7. BLUE
BLUE
Warm water splashed against my face. My body was wrapped in a towel that barely covered my ass after a long shower, one I desperately needed after being awake all night.
The noise outside was unbearable, blending with my own thoughts of my brother being out there somewhere, all alone, going through who knew what.
Every time I closed my eyes, they snapped wide open again.
I even tried falling asleep with my headphones on, but no matter how hard I tried, sleep wouldn’t come.
I stepped out of the bathroom. On my way, I caught a few glimpses of my reflection. The dark circles beneath my eyes were impossible to ignore. I crossed the room, sat on the bed beside my pink Sony Cassette Walkman, and listened to the only cassette I owned still turning inside.
I pulled the cassette out and flipped it over. On the back, the handwritten track list named ten songs. It didn’t last longer than forty-seven minutes, but to me, those forty-seven minutes had stretched into years on repeat.
Iris — The Goo Goo Dolls
Hazard — Richard Marx
Always — Bon Jovi
This I Promise You — *NSYNC
Extreme—More Than Words
Yellow — Coldplay
I Swear — All-4-One
Friends Will Be Friends — Queen
Crash and Burn — Savage Garden
Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely — Backstreet Boys
I don’t even know how I got it. All I know is that I’d had it ever since the Light Festival that year.
I remembered leaving the player in Annie’s car when we all went to the beach, and ever since then, the cassette had been inside.
She swore she had no idea how it got there, and I never questioned it.
I just listened to it when I was happy, when I was sad, or when I couldn’t sleep.
Songs always made me calmer than I usually was, though I never understood why.
I tried not to think about it too much because songs change once you know who they came from or who they were meant for.
They stop being just melodies and become memories.
People tie songs to faces, to moments, to the things they lost or never had.
I didn’t want that. I wanted music to stay empty enough for me to hide in.
Because if I gave every song a face, eventually every song would remind me of someone, and I’d have nowhere left to go when I needed to escape.
The flip phone Isabella gave me buzzed on the nightstand. I slid the cassette back into the Walkman, tucked it away in the drawer, and pulled it shut before reaching for the phone. The battery was almost dead, and I didn’t have a charger. I flipped it open. One SMS popped on the screen.
I clicked it open. It was the same number Isabella had called me from last night.
“Meet me at the marina. I have more info about Gianni. xx Isa”
My hands tightened around the phone. I checked the time. It was seven o’clock.
My thumbs moved over the tiny keypad and I typed, “I’ll be there at 7:30.”
I stood and walked to the closet. My hair was still damp from the shower, but on a hot summer day I couldn’t care less.
The older people here believed the breeze could make you sick if you went outside with wet hair, but after doing it so many times, I knew it was just another superstition passed down through generations.
I pulled out a simple white dress and slipped it on.
It had a V-neck with braided straps that tied behind my neck, leaving my back bare until the small of it.
I shut the closet doors, grabbed my black-and-white Converse from the side, balanced first on my left foot, then my right as I slipped them on, and tiptoed out of the bedroom, careful not to wake my mother.
As I passed the living room, I found her sprawled across the sofa, leaving soft snores from her open mouth. I would never understand how she could sleep while her only son had been missing for two days.
I left the apartment and started down the street.
The man from last night was still tied to the street lamp, his pants around his ankles.
His face looked more familiar now. It was the same one I’d seen yesterday with Oliver.
They must’ve been pulling some childish prank, as usual, and I had no time for it.
As I passed, he looked at me. To my surprise, he didn’t say a word.
I glanced back over my shoulder, half expecting it to be some kind of trap, but he was only staring out at the sea, waiting for the sun to rise with his bare ass on display.
A smile came onto my face.
I covered my mouth with my hand as I walked away, trying to hold back the snort that always escaped whenever I smiled.
I felt guilty for smiling. It had been a long time.
Sometimes, just one smile is enough to make you feel like maybe the world hasn’t forgotten you after all.
Isabella waited in line in front of a yacht with a sign that read “Maid interviews.” The line stretched all the way to the restaurant, filled with younger and older women waiting to be called aboard for their interviews.
She waved me over to join her.
“Oh, hell no,” I muttered under my breath, my stomach already turning at the thought of stepping onto that boat and talking to strangers about a job I didn’t even want.
