Chapter 23
I couldn’t control my own body.
An endless cycle of chills and sweat coursed through me. Stopping wasn’t an option.
Ian’s voice was hoarse the few times I regained consciousness. He spoke to me, desperate for me to hear him.
“This is why I didn’t want you coming. I can’t lose you. Lana, I can’t. We’ve been through too much to let one of those fucking animals be what takes you.”
I desperately wanted to reassure him, but my mouth had dried hours ago. At least I imagined it had been hours. I couldn’t talk. My fingers twitched, touching his skin. I faded again, but hopefully he felt me squeeze his hand before I slipped into unconsciousness once more.
If anyone could get me to Elisabeth in time, Ian could.
The oblivion offered a reprieve from the anxiety, the fear this would be the end.
It reminded me of shadows. Night. I breathed in and out. I was safe here.
“She lost too much blood.”
Kalliah’s voice filled my ears. Were we home?
“I’ve never failed her before, and I’ll die before I fail her now. Bring me the blue bottle on my middle shelf, the brown one, bottom right, and the black dropper immediately next to it. Go.” Elisabeth quickly barked out orders.
I couldn’t open my eyes, but hearing her voice soothed my soul. She would fix me.
Ian had done it. Now, the Fates would decide if they wanted to keep me around.
The silence and blackness surrounding me stretched on. Unending.
“Andras is suspicious. Which means so is the king,” Ian said. “They can’t find her like this.”
“I can only heal her as fast as I can, child. You know better than to rush me,” Elisabeth scolded.
I coughed, smiling.
“Lan?” Ian’s strong hands wrapped around mine. “Come back to us, Lan. You can do this.”
I forced my eyes open, blinking. It hurt. It hurt so much, but everyone fought for me, so I could fight, too.
“I’m—” Oh, bleeding fates I couldn’t talk.
“Get her water,” Elisabeth said.
Kalliah stood next to Ian, pouring me a glass, and raising it to my lips.
“Slowly,” Elisabeth instructed.
I gulped the cool liquid. “I’m okay,” I whispered.
“Barely,” Kalliah choked out, stroking my hair.
Ian still held my hand.
“Give her space,” Elisabeth spoke softly, and as Ian and Kalliah stepped back, she came into view. Tears were in her eyes. “If you ever scare me like that again, I will kill you myself.” She cupped my cheek, and I pressed my head into her touch.
“The king is demanding to see you,” Ian said, “but we don’t know if you’ll stay awake long enough.”
He was unable to hide the deep notch of worry in his furrowed brow. His face scanning my own, searching for answers to questions yet to be asked.
I hated this. Denial, anger, rage—it all swirled in my gut, thinking of how everyone had to lie for me. How Ian had to race home because I couldn’t heal myself.
Weak. Magicless. Unworthy.
All the words flung so callously at me for years were true.
“Kade and Storm?” I asked.
Ian shook his head. “It took us a full day riding. You were out most of the time, and you’ve been out for a day and a half here.” He’d answered my next question, already knowing my thoughts.
My lip quivered, but I forced the fear of not knowing what happened to Kade and Storm aside. Not now. Not when I needed to sell our story of my recovery, since we were home.
“She looks like she’s been on death’s door. We will not fool him,” Kalliah said, her comment directed toward Ian and Elisabeth, rather than me.
“I can hear you.” I glowered. “I can do this.” I shifted to the side of the bed, the healing site of my wound aching.
“It was deep, and you suffered significant damage to some of your organs. It’s going to be sore, even with my magic,” Elisabeth said. “We’ll have to watch for any permanent damage. I’m not as strong right now as I normally am.”
I nodded. I could handle recovery. The last thing I wanted to do was take from Elisabeth when she already drained so much of herself for my father. He needed it more than I did, and I refused to be the reason he didn’t get the healing he required.
I stood from the bed. “I have to help and do something. You all have taken care of everything you can.”
“You can’t do anything if you’re dead,” Ian said harshly, but firm. Logically I knew he was right, and he’d only snapped at me out of fear. The nonlogical part of me, though, balked. I doubted myself enough as it was.
I took a step toward my friends. “See, I’m fine.” As soon as I said it, I stumbled forward, Ian having to reach out and catch me.
He snorted. “Back in bed. We’ll figure it out. He can see her sleeping, at least he’ll be able to put eyes on her.”
“It can work. I’ll make sure I’m here,” Elisabeth said with a nod.
