Chapter 2 #2
When Oliver’s dad lived here with his siblings, the honor of hanging the ornaments belonged to Sunday, and then, after her passing, Pop Pop.
However, since then, the cousins had begun to take turns because Pop Pop refused to take the ornaments with him when he moved out, insisting that they belonged in Sunday’s home.
This year was Oliver’s turn, but as his gaze landed on Gavin, who gave him a thumbs-up and a wink that didn’t hide the fact he was as touched as the others in this room by the annual tradition, he decided to add someone new to the rotation.
Oliver held out the ornament he held. “Your turn this year, Gavin.”
Gavin appeared surprised as he looked at Colm, Padraig, and Finn.
“Get up here, cuz,” Padraig said, gesturing for Gavin to join them.
Gavin stepped next to Oliver, not bothering to hide his surprise…and gratitude. “You sure?”
Oliver handed him the ornament. “Don’t drop it,” he joked, though the huskiness of his voice lessened the effect.
“Thanks,” he said, low enough Oliver was certain he was the only one to hear it.
Oliver wondered how long it would take for Gavin to believe he truly was a part of this family. He’d lived amongst them for nine years now, but even after all that time, the memories of his mother and the trauma caused by her physical and mental abuse still cast a wide shadow over his life.
Oliver lightly hip-bumped him and smiled. “You belong here, brother.”
“Okay, you guys ready?” Sunnie held the phone up so Pop Pop could watch as each of them placed the ornaments on the tree.
They’d purposely kept a section front and center clear of ornaments so that these would stand out.
One by one, they added them to the tree, and as they did so, Sunnie led them in a round of “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.” Oliver could hear Pop Pop’s voice bellowing out the words through the phone.
Once all the ornaments were in place, they stood back to admire their work.
“Best tree yet,” he heard Pop Pop say before bidding them all good night.
After that, the rest of the family began to leave until it was just Gavin, Oliver, and Erin left in the apartment. She topped up each of their mugs with the last of the eggnog, and the three of them sat together watching the tree lights flicker.
Oliver and Erin cuddled on the couch as Gavin reclaimed his spot in the recliner.
Oliver wondered how many nights in the past year the three of them had been right here, just like this.
He’d started dating Erin shortly before Friendsgiving last year, their relationship becoming more serious shortly after the holidays.
“I thought Zach was coming to Friendsgiving tonight,” Erin said, glancing at Gavin.
Gavin never seemed at a loss to find guys to date, but none of them lasted long.
“No. That’s over. Guy was too over-the-top dramatic. Sort of wore me out.”
Erin laughed softly even as she rolled her eyes. “You’re too picky.”
“Naw. All the good gay guys have already been snatched up.”
Oliver felt Gavin’s eyes on him as he spoke. Erin didn’t miss the look either.
“You could always come to the dark side and find yourself a girlfriend like me,” Oliver joked.
“Do it. Do it,” Erin chanted, deepening her voice, as if she were some Disney villain luring the hero to evil.
Gavin waved them off. “Gay. Not bi. Remember?”
Oliver sighed and looked away for a moment, wishing he could find some way to move beyond these damn dreams. He had Erin now. That should be enough.
No. It was enough. It was.
Maybe if he told himself that enough times, he’d start to believe it.
Erin, bless her, always found a way to distract him from his heavy thoughts. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. Jordan moved out this morning.”
“I thought she was staying in the apartment until the New Year?” Gavin mused.
Erin shrugged. “Decided she wanted to spend the holidays with her new beau at their place.”
“Are we taking bets on how long it takes until the relationship fails and she comes back?” Oliver asked, completely ready to put money down on it. The gambling gene ran deep in the Collins family.
Erin shook her head. “Hell no. I’m not doing that again.
I’m putting out feelers for a new roommate on Monday.
Jordan needs to learn she can’t keep screwing me like this.
She falls in love in a hot minute, moves in with the loser, falls out of love in the next minute, then comes back to me with her tail between her legs, begging for her old room.
Do you know how many months’ rent she’s screwed me out of with this game? I can’t afford her anymore.”
Oliver nodded, feigning support, even as he knew Erin’s words were merely bravado. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind she’d take Jordan back because Erin had a heart as big as New York and softer than a marshmallow.
“You know, you could always give up your place and move in here with us.”
If he’d been a smart man, he would have broached that subject with Gavin first, and privately, but he’d had one too many mugs of eggnog, and his mouth was working faster than his brain. Still, neither he nor Erin missed the sudden change in expression on Gavin’s face.
He had to hand it to his foster brother. He schooled it quickly, but for a split second, there was no missing the frown…or was it a scowl?
Shit.
Luckily, Erin knew how to save him from himself. “Hell no. Y’all are slobs, and while I don’t mind visiting this testosterone-laden abode from time to time, it’s nice to have a chance to escape it at the end of the day.”
“Speaking of escapes,” Gavin added. “I’m done in. Think I’ll call it a night. See you in the morning.” He rose from the recliner, carrying his empty mug to the kitchen.
Neither Oliver nor Erin spoke until they heard him walk down the hall, closing his bedroom door behind him.
“Oops,” Oliver mumbled.
Erin shook her head, but her gentle smile told him she wasn’t mad at him.
It was one of the things he loved the most about her.
She was slow to anger, quick to forgive, and the most patient person he’d ever known.
