Chapter 13 Navy – Be Who You Are
NAVY – BE WHO YOU ARE
Iknew that I was overstepping boundaries that had been put in place, and I had no right to do it, but I had all good intentions. I had called Adrian and asked her for Nyako’s sister’s name and number if she had it.
I hadn’t wanted to, but I had left the condo to meet up with Aoko to discuss the catfish situation. She had pretty much shared the same things with me that Nyako had about the situation but also gave me her perspective on things.
She agreed to meet up with me when I told her that I wanted to do something about the situation. We both knew that Nyako wouldn’t be happy about me butting into her business, but I did want to facilitate the closure that she needed. Aoko agreed that if no one pushed her to do it, she wouldn’t.
I financed the mission and gave her all the resources she would need to make things happen.
Aoko was a bad girl. She was better than Nyako had even stated.
Within forty-eight hours of meeting her, everything was in place.
It seemed that just as eager as we had been to make the meetup happen, so was the other party.
“Nya,” I called out, stepping into her room where she was resting in bed and watching TV.
She had spent the entire day working on her magazine, and she had given two hours to doing an online tour of a few properties her real estate agent had set up.
She decided that just because she was sick, that was no reason to stop house hunting.
“Hey, where have you been?” She flashed a beautiful smile at me.
“Getting dinner ready for you. Listen, before we head out into the living room, I wanted you to know that you have come to mean a lot to me in a short amount of time. I meant what I said when I committed to being on your journey of healing with you. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m interested in doing whatever it takes to see you whole. ”
“Where are you going with this, Navy?” Her smile turned shaky.
“Let’s just say that I’ve made some decisions that might have you angry with me at first, but I need you to know that it was with the best intentions that I made them. I have your back on everything, but I took the initiative on something that I don’t take lightly.”
“Ookaay.” Although her tone was light, the look in her eyes was somewhat distant. I could sense her shutting down already, and I didn’t want that.
“Put this on,” I stated, grabbing the robe that matched the crop top and wide-legged pants of her loungewear set.
“Is someone out there?” She hesitantly put the robe on over her outfit.
“Yeah.”
“Who?”
I grabbed her hands in mine and stared into her eyes. “Would you please just trust me?”
“I don’t know, Navy. You’re scaring me.”
“Don’t be scared. Do you trust me, beautiful?”
“It depends.”
“Trust isn’t dependent on factors being favorable to your position or perspective.
Trust should be given unconditionally, even when the circumstances are challenging and pushing you beyond your comfort zone, Nayoko.
We have both been through heartache because of people we loved.
We don’t have to let that be our legacy.
You and I can create something completely different and beautiful.
You have the power to define what the future looks like between us.
Your decision, your answer, will determine how we move forward from this day on, and what our relationship will look like. ”
I stared into her eyes as I held her hands in mine. Inhaling deeply, I exhaled quickly and loudly.
“Now. Do you trust me?”
Her voice didn’t waver, and her gaze didn’t blink. “Yes.”
“Come on.” I led her out of the bedroom and to the living room. Nyako’s eyes immediately turned to the dining room where I had everything set up.
Lamb chops were plated on a bed of saffron rice alongside roasted turnips. Red wine chilled in a bucket of ice, and three glasses stood at each place setting at the table. A candelabra sat in the middle of the table.
“What’s the occasion, and why are there three place settings?”
Movement from the kitchen caused Nyako’s head to swivel as someone stepped out of the shadows and into the living room. The gasp from Nyako was unsettling, and for a moment, I second-guessed my decision.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded.
JoJo’s gaze wavered briefly as she looked from Nyako to me and back to Nyako again. “It’s time for me to explain myself. I owe you that, Nya.”
Shaking her head almost violently, she crossed her arms over her chest and hugged herself protectively.
“No, you don’t get to do that. You cannot call me that.
Only family and friends are allowed to call me that.
I don’t even know what to call you. I can’t say that you’re an enemy, more like a predator,” Nyako hissed.
“Nya, what I did was wrong. I know that—”
“You shouldn’t even be here.”
“Maybe not, but it’s not fair that you haven’t heard me. At least let me explain. You came to my house, and I didn’t invite you. You walked up in there judging and ran out of there. How do you think that made me feel?”
“I don’t give a shit about your feelings.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. I always cared more about what you were going through than you cared about me. Maybe that’s why it was hard to tell you the truth.”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“No, I’m not. Because while I loved you, Nya, I couldn’t turn that off just because you found out I was a girl. Do you know how badly that hurt me?”
“Why did you bring her?” Nyako asked accusingly as her voice rose hysterically.
