Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
How could she get through to him?
Just then, Celia’s car pulled up in front of the eco-lodge.
Celia got out and sped up the walkway, jangling her keys.
Ivy felt a wonderful warmth flowing through her.
It was a brand-new thing, the idea that she could go talk to her older sister about what was going wrong in her life.
But when she pulled on her boat, rushed through the snow, and arrived in the eco-lodge's foyer, Celia welcomed her with open arms, nutty coffee, and freshly baked scones by the in-house chef.
They sat in one of the breakfast nooks that Elliot had crafted, watching as snow flitted past the window.
“I can’t help but feel like he’s drifting further and further away from me,” Ivy said of Tyler.
“Does he know you feel this way?” Celia asked.
Ivy shook her head. “I don’t know how to be so earnest. I don’t know how to say any of it aloud.”
“You’ve been practicing with Lily, haven’t you?” Celia tore a crumb from her scone and set it on her tongue. “Saying what you mean? Telling each other what’s on your mind?”
“Miraculously, yes.” And she’d been doing it with Elliot, as well, although she wasn’t ready to share that news with Celia yet.
“You don’t think Tyler can handle that side of you?”
Ivy closed her eyes and considered Tyler’s face, his sharp jawline, his dark eyes. It was impossible to tell Celia how similar Tyler was to his father and what that sometimes did to her heart and mind.
“Maybe you should have a dinner date with him,” Celia suggested.
“Sit him down and ask him about everything you and Lily have been talking about lately. Ask him about his school, his dreams, and how he envisions his life. I think teenagers want to be taken seriously just as desperately as adults do. Maybe even more. They want to be able to prove themselves.”
Ivy realized her sister was right.
Right there in the breakfast nook, Ivy pulled out her phone and texted her son with the idea to meet for dinner tonight.
IVY: I was thinking we could try out that new taco place off Washington Ave. Apparently, they have really good fish tacos.
Tyler read the message immediately but didn’t respond till two minutes before his first class started.
TYLER: Sure, I guess.
Ivy decided to take it as a win. Everything came one step at a time.
As Ivy walked to the flower shop that morning, she practiced telling Elliot about her difficulties with Tyler.
In her head, she imagined telling Elliot, “Teenage boys are tricky. I realized it even more when you talked about yourself as a teenager last night at the burger place. I realized that there’s so little I know of what’s going on in my son’s mind.
I don’t want him to feel alone. And maybe both of my kids have felt lonely around me over the years.
I’ve struggled so much with opening up.”
She felt the words on the tip of her tongue. She was ready to speak them aloud, to share everything in her heart. Maybe she’d even tell Elliot what was really on her mind: that she was falling in love with him. She was ready to spill the beans, to open up the window of her heart.
She felt optimistic, ready, at least until she opened the door of the flower shop and found herself face-to-face with Elliot and a woman he introduced as his sister, the bride.
That was when everything changed in her life yet again.
“This is Georgia.” He beamed.
Elliot’s sister, Georgia, smiled meekly. The door to the flower shop jangled shut, closing the three of them in together. Ivy’s heart pounded with recognition. She couldn’t believe it.
Georgia was gorgeous, which was no surprise given Elliot’s wonderful gene pool.
She had long auburn hair that spilled to the middle of her back, and her eyes were electric green.
She wore leather boots, high-waisted jeans, and a simple engagement ring.
It was clear that she hadn’t told Elliot that Georgia and Ivy had met before.
They’d met in this very flower shop, in fact, many years ago, when Georgia had burst in to say she was sorry, that she didn’t know.
Ivy realized she was still smiling the same smile she’d worn on her walk from home. She told herself to keep it plastered on her face. She didn’t want to give herself away.
She didn’t want Georgia to see how upset she felt.
“Pleasure to meet you,” she said stiffly, drawing her hand out to shake Georgia’s.
The minute Georgia slipped her hand into Ivy’s, Ivy’s heart rattled like a dyne.