I groaned. Ian held me, grasping my arms and helping me in bed. Lucien paced atop the comforter, agitated, but no one shooed him away.
I caught a flash of my bloodied tunic.
I should have been dead.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and once more, pain and exhaustion took me away from them.
Ian.
Ian was bleeding out.
“Healing is a basic Fae ability. The mongrels on the streets can heal cuts, Princess. Please tell me you’re not so pathetic you can’t even do that.”
“Ian,” I cried.
His body lay unmoving, and blood pooled around him. A still, crimson pool.
I couldn’t heal him. I couldn’t heal myself.
I sobbed as Andras’s dry, humorless laugh echoed throughout the dungeon.
I took a deep breath. No, that scent. It didn’t belong here.
The frigid air inside the dungeon accosted me greedily while grime and mold crept over the corners where the water endlessly dripped. Ian’s coppery scent of blood normally filled my senses.
But that smell.
I moaned as something stroked my hair, and a voice broke through my memories, calling to me. No, comfort didn’t belong here. Not in this nightmare.
Comfort never appeared in the dungeons with Andras.
Not ever.
I pulled my body from my normal nightmares and returned to the real world. Squeezing my eyes shut, I stayed frozen in place until I felt the soft bed plush around me.
The familiar smell, lingering in the darkness remained, despite the nightmare ending.
The scent of fresh rain, of the storms dancing through Ellevail during growing season, swept over me as I inhaled. I couldn’t stop myself from latching onto the feeling. Safe. The feeling of comfort remained, too.
As my eyes fluttered open, I cried out at the man in front of me.
Both had come from him.
Kade wore an unreadable expression, but if I knew him better, I might say I caught him by surprise, opening my eyes. His hand had been raised, but he brought it down to his lap.
“Were you stroking my hair?” I asked.
I raised myself up onto my elbow, wincing, but wanting to look at him. He was wet, hair dripping onto my floor as he sat on a chair, which hadn’t been bedside before.
He cleared his throat. “That doesn’t sound like me at all, Princess.”
I swallowed, realizing we were alone in my room for the first time. I hadn’t seen him since Starhaven. Days ago.
“Are you all right? Are you hurt? Where is Storm?” Something about the way he sat with his forearms leaning on his knees, completely wet and quiet, made me nervous. The cocky man, poking jabs seemed to be in total opposition to the man here now. He looked beaten down. Tired and alone.
Scared.
“He’s back as well, unharmed. The dark ones are gone. Mostly dead.” He sighed, running his hand through his damp black hair. “After everything that happened, I just—” He stared at me for a moment before bringing his hand down and brushing back my hair with his fingers. “I needed to make sure you were alive with my own eyes.”
My chest tightened. I didn’t move away from his touch, instead, I fully embraced it. I inhaled the scent of him as it continued to wrap around me, cocooning me in a damn blanket. The familiar caresses of shadows on my arms and my legs were heavenly, bringing me the serenity only they managed to provide. I stifled a moan at how much better I felt for the first time these past few days.
When my eyes opened, Kade hesitated, not bringing his hand down to touch me again. His eyes were dark, everything about this man was dark, and yet the way he studied me made my entire body feel light. Feel alive.
I couldn’t help but stare at his beautiful face. Almost flawless, save for a tiny scar above his lip. A scar unnoticeable unless you were up close, just as I was now.
Raising my hand, possessing no self-control, I touched his cheek. His face, hell, his entire body, appeared as though it belonged to the sculptures in the royal gardens. A masterpiece to be worshipped.
His lips parted. “I thought you weren’t going to make it, Little Rebel.”
“Careful, Kade. You’re acting like you might actually care whether I live or die,” I teased. The crack in my voice gave away my confidence.
He didn’t say a word. Not a damn word, but he lifted his hand, this time brushing his thumb against my cheek before he let his fingers sweep deeper into my hair. “That would be ridiculous. I only came here for the crown.”
“Well, get in line.” I smiled at him, but he didn’t return the gesture. A sharp ache in my chest pinched, wondering if perhaps the comment hadn’t simply been a joke. Maybe this feeling was exactly what he wanted me to have. All part of his plan for winning the trials.
Kade stared at me, my lips, my hair, everywhere, except my eyes.
“You should go,” I whispered as I realized I didn’t want to know if it was real or not.
He nodded but didn’t move. His fingers were still in my hair, and he leaned in closer.
Resolve snapping, his lips met mine, hurriedly, frantically.
