Chapter 8 #2
Benji tipped her face, forcing her gaze to his. ‘This is the best day of my life,’ he said sincerely, all playfulness gone. ‘I’ve wanted to have a baby with you for years. Years, Sierra.’
‘You didn’t seem to want to take the next step,’ she said cautiously. ‘I wasn’t sure …’
Benji hadn’t known that she harboured any insecurity when it came to them. In his mind, they were one. Benji and Sierra. Sierra and Benji. Their names leaving the lips of everyone they knew together – forever.
But her words made him think about it, about why he maybe hadn’t been as open with his own wants and desires.
Because he wanted Sierra Hunt – except he wanted her to be Sierra Matthews.
And he wanted babies. Cheeky little girls who looked like their mom.
‘It’s hard for me, sometimes, to imagine you wanting that life – with me. I …’
How did he begin to describe to someone who had been raised with everything including a multi-million-dollar inheritance, that he often felt like an imposter in her kingdom?
‘The only reason I’ve been taking so long is because I wanted to make something of myself first – become someone you could be proud of.
I want to be a man you wouldn’t be ashamed to marry.
I want enough saved to build you the home you deserve, and that’s going to take me at least another year … ’
Sierra’s eyes went huge. ‘Benji …’ She shook her head. ‘No.’
‘No?’
‘No,’ she rasped. ‘You don’t need to earn my love. You have it already. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved, and that does not come with caveats.’ She leaned forward and rested her forehead on his. ‘You’re my home.’
He pulled back. ‘I’m a salaried employee on your family ranch,’ he reminded her.
She needed to know that he might come with nothing but his name.
A name he’d tie her to. Because he would ask her.
At the right time, and because he was a traditionalist at his core, he would ask Mav’s permission first too.
‘Yes. You are,’ she said. ‘But you’re also the man who stops whatever he’s doing to come and help me – always.
You’re the man who fetches me fuzzy socks in the middle of the night when my feet get cold.
You’re the man who’s going to be the father of my children.
’ Placing her hands on his cheeks, she drew him in and kissed him tenderly.
Benji returned the kiss, taking them deep before Sierra had a chance to pull back. And even as his mind settled with her words, his heart raced in his chest. He was going to be a dad.
As the news sank in and that first punch of adrenaline-fuelled excitement drained, the fear came. When Sierra shifted, he dropped his hands to her hips, holding her with him for a moment longer. ‘Do you think I’ll be a good dad?’
‘Yes.’ There was no explanation, no comforting tone. Just a simple ‘Yes’.
And it was exactly what he needed.
‘I’m so happy, Si. Here in this moment with you, I feel like my purpose is so clear.’
‘Me too.’ Her hands rose to sift through his hair. ‘I only just found out, and I already can’t wait for her to arrive.’
His heart kicked at that. ‘Her?’
‘Just a feeling. But I’d be happy either way.’
‘If it is a girl, can we call her Ava?’ When Sierra stilled, Benji lowered his voice and gentled his tone. ‘I think your mom would have gotten a kick out of it.’
‘She would have – absolutely,’ Sierra affirmed, her tone rough with emotion.
‘If it’s too much—’
‘No.’ She sniffled. ‘Ava’s perfect.’
Benji smiled, and although he didn’t say it, he thought that if his daughter was named after Ava Hunt, he would have a constant reminder of the type of parent he wanted to be. The type of parent he would be.
‘Hey, Benji …’
He shifted, giving Sierra his full attention again. ‘Yeah, baby?’
‘I’m a little scared …’
He understood. God, wasn’t he terrified too? Still, he asked, ‘Of what specifically? Can you put it in words?’
‘I don’t know …’ She laughed. ‘And that’s it exactly – there’s just so much I don’t know.’ She reached forward to fiddle with his shirt buttons, a sure sign of her nerves. ‘I suppose I always thought I’d have my mom here, to help …’
‘Yeah.’ He imagined Ava, and how happy she would have been to be a grandmother, and his heart ached with loss. ‘It’s okay to be afraid. But, Si, we have each other. And we have Mav, who kinda did all the trial and error stuff with Poppy so we don’t have to.’
Sierra smiled. ‘Actually, that does make me feel better. If my brother can do it, I can do it,’ she said.
‘We can do it,’ he reminded her. ‘I’ll always be there, Si.’
‘Promise?’
‘I promise.’ He sealed the vow with a kiss, right there on the sandy ground of the arena.
As soon as Sierra went back to work, Benji went straight to Mav. Some things shouldn’t wait.
He found his friend scowling at a spreadsheet on the tack room’s computer. ‘That bad?’ he asked as he closed the door behind him, giving them privacy.
Without looking up, Mav grumbled, ‘Went over budget with the rescue again. Trying to figure out how to hide it from my sister.’
‘You realize she always knows, right?’
Mav only grunted.
‘Hey, Mav.’
‘Hmm?’
Seeing that his friend was immersed, Benji said the one thing guaranteed to snap him out of it. ‘Sierra’s pregnant.’
‘Cool,’ Mav replied offhandedly.
Benji waited.
Mav blinked as the words registered. Slowly, he turned to face Benji. ‘Come again.’
‘Sierra’s pregnant,’ Benji repeated, and he didn’t try to stifle his grin. Maverick, his best friend of thirty years, knew how he felt. Sometimes, he knew too much.
Mav gave Benji his full attention. He turned his chair to face him, linked his hands between his knees, and looked him in the eye. ‘Congrats, dude. I’m happy for you.’
‘Are you – genuinely?’
Mav frowned. ‘Of course.’
‘I know I don’t have much, but I’ll give them more of my love and time than any other man ever—’
‘Don’t insult me,’ Mav cut him off. ‘You’re the best man I know.’ The words were so Mav, so simple and honest.
Benji took courage from them. ‘Yeah. So … I was hoping I could ask for your permission.’ He stood taller despite his anxious stomach because he was proud to be Sierra’s man, and he wanted his friend to see it.
‘I’m going to marry her, Mav. I’ll do it without your blessing – because she’s all I’ve ever wanted. But I’d prefer to have it.’
Mav’s grin was quick and genuine. ‘Holy shit.’
‘Yeah.’ Benji released an incredulous laugh. ‘I guess it’s happening.’
Mav sobered. ‘You don’t have to ask me, dude. Sierra can make up her own mind.’ He seemed to take a moment to think through his next words. ‘But are you marrying her because you want to – or because she’s pregnant?’
Benji wasn’t offended by the question. When Mav’s ex, Shannon, had fallen pregnant with Poppy, he had promised her forever even though they’d all known it would be a mistake.
And even though they all loved Poppy, when Shannon had left, it had taken a toll on Mav.
So, Benji replied, ‘I’ve wanted to marry her for a really long time.
And I’m only asking you because it’s something I would have asked your mom and dad.
And because I’d like your mom’s wedding ring set … ’
‘They’re yours.’ Mav sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He kicked Benji’s foot. ‘Holy shit, dude,’ he repeated.
‘I know,’ Benji replied, and he wasn’t quite calm. He was going to marry Sierra Hunt. He was going to be a dad. And it was all he’d ever wanted and, up until that moment with Mav, everything he’d been too afraid to reach out and take.
It all seemed too good to be true. It felt like he’d fallen into somebody else’s happily-ever-after. But if Benji had learned anything from his childhood it was not to question when good things happened, but to grab on to them with both hands.
So, that’s what he did.