.
When I became of age, I elevated her to lady-in-waiting despite her having limited magical abilities, only able to conjure light breezes of air. The role should have been reserved for someone of a higher standing of magic. Status meant nothing to me, though.
No one questioned me, partly because I never asked for anything , and partly because I held the title of “Princess.” Kalliah kept to herself, and my mother, Queen Roxana, adored her as much as I did for her fierce loyalty throughout the years.
“Kalliah, it’s fine. There’s not even a mark anymore… hardly a thing to get a crown in a twist, you know,” I joked. I brought my hands behind my head, tugging my pillow forward and chucking it at her as she stood criticizing me from the end of the bed.
Ian howled out a laugh, even though Kalliah batted the pillow away.
I giggled until I saw the deep red color on my hands. A stain.
Blood.
My smile disappeared as I stared at the reddish tinge and the crust around my nails.
To my right, the mattress sank. Ian’s strong, calloused hand took mine in his own. “We would have died if we hadn’t fought.”
“I killed him,” I whispered, still staring at my bloodied hands. “Is it real?”
Ian brushed his thumb over my knuckles. “Real as roses,” he said softly, using a phrase we’d established long ago.
Kalliah joined us on the bed, taking a seat at the foot. She remained quiet, observing in silent support.
“Technically, I did all of the work, so don’t take all the credit.” Ian lightened his tone, attempting to alleviate the mood, but the heaviness in his words let me know this was hard for him, too.
“It feels wrong,” I whispered.
Ian gently tugged my shoulder toward him, and I fell into a hug. “I’d be more concerned if it felt right after your first kill.” He paused. “You will get through this pain. And, if you are faced with a fight again, you know you’re able to defend yourself, as long as you can keep yourself focused.”
“He’s right,” Kalliah said. “And with the way you’ve been taking chances lately, I have a feeling you’ll be getting into plenty more confrontations . ”
Ian nodded in agreement. “I think we should probably increase training, given what happened. I’d ask you to not go to any more Henchman meetings, but I know how that’ll go over.” He rolled his eyes at his last comment. Our arguments over the supply drops never ended.
“I’m not letting one little scuffle deter me from going on future drops.”
I refused to concede. I needed this bit of freedom, or I’d go mad inside the palace walls. I needed to know something I did mattered to the people of my future kingdom.
“I still think it’s careless,” Kalliah chimed in as she fiddled with her apron. She met my gaze with an earnest look in her eyes. “You came up with the idea, which is more than anyone else did. Now you should leave Ian and his tagalongs to handle Henchman activities.”
Kalliah rose from the bed and crossed the room, her chestnut-brown hair swaying as she flicked it over her shoulder. “Especially since you almost got yourself killed. I don’t understand how you can continue to take such risks,” she huffed, her friendly concern morphing into what seemed to be fearful anger.
“Kalliah, deep breaths. We made it out alive.”
In our trio, Kalliah was the only one of us who behaved like they belonged in a Royal Court. Her political acumen and level-headedness helped keep Ian and I in line.
Most of the time.
I glanced at my hands once again. Ian rose and squeezed my shoulder. “Take a minute to wash up. We’re right here.”
He followed Kalliah out of my bedroom, through the door leading to the main sitting area. I didn’t want to be alone anymore, so I quickly jumped out of my gloriously large four-poster bed and left the confines of my bedroom. Jogging across my chamber entrance, I bypassed the sitting area, and into the washroom, closing the door behind me.
I grabbed the lavender scrub and scoured my hands. The grit on the soap removed the particles of blood from my skin, even if it did make my hands raw. As I scrubbed, I tried not to think. Water ran red beneath my hands until I finally scraped the last bits from underneath my fingernails. The reminder I’d killed someone would stay with me forever. The pain it took to clean the blood seemed a small price to pay for a life.
I killed a man.
Inhaling deeply and exhaling four times to gather myself, I glanced in the mirror, expecting something to appear different. But the reflection still showed the same Lana.
