Chapter 33
SAGE
I sit on the beach for what feels like days, but I know it is only hours.
The sun is setting, and I look down at my phone.
I have several missed calls from Rosie, Lucia, Izzy, Dalton, my mom, Jimmy the Fish, and even from my dad.
So many people want to talk to me, and yet I don’t want to talk to anyone.
I’m still processing everything. I can hardly believe it.
“Jimmy the Fish is my dad,” I say out loud.
Never in a million years would I have believed that Jimmy was my dad. But now, it kind of made sense. All the times I saw him staring at me, the questions he asked, the gruffness, the way he tried to lend a listening ear, even though I could tell it made him extremely uncomfortable.
“Jimmy the fucking Fish is my dad.” I laugh hysterically. I can’t quite accept it.
I feel sad, knowing that Dalton knew. The man that I had fallen for, that I wanted to trust so badly, yet again held something back from me. Yet again, he lied. I feel such sadness and despair. I know he thought he was doing it for me, and yet that doesn’t make it any better.
I pick up grains of sand with my fingers and let them fall back to the ground.
I almost want to run into the water with my clothes on, but I know how uncomfortable they’ll feel if they get drenched with water.
I stand up, then go down to the shore and pick up shells.
Pretty white shells glisten up at me, and I wonder if I’ll be able to find a pearl.
“That would be cool.”
“Sage.”
A deep voice sounds behind me, and I look back nervously, worried that it’s Parker. But instead, I see Brett. He looks uncomfortable as he stands there, and I try not to roll my eyes. He’s the absolute last person I want to see.
“What’s up, Brett?” I say, and he steps toward me stiffly. “Did Dalton send you to find me?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t even think Dalton knows I’m here.” He looks at me. “Apparently, you found out the truth?”
“Apparently,” I say. “Thanks for telling me it was some rando man with a family and kids.”
“Jimmy thought it would be smarter. I didn’t want to lie. I actually hated it. I found it very hard. I wanted to apologize to you because I don’t like that I did that.”
“Why are you so fucking stiff, Brett?” I see him recoil slightly. “Like, what is your actual fucking problem? You act like a fucking robot. You’re not in the fucking military anymore.”
He stares at me and nods slowly. “I think as a civilian, it’s hard for you to understand where I’m coming from, and I don’t blame you, but …”
“You sound like a robot. What is your problem?”
“I’m not a robot.” He shakes his head. “I just like to separate and compartmentalize my life. There’s business, and then there’s the personal, and you’re part of business.”
“I am?”
“I work for Dalton, and anything concerning him is business.”
“Okay, so that’s why you treat Rosie like she doesn’t exist, but still watch her with your eyes? Because she’s business too.”
“She’s not business,” he says and presses his lips together. “Anyway, I’m not here to talk about your sister.”
“So, what are you here to talk about?”
“I’m going out of town, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I just wanted to offer my services if you were to need anything.”
“I don’t need anything from you.” I pause. Because actually, there are two things I need from him. I just don’t know whether or not I should ask him.
“I can tell you want to say something. Anything you say right now, if you want to keep it between us, I will do that.”
“But Dalton is your boss.”
“He is, but I think I owe you one.”
He gives me a half-smile for the first time in my life. I realize that he’s handsome. I see what Rosie sees in him, but I’m not going to tell him that.
“I want to take down Parker,” I say.
“And I’m working on that. Dalton and I—”
“I know.” I stare at him. “I want to be a part of this. I want to ensure he knows that I am the reason he goes to jail.”
Brett nods. “I have some videos,” he says, “and some files that will ensure he gets locked up for a really long time. If you want, you can come with me to the police station, file a report, tell them what happened to you. That way, they’ll add your case to the list of things against him.”
“I definitely want to do that. Is there a reason why this wasn’t going to court in the first place?”
“Dalton thought it might make you unhappy to have to go to court or to prison.”
“To prison? Why would I go to prison?” I frown and take a couple of breaths.
