Chapter 6 #2
‘No need,’ Sierra hurried to say. ‘We’re on different paths, Nina. My past shouldn’t detract from your joy and excitement for the future.’ It was true. Or maybe not. But Sierra knew it should have been true, so she closed off the part of herself that wanted to scream with self-pity.
‘No!’ Markus gasped, finally catching on. ‘Oh my God!’ His tears started coming freely and unashamedly too. ‘Wait, is this happening right now?’ he demanded, and pulled Nina out of Sierra’s arms and into his.
Nina laughed, and it was so bright it hurt Sierra to hear. She remembered what that felt like, that joy that nestled within a woman as deeply as the child in her womb.
‘Yes!’ Nina replied. ‘We weren’t really planning it; it kinda just happened …’ She laughed incredulously.
‘Holy crap.’ Markus swiped away a tear.
Seeing that Poppy was watching them, her face scrunched with confusion, Nina crouched down and opened her arms. Poppy immediately ran into them. ‘How would you like to be a big sister?’
Poppy’s eyes became huge. ‘We’re getting a baby?’ she asked, her voice pitched with excitement.
‘Yeah,’ Nina laughed. ‘We’re getting a baby.’
‘When?’
‘About seven months from now.’
‘Oh.’ Poppy deflated. ‘That’s a long time to wait.’
‘Yeah, it is,’ Nina laughed, ‘but it’ll go really fast.’
While the girls and Markus were wedding dress shopping, Benji was sitting side by side with Maverick as they cleaned and oiled tack.
It was an easy but time-consuming job, one that they did twice a year to keep their leather in good condition.
And although they were a few months early this time round, it was also one of the only things Benji could think to give Mav to do that would keep him sitting down and taking it easy.
If they both knew that Mav was being managed, neither of them mentioned it.
They worked in a companionable silence for a long time, two men who didn’t need conversation to feel close to one another.
The barn was calm and quiet mid-afternoon. The crisp air occasionally slipped beneath Benji’s jacket, refreshing him. Outside, Skye instructed two small kids from the resort on their first horse ride while José and Riley led the two ponies.
At two-thirty, he would start prepping for the three o’clock trail ride. A group of six novices wanted to do the two-hour tour to the lake and back, and although he’d much rather be training diablo or practising his roping, this particular trail ride was one Benji enjoyed too.
‘I’m going to take Zeph on the three o’clock ride,’ he told Mav. ‘Give her some exercise.’
‘Appreciate it.’ Maverick sighed deeply. ‘I’d do it myself, but Nina would kill me if she found out.’
Benji couldn’t stop his grin. ‘You’re getting soft in your old age.’
‘I know it.’ Maverick picked up a dark brown bridle and began taking it apart so he could clean it. ‘But I figure I’m going to be equally obnoxious about her health, so I’m making sure she has nothing to hold over me.’
Benji’s head shot up. ‘Nina’s sick?’
Maverick, confusingly, only smiled. ‘No.’ He paused, corrected, ‘I mean, yeah.’
Concerned, Benji stopped what he was doing. ‘Well, Jesus, Mav, which is it?’
‘She’s pregnant, Benj.’ Mav put the bridle down. He raised one hand to his rub mouth as if self-conscious of his own huge grin. His blue eyes danced with excitement.
Benji hadn’t expected that the first thing he’d feel was a whip of jealousy and, shamed by it, he forced it under.
If anyone deserved good things, it was Maverick.
And Nina. ‘Dude,’ he said. It was one word.
And not a profound one at that. But it was enough for Mav, who had known him most of his life.
‘I know.’ Mav’s grin broke free in full force.
‘How’s she feeling?’
‘Mornings are just getting rough. That’s how we found out. She … She thought she was late from stress, you know …’
Benji nodded. ‘She’s been through a lot this year.’
‘Yeah. Well, the day after I got home from the hospital, she’s lying in bed, looking pale and tired.
She tells me she thinks she’s coming down with something and then dashes through to the bathroom.
And I follow, asking what I can do while she’s crying and telling me to leave her alone.
And I see her, bent over the toilet bowl, and it just hits me – the déjà vu. ’
‘From when Shannon was pregnant with Poppy,’ Benji filled in the gaps.
‘Yeah. And Nina has no idea. She’s telling me she has a stomach bug, and that she’ll be fine in a few days. And, Benji, I swear, I don’t know what came over me; I just started laughing.’
Benji couldn’t stop his genuine grin at that. ‘I bet that confused her.’
‘She’s glaring at me like, “What the fuck?” and I’m just standing there, so fucking happy that I’m howling with laughter.’ He sobered, but his grin couldn’t be tamed. ‘Then she started crying, and I felt like an asshole.’
‘Uh-oh.’
‘Yeah,’ Mav said dreamily. ‘I scooped her up, asked her how late she was. And she just looked at me, for like a full minute, those fucking sexy eyes just staring straight into my soul …’ He dropped his head onto the table.
‘I’m set, man. I don’t need anything else.
For the rest of my life. I have everything. ’
Because Benji knew the feeling, he kicked Mav’s foot under the table. ‘Happy for you, man.’ And he was. But there was another part of him that was self-pitying and angry. A part of him that asked Why couldn’t we have that – Si and I?
With Sierra on the forefront of his mind, he asked, ‘Have you told her yet?’
