Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Josie’s Howl List—June
Josie waved as Shelly and Tommy walked—hand in hand—down to the parking lot. Her stupendous best friend was taking her son to the movies and then having him stay at her place for a sleepover, so Josie could get Tony out of the house.
It had been nearly three weeks since her date with Jake and he’d called every day since then.
They’d fallen into a regular Tuesday lunch date and they’d gone out to dinner and to the movies once.
Her heart skipped a beat every time she saw his number flash on her cell screen.
She felt like a teenager with her first crush.
Twice at work this week, she’d actually doodled her name and his in hearts. It was ridiculous. Fun.
Tony had moved out—briefly—going to stay with his brother.
That set-up had lasted less than two weeks and last weekend, he’d reappeared on her doorstep with his luggage in hand once again.
The only reason she’d consented to let him back in was because he showed her a contract agreement to the apartment he was leasing.
He had supposedly been moving into it Wednesday.
Then it got pushed back to Thursday, then Friday.
And now, it was Saturday and he was still here.
Georgie had given her shit for letting him come back at all, calling her an easy touch.
Maybe she was, but it was impossible to live life in black and white.
Josie resided in the gray zone, which meant she could still recall the times when Tony was charming and sweet.
He had been her first love and he was the father of her son.
Despite all the pain—and sweet Lord there was plenty of that—there had also been some wonderful times.
Those memories were all mixed up inside her.
Jake hadn’t been wrong when he mentioned that fine line between emotions.
Actually, she wasn’t sure she did hate Tony anymore.
While he drove her nuts and pissed her off constantly, she wasn’t able to summon any sort of powerful feelings toward him.
Hate took energy and she’d decided a long time ago she needed to channel all her drive into taking care of Tommy, raising him in a loving home, not one that was filled with resentment and bitterness.
She watched Tony’s car pull up in front of the house. This had been his Saturday to work at the garage. He got out of the car and seemed surprised to see her standing on the front porch.
“Hey, Josie.”
She took a deep breath, preparing for the coming battle. “Hi.”
“What’s up?”
Josie lifted one shoulder. “Nothing much.” She led the way into the house, stepping around Tony’s suitcases before heading into the living room. She’d packed his stuff and carried it downstairs earlier.
Tony glanced at the luggage in surprise, then gave a forced laugh. “You trying to give me a hint or something?”
The only hint that would have been less subtle was if she’d swung the suitcase at his head. “Yep.”
He followed her to the living room, claiming the spot next to her on the couch. “Listen, Josie, I told you. I’ve got a place to live. It’s just finding the time to set it up. I’ve been working long hours this week.”
She couldn’t argue with that. He’d been gone most mornings before she rose and he didn’t return until six or even seven most nights. Of course, marriage had taught her that didn’t necessarily mean he’d been at work.
“I’ve been very understanding and patient, Tony. But I’m done. You have a place to live. Go stay there.”
“But I don’t have any furniture yet. Janice’s being a bitch about keeping all our shit. I don’t even have a bed.”
She pointed toward the suitcase. “That’s why I’m loaning you a sleeping bag.”
He sighed. “I’m too fucking old to sleep on the floor.”
Josie grinned, though her reaction wasn’t one of humor, rather it was pure frustration and disbelief. “Tough.”
“Does Tommy know you’re kicking me out?”
“Number one, I’m not kicking you anywhere. I’ve been extremely generous and understanding these past few weeks. Number two, Tommy helped me pack your bags. He can’t wait to see your new place.”
Tony scowled. “I don’t see what harm another night or two would do.”
“It’s always one more night with you, Tony.
Consider this tough love. I suspect that if I let you stay here, you’ll find at least a dozen more excuses why you can’t buy a bed.
Then you’ll get a bed, but there won’t be a couch or a TV.
Jesus, it could be years before you fully furnish that apartment. If you’re there, you’ll do it.”
“You never used to be this hard, Josie. You used to be so sweet all the time.”
At that, she did laugh. “Well, you have no one to blame but yourself there. In case you forgot, you broke that sweetness when you cheated, then walked out on me and Tommy. Funny how stuff like being nice evaporates in the face of betrayal.”
“I’ve said I’m sorry, Josie. God, I’ve told you a thousand times how sorry I am.”
He had. It had been his standard line for most of the first year after their divorce. And not once had it ever seemed sincere.