He shrugs. “It could get messy with Parker. He has a lot of contacts, and Dalton was only trying to protect you too.”
I sigh. “I don’t really understand, but I don’t need protecting, Brett. I am the protector. That’s why I told Rosie to stop flirting with you. That’s why I told her to leave you alone, so you’re welcome.”
“You told her to stop flirting with me?” He looks surprised. “I thought she just wasn’t interested anymore.”
“So, you did notice her noticing you?”
“It was hard to ignore actually.” He gives me a cocky smile.
“So, what? You liked it? I’ve never seen you smile like this.”
“I’m not smiling.” He tries to hide it, but he can’t. “I just thought maybe she was no longer interested or …”
“She’s not,” I say, giving him a look. “You leave her alone, you hear?”
“Like I said, I’m going out of town.”
“I hope you’re going out of town for a good reason,” I say. “Not because of all this craziness.”
“I don’t know,” he says. “But if you want, I have the folders and files in my car. We can go to the police station now.”
“Yeah, let’s do it. I’ve taken the afternoon off work. I’ve got nothing else going on.”
My phone starts ringing again, and I see it’s Jimmy the Fish, but I ignore it. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that he was my dad.”
“He had his reasons, you know—good reasons.”
“What good reasons?”
“You don’t get it, Sage, because you’ve never known that life, but it can be dark.
He was trying to protect you, and I know you don’t want to be protected.
” He holds his hand up to stop me before I even start.
“I know you are your own woman. You’re strong, you’re beautiful, you’re kind.
These are all things that Dalton has said to me, by the way, but you also have to remember that they lived in that world.
They know what can happen. You don’t. Jimmy, he’s a hard man.
I think his mom died when he was four. He was raised by his aunt, and then she died, and then he was just with the guys.
He doesn’t know what it is to be soft. He doesn’t know what it is to be around a woman.
You know he’s never even had a relationship longer than three months. ”
“He hasn’t?” I’m surprised.
“He hasn’t. So, Jimmy doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t know how to act, and he sure as hell doesn’t know how to be a dad. But he wants to try. I truly believe that.”
“So, I should be okay with that, with the little that he’s willing to give?”
“He didn’t even know about you until a few months ago—you know that, right?”
“Yeah. I mean, that was my mom’s fault.”
“I know, but you have to give him some credit.”
“I suppose so.”
“And Dalton too.”
“I’m not talking about Dalton.”
“I know you might not want to, but he’s not a bad guy. He’s not a bad boss. And I know he cares about you.”
“I know he cares about me, but that’s not the point, Brett.
The point is that I needed more from him.
I wanted more from him. He should have been honest with me.
He should …” I pause. “It doesn’t matter.
I don’t even want to talk about it right now.
I want to go to the police station and figure out what we can do to get Parker locked up for life because he is a psychopath and I don’t want him threatening anyone else. ”
“Let’s do it,” he says. “I got your back. And, Sage, can I say one thing?”
“I don’t really care what you have to say, Brett.
I don’t forgive you, and I don’t like you.
You can say what you want about Dalton and make up whatever excuses you want, but I don’t care.
The only reason I’m going with you is to get Parker.
He’s not a safe person. And I want to ensure he goes down. ”
“Noted.” He nods. “I admire you, Sage. You stick up for what you want, and you back yourself, and those are qualities I can get behind. Not that you obviously need me to get behind them, but you and I were built from the same cloth.” He nods at me with a look of respect.
“You’ll get through this no matter what, and we’ll take Parker down. You have my word.”
“Thank you, Brett. I really appreciate your help with Parker. But just know, with regard to everything else, you’re dead to me. And Dalton can rot in hell for all I care.” I know that I’m being harsh to him, maybe even too mean, but I can’t seem to let go of any of the lies.
As we walk to his car, I realize that even though I’m getting what I want, I’m still achieving this goal with someone else. And that’s when I realize that in life, no man is an island. You can’t do anything and everything alone.
We get into the car, and Brett drives me to the police station.
