CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Shep knew that most of his interaction from a team perspective, would be with the Legacy and Shadow Warriors teams. He’d spent the last few weeks speaking to each man and woman, hoping to get to know them better.
He asked about their stories, their service time, children, anything that would help him to understand these remarkable people a little better.
In all his life, especially his professional life, he’d never met such an interesting, amazing, talented, kind group of individuals. He was grateful every day that life, fate, and a little good luck, led him here.
As an introvert, he would often sit on the periphery, watching, observing, taking it all in and there was a lot to take in with this family. He silently wondered if he wrote a paper on all of this, his peers would institutionalize him.
Maybe that was the point. No one would believe that this was real. No one.
“But it is real, baby,” said the sweet voice.
“Oh, hello Mama Irene,” he smiled jumping just a little bit. He shifted in his seat, not sure what to do when greeting a female ghost. Should he stand? Should he give up his chair?
“No and no,” she laughed. “Remember, I can hear your thoughts. There’s no need to fear me or worry about me or Ruby or any of us. We’re here to guide you, to guard you and ensure that you’re healthy and happy for years to come.”
“That’s a beautiful thought, Mama Irene, but shouldn’t that be left to fate.”
“Pfft! If I left all that to fate, none of my grandbabies would exist. Fifteen children and not one of ‘em was movin’ in the direction of love and marriage until I started nudgin’ ‘em.”
He smiled at that wondering if had his own mother lived, she would have done the same.
“She would have,” said Irene quietly.
“That’s very unnerving, you hearing all my thoughts,” he said. “And a bit intrusive.”
“I’m sorry, baby, but I can’t help it. It just comes to me. I don’t mean any harm. Tell me about your mama.”
Shep wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about her. He hadn’t spoken about her in nearly twenty years. Not since that day. The day that changed the course of his life forever. He remembered it all so clearly.
“Shepherd, your daddy has asked that you leave school early and come on home.” The kids all looked at him, disappointed that he would get to leave early and they couldn’t.
“Am I in trouble Mrs. Taylor?” he asked.
“No son, you’re not in any trouble,” she said with tears in her eyes. She helped him put his coat on and then his backpack. She squared his shoulders, looking at his beautiful little face and hugged him.
Mrs. Taylor only hugged you if you were sick or did something really special in class. He wasn’t sick and he hadn’t done anything special that he remembered.
“Go on, now,” she said. Mr. Pierson was standing at the door. The principal looked down at the boy and tried to smile.
“Come on, Shepherd. I’m going to walk you home now.”
“Is my dad okay? Why didn’t him or my mom come?”
“I can’t answer that, son. Come on, let’s get you home.”
Mr. Pierson reached for his hand and Shep took it, looking back at his classmates. In hindsight it was almost as if they knew something horrible was wrong.
It was only two blocks to his house. He could see it from the school but on most days, his mother was there waiting for him. When they got closer, Shep noticed the police cars and his stomach began to hurt like he’d had too much candy.
When they stopped in front of his home, Mr. Pierson knelt down and looked at his face. He straightened his shirt and smiled at him.
“It will be okay, Shepherd. Mrs. Taylor and I will come by later to see if you need anything.”
“O-Okay. What’s going on, Mr. Pierson?”
“Shepherd? Son, come see me,” said his father.
Mr. Pierson turned him, patting his back to push him along. He walked up the steps, turning once to see Mr. Pierson wiping his eyes and walking back toward the school.
“Dad? What’s wrong? Why are the police here?”
“Shepherd, it’s your mom, son.” His father seemed frozen, unable to continue his thoughts.
“Is she hurt? Is she sick?” he asked anxiously.
“Yes. No,” stammered his father. “Shepherd, you may not understand this now. Lord knows, I don’t understand it. But your mother took her own life today. Do you know what that means?”
“She killed herself. Suicide,” he said quietly.
“Yes, son. She killed herself. She didn’t leave a note, she didn’t say anything, but she’s gone Shepherd. It’s just you and me now.”
The police officers were standing on the front porch as well. They all gazed at him with empathetic stares, sorrow filled faces, probably thinking of their own children and their dangerous jobs.
“Did-did I do something wrong?” he asked.
“No. No, son. You did nothing wrong at all. Your mother wasn’t well. Not in her stomach or her body, but in her heart, her soul, in her head. Does that make sense?”
“No,” he said definitively, fighting back tears.
