Chapter 6
SIX
RONAN
Icouldn’t avoid this topic forever. He deserved an answer from me.
I’d expected him to tell me everything, so it was only fair that I told him everything.
“My mother is dead, and I don’t know where the hell my father is.
” I clenched my jaw. There. Would he ask more?
It was a story our PR team had kept hidden from the online magazines and blogs. Only those close to me knew.
“Shit, I’m sorry, Ronan.” He angled toward me, his brows wrinkling. “Can I ask how she died and when?”
I chanced a peek at him. I could trust him, right? “Her boyfriend murdered her about two years ago.” My eyes stung. Shit, why was I getting emotional now? “He shot her in the chest after an argument.”
“Oh my God, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry.” His brows wrinkled as he placed his hand on my thigh. “Was the boyfriend abusive before that?”
Breathing through the tightness in my chest, I said, “Yeah, I think she met him in a dive bar. My mom was quite a drinker.” Was she an alcoholic? Maybe, but she was more of a binge drinker than an everyday drinker. “I was on tour in Europe when I heard.”
“Did you cancel the tour to come home?” His gaze darted between my eyes.
“No.” I shook my head, my heart wrenching.
“It wouldn’t have made any difference. Her sister took care of her affairs, and playing helped me cope.
” I clenched my glass. “I played some of my best shows after that. The critics thought I was pouring my soul into the songs, but really, it was all my grief.” I sniffled and downed my bourbon. Hell, I needed another.
“Ronan, that’s terrible.” He placed his hand on my cheek and turned my head to face him. “Are you okay?” He set his drink on the coffee table and leaned in, shifting his hand to the back of my head and pulling my face into his neck. “You can talk about it with me if you need to.”
My chest flooded with warmth, and my body melted against his. Here I’d been lusting over him, but his touch soothed me in a way I’d never felt. Could I curl up in his lap and let him hold me? No, don’t be stupid. “Thanks, but I’m okay.” I lifted my head and our gazes locked.
He dipped his gaze to my mouth and leaned in, brushing his lips across mine.
Fire ignited inside me, and I pressed my mouth against his, my cock tingling and lengthening toward my hip in an instant.
Holy hell, he started this kiss. He wanted me.
I hadn’t misread him. He must be in the closet.
His kiss was soft but demanding, timid yet probing.
As I slanted my mouth over his, I urged my tongue between his lips.
With a soft moan, his tongue slid across mine, and he inched closer to me, his hand sliding to my neck, holding me in place. His kisses became harder, urgent, and he skimmed his hand up my thigh, his fingers brushing my balls.
My cock pulsed with a shock of pleasure, leaking precum into my briefs, and I gasped, curling my arm around his shoulders. Fucking hell, I was ready to explode with only a few kisses.
He skimmed his hand across my stomach, his kisses penetrating me with flicks of his tongue and nibbles on my lower lip.
Jesus fuck, I needed more. I matched his intensity, tucking my drink between my thighs, and skimmed my hand up his rippled abs. When my fingers reached his muscled chest, I squeezed a pec and then teased his nipple.
“Oh, fuck.” With a ragged gasp, he pulled away, panting, and hung his head.
Had I done something wrong? Maybe I moved too fast with my damned lack of impulse control? “Evan?” I cupped his chin and lifted his face. “Are you okay? Too much? Talk to me.”
“I’m, I’m okay. A little shocked.” He choked out a laugh. “Fuck, a lot shocked.” He combed his fingers through his long bangs and snuck a peek at me. “I’ve never kissed a guy before.”
“Oh.” Damn, I’d been his first? So, maybe not in the closet, but questioning? I peered between his thighs at the bulge in his jeans. He had an impressive hard-on. But I’d felt it earlier too. How could this be his first time? He was twenty-five.
“I’m confusing you, aren’t I?” He licked his lips and slumped his shoulders. “Hell, I’m confusing myself.”
“Have you ever found yourself attracted to a guy and decided not to pursue it?” His status as an athlete might have impeded him. Sports had been notorious for demeaning queer people. I worried my lower lip.
“I didn’t think so, but I reviewed my relationships with guys after meeting you, and there might have been something I wasn’t willing to face.
” Wincing, he crept his gaze to mine. “I’m scared of this, Ronan.
Scared of how I feel with you. I believed I could face this after my discussion with Nova last night, but… ”
Fluid. Holy shit, she’d meant his sexuality, not hydration.
“Tell me more about that.” I studied him.
If he were only questioning and he decided this wasn’t for him, could I handle it?
