Chapter 20
The following morning, Juliet was in the kitchen of the rental house, eating a bowl of yogurt with fresh berries that Ivy’s daughter had picked from a bush in the forest. Before her was the business plan she’d made for The Dockside, plus all the branding and marketing material she’d been hyper-focused on.
Apparently, she wasn’t done with it yet.
Theo had called. She’d been surprised to see Theo’s name on her phone, and she’d been even more surprised when he’d agreed to meet today.
Fear shimmered in her heart, making her wonder if this was a mistake. Maybe she and Theo were meant to stay far apart. Maybe the concoction of their wants and needs were destructive. She’d certainly seen that story play out before. She still hadn’t forgiven herself, nor him.
Danica appeared in the kitchen wearing a long T-shirt and a pair of shorts.
She poured herself some orange juice, then sat across from Juliet, looking down at her phone.
Juliet was still buzzing with the memory of Danica’s recent blog post, in which she’d fantasized that she and her friend Magnum X were off gallivanting through Asia.
Juliet ached to learn who Magnum X was and what his personality was like.
But when she’d searched for Magnum X on any of the blogs that Danica followed, she couldn’t find him.
Maybe he was just a figment of Danica’s imagination, a reason for her to get up in the morning and continue to write.
When Danica was a little girl, she’d had numerous imaginary friends, so many that Alvin had begun to worry.
“What if she grows up into a weird kid?” He’d muttered to Juliet late at night, his eyes narrow.
Juliet had told him that it was impossible, that Juliet and Alvin were normal Manhattanites with good jobs.
Their daughter had to be normal and successful, too.
But everything had changed after the divorce.
What could Alvin’s abandonment do to Danica’s personality? What could it do to the hole in her heart, save for widen it?
“I’m headed back to The Dockside today,” Juliet said gently. It was her private hope that slowly but surely opening up to her daughter would guide Danica to open up to her.
Danica widened her eyes. “Stay out of the way of that kitchen door.”
Juliet laughed, surprised. Danica smiled.
“No, but seriously. He wasn’t respectful of your work last time,” Danica said, speaking like a much older and more sophisticated woman. “Why are you giving him more of your time?”
Juliet hesitated. How could she explain the truth to her daughter? That Theo was an essential part of her past. That she still had sweaty nightmares about the last horrible night they’d spent together as teenagers. That she still ached with regret.
“I think we have unfinished business with each other,” Juliet said simply, shrugging. “I thought moving to the city would negate all that, but I guess it didn’t.”
Danica looked thoughtful. She sipped the rest of her juice but said nothing. Juliet wondered if Danica allowed her mother any sense of inner life. Juliet couldn’t begin to fathom what a daughter-mother relationship was meant to be like. She’d lost hers at age five.
After Danica went back to her room, Juliet walked back to The Dockside, her heart pounding so hard that she had to stop frequently and catch her breath.
When she reached the restaurant, she walked in, glancing at her reflection in the glass of the door to see the faintest blue bruise on her nose.
Ivy had said it wasn’t as bad as it could have been, all because of the ice she’d used to save it.
Leaning on her older sisters was a brand-new thing for Juliet. But already, she was discovering how worthwhile it was. Already, she was discovering the sturdiness it brought.
Celia had said last night, “Dad didn’t know how to teach us to build that foundation. We’ve had to find a way to learn ourselves.”
Juliet couldn’t believe the wisdom both Celia and Ivy seemed to have. She wanted to learn from them.
On the other side of the door, Theo sat waiting for her. He had his laptop open and his hands folded on the table before him. The restaurant was empty, and he hadn’t turned on the OPEN sign. She had the sense that he didn’t plan to. That he wanted to go back to the drawing board and start again.
Frozen with surprise, she gazed at him, letting the door swing closed behind her. He stood, then let his hands fall into his pockets. Tension pulsed between them.
“The other day did not go how I planned,” she said finally, surprising herself by speaking first.
Theo let out a strangled laugh, one that made him look so much more handsome than he had when she’d come in. “I didn’t expect you. Honestly, I wasn’t sure you’d come today.”
Juliet shifted her bag on her shoulder. She found herself falling into his eyes, eyes that threatened to consume her, dark ones that spoke of infinity, of knowing too much.
There was too much to speak about. Too much left unsaid between them. But Juliet decided it was best to begin with specifics, with business plans and social media strategies and everything she’d learned in her two decades of selling herself, selling her mind, selling her body.
Oh, it felt so dark, thinking of it like that. But wasn’t it true?
Juliet watched Theo’s expression as she highlighted her strategy for his restaurant. He narrowed his eyes, as though he were really trying to follow her train of thought.
“My sister said you need to send this business plan off as soon as possible,” Juliet offered reluctantly.
Theo closed his eyes and mussed his hair. A full minute passed before he said anything, a full minute during which Juliet found herself alternating between panic and surprise at where she sat and what she was doing.
Finally, Theo found the strength to speak. And what he said floored her. It felt like the most delicious, most emotional speech.
“You know, time has always been a difficult thing for me to fathom. In so many ways, I still feel, like, sixteen years old. I still feel like I’m going to wake up in the morning, and my mom is going to make me pancakes, and my dad is going to ask me about school.
I still feel like I’m going to see you and…
” Here, Juliet knew, he wanted to say Callie’s name.
But he didn’t. “I still feel like I’m going to see you and ask to copy your math homework and ask to come over to watch DVDs.
I still feel like we’re going to argue about horror movies and action movies.
I still feel like you’re going to come pounding on my door to tell me how famous you’re going to be one day.