“I don’t want an apology, Tony.”
“Then what do you want? Name it and it’s yours. I swear to God I’d give you anything if it would make you care about me again, if you’d just…”
Mercifully, his words faded. He stopped himself before saying something she really, really didn’t want to hear.
“Tony. This is why you need to leave. Being here, so soon after your break-up with Janice, is confusing you. You’re reaching out for something that isn’t there anymore.”
“But it is. I can feel it.”
She raised her hand, tried to wave away his words. Tony used her hand against her, grasping it, pulling her closer. Before she could figure out his intent, he was kissing her.
She struggled, but his grip tightened. When she realized her resistance was pointless, she went limp.
She could remember a time when she dreamed of Tony’s kisses, when she couldn’t wait until she saw him again so she could experience the magic of this. Now his touch left her cold.
No. Not cold. Just empty.
Tony realized she wasn’t moving, responding. He released her and studied her face. His was the picture of absolute misery. “I did kill it, didn’t I?”
She nodded sadly. For months after the divorce, she’d been angry, wished she could find some way to hurt him the way he’d hurt her. Now that the moment had arrived, it didn’t make her as happy as she thought it would.
“There were other women, weren’t there?”
Tony froze, a frown creasing his brow. “What?”
She wasn’t sure why it mattered, but part of her needed to know she hadn’t been paranoid, hadn’t seen shadows that weren’t really there. “I already believe there were and the truth isn’t going to change anything now, so tell me.”
He shrugged, then nodded. “Yeah. There were a couple, or maybe more like a few.”
She smiled sadly. “Thanks for telling me the truth.”
Tony cleared his throat, his discomfort, his guilt palpable. “Who’s this new guy?”
“His name’s Jake.”
“He’s nice? Good to you?”
She nodded. “He’s really good.”
Tony leaned back and she thought she saw something like relief pass over his face. In his own, limited, somewhat twisted way, she knew her ex still cared about her. “I’m glad. You deserve someone who will treat you right. God knows I didn’t. Has Tommy met him yet?”
“No. But I plan to introduce them soon. It’s just sort of been tough lately because…”
“Because I’ve been hanging around, muddying the works.”
She grinned. “Yep.”
Tony rose slowly. She stood as well. He opened his arms and she accepted his friendly hug. “Thanks for everything, Josie.”
She walked him to the door and waved goodbye after he loaded his car and pulled away.
Then she walked back into her quiet townhouse, looking around, remembering how scary it had been when she and Tommy first moved in.
It had been this vast empty space, but somehow, over time, they’d filled it with furniture and pictures and memories.
Even so, there was still one empty space left to fill. Josie grasped her cell from the kitchen counter and dialed Jake’s number.
“Hiya, beautiful. I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon. Did Tony go quietly or are you calling in the big guns?”
She’d hidden nothing from Jake about Tony. Along with the wine girls, he’d become her best friend, offering her sound advice as well as getting righteously indignant with her whenever she needed it.
“He’s gone. And Tommy is having a sleepover at Shelly’s. How would you like to see my place?”
Jake was quiet for only a moment, though she could tell she’d surprised him. “Really? I get to see inside the inner sanctum?”
“Shut up, you lunatic. Are you working? Can you come?”
“I’m the boss, remember? Besides Sam’s back and he owes me for covering for his ass all those weeks when he was living the good life in front of the TV, nursing a broken ankle. I’ll be right over. Want me to stop and pick up dinner or something?”
“Nope. What I’m hungry for requires only you.”
Jake whistled. “I like the sound of that. I know it’s a bit early, but if you’re in the mood, we could celebrate the full moon tonight.”
Josie recalled the next item and paused.
“Does that mean you’re not coming alone?
” Like most of the positions on her list, she written down every kinky, crazy craving with no thought of how she’d actually achieve the goals.
Even so, double penetration was one she’d seriously considered marking off since meeting Jake.
She had no desire to take another man to her bed.
“Trust me?”
Damn him. Jake knew she did. But there had to be limits to that, didn’t there? If there were, she hadn’t discovered any with her sexy bartender yet. “Yes.”
“I’ll be there in half an hour. Put on something hot and pull out all your sex toys. We’re getting crazy tonight.”
She hung up, torn between sheer panic and absolute glee.
“Fuck it,” she muttered. “Crazy sounds just about right.”