“Because, she needs to see what she’s done. She needs to carry the weight of your pain too. It’s not fair for you to hold it all on your own. I’m here to carry it with you, but she needs to own the weight of her actions, Nyako.”
Her chest heaved heavily as she faced me.
I gripped her shoulders and stared into her eyes.
“No one said that this would be easy, but I’m telling you that it is necessary.
It’s essential for your growth, healing, and breakthrough.
Don’t carry this weight on your own, sweetheart, or it will leave you stooped and broken. ”
I turned her back around to face JoJo, whose bottom lip trembled, and her eyes were filled with sorrow and regret.
She was a little taller than five feet, with ginger-colored skin, thick, bushy eyebrows over beautiful cognac-brown eyes hidden behind thick glasses.
Her hair spiraled out to her shoulders in a mass of corkscrew curls, hinting at her mixed parentage along with her coloring.
She no longer wore the braces that Nyako mentioned she wore two years ago.
She was a beautiful girl, but she clearly had body image issues the way that she wore her clothes extremely large on her already bulky frame, and how she curved her back in, closing in on herself.
“JoJo, this woman has every right to be angry with you about what you did to her. I’m less concerned about why you did what you did than I am with the fact that you did it.
She’s come to mean a lot to me in a short while.
What I realize is that I can’t love her properly until she’s gotten closure over the bullshit you pulled on her.
Now, I’ve prepared us a wonderful meal. I know that Nyako’s not feeling it, but we’re gonna sit our asses down at the table and enjoy this meal and talk about this. You understand?”
JoJo’s eyes widened as she stared at me with partly opened lips and nodded.
“Good. Let’s go.” I took Nyako’s hand and led her to the table, where I pulled out her chair and helped her into her seat and then did the same thing for JoJo, whose real name was Josephine, not Joseph; that was her father’s name.
We sat at the table for a while, and I watched Nyako mess over her food as we listened to JoJo discuss how she wanted to be a model at one point, but all the smaller girls teased her and told her she could never be one.
“I was on there looking for someone who had a lot in common with me when I stumbled across Nya’s profile.
She was gorgeous, and I couldn’t believe that we had so much in common.
It was like a no-brainer. I had every intention of friending her and just trying to be a friend.
I built that fake profile, and before you knew it, I had reached out to her, and she accepted it.
We talked all night long, and I couldn’t believe it when she reached out again the next day.
It was so easy talking to her because she understood me in ways no one else ever did. ”
“I didn’t understand you. I didn’t even know you,” Nyako spit out bitterly.
I reached under the table and grabbed her hand to squeeze it.
“Sorry. You’re right, but it doesn’t change the fact that I fell in love with you.”
“Did it occur to you that she wasn’t gay?” I asked.
“I wasn’t either. I mean, it wasn’t about sexuality for me. It was about how she saw me, how she poured into me, and how she made me feel. Nya, I loved you . . . It wasn’t intentional what I did. I wasn’t even trying to hurt you, but you’re so easy to love.”
Nyako glared at her for a moment before the tears fell again. She angrily swiped at them before she looked at me.
“What are you feeling, baby?” I asked, grabbing her hand again.
“Drained. Confused. Angry. You could have reached out to me as yourself and initiated a friendship.”
“I didn’t think you would want to be my friend. You’re you and look at me.”
Shaking her head, Nyako stated, “I’m not about to do this with you. I’m not about to pour into you to make you feel good about yourself because you’re a victim. You’re not, JoJo!” Her tone was heated, and she clenched my hand.
“I know that, and I apologize for that. I didn’t want just your friendship, Nya.
I wanted your love. I realized that I was falling in love with you, and I had never experienced anything like that before.
I wasn’t gay, and I hadn’t had feelings for a woman, .
. . but I had them for you. I was baffled, and I didn’t know what to do with it but lean into it. ”
“Didn’t you realize I’d want to meet eventually?”
“Yes. I wasn’t sure what I would do.”
“Who was the man I was speaking with whenever we spoke once a week?”
“Josh, my next-door neighbor. He was just as invested in us as I was. He wanted to see me win,” JoJo answered simply and sadly with a shrug.
“You’re a beautiful girl, JoJo. Why didn’t you try to find someone who would love you for you?” I asked.
“People don’t see me. When they find out that I operate an ice cream truck and live in a trailer park with my parents and little brother, they just shut me out. It’s like I don’t matter.”
“The only person who can change that image is you, JoJo. You must first start by determining who you want to be. Once you’ve got that figured out, then you need to determine the steps that it will take to get you there.
You’ll never find happiness trying to be someone you’re not,” Nyako stated firmly.
I squeezed her hand under the table again and kissed her forehead. She was on her way to being whole. I only prayed that one day JoJo might find the same.