Chapter 2 #2
‘It certainly doesn’t make me a kid,’ she shot back. She took one menacing step towards him, and he took a harried one back. Her eyes widened at the movement, and then turned questioning. ‘You’re … Oh my God, are you afraid of me?’
‘Afraid?’ he laughed. And even though he internally shook with it, he cocked one hip. ‘I’m afraid of rattlesnakes, drought, and your mom’s homemade kombucha. In that order. I’m not afraid of you, Sierra.’
Sierra took one step closer again, but this time Benji stayed pointedly fixed to the spot. He glared at her as she came closer. But she only grinned wickedly, as if she could hear his heart jackhammering against his ribs and see the sweat suddenly coating his palms.
Sierra stopped an inch from him, leaving a tauntingly small space between their bodies. She looked up at him from under those long, dark lashes, and whispered, ‘Prove it, Benji.’
He didn’t dare move. Hell, he didn’t dare breathe, too afraid that if he did, he might accidentally touch her and tear through the last of his restraint.
He still didn’t move as she pressed her breasts up against his chest, undeterred. ‘If you’re not afraid of me, prove it,’ she said again. And this time she rose onto her toes and placed her lips against his.
It was barely a kiss, just an innocent press of lips to lips.
But the contact, her soft mouth on his, undid him.
And, still, Benji didn’t react. He held his breath, refusing to inhale her, cocked one eyebrow and plastered an amused smile on his face, so that when Sierra stepped back and met his gaze, her confidence wavered.
He saw it, the moment that boldness stuttered, the exact second she believed the lie he’d told her.
‘Oh.’ She released an embarrassed laugh and moved out of his space. ‘Well, it was worth a shot.’ Her attempt at nonchalance was lost when she wrapped her arms self-consciously around her body. ‘I guess I’ll stick to my college sophomores.’
He hated hurting her almost as much as he hated resisting her. And even as she said, ‘Be seeing you, Benji,’ and started back towards the house, he knew that he couldn’t let her leave thinking he didn’t care.
‘Hey, Si!’ he called after her.
She didn’t turn, only angled her face over her shoulder and waited.
‘If you’re not ready and waiting for me at four-thirty tomorrow morning, I’m not driving you.’
She didn’t say anything, but he saw the curve of her smile and caught her small nod before she walked away from him.
‘Fuck,’ Benji cursed the moment he was alone. ‘Fuck!’ he repeated, furious with himself. He ran both hands frantically through his hair. ‘What are you doing? You idiot. Fucking idiot. You only had to hold out for eighteen more hours!’
But even as he berated himself, he knew it was too late, and that he’d be lying if he said they hadn’t been working their way here for a long time.
He took out his phone, pulled up Mav’s number, and dialled before he chickened out. He knew he was a coward for doing it over the phone, but he forgave himself for it easily, knowing that Mav would prefer it too.
‘Benj?’ Mav answered instantly. ‘Where are you? I thought we were meeting at the barn?’
‘We are. I’ll be there in a few minutes.’
‘Okay …’
‘Hey, Mav?’ Benji tried to compose some explanation that sounded reasonable.
He even thought about leading with an apology, something along the lines of ‘I know I’m the last person you’d want for her, but …
’ Instead, all he could come up with was, ‘I’m gonna drive your sister to the airport tomorrow. ’
A long pause prevailed before Mav asked, ‘Is … Is that a euphemism for something?’
‘I guess.’
‘Are you asking for my permission to …? With my little sister?’ Maverick sounded as offput by the conversation as Benji was.
‘It’s not going there yet,’ he replied. And because he rarely lied, and never to Mav, he added, ‘But it will.’
‘And if I said no?’
‘I’d have to leave – for good. I can’t …’ Can’t fight her anymore? Can’t deprive myself? He didn’t know what to say, so only repeated, ‘I can’t.’
Mav released a long-winded sigh. ‘As much as it weirds me out, I’m also surprised you lasted this long. She’s always had a thing for you …’
Benji didn’t play coy. Sierra had been hounding him for longer than was appropriate given that he was five years older than her. And God knew he’d resisted her every step of the way. And it had been hard, ferociously so.
‘I don’t need to warn you with all those clichés about breaking her heart, right?’ Mav continued.
