Chapter 17
TAJ
—That’s What I Want
by Lil Nas X
I leave Mike’s house the next day and go back home to prepare for my exams, even though a part of me would rather stay right where I am.
He’s so strict about it. Every time I visit him, he just sends me back home to study. No amount of whining or begging on my part ever seems to faze him. He listens, smiles, sometimes he even kisses me like he’s considering it, but in the end, he still sends me away.
The only relief he gives me is phone sex, which helps, but it’s nothing compared to being inside him, or his mouth, or his fist. You get the gist. So, I do what he wants and focus, because if that’s the condition, then I’m going to meet it.
I make sure to be exceptional in his course, putting in more effort than my other courses so he isn’t disappointed in me.
And now, exams are over and I can’t wait to get my hands on him again.
Done with exams.
Where’s my reward?
Why should I reward you? You haven’t even seen your results.
I’ll ace it, that’s for sure.
Until then.
So, you’ll give me a reward after results are out?
I’ll think about it
Will it be your arse? I want it to be your arse
Bye, Taj.
See you soon, Muffin.
Door is unlocked.
I stop over at Manifesto Market after leaving campus, to get dinner before driving to Mike’s apartment.
The place is busy this time of day, with people talking over each other, cutlery clinking, and music playing in the background.
I order something quick. While waiting for my name to be called, my mind drifts to Mike.
It has been like this since I left his place two weeks ago, a constant loop of thoughts that I can’t shut off. I keep replaying things he said, the way he looked at me, the way he touched me . . . If I’m being honest, the way we fit into each other’s lives doesn’t feel temporary.
By the time I’m back on the road, I’m still trying to keep my mind from wandering; I focus on my eagerness to see him.
When I arrive, I don’t have to knock and wait for him to let me in.
I simply open the door and walk inside. The familiar scent of the apartment greets me before I even shrug off my jacket, and a feeling of coming home settles over me.
He isn’t in the living room or the kitchen, so I drop the food on the counter and make my way to his room.
I move quickly but stop when I see him coming out of the bathroom.
I lean against the doorway, letting my eyes roam over his body freely.
The sight of him does something to my brain chemistry every single time, and I feel that warmth spread through my chest again.
It’s become a default reaction now; I’ve been feeling it a lot when I’m with him, and even when we’re apart.
I even spent an embarrassing amount of time daydreaming about him when I was supposed to be studying. It’s kind of concerning.
The warmth turns into an ache. School resumes next week, and I still have no idea where we’ll stand once he’s back to teaching me again.
“Question,” I say, but it comes out rougher than I intend, so I clear my throat and push myself off the doorway and walk towards him. “Do you want to keep seeing me?” I stop in front of him, my hands coming up to his hip to caress them.
“What sorts of question is that?” He looks down at me with an unreadable expression.
My chest gives a heavy thud at that, and the ache intensifies. I drop my hands from his hips, already half turning and ready to bolt from his room before he says something I don’t want to hear.
“Why wouldn’t I want to see you?” he says before I can move any further. “You’re stuck with me until I have to return home.”
I should be relieved that he’s not booting me out right now, but instead my heart sinks at the thought of us having an expiration date.
He’s leaving in the summer; I knew that from the start.
I walked into this with my eyes open, fully aware that it would end, and still carried on because it was just meant to be fun.
So, why does it feel like something vital is slipping away from me?
Like I have no choice but to stand there and watch it happen?
Why does it feel like I’m already losing something I don’t even have yet?
Why can’t I just keep him here and hold on to him and continue loving him—without time running out, without this countdown ticking away in the background?
I’ll be damned.
Shit. How did I let this happen?
Taj Badmus does not fall in love. I have many, many years ahead of me for that, years to explore, to live without tying myself to anything permanent.
Who even falls in love at twenty? What’s next?
I get married at twenty-five? But even as the thought crosses my mind, I can’t bring myself to hate it.
I don’t even find it remotely repulsive.
I actually kind of . . . want it?
Fuck my life.
“Taj?” Mike’s voice drags me back, but it’s the snap of his fingers in front of my face that yanks me out of my thoughts. “Where did you disappear to?”