Georgia knew exactly who she was. But Ivy hadn’t known her name till now.
Ivy was suddenly cast back into all those images she’d tortured herself with: Daniel meeting Georgia at community college, Daniel falling head over heels for her, and Daniel chasing her.
At the same time, Ivy struggled to keep the house and the inn and their kids and the flower shop afloat.
She hadn’t known, maybe, about Daniel’s family, about his life.
But Ivy knew that she’d probably suspected something.
Women always had a sense for these things, didn’t they?
Maybe they kidded themselves, but the facts were always there.
And when Daniel hadn’t been able to show Georgia where he lived, when they hadn’t been able to meet anywhere but hotels or at her place, hadn’t she suspected he was married? That he was wronging someone?
“Georgia’s been gushing about the flower arrangements on your website,” Elliot said, his eyes alight. It was clear he was thrilled to introduce Ivy to his sister. Maybe he half imagined they would all be family one day, that they’d go out on dates with Georgia and her new husband.
Or maybe Ivy was the biggest fool of all.
“You’re a true artist,” Georgia said tentatively. “I was worried you were going to close down the shop. It would have been a tragedy. It’s been here for years. I’ve always loved walking by.”
“Yep. I’ve had it for eighteen years. Couldn’t give up on it yet,” Ivy affirmed.
She felt as though her legs were going to give out on her.
Slowly, she shifted around the counter and removed a pad of paper from a drawer.
She had the bizarre sense that Georgia wanted Ivy to prepare the flowers for her wedding to Daniel, that she wanted to torture her in this way.
She clicked her pen and felt Elliot’s eyes on her.
She knew she was acting strangely. But how else was she supposed to act?
“I was away for a long time. Over in Washington State.” Georgia laced her fingers together. “But it’s incredible how Bluebell Cove freezes in time. So many people and things are still here. And everything is still just as lovely.”
Ivy sensed that everything Georgia said was meant to be a sort of apology for what had happened before. Her tongue felt laced with poison, so much so that she was worried about what she’d say if she spoke. Georgia started to talk faster, as though she wanted to fill the space. Elliot joined her.
“I already told Ivy how much I like Roger,” he said, speaking of Georgia’s fiancé.
“I finally met a good guy.” Georgia laughed nervously.
“It’s hard out there,” Ivy said. It’s hard because so many of them are married and don’t want to be, she didn’t add.
She wondered what Georgia had thought when she’d learned about Daniel’s fishing accident.
She wondered if she knew that Daniel never would have returned to fishing if he hadn’t failed out of community college.
She wondered if Georgia knew that he wouldn’t have failed out of community college if Georgia hadn’t broken things off with him.
Ivy felt frantic. Her palms were sweating.
Was she really going to blame her dead husband’s affair partner for his death?
But she realized she wasn’t making any sense to herself, not any longer.
Without asking Georgia about flower arrangements or wedding visions, she closed her pad of paper, cleared her throat, and said, “You know, I think I’m not feeling very well this morning. ”
Elliot’s face echoed with surprise. Georgia looked down at the floor, mortified.
“What’s going on?” Elliot asked.
“Maybe it’s a cold. I don’t know. I didn’t feel it till I walked over,” Ivy explained, reaching for her coat and pulling it over her shoulders. “But I really think I’d better get home.”
“Can I drive you back?” Elliot asked.
“No! No. It’s okay. I don’t want to get you sick.”
“Maybe Georgia can call you tomorrow, and you can talk more about flowers then,” Elliot said. “If you’re feeling up to it.”
“Maybe,” Ivy breathed. She let her eyes trace the gorgeous redesign that Elliot had been straining to finish by the beginning of February.
She let herself take in his handsome face, his urgent eyes.
Yesterday, she’d been able to feel her budding love for him so clearly.
But today, she felt as though she was sinking to the bottom of her memories. She felt used-up and old.
