Chapter 47 Elliot #2
Snapping out of my daydream, I turned to face him.
He looked just as I remembered, probably better, with his sun-kissed skin, green eyes, and thick brows to frame them.
But it changed nothing. When he’d appeared at my doorstep an hour ago and asked if we could go for a ride, I wasn’t sad or angry.
I couldn’t even say I felt surprised. Maybe my brain was too tired to think it through, or maybe it was just curiosity, but I agreed to come with him.
Yet sitting here next to him, in a place we used to spend summers together, my heart didn’t waver.
Not even a single beat. Jacques Bouvier used to mean the world to me, and now he was just a person I used to know.
What if that was what I’d become to Daniel? A sharp pain pierced my chest, filling me with dread. Scared, I hugged my knees close to my body and stared ahead. “How am I doing? I don’t know, normal, I guess.”
He laughed. “What on earth are you talking about, Elliot? You’re a supermodel.” His hand landed on my back, and he kept it there.
Too tired to ask him to remove it, I stayed quiet while he went on to talk about how he saw me on TV and in magazines.
Good for him, I guess.
“Seriously, the first time I saw you on a cover… It shocked me, you know?” Slipping his hand a bit lower, he also got closer. “But mostly… it made me realize how much I missed you.”
I then remembered that one time when Daniel missed me, so he flew all the way to Italy to see me.
“Elliot?”
“What?” I asked, not bothering to look away from the water.
Jacques reached his other hand forward, nudging my cap up.
“I just said I missed you.”
I fixed my cap to sit properly on my head. “And?”
“And?” He huffed, shifting closer again. “Aren’t you supposed to say something else?”
My eyebrows drew together. “Why? I didn’t miss you at all. Do you want me to lie?”
He let out an awkward laugh. “O-of course not.”
“So the truth is that it has been months, if not years, since I last thought of you.”
He grunted, finally moving away and giving me space.
“You always had an attitude. But I get it, you’re mad. I know we ended it badly back then.”
We? Wasn’t it just him? But, well, he was always a narcissist.
“But you’re here now, and that’s what I care about.” Again, he reached out his hand to touch my back, slowly getting closer.
“Mon chaton,” he whispered my old nickname in a low voice, but I rejected it by turning my head. He didn’t care and leaned in until his breath fanned my skin. “You’re so beautiful, mon chaton. You always were.”
“No.” I stopped him before he could kiss me.
“No?”
“I’m not interested.”
He clicked his tongue, then pulled away.
“So why did you come here?” he asked, voice hurt.
“You asked to go for a ride, so…”
“No. I mean, why did you come back to France? Wasn’t it because of my letter?”
It was only then that I turned to frown at him. “Your letter?”
He nodded, running a hand through his tousled hair. “Yeah, isn’t that why you came back?”
I stared at him for a good minute. But as his face kept serious, I realized he honestly believed it.
Then, the most unexpected thing happened—I laughed.
I laughed so hard until I had tears in my eyes and my belly hurt.
Jacques pouted his lips, clearly offended by my reaction, which, quite honestly, I couldn’t control.
He probably thought I found it funny, but I didn’t.
I thought it was incredibly sad, so much so that those tears in my eyes quickly turned into tears of pain, and I slumped back on the grass, my hands covering my eyes as I thought back on everything that had gotten me to this moment.
It had started years ago, when I thirsted for Jacques’s love so badly that I settled for the bits he tossed at me.
Having no self-respect and hungry to be loved, I ate whatever crumbs he threw at me, and when it all blew up in my face?
I ran away, only to fall in love again. At first, with Daniel, it was just more of the same, chasing an unavailable man in the pursuit of being loved.
But once I realized Daniel was different and that his love was real and kind, I did everything to keep it mine, including ignoring the pain that it caused me.
Scared to lose his love, I repressed those fears in every way necessary, no matter the cost. But in the end, it blew up, and I ended up back right where it all started.
“It’s just… really funny, you know?” I said, my voice hoarse from crying.
“What is?”
Wiping away my tears, I looked up at the sky.
“I starved for love for so long… that now… now I just starve.” My voice broke, tears clogging my vision as my lips quivered between a smile and a cry. “It’s hilarious, really.”
What started in an attempt to be loved ended with, well, we’d see.
“I want you to take me home,” I said, moving to sit up.
“But—”
I tried standing. Sadly, my knees failed me, and it was Jacques who caught me.
“Elliot!”
“I-I’m okay,” I panted, holding on to him for support while my body rejected his closeness. “Just please, take me home. I’m tired.”