Chapter 17
The next morning, they woke up with the sunrise and made love again as the world slipped into light.
Benji loved her slowly, his every thrust calculated to excite her body and keep her thoughts at bay.
He whispered all those words of love and approval to her, things like: ‘I love the way your body takes me,’ and ‘you’re so sexy,’ in between gentle, whispering kisses.
And when Sierra tightened around him, taking him in, he increased his pace and pushed her over the edge before pulling out and, with one quick pump from his own hand, following her over.
He collapsed beside her, and when she didn’t make the first move, he did – always. He hooked his arm around her waist, pulled her into his body and curled around her.
The heat from their skin merged, warming them both. Sierra wriggled so that she was on her back and could look up at him. ‘You pulled out … Last night and this morning. You’ve never pulled out before.’
‘If we go back there,’ he said, his tone cautious, ‘it’s going to be because you choose to – and because you’re choosing me. Before …’
‘I’m on the pill,’ she said, not wanting to go back there.
‘You were on the pill last time.’ He sighed dramatically. ‘But my boys can swim.’
Sierra didn’t laugh as she knew he’d hoped. And although she understood that he was taking extra precautions for her, Mav’s words ricocheted in her head.
‘Benji …’ She took a long moment to rein in her frustration. ‘You can’t keep sacrificing the things you want for me. This is why I stepped back; you’re incapable of looking after yourself—’
‘I’m not,’ he said simply. ‘Because you’re the thing I want most in the world. After you, everything else is gravy – including kids.’
Sierra expelled a resigned huff of air. ‘Kids aren’t gravy. They’re the most important, life-altering decision a couple will make.’
‘Exactly. A couple. I’m not doing it with anybody else.’ When she opened her mouth to argue, he leaned down to kiss her, stealing her words.
Sierra’s arms roped around his neck. She drew back, but only for long enough to say, ‘This is something we have to talk about—’
‘Later.’
Benji stroked one hand down her side, watched the indecision war in her eyes for only a moment before she replied, ‘Later,’ and pulled him back to her.
Afterwards, they huddled in the warmth of the sleeping bag with the tent flap open and drank their coffee side by side as the first hours of the day passed.
Naked, satiated, and momentarily at peace, they talked, and for the first time in over a year, it was just conversation.
No snapping. No reference to Before or After.
Just casual, amiable ramblings about Nina and Mav’s wedding, Poppy, Markus’s break-up, and the resort.
It was nice, Sierra thought as she carried the bedding back to the truck mid-morning. It was good to just be present with him again.
They drove home smiling, two people who had found a small respite after a difficult year, and if there was a niggling worry in Sierra’s mind that she had done something that couldn’t be undone, she stoically pushed it aside.
For just a small moment in time, she wanted – needed – to embrace the quiet peace that being with Benji instilled.
Outside the ranch house, Nina, Markus, and Mav sat on the porch.
Shadow, Mav’s dog, was curled at his feet, guarding him always.
Despite the chilly morning, Poppy was ‘baking’ a mud pie by the garden hose.
She wore one of Mav’s old shirts and rain boots, and Nina had put her hair up in a ballerina bun in the hope that it would stay clean.
All eyes turned to Sierra and Benji as they climbed from the truck, and because she wasn’t ready to deal with her family just yet, Sierra took the cowardly way out and went to play with Poppy.
She was already in sweatpants, and even if she hadn’t been, being raised on the ranch had indoctrinated her into getting dirty long before Poppy had started playing in the mud. She sat on the ground and said, ‘Morning, honey,’ as she started rolling a mud ball.
‘Hi Sisi!’ Poppy squeaked. She scooped more mud in her hands and pressed it into a cupcake tray.
‘What’cha making?’
‘Mud cakes.’
‘Any special occasion?’
‘Just ’cause,’ the five-year-old replied. ‘I wanted to go see Zephy, but Daddy’s too tired. And Neens doesn’t feel good.’ Poppy hilariously tried to mimic Markus’s feisty voice when she added, ‘And Markus don’t do wildlife.’
Sierra laughed. ‘Why don’t you ask Uncle Benji? If he has time, I’ll drop you off at the barn later.’
Poppy brightened immediately. She popped up, and with zero self-consciousness over her mud-covered hands and shirt, ran to Benji. She threw herself into his legs, cried, ‘Uncle Benji, Sisi said you can take me riding!’
Sierra shook her head as she listened with one ear. It was a marvel how even a little child could so easily learn to manipulate.