Now, I was a killer as well as a liar to my kingdom.
I am Illiana Dresden. I am stronger than the darkness within me.
I didn’t look in the mirror again, but I did stand straighter and exit the washroom.
Kalliah and Ian were still taunting each other.
“Speaking of Ian’s tagalongs,” I began, searching for a moment of normalcy. “Last I checked, one of those tagalongs, with the bright-blue eyes, and hunky arms, convinced you to train with us a few months ago.”
“What’s this now?” Ian asked, his curiosity clearly piqued.
Kalliah frowned, her eyes narrowing. You could practically see the steam about to come out of her ears. “You are mistaken, I don’t even know their names.”
I waggled my eyebrows at her.
“I thought you wanted to train with me because I’m your best friend,” Ian said, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m hurt.” A playful pout started to sprout across his face. He coughed to hold in a laugh.
“Why don’t the two of you stop whatever this is you think you’re doing. I don’t have time to gossip like you. Now focus and tell me what you learned at this oh-so-important meeting?”
Kalliah flopped onto my window seat, overlooking the gardens, her favorite spot in my chambers. Honestly, the entire main sitting area served as my favorite place to relax. I had selected two beautiful hunter-green chaises and a lighter green couch with gold trimmings on the edges and pillows. The table placed in the center had intricate designs in the woodwork, carved by one of the locals in the city. All of the pieces formed a semicircle in front of a white and gold fireplace. The staff helped me pick roses constantly, and this summer, they were blooming so beautifully, I couldn’t help adding more and more vases to the mantle and table.
Out of patience, Kalliah waved her hands at me exasperatedly, as if to say “Proceed . ”
Ian stood, placing his gloves on the table before taking a seat comfortably with his hands on his knees, swiveling his gaze between myself and Kalliah, waiting for the grand reveal.
I gave in, unwilling to push her too far this morning. I moved to sit next to her, when a knock on my door stopped me.
Ian stood quickly, moving to his formal guard position by the front of the room, facing the entryway. Kalliah grabbed a deep red robe from my wardrobe to cover the thin fabric of my black nightgown and tossed it at me.
Answering my door with my guard inside my room while wearing my nightgown, likely started the rumors of Ian sleeping with me to get his promotions in the Royal Guard.
Kalliah stood at the door, her hands pressing the nonexistent wrinkles from her beige apron, giving me another moment to tie the robe quickly around my waist.
The three of us had been scolded enough about our casual demeanor, and we didn’t want to deal with it again. Seamlessly, we shifted into more appropriate positions for a guard, lady-in-waiting, and princess.
I cracked my neck and steeled my nerves as I donned my perfect courtly princess mask before giving the go-ahead nod.
Kalliah opened the door—anyone on the other side would enter and find us each playing our expected role.
I waited to hear who Kalliah addressed. “Good morning, Counselor Braumlyn. What can I do for you?”
Of course. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist taunting us after last night.
Andras sauntered in, with his typical arrogant swagger, and scrutinized the room. Undeniably taking notes to report back to the king, on how I might be slacking as a princess, yet again. My bedroom door hung open, making it easy to notice the bed a mess, pillows on the floor, clothes strewn about the room. He strode toward the balcony door, still not mentioning why he decided to grace us with his unwanted presence. Surveying the grounds below, for some reason, he made a small noise of disapproval before shifting to face us.
“The king would like to see you in the private dining room as soon as you are dressed.” I shivered as his attention lingered on me and tugged my robe closer.
He directed his attention to Ian. “Captain Stronholm, be certain all your duties are accounted for today. You claimed you are capable of handling both the role as Princess Illiana’s personal guard and Captain. I would hate to see you demoted after earning such accolades so quickly.” A smirk played across his face as he prowled toward the door to leave. He so clearly enjoyed these displays of dominance.
The first thing I would do as Queen one day would be to banish him from Ellevail. Well, if Ian didn’t kill him first.