I whimpered as his tongue skimmed over mine, possessively. I leaned forward, matching his urgency. His hand stayed in my hair, my whimper escalating to a moan.
His breathing grew ragged as we ravaged each other's mouths.
I tugged on his tunic. “Why are you soaking wet?” I asked in between breaths.
His thumb ran over the front of my throat. “It rained as we rode through the night. I left my horse at the stables and came straight here through the garden so no one would see.”
Damn this Fae. He came to me first. Exhausted, battle-worn, and he came for me. Before anything else.
I tugged harder. “I need more,” I whispered against his lips.
He devoured me, stoking the fire lit inside me, which hadn’t fully dissipated since we met in the woods a few weeks ago. It may have been a while since I’d had a man in my bed, but none before him had come close to feeling like this.
And we were merely kissing. What would happen if he gave me more, gave me all of him?
“You’re still hurt.” He stopped kissing me, panting, but he didn’t move away. He hovered over my body, his weight fully held up by his left arm, while his right remained on my neck.
His heavy breath ghosted across my skin, mixing with my own.
“Please,” I begged.
He remained still, until I lightly brushed my fingers along his jaw, where stubble had begun to grow.
He groaned and then pulled my blanket off of me, lifting me so gently, trying not to hurt me. As if I were important.
“Can you sit?” he asked tenderly.
I nodded, and reclaimed his mouth, needing it back on mine. I bit his lower lip as he sank onto his chair, wrapping my legs around him, my hips shifting to relieve the pressure building between my legs.
With a little movement forward, I connected to the hard length of him, and despite both of us being fully clothed, I broke the kiss, shivering with a cry as I rubbed against him.
He hissed. “You have to be careful—careful you can’t—fuck, Illiana, you can’t move so much with your wound.”
“I don’t care. Kiss me,” I demanded.
He obeyed, and this time, he tilted my chin with his thumb and kissed down my jaw, licking and nipping at my neck.
I arched back, wanting to feel his chest against mine even through clothes. Pain shot through my side at the movement, and I sucked in a breath, wincing.
Kade froze. “This—we shouldn’t?—"
He stood, lifting me back to the bed and setting me down, immediately backing up to put distance between us.
My brain was scrambled. His kiss had consumed every rational part of my soul.
Fates , the last thing I should be doing is making out with Kade on my bed, wounded at that. Especially moments after he reminded me he came here for a crown and my kingdom, not for me and my love.
His eyes flashed, almost as if my acceptance of the distance caused him physical pain. A wicked grin quickly replaced the fleeting expression instead. The man who had been worried about my life and owned me with his lips, faded as the arrogant Kade appeared once more. And damn if he wasn’t just as sexy this way. “I knew the benefits of gaining a crown would be exceptional.”
His teasing tone didn’t help soothe the sudden sinking of my heart. Without realizing it, his words confirmed my uncontrollable fears. “You’re abhorrent,” I said, crossing my arms. “Last I checked, you kissed me. Not the other way around.”
“I believe you begged me.” He licked his bottom lip, and I wondered if he even realized he’d done it. “Besides, I thought I should accept your request in case you decided to go and get wounded and die on me again.”
Before I could protest and insult him further, he frowned, then lunged. Kade reached around me, pulling the book from atop a pillow on my bed. “I wondered where my book had gone to.” He smirked.
I made a move to snatch it back. “My castle. My book. I didn’t see a problem taking what’s mine.”
He chuckled and handed the book back to me. “I’d like it back when you’re done. To know how the story ends for the fate-blessed lovers.”
“Get out,” I huffed, rising, and making my way across the room to my door. “I don’t need rumors going around I’m fucking two contenders.”
Kade bristled at my comment but didn’t say anything. His smile disappeared. He came to stand in front of me, his hand hovering above my neck. As he’d done on the battlefield he brought his forehead to mine. “I’m glad you’re alive, even if I am abhorrent to you.” He pressed his fingers to my skin and then kissed my forehead. “Goodnight, Princess Illiana.”
He bowed before leaving my bedroom. As soon as I heard my chamber door shut, I slammed my head back, bringing my hand to rest where his had been on my neck. This ridiculous mix of emotions overwhelmed me, especially when it came to hearing my name on his lips. I barely knew the man. He had secrets. A power which could kill with a flick of his wrist. He had made it all too clear that the crown served as his sole purpose here.
The last thing I needed when taking on my kingdom with no magic, was someone like him ruling my land.
I needed to shake Kade from my thoughts, and my body. Quickly .
Or we’d all be in trouble.