‘No,’ Benji affirmed. ‘I’ll be careful with her, Mav.
I won’t ever hurt her.’ And because he meant it, Benji promised himself right then and there that he would become the type of man that Sierra Hunt would be proud to have.
One day, she’d look at him and she wouldn’t see the white trash kid she’d grown up with.
She’d see a man who’d made something of himself – for her.
‘Okay.’ Mav sighed. ‘I guess I should be grateful I don’t have to get up at four a.m. tomorrow.’
Benji exhaled deeply. ‘Yeah, I’ve got it. I’ve got her.’
And Mav replied, ‘I know you do. For what it’s worth, I’m glad it’s you. Oh, and Benji?’
‘Yeah?’
‘I appreciate you calling and letting me know, but you probably shouldn’t tell Sierra that part.’
‘Yeah,’ Benji sighed. ‘Probably not.’
To Sierra’s extreme frustration, Benji barely spoke during the forty-five-minute drive from the ranch to Santa Barbara Airport.
As the sun began rising, casting blue light over the fields and hills, he sat in patient silence, listening to her ramble about school at NYU, her friends, and her course load for the semester.
He nodded occasionally, asked a question from time to time, but otherwise kept his mouth shut and his eyes on the road, so that by the time they took their exit, she was confused and – worse – angry.
Yesterday, when he’d told her he’d be driving her, Sierra had let herself think he might be close to breaking point, and she’d been so excited.
How many times had she shamelessly flirted with him, trying to get a reaction out of him?
How many times had she deliberately pissed him off, hoping that he’d do something – anything – in a rage that he wouldn’t do in that perpetually cool, calm mood he walked around in.
How many times had she dressed with him in mind, choosing clothes she didn’t even like all that much just so that he’d look her way?
Countless.
Sierra didn’t see herself as desperate or manipulative. She was a woman who knew what she wanted and who was prepared to work through trial and error for it. And she wanted Benjamin Matthews. She had for a long time.
She knew, in that way that women did, that he wanted her too. Hadn’t she felt that long, lazy gaze on her so many times, typically when he thought she wasn’t paying attention? Hadn’t she seen the heat lash through that very same gaze each time she pushed him a little too far?
But now, as they pulled into the airport parking lot, she began to doubt herself, just as she had yesterday. Maybe she’d been wrong? Maybe after the kiss, he’d only wanted to drive her to tell her he wasn’t interested. That would be just like Benji.
Mortified by the thought, she reached for the door handle. ‘You could have dropped me in the front,’ she said, hating that her anger leached into her tone when she’d wanted to sound cool and unaffected.
‘Sierra—’
She was out of the truck before he could explain, heaving her huge suitcase from the truck bed before he’d even opened his door.
But while she slung her backpack over her shoulder and whipped her suitcase handle out from its recessed position, Benji calmly, slowly, walked around the vehicle to her.
And while she would have stormed past him without a word, he stepped into her path, stopping her.
‘You don’t have to say it,’ she said, angling her face away so that he wouldn’t see her sadness and the glisten of frustrated, self-pitying tears.
‘Say what?’
‘It’s not you, it’s me.’
Irritatingly, he only countered with, ‘I wasn’t planning on it.’
She snuck a glance at him then. He stood a full three feet away, his hands on his hips, his green eyes searching her face. That slow pull of need rolled through her, but this time it didn’t excite her. It made her angry. It irritated her. ‘What do you want, Benji?’
He raised one hand to rub at the scruff covering his face. She hadn’t been expecting an honest reply, so when he said, ‘I think it’s pretty obvious I want you, Si,’ she could only stare. ‘You’re beautiful and smart and funny. Wanting you isn’t just easy,’ he continued. ‘It’s unavoidable.’
Her heart softened. ‘So? What the hell is the problem?’
Benji took a step towards her then. Reaching out, he pried her cold hand off the suitcase handle.
He gently kissed each of her fingers before tugging her forward and into the warmth of his open jacket.
He sighed deeply, as if just having her close was enough.
‘I will always want you. But you’re eighteen fucking years old.
You need to go back to school. You need to have fun, date, go to parties without someone back home weighing you down.
