Chapter Six #3
“You should. She wouldn’t have offered unless she wanted to work with you, and she’ll do a fantastic job for you,” Jason said, settling his arm around Lainey’s shoulders. “You warm enough?”
“I am now,” Lainey said, looking up at him from beneath the brim of her hat.
Jason was of a mind to toss it aside and kiss her like there was no tomorrow, but he behaved himself.
“Lainey, you have to know by now that I think you’re mighty special. It’s been a delight getting to spend time with you, but anytime I ask questions about your past, you either change the subject or give me vague answers. Don’t you think it’s time you share something personal about your life?”
She stiffened and stared into the fire for several long moments, making Jason wish he’d kept his big mouth shut. He was just about to apologize for pushing her to share more than she was willing to when she drew in a long breath and slowly released it.
“What do you want to know?” she asked quietly.
“Everything. Anything. I know you have a sister, but you never talk about growing up, or even much about what you did before you started taking portraits and working on the Faces books. I will happily listen to anything you want to tell me.”
Lainey’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t want to tell you anything because it isn’t a pretty story, Jase.
In fact, it’s awful, but you’ve been such a good friend and have become so dear to me, you deserve more than the evasive answers I usually give to your questions.
I do have a sister, and she’s not a nice person.
She would sue the pants off anyone and then take their shirt and shoes as well, just because she can.
She’s well-suited to her job as a corporate attorney.
It gives her power and money, but leaves her with a tainted soul. ”
Lainey blew out a breath, and Jason gave her shoulder an encouraging pat.
“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“No, but don’t forget, I’ve spent time with your family. Your brother is awesome, even though I can’t understand why he never married.”
Jason shook his head. “Galen says he’s staying single until he finds a woman he could stand to wake up to every morning. So far, he’s still looking.”
“Understandable.” Lainey offered him a half smile. “Still, your family is pretty great.”
“They are, even if they sometimes seem a little too interested in my life.” Jason gave Shaun a meaningful glower as his son approached them.
Shaun spun around and headed back to a campfire, where some of the Rockin’ K crew were gathered.
“Do you have grandparents? Aunts? Uncles? Any other relatives besides your sister?”
“No. My dad’s parents both died when I was little, and my mom’s parents passed away when I was in college. My grandpa had leukemia, and my grandma had a heart attack.”
“I’m sorry. Were you close to them?”
Lainey nodded. “I adored them, and it was hard to lose them.”
“What about your parents? I remember you saying they were gone. Is that a recent thing?”
Slowly, Lainey shook her head. “No. They were killed in a car wreck. A drunk ran a red light and hit them. My son was in the back seat. They’d gone to the zoo and were on their way home when it happened.”
“Your son?” Jason couldn’t hide his shock. “You have a son?”
“Had. Evan was four. My parents doted on him, and my husband and I were just wild about him.”
“Husband?” Jason croaked. He was sure Lainey had told him she was single. Was she divorced? What had happened to her husband?
Lainey shifted slightly, giving him a wary glance before she fixed her gaze on the fire.
“I met Derek when I started working as a real estate photographer. He worked for the same corporation as an asset manager. We had a lot in common and fell in love immediately. We married five months after we met, and Evan came along two years later. He was such a sweet boy, and we just couldn’t get enough of him.
My parents knew my sister would likely never give them a grandchild and were thrilled to spend time with Evan. When he died …”
Her voice cracked, and Jason watched her swallow hard a few times, visible proof that she needed a moment to regain her composure.
“When we lost Evan and my parents, it felt as if my world imploded. My sister flew back for the funeral and blamed me for their deaths, telling me if they hadn’t been with my little brat, they’d still be alive.
Derek retreated inside himself to deal with his grief and never came back out.
He never said the words, but I felt like he blamed me for Evan’s death because I was the one who told my parents it was fine for them to take him to the zoo.
Our marriage fell apart, and three months after I buried Mom and Dad and my son, I came home to find Derek had moved out and left divorce papers on the counter.
He never said a word about leaving or divorcing me. Not a word.”
“What a rotten way to handle things,” Jason said quietly.
Lainey nodded her head. “It was rotten, and cowardly. At that point, I would have welcomed arguments or fighting just to reassure myself that Derek was still capable of showing any kind of emotion. I tried to talk him into going to counseling, or at least trying a separation until we could sort things out, but he insisted on a divorce. I wasn’t willing to end my marriage, so I kept putting off signing the papers.
It made it really hard that we worked for the same company, although we didn’t see each other all that often at work.
One evening, I ran into him in the elevator as we were leaving.
After everyone got off, he gave me a hug, kissed my cheek, and said, ‘I’m sorry.
’ It was the last time I saw him alive.”
Jason hated to hear what came next.
“Derek didn’t come to work the next day, so one of his friends went to the apartment he’d rented to check on him.
He was gone. Too many sleeping pills, or so the coroner’s report said.
I kept playing over that elevator ride with him, wondering if there was something I could have said or done that would have guided him to a better choice than the one he made. ”
“You couldn’t have known what he planned, Lainey. You can’t carry the guilt for a choice someone else made.”
