37. Hadley
Chapter thirty-seven
Hadley
“It’s me. Can I come in?” Becca’s voice comes from the other side of the door to my room at her and Holt’s house, where I’ve been holed up for the past I don’t even know how many days at this point. More than one but less than five. I think.
I throw the blanket off my head. “Yeah.”
“I come bearing food.” She holds out a tray.
“I’m not—” I start to say until I see the tacos, chips, and guacamole. The familiar wrapper from Locos Tacos makes my heart sink. Not enough to decline the food though. “I could probably eat.”
She walks over to the bed while I sit up and adjust the pillows behind me and sets the tray down, wrinkling her nose.
“I love you, Hads. But after you eat, you need to shower.”
I nod before taking a bite of a taco. She smooths the blanket down on the edge of the bed before sitting and turning to face me. I focus on the food in front of me, my first proper meal since I got here.
“Thanks for the tacos.”
“Wes sent them,” she says quietly.
“Oh,” is all I can manage as I pick at the chips, dipping a broken one into the guac before plopping it into my mouth.
“Holt said he wasn’t feeling good when he saw him at the arena earlier. Said Wes had to leave the ice because he was nauseous.”
“That sucks.”
We may have broken up, but that doesn’t mean I want him to be sick. I don’t wish him any harm. Quite the opposite. I want him to find his happiness.
“I’m not one to pry, usually, but I’m worried about you.”
I take another bite of my taco, using the time while I chew to figure out what to say.
“I know. I’m sorry. I don’t want to worry you or my brother. I probably should get a flight home to Ontario.”
Even though I don’t want to leave Florida.
I’m sure my parents would be happy to have me there, but it doesn’t feel like it’s my home anymore.
This house doesn’t feel like home either, if I’m being honest. There’s only one place that feels like home, but I don’t live there anymore. So I guess I’m homeless.
She leans forward, patting my leg through the blanket.
“That isn’t what I said. You don’t have to go.
I hate seeing you like this. Holt does too.
He wanted to come up here and talk to you himself, but I told him I’d handle it.
I love the man, but I’m not sure how his bedside manner would be right now. ”
I blink back tears. I’m so glad my brother has her. I’m so glad I have her.
“Things got real between me and Wes. Then shit hit the fan, and we broke up.” I run a hand down my face and take a ragged breath, trying to hold it together. “I fell in love with him. I don’t know when or how it happened, but it did, and now it’s over. I’m not sure if he loved me.” My voice cracks.
I shake my head because how do I tell her the fears buried deep inside me?
That I’ll end up alone one day because everyone will leave me.
Holt has Becca and Hazel now. I’m happy for him, but he doesn’t need me, not the way he did when Hazel first came into his life.
And Callie, she’ll find someone to love, she’ll start a family, and I’ll be the long-forgotten friend.
I thought maybe Wes could be my person, but in the end, I wasn’t good enough for him.
I’m never good enough for anyone long-term.
I cover my face with my hands as the tears stream down my cheeks. I thought I was all cried out, but apparently not.
The bed shifts, I feel the tray being moved, and then Becca is wrapping her arms around me.
“Oh, Hadley.” She rubs my back as I continue to sob. “You’re wrong. You’re so wrong.”
“What do you mean?” I hiccup.
“That man loves you. He’s infatuated with you. I could see it the first time I saw the two of you together. That’s why we decided to push you together. Maybe we shouldn’t have meddled, but …”
I pull away, staring at her. “You did what now?”
“There was no SportsCenter leak about Wes being engaged. We made it up …”
“But his agent …” I sputter.
“He was in on it too.”
“The endorsement deal that wanted us both?”
She shakes her head. “They already wanted Wes. His agent suggested you be part of it too, and they said yes. They think you’re engaged.”
“Does Wes know, or was he in on it too?” I cross my arms, leaning back against the bed. I can’t believe they made this shit up.
Becca chuckles. “No, he wasn’t in on it. He had no idea.”
“Seriously?”
“Yep,” she says, popping the p. “But he does know now, because the guys told him.”
I snort. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I bet Wes loved hearing that.”
“Pretty sure his exact words were, ‘For fuck’s sake. And I thought I was the meddler.’”
She grabs the tissue box off my nightstand and hands it to me. I wipe my eyes and blow my nose.
“I still don’t know if we were meant to be. He told me one thing—he was fine with me not having a job and figuring out how I wanted to pursue photography—and then the next thing I know, he’s getting me a job.” I clutch the tissues in my hand. “I clearly wasn’t good enough for him the way I was …”
She levels me a look, one I’m pretty sure she learned from my brother. “I love you, Hadley, like a sister.” She pauses, and I nod. “But I think you overreacted.” I rear back, wanting to tell her why she’s wrong, but she keeps talking. “Sometimes, people are simply trying to help.”
My shoulders sag, and I tell her what I told Wes about Henry. She listens patiently and then takes my hand.
“Wes believes in you. He sent a group text to everyone asking if anyone had any leads he could pass on to you.”
My mouth falls open. I never thought anyone would care about my passion for photography enough to do something like that.
