18
I step forward, raising my voice for the first time tonight. “Ladies and lords, please move aside and allow the prince to depart. Come, Your Highness.”
“My bodyguard commands it,” Vawn says, in a tone of mock fear. “I must obey.”
His sycophants giggle again, which peeves me, but he rises without further fussing. I hand him his mask and escort him out of the room.
Once we leave the private parlor, Vawn completes his farewell tour of the guests without embarrassing himself, mostly because I keep him moving quickly from one person to the next. Near the stairs, we pause to bid the Lord and Lady goodnight.
“Thank you for a marvelous party.” Vawn performs a dramatic bow. “I think everyone loves me now, and that’s what we all wanted, isn’t it?”
“Ah… yes, of course,” Lord Kaenan says, with a hesitant glance at his wife. “Rest well.”
Whatever Lady Kaenan might feel about the goings-on in the private parlor, she has apparently decided not to address the situation.
“Tomorrow you can prepare for the journey to the border,” she tells Vawn. “We’ll be sorry to see you go, but at least we’ll have Forsythia to keep us company.”
My heartbeat quickens, not with excitement, but with a low panic. “Keep you company?”
“Of course! You’ll stay with us until you’re fully healed,” says Lady Kaenan. “We’re sending plenty of experienced guards to escort Vawn to the Celestial Seat, and they’ll remain with him for as long as he needs them. He’ll be well protected.”
I glance at Vawn. He won’t look at me, but it’s clear he’s already aware of this plan. They must have discussed it while I was unconscious.
He’s leaving me here and continuing his journey without me.
The voice that comes from my mouth doesn’t sound like mine. It’s hollow, dispassionate. “Of course. Goodnight, my lord, my lady. I promise the prince will behave better tomorrow.”
“You forget your place again, Syth,” grumbles Vawn as I usher him up the stairs.
I should be reassured by the presence of additional castle guards on each landing and along the third-floor hallway, but instead I feel as if they’re haunting me.
By their very existence, they’re proclaiming my inadequacy as Vawn’s protector.
When we reach his room, I can only manage a few words. “Be sure to lock your door.”
He doesn’t respond, and his silence infuriates me. I slam my own door and bolt it, and I’m tempted to bolt the door between our rooms, too—but what if he’s attacked in the night? What if he needs me?
Then again, why should he need my help? He has the very experienced guards of Anyssir Castle to keep him safe.
The room is quiet, pleasantly lit by a low fire and a couple of lamps with rosy stained-glass shades.
Severin is silent and inanimate, neatly rolled in a glass-topped carpet case lined with silk.
A gilded carpet brush lies on a cushion nearby.
One of the maids must have brushed him and tucked him in there, a luxury I’m sure he enjoyed.
After removing my mask, I reach for the buttons along the side of the gown’s bodice, beneath my right arm. The movement tweaks my injury, and I groan, wondering if I should call one of the maids. Between my stitches and my broken finger, I’m not sure I can get out of the dress by myself.
Before I can call for assistance, Vawn bursts through the connecting door, charging into my room like an angry wyvern.
“What did you mean, ‘he’ll behave better tomorrow?’” He glares at me. “I did well tonight. The whole point of that party was for me to be confident and charming.”
“And you did a fantastic job of it.” I tug off my bracelets and throw them onto the dresser. “‘Oh, General Centune, how beautiful you look! Come sit on my lap.’ She was practically salivating for your cock. You should go to her room right now and let her sit on it.”
“Syth.”
“Or pay a visit to that young lord you kissed. He’d eat your ass and thank you for the pleasure.”
“This is my fucking job, Forsythia. I charm people into craving me, liking me, and wanting me around. It keeps me safe. It makes them more amenable to political bargains. This is what I do.”
“No. It’s what you did when the King and the Crown Prince were in charge of you. But they’re gone, and you don’t have to operate the same way anymore. You’re not the ‘Naughty Prince,’ you’re the ascending king. Act like it.”
“What does that mean?” he spits. “Act like who? My distracted father who barely spoke to me other than calling me to his office each month to yell at me about my expenses? My brother, the ambitious heir to the throne, who whored me out to his allies? Lord and Lady Kaenan who invited me here once a year, gave me the best time of my life, made me believe they cared, and then didn’t write to me or visit me throughout the other eleven months? ”
I hesitate, a twinge of pity softening my anger. “You didn’t mention that.”
“I don’t tell you everything. I don’t owe you every thought in my mind or every part of my heart.”