Hell, I’d just met him. I’d have to maintain some emotional distance and only hook up with him.
If he wanted it. No more opening up about my damn family.
He released a rush of breath and said, “I asked her how she knew she liked women and when. It was a fact-finding mission. I didn’t directly tell her I was interested in you, but I think she figured it out when she saw us together in the lobby bar. She’s a pretty smart woman.” He pursed his lips.
“Oh.” So, if we started hooking up, we could keep it under wraps. I threaded my fingers through his, resting on his thigh. “What do you want, Evan?” I had to let him control the situation.
As his gaze met mine, his brow wrinkled. “You, I want you.” He sank his teeth into his lower lip. “But I-I need to go slowly.”
“Okay.” Shit, going slowly meant commitment, didn’t it? Could I do that? Hell, I’d never gone slowly with a lover in my entire life. I tightened my grip on his hand. I could do this. There was something special here. “Let’s go slowly and see where it goes. I’ll let you lead the way.”
He let out a ragged sigh. “Thanks, Ronan. I uh…” His cheeks flushed pink. “I really like you.”
Bean jumped onto the couch and nuzzled under his arm.
“Bean likes you too.” With the corner of my lips curling, I said, “And so do I.” I held up my empty glass. “I need another.”
“Me too.” He gave me a wry grin. “Two won’t hurt my game tomorrow.” He drank the rest of his bourbon.
“Okay.” I rose from the patio sofa and ambled to the sliding door. “I’ll get started on dinner.” I glanced at the sun setting behind the mountains—the sky lit in hues of orange and turquoise. If he played badly tomorrow, he had better not blame me or the bourbon.
He stepped up behind me and planted his hands on my hips, nuzzling the back of my ear. “I have to admit, it was tempting to keep going just now.”
“Yeah?” His warmth shivered across my back, and my cock twitched. “Maybe we can do more after dinner?” I slid the door open and stepped inside. I had to stop him, or I might turn around and drop to my knees for him, right here in the backyard and poor Bean would get a show.
“Maybe…” He let out a rasping sigh.
I set him up with a sports channel on the television and a fresh bourbon while I made quick work of our meal. After pouring the noodles and Alfredo sauce with chicken into a large bowl, I mixed it up with a wooden spoon. “It’s ready.”
He stood and strolled toward me. “It smells so good.” Wrapping his arms around me from behind, he kissed the side of my head. “Looks great, too. Should I set the table?”
“Sure.” I took a deep breath as butterflies took flight in my stomach.
He’d fallen into being affectionate with me so easily, like we’d been boyfriends forever.
It was just like when he’d introduced me to his teammates.
Maybe affection was natural for him, but I’d never been with a guy like this.
Maybe I’d been with the wrong guys. Hell, Drew always thought so.
“You can find the pasta bowls in the upper cabinet near the refrigerator, and the silverware is in the drawer at the end of the island.”
Leaving me, he sauntered around my kitchen as if he belonged there, gathering the items while also grabbing himself a Gatorade from the refrigerator. “Want anything else to drink?”
I shouldn’t have another bourbon, should I?
Fuck it. “Can you refill my bourbon?” After grabbing the bowl, I set it on one end of my long dining table.
My dining setup accommodated eight, but I’d never had that many for dinner.
I don’t know what I’d been thinking when I bought the thing, but it filled the space.
“Of course.” He set the table and then walked off with my glass.
As I lowered into a chair at the head of the table, Bean sat next to my feet, gazing up at me. “No, you can’t eat this. Now go lie down in your bed.” I pointed at his bed, resting against the wall.
“You don’t feed him from the table?” Evan returned with my drink and dropped into the chair next to mine.
“No, it’s not a good habit to start, and I don’t like begging.” A smirk teased my lips. “Not from my dog at the table, anyway.” But if Evan begged me in the bedroom? That would be hot as hell. I spooned pasta onto his plate and then onto my own.
“That’s good.” He glanced at Bean. “He’s a well-behaved dog.” He twisted his fork in his noodles. “I have a question for you. I hope I’m not imposing by asking this.”
“What?” Would he ask more about my family? If he did, I had to answer, otherwise I’d look like a dick. I ate a bite of pasta and watched Bean meander to his bed. “Good boy.”
“You said you didn’t know where your dad was. Why?” He sipped his drink and then ate more food.
My heart lurched. Fucking hell, he went there. But my deadbeat dad was easier to talk about than Mom. “He left my mother when I was young. He’s contacted me sporadically, but only when he felt guilty for being the prick that he is.” I clenched my jaw.