Chapter 18
The sun was out today as they walked around the lake, making Christina glad she’d left her thick scarf at home. It had been a surprise living here in winter. Miami never prepared you for cold that actually hurt your face, that made your fingers ache even inside gloves.
“I still can’t believe Will bought the whole property next door and just gave it to Mom,” she said, watching Emily waddle carefully over an icy patch. Eight months pregnant and she moved like she was balancing a watermelon on her bladder. “I mean, seriously, who does that?”
“Someone who’s head-over-heels in love,” Ally replied, but her voice sounded flat. She’d been off since Christmas morning, putting on this fake smile that wasn’t fooling anyone.
“The pool’s going to be amazing this summer,” Ryan said, hurling a stick for Angus, who took off like he’d been shot from a cannon. “Think Mom will let us have parties?”
“Mom will probably throw the parties herself,” Evan said. He’d been in a good mood since getting the hospital job, and honestly, it was nice seeing him not stressed for once.
They came around the bend where the waterfall tumbled down the rocks, all misty and magical. James Roberts’ house sat back in the trees like something out of a fairy tale with its stone foundation, weathered cedar shingles, and tons of windows. But it was totally dark.
“Nobody’s home,” she said, cupping her hands to peer through a window.
“We should leave a note,” her mom suggested, already digging through her purse. “Thank him for being not only our Secret Santa but for the whole town, and we should invite him to join us for New Year’s.”
Emily pulled out her little notebook, the one she carried everywhere now, full of baby prep lists and grocery reminders. “I have paper.”
They crowded together on the porch, everyone contributing to the thank-you note while Emily wrote in her careful handwriting.
The smell of the water from the lake was stronger here with the waterfall so close.
While it was beautiful, Christina thought the noise would drive her crazy, or maybe she’d get used to it if she lived right next to it?
By the time they were all walking back, her stomach started doing these little flips that had nothing to do with the fact she hadn’t eaten anything today.
She’d been carrying this secret for days now, and it felt like it was growing heavier by the hour.
Every time someone mentioned Emily’s baby, every time Ryan talked about being an uncle, the words pressed against her throat like they were trying to escape on their own.
When they reached the cottage, everyone started scattering. Will to get in his truck and go home, Ryan to text Sam, Emily to rest, and Evan was already eyeing his laptop like it was calling his name.
“Wait.” The word burst out before she could stop it, hanging in the cold air like a hawk coasting on the air currents.
Everyone turned to look at her, and suddenly her heart was pounding so hard she thought they might actually hear it. Her mom’s curious look, Ally’s encouraging smile.
The secret felt like it was choking her. All those pregnancy tests she’d thrown away after staring at those two pink lines. All those nights lying awake doing math in her head, figuring due dates, and money and wondering how the hell she was going to manage any of this.
“I need to tell you guys something.” Her voice came out smaller than she wanted. “I’m pregnant.”
Silence. Complete, awful silence that stretched on forever while she watched their faces change.
Then total chaos.
“Oh, my goodness!” Emily shrieked, launching herself at Christina with surprising speed for someone carrying a bowling ball. “Christina! This is incredible! Our babies—”
“Wait, what?” Evan’s voice cut through everything else like a knife. “Since when? Who’s the father? Are you—”
“I’m going to be an uncle!” Ryan yelled, his grin taking over his entire face. “Twice! This is the best—”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Her mom’s voice was barely a whisper, her hand flying to her chest.
Will looked thoughtful. “What do you need?”
“Are you okay? Do you feel sick? Sit down, you should sit—” Ally was suddenly in full caretaker mode.
“Stop,” she said, pulling away from Emily even though her hug smelled like that lavender lotion and felt like safety. “Just—everyone stop talking for one second.”
They all went quiet, staring at her with expectant faces, and she felt like she might throw up right there on the porch.
“I found out a few days ago. I’m about eight weeks.” The words felt like glass in her throat. “And before you ask, Evan, there’s no boyfriend. It was a one-night stand at my going-away party.”
The silence this time was different. Heavier. She could practically feel Evan’s disappointment radiating off him in waves.
“Christina.” His voice had that tone—the one from when they were kids and she’d done something that scared him. “Jesus. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”
“Evan,” Tara warned, but he was already rolling.