“I know, but I occasionally pick at that particular wound and wonder what I could have done differently.” She sighed again.
“That was the hardest year of my life. I try not to think about it or talk about it because everything wells back up and the pain stabs me like it’s fresh every time.
After Derek died, I poured myself into my work, trying to forget everything that had happened, but it didn’t help.
Looking back, it probably made things worse.
One day, I had an epiphany that I was wasting my time and talents, quit my job, sold the house, and started taking portraits.
My sister thinks I’m only a step above being a homeless bum, but I’ve never wanted for money. ”
Lainey drew in a shaky breath and looked up at Jason with tears glistening in her eyes. “What I needed was love.”
“Lainey, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that.” Jason folded his arms around her and let her cry against his chest. She didn’t wail or sob, but her silent tears broke his heart. He did his best to offer comfort, rubbing his hand over her back and murmuring softly.
When she finally drew back, she looked embarrassed. She dug into her pocket for a tissue and wiped her nose and cheeks before she faced him again. “That’s why I don’t talk about my past.”
“I understand, Lainey. Really, I do. I understand better than most how much it hurts to lose a parent and a child all in the same day.”
“I know you do. That’s why I let your badgering, nagging, and pestering finally wear me down enough to tell you the truth.”
Jason lifted an eyebrow, fully aware Lainey needed to lighten the heavy moment with a little levity. “Badgering, is it?”
“Yep. That’s what I said, Slim.”
Jason cupped her cheek, his fingers gliding over her silky skin. “Lainey Collins, you are an amazing, strong, incredible woman, and I hope you don’t ever forget that.”
“Jason, I …” When she paused, he removed her cowboy hat, tipped up her chin, and kissed her. It wasn’t a wild, passionate kiss, but one of care, of admiration and respect, of gentle love.
The sigh that drifted out of her sounded like one of contentment. Jason pulled her close against him, pressing his face into her hair, breathing in the soft fragrance of her.
“Thank you,” Lainey whispered, her breath warm on his neck.
“For what?” he asked.
“For listening and reminding me that just because life is hard doesn’t mean it can’t ever be sweet again.”
His arms tightened around her, and he kissed her temple. “Lainey, I think you’re about the best thing to happen to me in a long while. I—”
She kissed him, cutting off what he intended to say. As the kiss intensified, he forgot everything but how good it felt to hold her, how right she felt in his arms, how much he wanted to always hold her there.
“Papa!” Caitlyn yelled as she raced toward them, immediately drawing them apart.
The little girl launched herself onto Jason’s lap, and he easily caught her.
He smoothed his hand over the wild tangle of her curls and looked at her pink pajamas with colorful puppies splashed over the soft cotton fabric.
She had on a pair of bright green cowboy boots, and her coat dangled off one shoulder.
“What are you doing out here, Caitlyn?” Jason asked, cuddling the little one close. Her hair was damp, and he worried she’d catch a cold in the chilly night air. “Does your mama know where you are?”
Caitlyn giggled and patted his cheeks. “No.”
Jason stood with the child in his arms just as Brylee raced over to Shaun with Carter wrapped in a blanket. Shaun took Carter from her and looked around.
“I’ll go with you,” Lainey said, picking up her bag and following as Jason walked toward his daughter-in-law and son, who were beginning to look frantic as they yelled Caitlyn’s name.
“I’ve got her!” Jason called, and everyone stopped, watching as he and Lainey approached.
“Caitlyn! You are in big trouble, little missy,” Brylee said, frowning at the little girl as she took her in her arms. She kissed her cheeks and hugged her tight, then looked up at Jason.
“Carter got soap in his eyes, and I was helping him rinse it out. Caitlyn was supposed to be getting her pajamas on. When I checked on her, the trailer door was open, and she was gone. Carter was still half soapy when I wrapped him in a blanket and hustled out to find her.”
Jason did his best to hide a smile. He well remembered what it was like trying to parent active youngsters who didn’t always mind. “She’s safe, and all is well.”
“Thank goodness for that,” Shaun said, gently brushing his hand over the curls of his wayward daughter, then settling an arm around Brylee’s shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get our little hooligans tucked in for the night.”
“I’ll be in shortly to say good night,” Jason said, then waited until Shaun and Brylee walked away to hold an arm out to Lainey.
He escorted her to her van, which was parked a few spaces away from his trailer.
“I’m glad you shared your story with me, Lainey, even though I know how hard it must have been for you. Thank you for trusting me with it.”
“Thanks for listening, Jason. I keep it all bottled up and forgot how good it feels to sometimes let it flow out. I appreciate you.”
“You know I appreciate you, Gypsy. Have sweet dreams.” Jason offered her a warm hug and a chaste kiss before she hustled inside the van and shut the door.
He strolled back to the campfire to extinguish the flames and tried to work through all Lainey had told him. No wonder she kept her past to herself.
In spite of the pain and the grief she’d endured and survived, he sure hoped she would open herself to the possibilities for her future.
A future he hoped might include him.