I think about Parker and about how scared I’ve been.
I think about what I would’ve done if I’d been by myself, and I truly don’t know.
And then I think about Toby, and I think about Toby’s mom and rehab, and I want to ask Brett how she’s doing and if there’s anything I can do to help, but I don’t.
Because at that moment, I understand that I’m doing exactly what everyone else did with me.
I am stepping in. And if I try to step in, I am assuming a role I don’t have.
I am starting to realize you can love and respect someone, want the best for them, and still encroach where you shouldn’t.
I think about Jimmy the Fish, and I think about where he came from, and I know I’m going to forgive him eventually. I know I want a relationship with him. I want to know my dad.
And then I think about Dalton, and I think about everything he’s done and all the ways he made me laugh and groan and the ways he touched me and teased me and tormented me.
And I don’t know where we stand. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him.
I don’t know if he’s the man I want. I do know I no longer care about having a billionaire.
I know that’s not the answer to anything, but I need a man who’s going to be my ride or die and back me and be honest with me, no matter what.
And even though Dalton and I have something, I don’t know if it is enough to last forever.
“Can you believe they all lied to me?” I slam my fists into my pillow as Rosie sits on the edge of the bed, listening to me cry and complain. “Jimmy the fucking Fish is my dad, and they all knew. Dalton, Jimmy, Brett, I hate them all.”
“I understand it’s a lot to take in.” Rosie taps her fingers against her thighs. “But they’re all human, Sage.”
“They are all liars.”
“They lied for a reason.”
“Why are you sticking up for them?” I shout, annoyed at the way she’s making it seem like it’s not as bad as it is. “They suck. I never want to see any of them again. They hurt me.” I gasp as I think of all the lies and betrayal. Tears fill my eyes. “My heart feels like it’s breaking.”
I start sobbing, and Rosie rubs my shoulder.
“It’s going to be okay, Sage. I promise it will be.” She kisses the side of my face. “I don’t want you to hate me as well, but I have something to say.” Her voice sounds nervous.
I lean back, rub my eyes, and stare at her. “What is it?”
“You kinda did the same thing to me, Sage. You never told me that we didn’t have the same dad; you never told me we came here ’cause you were looking for your dad; you never …
” She swallows hard, and I can see that she’s also tearful.
“I am your sister. I’ve been your sister forever, and I’ve always loved you.
It’s always been you and me, and you didn’t even trust me enough to tell me. ”
“It’s not that I didn’t trust you, Rosie. Not at all.” My heart sinks as I survey the pain in her eyes. “Oh, Rosie, it has nothing to do with how much I love you or trust you.”
“You told Dalton,” she whispers. “You didn’t even know him. And me? You kept me in the dark.” She rubs her eyes. “I’m hurt, Sage. Really, really hurt.” She sniffs. “You make me wonder if I haven’t been a good enough—”
“Stop. Oh, Rosie, please believe me; you are the best sister I could have ever asked for. I am so sorry that you were hurt. I never intended to make you feel like I didn’t trust you.” I grab her hands. “Please forgive me. I didn’t even realize that you were so upset.”
“You didn’t mean to hurt me, right? Even though you lied.”
“Never. I would never hurt you on purpose. I love you. More than anything. You’re my best friend. The only person I would die for—you know that, right?”
“I do.” She clasps my hand. “I know you love me because I love you, too, but I just want you to see that you’re not so far from Dalton, Jimmy, and Brett.
They lied to you, yes, but they had their reasons.
Sometimes, people think they’re doing the best in the situation.
Yes, they lied, but you lied too. Maybe they’re not so bad, Sage.
” She gives me a big hug. “You deserve to feel hurt, but don’t give up on them just yet.
Maybe they’re not so different from you. ”
I take in my wiser younger sister’s words. She’s right, of course. It doesn’t make me feel better, but she’s right.
Maybe I am being a hypocrite. Maybe, eventually, I will have to think everything through again. Maybe there is a path forward somehow. Maybe, one day, my heart will heal.