“I never asked for your heart!” My voice rises, shrill and tight. “I don’t even want it.”
“Right. Because you don’t want me.” He’s seething, eyes flaming, crowding me backward until my calves hit the bed. “And yet you throw a tantrum when I play games with the people who can help us.”
“Help us? Is there still an us? You’re going to take their guards with you to Tularesk. You’re planning to leave me behind.”
“You’re still recovering.”
“I can travel.”
“Forsythia, you nearly died. You left me, you went to that woodshed alone, and you got the shit beaten out of you.”
“There it is.” I point a finger at his face. “You’re holding that over me. Yes, I made a mistake. I left you in that house, and I didn’t protect either of us effectively. I fucked things up. I admit it. But I’ve learned from the situation. And until that point, I was doing a decent job.”
His eyes narrow. “So this is you fighting for your position because you want to be paid.”
“Of course I want to be paid, but it’s not even about that—”
“Oh, you’ll be paid. You might have to wait a while, but after I make the alliance with the Twin Lieges and reclaim my kingdom, I’ll see that you are compensated appropriately.
Until then, you should remain here. Lady Kaenan will see to your recovery and find you local employment once you have healed. ”
“And that’s it?” My voice is strained and shrill, on the verge of breaking. “You’re going to leave, and it’s the last time I will ever see you unless I watch your carriage pass by during an official parade?”
“Don’t you think it’s better this way?”
“No. What if you can’t trust all of the guards from Anyssir Castle? What if one of them turns you in to the Redemptive Fucking Authority?”
“I’ve explained this,” he grits out. “These people are loyal to the Lady and her husband, therefore they are loyal to me.”
“Forgive me if I’m not convinced,” I mutter.
“And I should trust you, whom I’ve known for a fraction of the time, above these people who have known me since childhood?”
“Yes.”
A raw laugh falls from his lips. “That’s all? Just… ‘yes’? Why should I trust you above all others, Forsythia?”
“Because.”
“Not an acceptable reason.” He seizes my jaw, fingers wrapping along my cheek. His pale eyes glitter. “Give me more.”
My heart gallops at the touch. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I think you do.” He squeezes my face, pushing my lips into a pout.
His gaze stays on my mouth, even as his lips curl back and his teeth clench.
“It was one thing to hire a brand-new bodyguard, freshly graduated from the Academy, when I was fifth in line for the throne and there was little danger to my life. It’s quite another to have you as my primary bodyguard during this time of upheaval, when I am fighting for my birthright.
So tell me why I should bring you along, when it could mean your death? ”
“My death?” I pull away. “That’s what you’re worried about?”
He glares at me like I’ve unearthed a secret he wanted to keep. “No.”
“Vawn, I’m not going to die.”
“No, you’re not, because you’re going to get out of my life while you still can.
You’re going to stay here and rest, then get a lovely boring job with the town watch in some peaceful neighboring village.
You’ll have the favor of the Lord and Lady, and you’ll be safe.
You can live out your days pleasantly here. ”
“Such a delightful picture. And I suppose I’ll meet some nice local man and fall madly in love with him, and he’ll fuck me soundly each night and fill me up with his babies. That’s part of your plan, too, right?”
Vawn looks like he might be sick, which pleases me deeply, so I press a bit further.
“You expect me to have a jolly little life near the castle while you go off to Tularesk? You want me to abandon you to the chaos and violence of your future? Not a chance. I’m coming with you.
I’ll be riding at your side on Severin, or I’ll steal a horse and follow you on the ground.
I will cheat, deceive, steal, and kill, but I will protect you. ”
“I once knew a crazed woman who followed me to every pub and club I visited,” Vawn says. “She claimed to be in love with me. Said I was her one true mate. Perhaps you’re afflicted with the same illness.”
“Ah, but there’s a key difference. I’m not in love with you. If that ever happens, I’ll abandon you at once.”
Emotions I can’t decipher swirl in Vawn’s gaze, but he only says, “Promise?”
“I swear it.”
“I fear we’ll be at an impasse then, because anyone who truly loved you wouldn’t drag you back into danger. If you left for the love of me, and I loved you in return, I wouldn’t be able to come after you.”
“It’s a good thing neither one of us cares much about the other then,” I retort breathlessly. “We’ll be spared that inconvenient paradox.”
He’s still right in front of me, and the magnitude of his presence makes me feel small and quivery, which I hate. He’s in the full flush of his dominance, his authority… and fuck me, it’s more attractive than any other mood of his.