Just be young and foolish for a while. Because when you come home, that’s it.
’ He exhaled a huge breath. ‘Do you understand what I’m telling you? ’
She closed her eyes as her mind and body warred.
Even though his rejection stung, and her pride made her want to pull away, she was so safe and warm, so thrilled by the promise he’d finally given her.
And she couldn’t bear to let him go just yet.
Instead, she inhaled his scent and slid her hands beneath his T-shirt, touching his bare skin as an adult for the first time.
He was hard with muscle, his skin hot beneath her fingers.
Benji became very still, and hoping to distract him enough so that he didn’t pull away, Sierra said, ‘I hate that you’re rejecting me.’
‘It’s not a rejection. I’ll be here, waiting.’
‘You’ll be dating other girls,’ she accused.
His laugh rumbled beneath her cheek.
‘It’s not funny!’
‘It’s a little funny,’ Benji countered, but his big hand circled her back, comforting. ‘We’re not even together yet, and you’re already jealous of other women. Women who don’t even exist.’
It did sound pathetic when he said it aloud, but it was too late to take the words back. ‘I can’t help it,’ Sierra whispered defensively. ‘Why wait if I’m really what you want?’
‘It’s not our time. Not yet.’ When his hand came to her face, tipping her head back so that their eyes met, she didn’t dare reply for fear of breaking the spell.
‘One day, you’re going to come home to stay.
Not because you have to but because it’s the right time.
And I’ll still be there. Hunt Ranch is my home.
But until then, you need to go. Spread your wings. ’
She hated that he was so reasonable and responsible. And she loathed that he was right. Although she’d never dare say it aloud, the ranch had begun to feel like a prison over the summer. The silence wasn’t peaceful, but stifling. It had made her miss the frenetic energy of Manhattan.
Sierra groaned and plopped her forehead on his chest. ‘I hate how grown up you’ve become. Seventeen-year-old Benji would have done something reckless and exciting.’
‘Is that what you want?’ he asked, his voice deep and low.
‘I think I’ve made that pretty goddamn obvious!’
Before she could be embarrassed over her loud, frustrated reply, Benji walked her backwards. He pinned her against the cold metal of the passenger door of his truck. And before she could speak the words climbing up her throat, he’d stolen them with his kiss.
This kiss was nothing like the innocent peck she’d given him the day before.
This kiss was ruthless and unforgiving. Punishing.
He took her with the urgency of a man pushed to his limits for too long.
He tasted her with the reckless desperation of one perpetually deprived.
Benji pressed his big body mercilessly against hers, and when she squirmed, he didn’t let up.
He settled one of his muscular thighs between her legs and shifted back and forth, teasing her, torturing her.
Sierra sighed as a heavy, sliding weight gathered between her legs and moisture slicked her.
She may have lied about her virginity – she had known her first time was meant to be with Benji and had purposefully discouraged any other boys who had looked her way – but she was woman enough to have brought herself release, so knew he could do it with only that, his leg between her thighs.
She moaned, and Benji stilled at the sound.
He broke away abruptly, his breath heaving, his eyes wide and unhinged.
Sierra raised one shaky hand to her swollen lips.
And still, all she could manage was, ‘Holy crap.’
Benji’s grin was slow. And cocky as hell. ‘Yeah.’ She was relieved that he didn’t sound quite steady either.
‘Holy crap,’ he said, resigned. He stepped back, suddenly severing all contact as if he were afraid of what he’d do if he kept touching her. He leaned against the truck next to her and exhaled audibly.
Sierra’s legs shook, so she locked her knees and took a deep, steadying breath. And though it hurt, she said, ‘Bye, Benji. I’ll see you soon,’ because she suddenly understood with absolute clarity why he needed her to walk away.
They were inevitable.
But not now.
Not yet.
Though his eyes were dark with emotion, he smiled. Reaching down, he grabbed the handle of her suitcase. ‘Come on. I’ll get you checked in.’ He shucked his head in the direction of the airport entrance, and though he didn’t touch her again, he walked close.
And more than the chase, or the kiss, or the fact that he said he’d wait, it was walking her to the airport gates that did it. That little gesture had her tumbling from infatuation into love with zero thought as to how things might one day go so terribly wrong.