He’d dated enough high-maintenance women to appreciate Erin’s easygoing approach to life.
“I know you say you’ve moved on, Ollie—”
“I have moved on.”
Erin shook her head, refusing to accept what they both knew was a lie. “I know what you want, but Gavin doesn’t want the same.”
“I don’t—” he started.
She cut him off with a wave of her hand. “You’ve said I’m enough, Ollie. And I believe you. But I also know there’s still a part of you that longs for more. You don’t have to hide that from me.”
Oliver ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. “Erin,” he started.
“Don’t,” Erin cut in. “Don’t pretend for me. We’ve been together long enough that I know you still harbor that dream of a relationship like the one your parents share. And I also know you keep trying to put me and Gavin in those roles.”
Oliver shook his head, refusing to admit that because he didn’t want to hurt her, didn’t want her to think that what they shared wasn’t enough for him. He’d already lost Gavin to this dream. He couldn’t lose her too.
Part of him wondered if his inability to accept his dreams couldn’t come to fruition was hindered by Erin and Gavin’s friendship. It was so genuine, so close. When he’d first started dating Erin, it hadn’t taken long to know she was special, different from the women he’d dated before.
Gavin had realized—even before Oliver—that Erin was going to stick.
The first couple of months had been touch and go as Gavin’s mood whenever Erin was around plummeted, his foster brother acting like a grade-A moody, sullen asshole.
It had gotten so bad that Oliver had even briefly considered breaking things off with her, hating the feeling of having to choose between his girlfriend and his best friend.
In the end, it had been Erin who’d turned the tide. She’d looked right at Gavin shortly before Valentine’s Day last year and asked him point-blank why he didn’t like her.
Gavin hadn’t had an answer, at least not one he was willing to confess. He’d closed down in true Gavin style, reverting to character, and Oliver had stepped in to whisk Erin away before she pushed him too far.
However, Erin stood her ground and asked Gavin to give her a chance—a real chance—and to Oliver’s surprise, his friend had apologized for acting like a jerk and agreed.
After that…things got a lot easier.
At least for Erin and Gavin.
They’d become such great friends that there were times when Oliver felt like the damn outsider. Not that he was complaining.
Much.
“Sometimes I wonder…” Erin said, pausing. She bit her lower lip, and Oliver got a sense she regretted what she’d just started to say. “Never mind.”
“You wonder what?” he pressed.
“I wonder if you and I had never met…if you and Gavin would have…”
Oliver sighed. There were no secrets between him and Erin.
He’d fallen for her just as quickly as her roommate Jordan fell for her flavors of the month.
Layla had introduced him to her cousin shortly after Erin had landed a nursing job at Johns Hopkins in the E.R.
, making the move from Philly to Baltimore.
Oliver had taken one look at the curvy brunette with chocolate-brown eyes and known he’d met his soulmate.
Well…one of them.
Erin’s hot-blooded Italian mother had met and fallen madly in love with her hard-working and hard-playing Irish husband, and the result had been Erin Cafferty.
Like him, she laughed loudly and often, spoke her mind, rarely flashed her fiery temper—but when she did, watch out—and once they’d committed to this relationship, she’d been all in, holding back nothing.
As such, she knew all about Ollie’s wild dreams, his desire to find a relationship just like that of his parents.
Erin was as open-minded and adventurous as they came.
Unlike the Moretti brothers, Erin had been quick to accept Layla’s relationship with both Finn and Miguel, confiding to him early on that she’d thought it was “very cool and totally hot,” and how she couldn’t imagine anything better than finding true love with not just one person but two.
She’d told him she would be open to that kind of relationship if it was what he truly wanted.
If Oliver hadn’t already fallen for her before, that would have sealed the deal for him.
Erin had also heard all of Oliver’s “past lovers” stories, just as he’d heard hers, so she knew about his one night with Gavin and how it had ended. Why it had ended. Oliver had tried to convince her that he’d since come to realize that dream of a threesome relationship was just that…a dream.
But every now and then, like tonight, he’d slip up and reveal more than he should, and once more, she’d be left to wonder if she truly was enough. He hated doing that to her.
He’d let his dreams keep him and Gavin apart, so how could he expect her to believe the same wouldn’t hold true in their relationship? While he’d sworn to her that wouldn’t happen, it was clear she didn’t believe him.
“You know Gavin and I…” He started to say hooked up, but that felt too impersonal, especially given his feelings for Gavin.
“Slept together,” Erin finished when he stumbled. “I know that, but—”
“But nothing. It was just one time and we both knew afterwards that…it wasn’t enough. That something was missing.”
The truth was his night with Gavin had been fucking amazing. The only other lover he’d ever taken to bed who’d rocked his world like that was Erin. But Oliver had fucked it up when he’d misread the entire thing with Gavin, planning a future out loud for the two of them and some unknown woman.
“Nothing was missing in Gavin’s mind,” Erin softly reminded him.
He knew that. But it didn’t change the facts. “It wouldn’t work, Erin. I want a wife and babies.”
“And a husband. Gavin.”
Oliver hadn’t planned to add anything else to that list because he’d made that mistake once before. Lost someone he loved because his dreams were too big, too wild. But Erin wouldn’t let him lie. Not even to himself. Because she was right.
He didn’t just want a wife.
He wanted it all.