Ian, standing at attention, quickly bowed to Counselor Braumlyn as he exited the room. Andras would likely be in the dining room later, watching me squirm. I would bet my favorite sitting area he’d told the king he saw me last night.
The door closed, and we released a collective breath, tension leaving our tightened shoulders.
“Could that guy be any more of an asshole?” Ian asked as he moved back to the sitting area to pick up his sword.
“Seriously,” Kalliah muttered.
I swiveled my gaze between my friends and sighed. “I guess it’s time to learn what my father has in store for me today. We’ll continue this conversation later. There are things we should discuss.”
Ian tilted his head in acknowledgment. “I’ll see you both later,” he said, his jaw ticking as he grabbed his gloves and exited my chambers.
I lifted my chin, believing it may help prepare me further for whatever discussion merited the private dining room. Heading toward the door, Kalliah grabbed my arm and yanked me back. “I think showing up in your nightgown to breakfast with the king isn’t the smartest choice,” she said. “Father or not.”
The laughter spilling from my mouth felt good compared to the heaviness of guilt I had woken with this morning. “Andras pisses me off so much, I forgot I wasn’t dressed.”
As soon as I returned to my room, Kalliah helped me dress in my brown training pants and a white tunic, since my regular training was scheduled in the pits later this morning. As long as my father didn’t derail my plans like he so often did.
“Ian,” I said, “he’s upset.”
Kalliah’s hands paused before she continued lacing up the leathers I wore over my white tunic. “Besides Andras hounding him at every possible moment”—Her eyebrows rose—“the rumors some people have spread are nasty. Though they’re doing it to discredit Ian, they also cast you in a poor light. Ian loathes the rumors. You know it, and I know it.”
“It’s not his fault, though. I’m shocked the rumors aren’t of the three of us being together.” I snorted, my chest tightening when I thought of how critical and demeaning others were of Ian only because of his status as the youngest captain. And my friend.
“There are rumors of the three of us now,” Kalliah said bluntly.
I arched an eyebrow in surprise, sensually turning my body toward her, my hand cupping her face, whispering, “I had no idea I was your type.”
She spun me around and resumed knotting the leather on my back. “You aren’t,” she said, snickering, while playfully slapping my shoulder.
This time, my laughter couldn’t be stopped as Kalliah filled me in on some of the spicier rumors I’d missed recently. My cheeks ached as I finished preparing myself for breakfast.
When I stood before the dining room door fifteen minutes later, my stomach had dropped like a sinking pit. Perhaps it could pull me under in some way so I could avoid this. I knew Andras would have said something and having a talk in the king’s private dining room instead of the main one, meant he didn’t want to risk being overheard.
Great.
The king’s private dining room, located on the main floor of the castle, may not be a central location, but there were simple routes to get to the throne room and the larger dining and dance hall from here. This more personal space boasted a sizable rectangular table surrounded by empty chairs. A room only used by my father for three reasons— when he wanted alone time with my mother, to make a point, or to maintain some sort of secrecy, even if rumors spread through this castle at an ungodly rate.
The strong scent of smoked meat filled my nose, as I entered. I opened the door so quietly, even the guard standing at attention did a double take. The skills I gained over time sneaking throughout the realm, allowed me to enter silently enough so I could study my father sitting at the head of the table, eating his breakfast alone for a few moments.
Two more Royal Guards stood a few paces behind him—silent, straight-faced, and seemingly unbothered by the power filling the room, both from his Fae abilities, and his commanding presence. My mother had yet to join him.
The king held the most power of all Fae in the land, as had all the royals who previously led Brookmere. The Fae were able to manipulate anything occurring in nature. A small gust of wind could be formed into a tornado. A few drops of rain could become a downpour in moments. The earth, when respected, answered the magic in our veins.
Well, the magic in most of our veins—my own seemingly forgotten.
I flexed my fingers, shifting my attention instead to how long I could stand by the door before the king noticed me.
Nine… ten… I counted in my head, not only for the game my father and I played but hoping to also calm my escalating nerves about the upcoming discussion.
