Chapter 1
Chapter One
Four years ago…
“How was your date?”
Oliver jerked at the unexpected voice, unaware of Gavin’s presence until he spoke. “Hey, man. Didn’t see you there. Why are you sitting in the dark?”
Gavin Hawke, Oliver’s foster brother, was sacked out on the couch in the living room of their parents’ house. His folks were out of town for the weekend on an impromptu trip to New York. Oliver’s fathers, Chad and Sean, had surprised his mother with tickets to see Hamilton on Broadway.
“I was watching a movie. It ended and I’d just turned the TV off when I heard your car pull into the driveway. Thought I’d see how your date went.”
Oliver walked into the room, turning on a lamp before dropping down next to Gavin.
Gavin had come to live with his family when they were both fifteen, and while the first year had been a pretty rough adjustment for them both, over the past five years, Gavin had become his best friend, the two of them as close as true brothers.
Oliver’s eyes lit up when they landed on a pizza box on the coffee table, and he leaned forward to flip open the lid.
Hot damn. Jackpot. Two pieces left.
Oliver grabbed both, flipping one over on top of the other to make a meat lover’s sandwich, and took a big bite.
“Didn’t you just go out to dinner?” Gavin asked.
Oliver grimaced. “Mmm-hmm,” he muttered, his mouth full of food.
“Must be that wooden leg your Pop Pop swears you have.”
Oliver swallowed and shook his head. “Not exactly.”
Gavin reached for a beer bottle on the end table and took the last swig.
That was when Oliver noticed there were several empties on the floor.
“Private party?” Though they weren’t quite twenty-one yet, they’d been sneaking beers from their dads for a couple of years.
Their dads pretended not to notice because they never took it too far.
Given the fact Sean and Chad had been best friends their entire lives, and Sean had grown up above the pub, Oliver was pretty sure they’d done the same thing when they were younger.
Gavin lifted one shoulder casually. “Rare for me to get the place all to myself. Thought I’d take advantage of it, try out the bachelor concept. Watched some porn, drank a few beers, ordered a large pizza, farted, scratched my balls, and burped at will.”
Oliver laughed before shoveling in another bite of pizza. “Wow. Best night ever. I should have stayed here with you.”
“Guess that answers my question about how the date went.”
Oliver reached for a napkin, wiping pepperoni grease off his chin. “The best two words I can think of to describe Vivian are ‘high’ and ‘maintenance.’”
“That’s not good,” Gavin muttered.
“Tell me about it. She insisted we try some trendy new restaurant downtown that all her girlfriends have been raving about. Cost me sixty bucks a plate for five bites of food. She kept going on and on about how great it was, even suggested we go back again next weekend.”
“Okay. So not a wooden leg. You’re hungry.”
Oliver tore off a large chunk of the crust. “Fucking starving.”
“Not like it was your first date with her. You know what she’s like.”
“Yeah. Even so. I’m breaking it off. Would have done it tonight, but…fuck…I was too hungry to even figure out what to say.”
Gavin snorted in response, then set his beer bottle down with more force than necessary.
For the first time since he’d walked in, Oliver noticed Gavin hadn’t smiled. Not once. Which was unusual for Gavin.
“You okay?” Oliver asked.
Gavin nodded, but a tightness around his eyes and tension in his jaw proved he wasn’t.
“Anything you want to talk about?”
Gavin started to shake his head—Oliver noticed the slight movement—but he stopped himself. Then his best friend turned on the couch to face him more fully. “How come you never go out with guys?”
Oliver blinked, completely blindsided by the question. “What?”
“The day I told you I was gay, you said you were bi.”
Oliver had suspected Gavin’s sexuality right from the beginning, but his foster brother had grown up with an abusive mother, one who’d beaten him down year after year until Gavin had learned the best defense was a good offense.
As such, his thoughts and feelings had been locked down tighter than a drum, and it had taken years of living with not one but two psychologists—Chad and Lauren—before Gavin felt safe enough to slowly reveal pieces of himself to his foster family.
Oliver didn’t bother pretending they didn’t still have a long way to go.
Gavin had come out to him just six months earlier.
Not that he’d needed to actually say the words.
Oliver had seen through what Gavin had called “a night out with the guys” when they were in high school.
Obviously, “night out” was code for a date, and they were always with just one guy, most of whom were very openly gay.
Oliver had never admitted to knowing because he knew Gavin would tell him when he was ready, and he’d learned that pushing for answers only caused his foster brother to shut down and pull back even more.