She looked back just as Benji took Poppy’s muddy hand in his and swung it lightly between them, felt that painful kick in her chest when she saw how natural and loving he was with the five-year-old. ‘Of course. What time will your pies be done?’
‘They’re cakes,’ Poppy informed him. ‘Maybe in an hour. ’Cause I have to go clean up first.’
Sierra wasn’t exactly sure what made her do it. Impulse? Revenge for all the times Benji and Mav had done it to her? Or, maybe, for just a moment, she was completely present and playful? One second, she was sitting on the ground, the next she was walking up to Benji, a huge mud ball in her hand.
His back was to her, but all the other adults watched as she snuck closer and closer. Nina was overcome by her grin and had to look away. Maverick, bless him, kept Benji distracted by saying to Poppy, ‘A ride sure sounds fun!’
Only Markus, the city boy that he was, couldn’t quite hide his horror. His eyes went huge with equal parts disgust and incredulity.
Benji caught the look a second too late. He turned to see what Markus was staring at and caught the splat of gooey mud right in the throat. By his side, Poppy gasped as a stray dollop landed on her cheek.
Benji coughed once.
He looked down as the mud slowly, comically, slid down, under his shirt.
When he looked up at her again, his eyes were bright with challenge.
There was one second of perfect stillness – and then Sierra bolted.
Benji caught her in three strides. And he wasn’t gentle either.
This was war. He took her to the ground with a heavy oomph while Sierra roared with laughter.
She tried to wriggle away to safety – which Ava had stoically declared to be the front porch when they were kids doing the same thing. But Benji pinned her down easily.
And Mav, traitor that he was, was up in a flash to help him. As Benji held her down, Mav scooped a huge pile of mud in his oversized hands.
Sierra saw him coming and squealed in protest.
But neither man had mercy.
While Benji pinned her down, her brother dumped the mud on her neck – the only part of her skin, other than her face, not covered by her clothes.
Sierra just laughed as the cold mud slid down her chest. The sound burst from her until tears were streaming down her face, and just when she thought she had got herself under control, she looked up – right as Mav took a hit to the back.
Everyone stopped for a second to look back at where the shot had come from, and there, looking fresh off an ad for Country Living, stood Nina, her arms muddy up to her elbows.
‘Oh, I see how it is,’ Mav said quietly. He took a step towards her.
Nina’s eyes widened.
From her position near the porch, Poppy yelled, ‘Run, Neens!’
And Nina did not have to be told twice. She took off at a sprint, like a hare running from a fox, and she got further than Sierra had. She almost made it to the porch before Mav scooped her off her feet and turned back towards the mud pile.
Nina squealed. As their combined laughter filled the morning air, Sierra turned to look up at Benji.
He was grinning down at her, and instead of tickling her or doing something else abominable as he would have in the past, he dropped a light kiss on her lips, whispered, ‘I missed you, Si.’
Sierra’s chest ached from the strain of laughing, but she didn’t ignore him. She replied, ‘I miss me too.’ And because she wasn’t quite ready to unpack that further, she lowered her voice, said, ‘We need to get Markus.’
Benji cast a subtle glance in Markus’s direction. He stood in the safe zone on the porch, snapping pictures on his iPhone as he grinned down at the proceedings. ‘He doesn’t have an expensive camera to defend him right now,’ Benji observed. ‘Just an iPhone.’
‘Momentary truce to gang up on him? We’ll snatch the phone first.’
‘Fuck yes.’
They were both up in a shot. By unspoken agreement, they didn’t act coy but headed straight for him. Markus, bless him, clearly didn’t think they’d have the guts to do it. But before he could take even one step back, they had him by the arms.
He gasped dramatically. ‘You wouldn’t!’
Sierra looked at Benji. ‘I would.’
Benji nodded, ‘Me too.’ He snatched the iPhone from Markus’s hand and tossed it onto the cushioned porch swing.
They pulled him down the stairs, but he resisted the entire way, and just as the words, ‘This shirt is Rag & Bone!’ left Markus’s mouth Mav hit him dead-centre of his chest with a massive mud ball.
He raised both arms, looked down at his ruined white, linen shirt, said, ‘What. The. Fudge.’
And then all hell broke loose.
They battled for a good ten minutes. What started out as girls against boys turned into every man for himself. And it was wild. Merciless.
People took cover, only occasionally risking a run to the soggy mud patch to replenish their arsenal. Mud flew. Clothes were ruined. But the sound of their laughter rang loudly through the chaos – including Sierra’s.