I mean, yes, Holt and my parents encourage me, but they’re my family.
That’s what they’re supposed to do. Wes, he’s not.
He didn’t have to do what he did. How did I not know any of this?
Why did he not tell me? She pats my hand.
“I know you’re scared. I get it. I was too. But, sometimes, you just have to let them love you.”
I blink back tears. “What if I screwed this up beyond repair?”
“I have it on good authority that he’s as much of a wreck as you are. I think it’s fixable. If that’s what you want.”
“I do. But what am I going to do about my job situation? I can’t take the job with the Storm now, can I? After I made such a big deal about it. I’ll seem like the world’s biggest hypocrite.”
“You’re allowed to change your mind. No one’s going to hold it against you. Take the job. Don’t take the job. Start your own business. Take time off to figure out what you want to do. Whatever you do, we’ll support you.”
Wes suggested starting my own business too.
I brushed it off because I figured he was just trying to hype me up, but now here’s a second person who believes I could do it.
And it is something I wanted to do in the future when I had more years of photography experience under my belt. But maybe I don’t need to wait.
“Thanks. I guess I have a lot to think about.”
“You do. But maybe finish eating and take a shower first?”
I bark out a laugh. “Sounds like a plan.”
“It’s going to be okay. Your family is here to support you.”
A knot forms in my stomach at the way she says family. It hits me like a gut punch that I abandoned Wes.
I barely register her telling me to come downstairs later if I feel up to it. I think I agree, but I don’t know for sure.
Once she’s gone, I finish eating my food, barely tasting any of it, my stomach too torn up about how terrible I was to Wes.
“How do I fix this? Will he really forgive me?” I mumble twenty minutes later while I’m standing under the hot water in the shower.
I close my eyes, and a montage of our relationship plays out in my head. All the times he called me Hadley Jane. Teased me. Made me laugh. Smile. How he planned dates he knew I’d enjoy. Wooed me, one gesture at a time. One day at a time.
How could I be so stupid to think he’d have anything except good intentions when he talked to Sutton about the job?
He would never try to change me. He didn’t even complain when I left my stuff everywhere.
He didn’t so much as flinch when I blew in like the tornado he called me.
I start to cry again. I have to figure out how to fix this.
But first, I should probably call Sutton about the job.
I shut off the water, grab a towel, and step out so I can dry off and get dressed.
A little while later, I sit cross-legged on my freshly made bed and grab my phone to call Sutton. It starts ringing in my hand. Sutton’s calling. That’s weird.
“Hi,” I rasp. I clear my throat. “Sorry. Hi, Sutton.”
“Hey, Hadley.”
“What’s up?”
“I wanted to check in and make sure you’re alright. I know you’re with Holt and Becca, but I was still worried.”
“Thanks.”
“I’m sorry if my offering to hire you when Wes came to talk to me caused all of this. I was planning to call you about the job anyway, but he showed up at the right time asking questions.”
Something about that makes me feel even worse. Even though I know that wasn’t her intention.
“It’s okay. I was just getting ready to call you about it actually.”
“Okay, well, I’m all ears.”
“I don’t think I can accept.”
“Awww, bum—”
“I can’t accept the permanent role, but I’d be happy to come on temporarily until you find someone.”
“Yeah?”
“If you’ll have me.”
“Of course.” She clears her throat. “Technically, you do still have to apply and interview with me and the head of marketing, but it would just be a formality.”
“I understand.”
We chat for a few minutes, setting up a time for me to come in next week for the interview, and she tells me she’ll email me the link for the application. After she apologizes again, even though I tell her it’s fine, we hang up.
I contemplate staying holed up in my room, but I know I should go socialize, see my family. Voices and laughter ring out from the living room, so I head that way.
“Hey, guys.” I peek into the room to see my brother and Becca on the floor with Hazel, who is having the time of her life as she crawls around, giggling and smiling.
“Hey, sis,” Holt says, getting to his feet and walking over to me. “Hug?” He holds out his arms, and I step into them. “You alright?” he asks against my hair.
“I think I will be. If I can figure out how to make it up to Wes.”
He lets go of me, and I take a step back. “I don’t think there’s anything to make up. You two just need to talk to each other.”
I toy with the hem of my shirt. “I should do something to show him that I’m all in when it comes to us.”
“Just don’t get a tattoo.”
“Why would I do that?” I ask, tilting my head and studying my brother.
“Apparently they’re a big romantic gesture.”
“Right.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “If you need help with whatever you’re planning, let me know.”
“Thanks.”
He settles back down on the floor with Hazel and Becca, and I take a seat next to him. Hazel’s giggles are infectious, and within a few minutes, I find myself smiling. She reaches for me, her stuffed dog in her hand.
An idea forms in my mind. An idea that, if things don’t work out with me and Wes, could one hundred percent backfire on me.
But I suppose that’s what grand gestures are all about—taking a risk.
It’ll take a little while to figure out all the details, but I’m confident I can get it worked out.
I’m sad that means I’ll have to wait to talk to him. I just want to fix things between us. But maybe it’s for the best. We can both take time to make sure our feelings really are as strong as they feel right now.