“You’re twenty-three years old. You live in a one-bedroom apartment, and Mom doesn’t charge you rent. You work remotely for a company that could lay you off tomorrow. How are you going to—”
“You think I haven’t thought about that?” The words exploded out of her. “You think I haven’t been lying awake every night since I found out, doing math? Figuring out how much everything costs? Whether my health insurance covers prenatal care?”
He looked perplexed. “Then why—”
“Because I want this baby!” She was shouting now, and she didn’t care. “Because I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was ten years old playing house with my dolls. Because this might be my only chance, and I’m not throwing it away just because the timing isn’t perfect.”
“The timing isn’t just not perfect, Christina. It’s terrible. You don’t even know this guy’s last name, or anything about him, do you?”
She didn’t even know his first name. But still. The accusation hit like a slap. “No. I don’t. And you know what? I don’t care.”
“You don’t care?” Evan’s voice went up an octave. “What if he has a criminal record? What if he’s married? What if—”
“What if you trusted me for once in your life?” She stepped closer to him, close enough to smell his stupid aftershave. “What if you believed that I can handle my own mistakes?”
“This isn’t a mistake you can just handle, Christina. This is a human being. This is eighteen years of—”
“Stop.” The word came out as a sob. “Just stop, okay? You think I don’t know how hard this is going to be? You think I don’t know I’m going to be exhausted and broke and probably screwing everything up every single day?”
Tears were running down her face now, hot against her cold cheeks. “You think I don’t know that I’m going to be that single mom at the grocery store with a screaming kid while everyone judges me? That I’m going to have to explain to my child someday why Daddy isn’t around?”
“Honey,” her mom stepped forward, reaching for her.
“I’m terrified, okay?” The admission ripped out of her. “I’m absolutely terrified. I threw up this morning, and I didn’t know if it was morning sickness or pure panic. I keep thinking about how Mom raised me when she was just a few years older, and I don’t know how she did it.”
“You’re not alone,” Emily said softly, and when Christina looked at her, her eyes were shiny with tears. “You won’t be doing this alone.”
“Won’t I?” Christina laughed, but it came out bitter. “Because last I checked, I’m the one who’s going to be getting up at three AM for feedings. I’m the one who’s going to miss work when the baby’s sick. I’m the one—”
“You’re the one with a family who loves you,” her sister interrupted, her voice fierce. “You’re the one who stepped up to be a sister to Ryan.”
Christina looked around at their faces—her mom crying, Will comforting her, Emily nodding, Ryan looking confused but determined, even Evan’s anger starting to crack around the edges.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she whispered. “I don’t know how to be somebody’s mom. What if I mess this up? What if I’m just like—”
“Don’t you dare,” Tara said sharply. “Don’t you dare compare yourself to your father. You took care of Ryan when you were barely taking care of yourself. You put your whole life on hold to give him stability.”
“That was different. Ryan was already fifteen. He could make his own sandwiches.”
“You think that made it easy?” Ryan’s voice cracked a little. “You think I didn’t notice you working three jobs and never buying anything for yourself? You think I didn’t know you turned down dates because you didn’t want to leave me alone?”
The tears were coming harder now. “Ry...”
“You’re going to be a great mom,” he said simply. “And I’m going to be the best uncle ever. I’ll teach the baby how to train dogs and fix bicycles and all the cool stuff.”
“What about the future?” Evan asked quietly. His anger was gone, replaced by something that looked like worry. “What about your life?”
“This is my life,” she sniffled. “This baby, this family, this crazy choice I’m making—this is my life. And maybe it’s not the life I planned, but it’s mine.”
Evan stared at her for a long moment, and she could see him struggling with something. Finally, his shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a jerk. I just—”
“You’re scared for me.”
“Yeah. I’m scared for you.” He pulled her into a hug that smelled like winter and worry. “You’re my little sister. I’m always going to be scared for you.”
“I know,” she mumbled into his coat. “But I need you to trust me too.”
“I do trust you.” He pulled back to look at her. “I just wish the world was kinder to women who have to do everything alone.”
“She won’t be alone,” Tara said firmly. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
“None of us will be alone,” Emily added, her hand on her belly. “Our babies are going to grow up together. They’re going to be cousins and best friends.”
“Can I help pick names?” Ryan asked hopefully. “I promise they’ll be better than Angus.”