His icy-grey hair lay swept to the side. The purple and gold robe seemed large on his slimming body. The king never let anyone know his true age, and acted as young as ever, but in the past few months it seemed time caught up to him. Even if we Fae had immortal lives, something strange was happening to my father, for he had aged drastically. Most Fae aged naturally, slowly. With a smile, I thought of Elisabeth and wondered how old she might be.
The man before me, though, refused to admit to anything revealing his weakness, including his ailing health. Nearly as adamantly as he refused to acknowledge how severe the crisis had become at our border towns. My brows furrowed as I shivered, trying not to think of whether his mysterious illness and the issues throughout our land were connected.
Fifteen… sixteen…
A soft wind closed the door behind me. “All right, I can’t let you think you’ve bested me this long, now.” The aging king looked up from his meal and winked as he ushered me over to the open seat near him.
“You knew I was at the door, didn’t you?” I asked. “I made it to sixteen this time.”
He touched the side of his nose. “Oh, sixteen? You are getting better. I believe you only made it to ten the last time we played. If I hadn’t been expecting you, you may have claimed an even higher record.” A smile spread across his face. A smile reserved only for his family outside of Court.
I laughed, aware I’d never be as powerful as him, even if he did act as though I could be at times. A plate of bread, soft cheese, and fruit waited for me, along with a cup of hot dandelion tea.
I dipped into a quick curtsy before I moved to the open seat. “Good morning, Father.”
I looked at my father, waiting for him to tell me why he’d called me here. The dandelion tea was a trick to butter me up, usually reserved for when he wanted something. Although my favorite, it had grown scarce over the recent years due to whatever blight troubled our lands.
After all, Earth-wielding Fae could hardly be expected to focus on dandelions when they were needed for things like vegetables, fruits, and grains.
“Well, Illiana, my dear, how are you this morning?” My father using my given name set me on edge even further. He really wanted something. “I heard you had trouble sleeping last night.”
Ah, okay, I could play this game, too. My lip curled. Andras had gone gossiping to the king after our run-in last night. Typical of the “esteemed” Counselor Andras Braumlyn to try to stay in the king’s good graces by revealing my every move. Andras believed secrets and gossip were the key to the king’s heart. The man was noticeably missing from this morning's conversation, thank Fates.
“Oh, yes, nothing to worry about, Father, just a bad dream. I needed to clear my head. A stroll through the gardens and some fresh air beneath the stars did the trick, though. You know it has always been my favorite.”
“And what of your bleeding arm?” His eyes narrowed, waiting to hear what response I could come up with, believing he had bested me. The game continued. A game I lost on too many occasions, but perhaps not today.
I answered without even skipping a beat. “I tripped near the rose bushes. You know, the spot where the moon doesn't shine? Behind the enormous statue of you… Silly me. I stumbled straight into the bramble and cut it.” I speared a strawberry from my plate, popping it in my mouth and not bothering to finish chewing it all before I continued. “It’s already healed, would you like to inspect it?” I smiled coyly, playing with the fruit and cheese on my plate as if I had no care in the world.
“Ah, yes. Lucky for you, Elisabeth is the best healer.” My father’s gaze lingered so intensely I could feel it on the side of my face as I picked up a slice of cheese. “And how about your walk outside the gate? With Ian?”
I coughed, choking as I reached for my water. Shit, he really had bested me this time. “I’m sure I have no idea what walk you’re referring to.” Father - 65, Lana - 3. How did he always win? I guessed they didn’t call him the king for nothing.
“Lana,” he said sternly, his icy-blue eyes narrowing, “I have cared for you your entire life and know when you’re lying to me. That wound originated from a blade according to Andras. Which means you were training with Ian, again . Since no one corroborated your training in the castle, and no reports of sword fighting on the streets in the middle of the night could be found either, you did it outside the palace walls.”
My shoulders slumped forward with relief at his assumption. I kept my head hanging low, desperately trying to pass as being caught red-handed. When, really, for a moment, I feared my father might know all about the Hidden Henchman and my secret mission.