Oliver could still recall how happy he’d been when Gavin finally opened up to him. And he’d been glad for the chance to open up as well, revealing he was bi, and that he dreamed of a threesome marriage just like his parents had.
While society might not consider Sean, Chad, and Lauren’s relationship normal, to Oliver, they had everything anyone could ever want.
And he wanted the same.
Desperately.
What Oliver hadn’t said to him that night— mainly because it would freak his foster brother out—was that he hoped his future would include Gavin.
With Gavin, he’d learned more was accomplished with baby steps. The fact it had taken his foster brother five years to come out of the closet certainly proved that.
Gavin had laughed about his future plans, calling them “Ollie’s wild dreams,” and life had continued the same as always. The only difference was Gavin started calling his dates what they were—dates—and he’d begun to share some details about his sex life with Oliver.
“I am bi,” Oliver said at last, confused by Gavin’s comment.
Gavin’s scowl grew darker and Oliver tried to understand what he was saying wrong, why Gavin was so annoyed.
“Right.”
The dismissive tone proved that Gavin thought he was lying…and it pissed Oliver off. “What’s your problem?”
Gavin schooled his features as he shook his head and stood up. “Nothing. I don’t have a problem.”
Now, as always, Gavin planned to walk away.
It was a standard Gavin Hawke move. Hit and run.
His foster brother didn’t do fights, didn’t lose his temper.
Instead, he’d take a quick jab and walk away.
Considering Gavin had spent the first decade and a half of his life as a punching bag for his mother and her insane rages, Oliver could understand that.
Sort of.
And sometimes, Oliver let him get away with it, if he thought the fight wasn’t worth it or if it felt like something that would blow over.
Other times—like now—he dug in.
He followed Gavin upstairs, dogging his heels. “What the fuck, Gavin? What kind of game are you playing?”
Gavin turned when he reached the door to his bedroom. And while Oliver’s temper was tweaked, Gavin was cool as a cucumber.
Which, of course, pissed Oliver off more.
“I’m not playing a game, Ollie. I’m saying you’re not bi.”
“And you think you can judge who I am, what I feel, better than me? Fuck you.”
“Have you ever kissed a guy? Given a blowjob? Fucked one?” Gavin’s tone was almost weary.
Oliver narrowed his eyes. “Seriously? You know I haven’t.”
Gavin snorted, acting as if that somehow proved what he was saying.
Oliver couldn’t let it stand. He wouldn’t. “You want to know why I haven’t?”
Gavin frowned. “Because you’re straight.”
Oliver lifted his eyes toward the sky. “Jesus Christ, you’re thick. I haven’t fucked a guy, or kissed one, or blown one because I don’t want anyone but you.”
It wasn’t often that he and Gavin weren’t on the same page—after so many years of close friendship, sometimes it felt like they shared a hive mind—but it was obvious they were on opposite poles right now.
Had Gavin really never sensed Oliver’s attraction to him? There had been times—brief moments—when he’d truly thought he’d given his feelings for his best friend away. Obviously he’d been wrong, a better poker player than he’d thought.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Gavin asked, his tone rife with shock.
“I’ve always known you were gay. Knew it five minutes after you moved in here.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
Oliver shrugged. “I knew you’d tell me when you were ready.”
“You expect me to believe you’ve been saving yourself for me? All these years?” Gavin asked.
“I wasn’t saving myself. At least not on purpose. The truth is, I wasn’t sure about my own sexual preferences until…”
“Until?” Gavin prompted.
Oliver debated whether or not he should come clean about this particular little secret, and then decided it was time to put his cards on the table.
“I saw you with Billy Newcome. That night we all went camping right after graduation. I woke up in the middle of the night, needed to take a piss. Saw the two of you in the woods. He was bent over and you were fucking him.”
“That was almost two years ago.”
“I know. Jesus. I knew I should leave, but I couldn’t walk away, Gavin. Couldn’t stop looking at…”
“At what?”
“You. I’d have given a million dollars to switch places with Billy that night.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
Oliver had wrestled with that same question ever since that night, but there wasn’t a simple answer. “We’re best friends, Gavin. Brothers. Besides, you were doing a lot of,” he finger-quoted, “‘nights out’ with Billy, and I was dating Lori Matthews.”
“Both of those relationships ended a year ago.”
“So you admit it was a relationship,” Oliver joked.
“Ollie,” Gavin pressed.