Mav’s grin died instantly. ‘No. We’ve been talking about how best to do it. Sierra thinks I don’t see, you know …’
‘I know.’
‘Last month, Jade – you remember Jade Gaffrey? The Sheriff’s daughter?’
‘Of course.’
‘Well, she had her baby shower.’
‘Yeah. I heard.’
‘Sierra didn’t go. Fuck, she didn’t even RSVP. And it got me thinking. When was the last time my sister saw one of her friends? Or took a day off work? Or did anything for herself?’
Benji’s heart ached just thinking about it.
Jade was a local, the County Sheriff’s daughter.
She had been Sierra’s best friend throughout high school.
They had practically been joined at the hip.
After Baby Girl, Jade had tried to visit.
But Sierra had been cool and detached, almost as if she’d been surprised by a visit from a stranger instead of one of her best friends.
Eventually, it had become awkward, and Jade had stopped coming altogether even though she still sent Sierra invitations to every birthday, Christmas party, and family barbecue. ‘It’s been a while.’
‘Nina and I have been thinking about how to tell her. We know she’ll be happy, but it’s gonna bring everything back too …’
Benji could only nod. It had taken him losing their baby to understand why women got upset when people asked those seemingly innocent questions: Are you guys going to have kids?
When? To one woman, those little questions were so simple to answer, so exciting.
But for another woman, for many women, those questions were lashing reminders of empty wombs, of little urns, of revised dreams.
Thinking of Sierra, always, he asked, ‘Could you do me a favour? Could you let me know once you’ve told her?’
‘Sure.’ Mav picked up the bridle and went back to work. ‘How’s it going with you two? I haven’t really been around much.’
‘It’s about the same,’ Benji said. He thought about the wedding that morning, and the fact that Sierra had let him hold her hand, but he didn’t mention it to Mav because he would feel compelled to warn him.
The warning came anyway, just not in the words Benji could have ever expected. ‘You know, Benji … I wouldn’t blame you – for moving on,’ Mav said cautiously. ‘I know why you stuck around for so long after … But I don’t expect you to wait forever. And neither does Sierra.’
The gentle reminder would have hurt coming from anyone, but the fact that it came from Maverick added a layer of panic to the hurt.
Because Maverick, who was always honest with him, clearly thought she’d never take him back.
And, still, Benji could only ask, ‘If Nina lost this baby’ – Mav paled – ‘and she shut down and pushed you away, what would you do?’
Mav nodded firmly. ‘I’d fight for her. One hundred per cent.’
‘Even if she told you she didn’t love you anymore? Didn’t want a life with you?’
‘Yeah. I mean … I guess I’d do exactly what you did. Step back, give her space, but stay as close as possible.’
‘People think I don’t know that there’s a good chance she’ll never take me back.
But I do. I’m fully aware. But if that happens, it’s not going to be because I walked – especially when she still needs me.
’ Even when he had left, it had been almost a year after their baby’s stillbirth and he’d only gone one state over, to work a ranch in Utah, and he did it because he’d known Sierra had needed the time and space.
‘I know her, Mav. And she can’t go on like this much longer.
I need to be close, so that when she breaks, I’m here for her. ’
Maverick didn’t argue. ‘I get it.’
Benji bent over his work again. ‘So, you’ll let me know – when you tell her about the baby?’
‘Yeah. Of course.’
‘Thanks.’ And because he had unintentionally soured a really happy occasion, Benji ended with, ‘I’m happy for you, Mav.’
‘Than—’
‘But I really hope the kid looks like Nina.’
Mav snorted. ‘Dick.’
They worked quietly through the rest of the afternoon. While Mav cleaned and oiled tack, Benji took the trail riders out and then gave a lesson. And when Mav started to look tired and pale, Benji shoved him into the Jeep and sent him home under the threat of calling Nina.
Once Mav was gone, Benji wrapped up the day. He helped the wranglers groom, feed, and stall or blanket and turn out the remaining horses.
By six, the sun had gone, leaving the evening inky and blue.
Benji rested against the pasture fence and took a moment to look out at Hunt Ranch. The moon was already out and hung low, nestled between two folds in the distant mountains. The air was cold and fresh. It was quiet but for the occasional nicker or low, long moo.
When his cell phone vibrated in his pocket, he ignored it, enjoying the evening too much to care. But when it stopped and then immediately began again, he sighed and pulled it out of his pocket.
He frowned when he saw Mav’s name flash on the screen. ‘Mav?’
‘Hey, Markus and Nina just got back from dress shopping.’
‘Okay?’
‘Sierra apparently had to leave early for a birthday party at the resort, but I just called, and she never showed. Lucas is handling it, but Si won’t pick up her phone.’
Benji’s skin began to crawl. ‘She probably stopped for a bite to eat or …’ Or what?
Sierra did not miss resort events. Even when she wasn’t actively running them, she sat in her office and worked while she waited to deal with any emergencies.
She had to be in control of everything. It was just how she was.
‘Benji … She found out about the baby. Nina wasn’t drinking at the dress fitting, and Sierra put the pieces together.’
Benji started moving towards his truck immediately.
‘Nina said she seemed okay, but’ – he lowered his voice, sensitive to Nina’s emotions – ‘you and I know that’s not true.’
He opened his truck door, climbed in. ‘I think I know where I might find her.’