When she realized I wasn’t moving, Isabella stepped out of line, grabbed my hand, and pulled me back beside her. The older woman behind us rolled her eyes, but after Isabella shot her a cold stare, she quickly looked away without a word.
“Why are we here?” I asked quietly, standing in front of Isabella as I watched a man call another woman onto the yacht for her interview.
I swallowed hard. My stomach twisted itself into a thousand knots at the thought that I might be next.
Isabella leaned against my shoulder and lowered her voice so no one else could hear. “Gianni used to hang out with Dante, and Dante’s brother works here as the head cook. I saw him at the police station giving a statement. Dante’s missing too.”
Another woman stepped onto the boat.
That meant I was next.
I turned to Isabella, searching her face. The color drained from mine, and a cold sweat gathered on my forehead.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered.
“One of us has to get the job if we’re going to get close to him. We have to find out why they’re missing.”
She turned me around and nudged me forward.
“Miss?” A bald man in a blue suit and black tie raised his hand, motioning for me to come closer.
This is it. I’m having a panic attack.
I stood frozen, staring at him, blinking as my soul slowly slipped out of my body. Isabella gave me another push toward the yacht, forcing my feet onto the narrow bridge connecting the dock to it.
Don’t look down. Don’t look down.
I gripped the rope along the small bridge, my fingers curling around it as though it could save me from whatever lay beneath. I knew the water wasn’t deep here, but I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t control my body or my mind.
I froze on the last step.
The man noticed how pale I was. Holding out his hand, he asked, “Are you alright?”
I nodded and closed my eyes, trying to steady my breathing before stepping inside.
He led me to the table where all our resumes were laid out. Judging by the one with my name on it, Isabella had filled it with convincing, thick lies about where I’d worked before, including a recommendation number that matched the one she’d called me from last night.
I sat down, and the first thing he asked was, “Your name?”
“Gabriella De Luca,” I said.
He picked up the paper and raised a brow. “Impressive.” Smacking his lips, he looked at me and said, “You’re the first one with experience working on yachts.”
“I am?” The words slipped out forming a question instead of an answer. My eyes widened, and I quickly cleared my throat when his eyebrows lifted.
“I am.”
“Wonderful.” He set the paper down. “We’re looking for someone with experience. We have a small staff of six because this yacht can only accommodate groups of eight, and we have clients who’ll be using it for a week while sailing across the Mediterranean.”
I nodded.
I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t want to be here, and I definitely didn’t want a job that would sail me away, not when I wanted to stay and wait for Gianni.
“Okay,” he said. “Now, about the pay.”
He lowered his gaze to the paper and wrote down the amount, adding a few more zeros than I expected.
I blinked twice. My hand flew to my eyes, rubbing them to make sure my sight wasn’t deceiving me.
Three thousand euros per week.
It was more than I earned in four months working at the local bakery, cleaning bars, and scrubbing holiday rentals after tourists had left them behind.
If I accepted this, I’d finally have enough money to leave home.
Fear pulled me one way, and need pulled me the other.
“I’m sorry,” I said, apologizing for nothing. “If I may ask… do we have to stay on the yacht all the time?”
“Working hours are on the yacht. You’d clean the rooms and the deck every morning, and your afternoons would be free. The yacht will stop at whichever islands and towns the clients choose. Once we dock, you’ll have free time on land to spend however you like.”
“And when do you sail?” I asked, swallowing hard as he looked at me.
“Tomorrow.”
I swallowed again. This time, my stomach turned inside out.
“Can I think about it?” I asked.
He laughed. “Miss De Luca, you either want this job or you don’t. We have plenty of candidates waiting to be interviewed, and we have to decide tonight who’ll be sailing with us tomorrow.”
“I understand.”
I stood up, but my knees betrayed me. Even though the yacht was perfectly still, the world tilted beneath my feet. I lurched forward, catching myself on the table.
“I’m okay. I’m okay.” I raised my hands with a shaky smile, my face somehow turning even paler.
I’m not okay. I’m not okay.
He walked me out, and the moment I stepped onto the dock, he turned to greet the next candidate.
I barely made it two steps before I doubled over, vomiting onto the cold stone beneath me.
Isabella rushed over. “What happened?”