I plaster on the fakest smile I can manage and I lean in, raising my mouth to his. He bends to meet me halfway and our lips connect in a soft kiss.
“I’m here with you,” I tell him.
I don’t add until summer.
He lifts me effortlessly and carries me to his bed where he proceeds to undress me, one piece of clothing at a time, his eyes never leaving mine.
He starts peppering kisses down my body, from my cheeks to my neck, and down to my chest. When he reaches my nipples, he twirls his tongue around one before biting gently, and then he blows air over it to soothe it, sending ice prickling along my spine.
He keeps going down until he reaches my aching cock.
He wraps his hand around it, stroking from base to tip before running his tongue down my hard length, and when he lowers his mouth on me, I damn near come on the spot.
He takes his time, alternating between sucking and stroking, never settling on one for too long.
It drives me out of my mind. His saliva mixes with the precum leaking from my slit, making the glide of his mouth and the strokes of his hand effortless.
I want to grab his dreadlocks, hold his head there, and fuck his mouth like my body is urging me to .
. . but I hold myself back. I let him have his fun.
I didn’t know I was into edging—then again, I guess I’d be into anything Mike wants from me.
“Are you gonna let me come?” I whine when he stops sucking me off and starts stroking me again.
“Do you wanna come?” he asks, and the bastard’s tone is so calm.
“What do you think?” I scowl, but it turns into a hiss when he squeezes my cock.
“You’re still mouthing off,” he chuckles and then stops all together.
“Miiiiiiiike,” I whine again.
He moves up my body, his mouth finding my neck, and he sucks hard on the skin there. “Yes, Taj,” he says into my skin and the feel of his breath against me sends a shudder running down to my toes.
I’m almost delirious, my cock is throbbing, pulsing and aching with the need for release. And yet, there’s a part of me that wants Mike to keep sucking my neck.
“Make me come, please,” I beg, voice strained now, barely holding together.
“Since you ask so nicely,” he concedes, and this time there’s a hint of roughness in his voice that wasn’t there before.
In the next second, he’s lowering himself on my cock. The moment he takes me in without resistance, my question about whether he’s prepped or not dies in my throat. He sinks down until his arse meets my hips.
“Fuck!” he moans.
“You okay? Are you hurt?” I ask immediately.
“Fuck, no,” he says breathlessly. “I fucking love your cock.”
I grin, all my earlier worries disappearing just like that. “Then start bouncing on it.”
He chuckles under his breath, muttering, “Little shit,” but doing it anyway, shifting his weight and starting to move. Whatever reply I had disappears.
I forget my thoughts entirely, only capable of watching him now, watching the way his face fills with ecstasy as he rides me. His rhythm is unhurried at first, like he’s taking his time with it, and then it starts to pick up, and my body is singing with the sheer pleasure of it.
I still can’t look away from him. I don’t even want to blink in case I miss something. Every little thing he does etches itself into my brain, from the way his lips part, to the way his brows pull together, and the way he breathes my name without even realising it.
He lowers his head and claims my mouth in a kiss that is so scorching, it steals the air from my lungs.
I kiss him back just as hard, just as needy, because at this point there’s no separation between what I feel and what I want.
I’ve never experienced sex the way I have with Mike.
Everything feels heightened, like every nerve in my body has been turned all the way up, every pleasure intense.
And when my orgasm crashes into me, I almost levitate from the bed.
I fill Mike’s arse with my cum, my release weakening my bones, and I feel weightless. But he doesn’t stop, he keeps riding me through it, chasing his own high.
“Taj,” he moans, biting down hard on my lower lip, I’m sure it’ll leave a mark.
He comes with a shudder running through him, his whole body shaking against mine, his breath stuttering as his cum lands on my chest.
We’re both breathing heavily, the air thick with the smell of sex. My head is still spinning, my body slowly coming back into itself. When he finally lifts his head up, his pupils are blown wide, and the post-orgasmic look on his face is so goddamn erotic, I’m ready to go again.
I thought I was in trouble when I met him, but now I know I’m completely doomed.