Georgia had been able to start over. She’d even married someone before this, had a whole story with him before Elliot had had to go pick her up in Washington.
Georgia had had so many different eras, so many different lives.
She’d probably hiked mountains, traveled abroad, gone to therapy, and healed herself.
Ivy had been in Bluebell Cove, raising her dead husband’s children, waiting for something to happen.
Ivy felt a great distance between the person she was now and the version of herself who could be “healed” enough to date Elliot or good enough for her children, for her sisters.
Her eyes filled with tears. She was terribly embarrassed, and it all felt like her fault.
She had half a mind to tell Georgia and Elliot to leave the flower shop and get out of her life forever.
She’d sell the shop by tomorrow. She’d give up.
“Ivy,” Elliot called, right before Ivy slipped out of the flower shop and hurried down the block. She pulled her hood over her ears, praying that he wouldn’t come after her. But her ears craned to hear his footsteps in the snow, sounds that didn’t come.
* * *
When Ivy got home, she went upstairs, put on her pajamas, and crawled into bed.
That was when she allowed herself to fully sob and let her emotions take over.
She cried for the better part of an hour.
A part of her could still feel Daniel in the house with her, as though he’d just left the bedroom to grab a coffee downstairs, or as though he was in the bathroom, scrubbing himself clean after work.
She hated that she’d allowed that man to haunt her all these years. But more than that, she hated Georgia for traipsing back into her life and reminding her of all that loss.
It was so much worse that Georgia was Elliot’s sister.
It meant that the beautiful, nuanced, and kind-hearted relationship she and Elliot had been building over the past few weeks, months (or years?) had to end.
Ivy couldn’t handle falling in love with the brother of the woman who’d stolen Daniel away from her. It felt too gruesome, too tragic.
And she knew that if Elliot ever found out about what had happened between Georgia and Daniel, he would look down on Ivy. She was the woman Daniel hadn’t been able to love enough. She was, therefore, unlovable—as she’d always expected.
It was a pity party of epic proportions. Ivy felt as though it had been brewing in her for years.
All morning and into the afternoon, Ivy slept fitfully.
She had countless nightmares and found herself chasing Daniel, Georgia, and Elliot through her subconscious.
Everything felt rocky and off. When she woke up in the afternoon, she choked down a sandwich and a glass of water, then got back into bed again.
It wasn’t till that night at ten, when she clambered out of bed and saw how much it had snowed during the evening, that she realized she’d missed her dinner with Tyler.
She pictured him alone at the taco place, watching the door. She pictured him coming home to yell at her, only to find her asleep in bed—a pathetic excuse for a mother.
Panic throttled through her. She ran out of the room and down the hall to Tyler’s.
But his door was open, and the light was off.
She went downstairs, but he wasn’t there either.
“Tyler?” she called out, feeling stupid.
She searched for her phone, yanking the bedsheets off her bed and pulling up the sofa cushions.
Where could it be? When was the last time she’d had it?
Could it still be at the flower shop? She stood at the kitchen counter, her eyes closed, her heart pounding.
And when she opened her eyes, she saw, through the window, that Celia was in the eco-lodge's office, her glasses perched on the bridge of her nose.
Ivy bolted out of the house and over to the lodge, leaving her coat behind. Snow melted across her forehead and over her arms. Once inside the eco-lodge, she gasped, “Celia?” and then burst into tears.
Before she knew it, Celia had her arms around her. She murmured into her hair, “What’s going on?” But Ivy couldn’t speak.
It wasn’t for another ten minutes of sobbing into her sister’s shoulder that she could explain.
“I was supposed to meet Tyler for dinner. I forgot. And now who knows where he is?” It suddenly occurred to her that someday, one of her children might not come home, the same way Daniel hadn’t.
Had she been secretly waiting for that horror all her life?
Had she secretly assumed that everyone she loved would abandon her again and again?
Was that why it had been so hard to let Lily go?