‘I’m not meant for this place. I’m not meant for a small, stupid life.
’ And I still feel like I’m going to have to listen and agree with you, and, yeah, slowly feel like I’m dying inside, because I’m afraid you’re going to leave me behind. ”
Theo let his hands drop to the table between them. Juliet found that she couldn’t breathe. In one gorgeous, erratic monologue, he’d explained what she’d been feeling since she’d returned to Bluebell Cove. Time did not feel linear. It felt like, soon, she would wake up and be able to fix the past.
But the past was unfixable. The past was the past, and it affected everything. It was their shared poison.
When Theo sat back down again, Juliet felt a shiver up and down her spine.
He seemed too exhausted to speak, so she typed in the city council’s email address and sent the business plan off without another word.
Theo rubbed his forehead, then checked his watch.
“I think I need a glass of wine,” he said. “You?”
Juliet laughed. It was only noon, but what the heck?
They needed to celebrate this small step forward.
That, and she needed liquid courage to get through the next part of her presentation: her dreams about rebuilding the interior, her dreams of revamping The Dockside’s mission, if only to keep it alive for the rest of the year and into the next.
With a glass of rosé in hand, Juliet showed off her vision for the interior: paint ideas, different tables, and alternate ways to organize the dining area and outdoor patio for a more seamless experience.
Theo listened, sipping his red wine, his head tilted forward.
Juliet had the sense that he hung on her every word.
Two hours into their conversation about paints, about windows being cleaned, about menus and branding, there was a ding on the computer. Their faces still bright from smiling about these ideas, they turned to find a notification. Calvin Parish had written back with confirmation.
Theo,
I am surprised and pleased to receive this business plan.
I’ve already spoken with other board members, and we’re thrilled to send the funds we’ve promised you.
Included in the email is information about the loan and what we require from you in the months and years after this.
We know this is the beginning of a beautiful business relationship, and we’re very happy you want to take tourism in Bluebell Cove seriously.
Yours,
Calvin Parish
Theo pulled out his phone to show off the loan, which had been sent directly to his bank account: fifty thousand dollars.
Theo gasped and got up, dropping his phone on the table in the process.
Overwhelmed with the sight of all those zeros, as well as the sight of Theo, so adorable and overcome, Juliet wrapped her arms around him.
With their bodies together, Juliet felt a strange and exhilarating heat between them, as though her heart was suddenly overreacting, as though memories flowed through and between them.
I can’t take it, she thought, but still, she felt herself linger for another few seconds, then another few more. It was impossible to know what he was thinking, but he didn’t flinch or pull away. Finally, she stepped back, unable to breathe.
They gazed at one another, both knowing they’d stepped over the line. Maybe Juliet being at The Dockside in the first place was too far. Maybe it was tempting fate.
Softly, Theo asked, “Why are you helping me?”
Juliet offered him a half smile. “Do you really want to know?”
“I don’t know.”
Juliet closed her laptop and cupped her elbows.
She felt vulnerable and terribly young. “I don’t have anything else in my life right now,” she said.
“I can’t tell you about any of my big dreams. I can’t tell you about a big future for myself, because I think that kind of dreaming is all in the past, now.
All I am is divorced, a failure in my field—a failed model and a failed fashion designer and a failed everything.
Often, my daughter hates me. My sisters and I are only just now finding ways to be honest with each other. It’s frustrating, to say the least.”
Theo’s lips parted. He looked like he didn’t know what to say.
But, to Juliet’s surprise, he didn’t look at her like her sisters looked at her, nor the way her ex-boss looked at her, nor the way Alvin did: as though she were a failure.
He still looked at her the way she remembered him looking all those years ago: as though she were the most beautiful and fiery woman he’d ever met.
“You’re not a failure,” Theo whispered.
“I most certainly am.” She laughed gently. “If only you knew.”
“Nothing really goes the way we think it will,” Theo said.
Juliet laughed. “That’s saying something, isn’t it?”
Theo was quiet, contemplative. Occasionally, he glanced back at his phone, and Juliet guessed he was looking at all that money in his bank account, more money at once than he’d maybe ever seen.
This, compared to what people back in Manhattan like Alvin made, or what Juliet had once made in her life as a model and assistant fashion designer, was small beans, indeed.
But she couldn’t diminish it. It might save him. She hoped it would.
And then, Theo made an announcement. “I want to cook for you. Properly.”
Juliet was taken aback. It was the afternoon, and they had weeks and weeks of work ahead of them.
There was paint to buy. There were windows to clean.
There were so many things to print and prepare for.
Juliet guessed they’d have to close down for a couple of weeks, if only to strategize how best to reopen.
But the reopening would have to happen before the end of the tourist season.
They had to build a base of tourists who loved them, a base of tourists prepared to return next summer and the year after.
They had to prove to Calvin Parish and the others at city hall that The Dockside was worth saving.
Ugh, and then there was the Christmas Festival to consider.
Softly, she placed her hand over Theo’s. “Cook for me when we’re done. Not yet.”
Theo looked taken aback, then smiled softly. “You’re right,” he said. “I always get ahead of myself.”
“We all do,” Juliet said. “But it’s up to us to help reel each other back and prepare.” She swallowed a lump in her throat, then added, “I’ll be headed back to Manhattan in September. But I think this place will be in shipshape by then.”
Theo’s eyes hardened the slightest bit. “I can’t wait to see what we can do,” he said.
Juliet let her hand drop from his. They regarded one another, both emotionally exposed. It was difficult to know what would happen next.