“Sorry, Father.” I set my fork down, staring at my hands. “I wanted something outside of the stagnant training pit. I wanted to be in the field.”
“You could have been killed,” he snapped. “You are forbidden from leaving Ellevail’s gates. How many times do we have to go through this? Does my word as King mean nothing to you?”
Instantly, I sat up straighter. The king raised his voice so rarely, especially at me. He had my full attention now. His face harsh, as if daggers were bolting straight from his eyes. My heart pounded. I was really in trouble this time.
“You could have been killed,” he said again, only quieter. “Do you understand what that would mean?” When I didn’t answer, he continued. “It means the end of our royal line, Illiana. The kingdom would have no heir to the throne. It means we would lose you.” His voice returned to its normal tenor as he continued. “You are this Kingdom’s hope. And with the prophecy?—”
I winced at the mention of the ridiculous prophecy. The prophecy ruled every decision made about me. About my future. “We don’t even know if Vivienne’s prophecy is legitimate. I could be destined for nothing and?—”
My father’s eyes flared, heating instantly. “Do not tempt the Fates with such talk.”
I stared at my hands again, willing my heart to stop racing, even as my anger grew. The Royal Seer had one true prophecy when I was a baby and nothing but mere ramblings since. Yet my father took her word as definitive, never second-guessing it for one moment.
He sighed, grumbling, as he reached for an apple from the bowl on the table. “I am happy you are strong and want to train. I gave Ian my blessing to provide you with lessons occasionally, when it did not interfere with his duties as Captain. I gave him my blessing for you to train on the grounds of this palace and it is what I expect. I will not tolerate my wishes being ignored again. Do I make myself clear?”
I nodded. “Yes, Father. I’m sorry.” Genuine fear coursed through my veins. If he reacted this strongly to a simple training session— Fates —imagine how he would react to my work as the Hidden Henchman. He could never find out.
“Now that’s settled.” The king took a bite of the crimson apple, the spray of its juices hit my face as he chewed.
His eyes widened, and we laughed together as I patted away the juice. The worst was clearly over. We were still giggling when the queen walked in, tension easing from the blow-out moments before.
I pushed away from the table, starting to rise when she shooed me down, planting a kiss on my head instead. “Don’t be ridiculous, Illiana. Sit and eat.”
She kissed the king, and a pang of loneliness swept through me as it always did, observing the beauty of their simple acts of love for one another. Most days, I wasn’t a pining-for-love fool, but it didn’t stop me from dreaming of a partnership and love like theirs.
I chewed my cheese and bread for a few more moments, before I wiped my hands on the napkin and started to rise. Escaping while I still could without the round-two lecture from my mother might be the smartest move to make.
“If you’ll excuse me, I’m sure I’ve got some sort of princessely duties to attend to,” I joked.
I’d barely made it halfway across the room, when my father began one of his coughing fits. My mother rushed to his side, rubbing his back, trying to get him to drink some water from the nearby glass.
Nothing helped.
“Guard!” she cried, pointing to the Fae in uniform closest to her. “Fetch Elisabeth at once! As fast as you can!”
He didn’t even bother bowing before running out of the room.
“Lana.” My mother’s voice came out calmer, not as commanding as she’d been when she spoke to the guard. “You may leave, darling. All will be fine. Elisabeth will be here in a moment and all will be well.”
I hesitated, but my mother continued to shoo her hands at me to leave. I watched my father doubled over a few more moments, before obeying the queen and exiting the dining room.
Gently, I closed the door, hoping Elisabeth would be there soon to heal my father. Or try to. What started as a slight cough had progressed into these uncontrollable fits.
I didn’t know what it meant. I brought a trembling hand to my chest, inhaling and exhaling slowly.
All will be well , I repeated my mother’s words in my head and hurried away from the doors.
It had to be well. Because becoming Queen right now wasn’t at all something I was prepared for.