“Will you allow me, Mr. Wilde?” said a man in a suit. His father nodded as the man sat beside him. “Shepherd, my name is Dr. Elliott Day. I work with the police department when there are suicides or other terrible accidents.”
“Did I do something wrong?” he repeated.
“You did nothing wrong, Shepherd. Nothing. Sometimes people have so much pain in their heads, in their hearts, in their souls, that they can’t find a way to deal with that pain. There seems to be nothing to do to alleviate it and make it go away.”
“But someone did something,” said Shepherd.
“No, son. No one did anything to your mother. She was sad. Did you know that she was seeing a psychiatrist?”
“A what?” Dr. Day smiled at him, nodding.
“It’s a doctor like me. We help patients figure out why they’re sad or unhappy.
We get people to really think about what’s hurting on the inside.
Sometimes it’s because someone hurt them.
I’ve spoken to your mom’s doctor and that wasn’t the case at all.
In fact, she couldn’t figure out why she was sad. ”
“B-but I know when I’m sad,” he sniffed. “I know because I can tell dad that someone at school was mean or I didn’t do all my chores at home and I can’t watch television. How come she didn’t know?”
“Oh, my sweet son,” said his father. “I’m not sure we’ll ever know. What I do know, what I am sure is true, is that your mother loved us in her way. She was sad and confused and I wish she would have told me sooner but we are left with this.
“From now on, it will be just you and me. I want you to promise that if you’re sad, confused, or worried, you will always come to me and always tell me. I promise that I’ll do the same with you. Is that fair?”
“Yes,” he whispered.
“The next few days will be hard, Shep. We have to plan mom’s funeral,” said his father.
“Like grandma Wilde,” he said nodding.
“Exactly. We’ll make sure she has beautiful fl-flowers,” choked his father. “She’ll be at peace and we’ll visit her whenever you want to.”
It was the worst week of Shepherd’s life. He watched as they lowered his mother into the ground, his strong father crumbling to his knees. In spite of it all, his father kept his word. They talked about everything. Nothing was off limits and it taught Shep that everyone needed someone to talk to.
“Your mama was in pain, like our new ghosts here,” said Irene.
“You heard all of that,” he smirked, shaking his head.
Irene nodded, gripping the young man’s hand.
“Yes, she was in pain. She didn’t leave a note, didn’t leave a journal, just a broken husband and a sad son.
Don’t get me wrong, my father made a great life for the two of us.
He was a hardworking, solid man and I’m grateful every day that I had him. ”
“You became a psychiatrist because of your mother.”
“I did. My father was in the military once and I wanted to honor that as well, so getting my degree and joining the Army seemed the right thing to do. I loved serving. I loved helping our men and women cope but the Army and the VA don’t exactly jump through hoops to give them everything they need. It was hard for me.”
“When you left what did you do?” asked Irene.
“You know what I did,” he smiled. “But thank you for asking. Private practice for a while but I couldn’t listen to the whining about inconsequential things any longer. I was working in a part of the city where women had a lot of free time and a lot of money. A dangerous combination.
“All day every day it was complaining that they were underappreciated, and some were. They didn’t get enough ‘allowance’ to buy the bag they wanted or the car they wanted.
Their husbands were cheating and they were looking the other way because they didn’t want to lose their status. It made me ill.”
“It would make me ill too, honey,” said Irene. “And then you ran into Duncan.”
“Yes. Strange. I hadn’t seen him in years and suddenly we were bumping into one another. Odd how the world works, isn’t it?”
“It is, isn’t it baby. But it brings you to where you’re supposed to be. Your mama loved you, Shep. She just couldn’t make the sad go away.”
“You know that? For sure?” he asked not sure if he believed Irene or not.
“I know it for sure baby. She’s proud of you and all you’ve done. I’m proud of you,” she said standing, kissing his forehead and smiling down on him. Tears filled his eyes and he just laughed, shaking his head.
“Mama Irene, you will never know how much I needed to hear that today. I needed to hear that she loved me and that I’m doing the right thing here. Maybe I’m the one that needs the psychiatrist,” he grinned.
“Well, I’m not licensed but you can always talk to me, honey. Me or Matthew, Ruby, Sven, George and Mary. We’re old but experience is worth its weight in gold sometimes.”
“Yes, it is. In fact, I’d take experience like yours over a million college degrees any day of the week. Believe me, I think it’s worth a helluva lot more,” laughed Shep. “Thank you, Mama Irene.”
“You’re welcome, baby.”